Hello! First thing: SORRY! I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!. This chapter was supposed to be updated on Tuesday right? But actually have good reasons: first, I'm having the worst weeks ever as I have final exams at university, so really my life this past 3 weekends has been coffee, cake (sadly, not dauntless cake) and tons of photocopies about Juan Peron and Communications Law and the Snowden case. Yep, absolutely boring and time consuming. On the other hand, there's the world cup: Argentina played two times last week and I live in a country where they could crucified me if I don't watch the matches. Lastly, It seems my body knows when to make me week because I've been ill for 4 days up to know, having a terrible cold (here is winter), so all I wanted to do was sleep, sleep and more sleep.

After this Thursday I have no more exams until next month, so I'll try to update more! PROMISED! This chapter is the longest one, 10 pages in word! Fuck yeah! So enjoy it!

As always, thanks for the amazing reviews and please continue sending me them and PM'S. They make my day!


Tobias

After the speech, Tris went to have a shower and I headed to the small bedroom that Amity assigned me. It's smaller than the one I had in Dauntless, but it's comfortable and I don't need anything else. It only has a double bed, a small wardrobe and a tiny table which works as a desk. The walls are painted in light yellow and the furniture is all cheerful red, which makes me want to puke. Agh, I understand they want everything to be happy and that, but really? Do they need to paint everything in red and yellow?

There's no bathroom, since all the showers are shared here, but there's a small restroom.

I plop onto the bed, closing my eyes, stress coming to me after all that has happened. When I close my eyes I can't help but think about Marcus. I hadn't seen him for four years, and suddenly he came back to my life. The worst, most terrifying thing is that he came back with all this shit happening around us, and that he came back just now, when I have someone that I care about that, that I love. Someone that he can hurt.

Tris. My brave, selfless, beautiful Tris; who stepped forward trying to protect me. Not because she thinks I'm weak, but because she knows my fears and knows that he's the worst one.

And, just like that, thinking about her relaxes me. I remember her thin and gorgeous figure in my head, letting my mind go towards the place which I love the most: her tiny waist that fits just in my hands; her hips; her legs so firm and perfect after Dauntless training. And, although I know it's wrong and bad, I picture her right now in the showers, washing herself…

STOP! A voice inside my mind shouts and I open my eyes, as if it had really happened, as if someone had spoken. I sigh.

If I had counted all the times that I had to take cold showers to find other…ways…of relieving myself after thinking (or, better said, daydreaming) about Tris…Well, it'd be impossible to count them all. Since the very first moment that she jumped into that net I knew she was different. She hadn't screamed, she hadn't panicked. She found it amusing…it was magnificent to watch how it seemed that she had been reborn after that jump, as if she had been hiding all her life. I knew she was like no other girl, like no other person I had ever met before, and now I realize that I loved her from that very first moment.

Someone knocks on my door.

"In a minute!" I shout, standing up and collecting myself. I open the door, just to be greeted by Andrew and Natalie Prior. She still looks weak, but extremely better than before, her husband holding her tightly to his side, supporting her light weight. It's impossible to look at them and not tell how much they love and care for each other.

"Oh, um… please, come in," I say, stepping forward so they can enter.

"Tobias, the reason we are here is because we'd like to discuss some…matters…with you," Natalie says and I gulp. This is it, they're going to tell me that they don't want me to date Tris any longer, that I'm not good enough for her; and I know it'll lead to more than a discussion, because I'll never leave her. I know that I don't deserve her, but when it comes to Tris I'm selfish.

"And no, it's not about Beatrice we'd like to talk about," Andrew says roughly. Natalie gives him a hard look, but then it softens when she looks at me, her eyes motherly. I'd have liked to have a mother like her, not one that abandoned me. I wish Tris realizes how fortunate she is of having parents like them.

"Does anyone from Abnegation or Dauntless now that you're Tobias Eaton, Marcus's son?" she asks me, and I shake my head.

"I don't really know, but I don't think so. Only Tori was at my choosing ceremony four years ago, and when I refused to say my name she covered me up. Then they nicknamed me Four, and I just took it. Back in Abnegation, I had no friends at all and don't really think that someone remembers Marcus's son. Even if they do, I've changed a lot in these years, and anyway I'd like to keep it that way. For everyone I'm Four, Dauntless member," I say

Natalie nods.

"Of course, but there's something more… and that's what may require you saying who you are," Andrew tells me, "Do you want us to denounce Marcus? Abnegation is forgiving, but a parent abusing his child is something that we don't tolerate. When everything is calmer and our faction decides what to do, we could call a trial and denounce him if you give your testimony, we could be your back up. He'd have to leave Abnegation and become factionless. It's not as if he'll die, as we feed the factionless…or used to, I don't know which is our current position, but he'll be out of society and the system, something that I imagine is one of his worst fears."

I think about it: Marcus facing one of his worst (if not just worst) fears, living through the same desperation and hopelessness which I had to live every night of my life, but I immediately know the answer: No.

Recognizing that would be recognizing my past, my fear; the one that I've tried so hard to cover and forget. After transferring to Dauntless I had taken a new name, a new identity and, although I had just been living by half, it had been incredibly better than any other life I could of had in Abnegation, it had been better than all those years next to him. I know now, after four years, that I changed to Dauntless because I was afraid, because I wanted to be something that I was not… brave, courageous, being able to stand up against my father. That was why I had decided to become factionless… I might be a Dauntless prodigy, but I don't belong with them. I can't belong with them, because I can't be just one thing.

That was, of course, until Tris appeared. She completed me, made me full and whole. With her by my side I was braver, I was stronger and mostly, I wasn't afraid of being Tobias Eaton, but it was just for her. I want to be me, the real me, for her, even maybe her parents (who had the right to know who truly their daughter was in love with); but I still can't be Tobias for the rest.

"No, I don't want it. In the past, when I was Abnegation four years ago, I may have wanted to, but not now. I'm no longer Tobias for them, I'm Four," I say, looking at them, and I know they caught it: for them, not for Tris or for Natalie and Andrew, but for them (the rest of this society we know) I'm only Four.

They nod again.

"We understand, and won't say anything. It's your absolute right; you're the one who suffered the most. On the other side, we can't- I can't- work alongside or treat him as I used to," Natalie says, and then her husband continues.

"A man that abuses his own child is no man at all. A man that torments his own blood cannot lead a faction, a group, and least of all an altruist faction."

After saying that Andrew nods at me as a farewell and heads out of the door, but Natalie stays behind just a few more seconds.

"Tobias" she says her hand over my right shoulder "He's the monster, not you. Never forget that."

And then she leaves again, like on the train, leaving me speechless.


I'm fighting her, as they commanded me. I kick her on the right side and she crouches. She tries to punch me back, in my face, using her body and trying to be fast. But I'm faster. For some reason, what she's trying to do sounds familiar to me.

"You're too small and don't have muscle, but you're fast, use that and your whole body," someone that looks like me says, holding a woman's waist "like this," he finishes, showing her. His fingers linger a bit too longer on her skin, and I can feel his emotions. Suddenly I realize that he's me, that's why I can feel his emotions.

"Tobias, please, listen to me. See me Tobias, it's me," the girl I'm fighting says. Tobias? Why is she trying to reason with me? Why is she calling me Tobias?

"She's the enemy" A voice stronger than hers, which actually sounds like a woman, says inside me. Of course, she is. The girl tries to reach me and I kick her, hard this time, but for some reason it feels wrong, it feels bad. The girl continues saying the same that name: Tobias. And then a number: Four. Why would she say four? I don't understand. She's the enemy, she's doing something bad. I have to end with her, but I can help and notice how beautiful she is. She's really small, with blond hair.

"She's the girl from your memory!" I realize. Then she does something surprising: she has a gun, and aims the gun at herself.

She's the enemy, she's the enemy, she's the enemy.

Those are the only words that come to my head. I take the gun and point at her head with it.

"It's ok, I love you, I love you, it's ok," she says, "Four, I love you"

She says that over and over again, but I don't know why. She's the enemy, so I fire.

And then, I wake up, just to realize that I killed her. I killed Tris.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Tris," I shout, as I wake up. Oh, thank god, it was just a nightmare. That's when I hear it again, that soft but insistent sound on my door. I get up and open it.

On the other side Caleb's face appears.

Great, just great. It seems I'll have to deal with every Prior today, and the only one that I truly want to see won't come.

"Caleb," I greet, letting him enter. He looks around the bedroom (probably looking for Tris) and then sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Four," he finally greets me back, "I came here to talk about Beatrice."

Incredible. Just perfectly fucking awesome.

"Her name is Tris now; you might want to remember it," is the only reply I give him back, clenching my teeth, "And you know, we both happen to think that our relationship is ours. You have nothing to tell me."

"Well, I don't think so. Just let me tell you something: I have eyes, I can see what you look like; you're Dauntless, you could kick me in seconds and I'd never notice it. Tris seems to really like you, even love you, but if you ever hurt her I'll make sure you pay. I might not be Dauntless, brave or strong, but I'm an Erudite and our minds work….well, different." Oh, crap, I could beat him up in seconds, but I also know I can't do it, for Tris. He's her brother after all, her family.

"Oh, and Four." Great, does he really have to continue? "If you're just fooling around with her, please end it right now. She's not that type of girl," he finally finishes.

What the fuck? this… kid… really thinks he can lecture me? Does he really think I'll leave Tris? Hasn't he seen us together? Well, at least I do agree with him at the last part: Tris is special, not someone temporary.

"Ok, Caleb, three things: First, you don't threaten me. Second, what happens between us is our thing. And third…I'm not fooling around with her… I love her," I say, the last part almost a whisper. Saying it makes me feel unprotected, naked and as if he could hurt me (as if anyone could hurt me) because of it. But it also makes me feel… alive. More alive than ever.

He looks at me, probably thinking if he should or shouldn't believe me, but after a few seconds he nods. Good, it seems we reached an understanding.

"Anyway, how did you two ever get together? You're older, you couldn't have been in her initiation class and, as I understand, it's not common for Dauntless members to speak with the initiates until initiation finishes," he says.

"Actually, I was her instructor," I start, and his eyes pop out.

"Her Instructor?! You dated your own pupil!?" he screams out, shocked and I can't help but smile. Although I'd never confessed, when we kissed, Tris still being an initiate (my initiate), it made me feel good, dangerous, rebellious. We were breaking the rules… well, not the rules, but almost.

"Yes, Instructor. I was the one that caught her when she jumped into the net and in that moment I knew she was special," I tell him, remembering that day, that moment. She hadn't screamed, just laughed. A Stiff, the first jumper. She amazed me, and continues to amaze me."

"Did you date her from the beginning?" he asks, now his Erudite curiosity showing off.

"No, in fact she hated me. After I threw knives at her…" He doesn't let me continue and just then I realize that I said.

"YOU DID WHAT!?" He cries out. Fuck, great Tobias, you're a genius. You really had to tell him that didn't you? Now he's going to tell Andrew and…fucking shit. I internally kick myself. Well, I have to fix it. I start explaining what happened, telling him about Al, Eric and how Tris defended him. A glimpse of pride crosses his eyes when I tell him how brave and selfless she had been, standing in front of the target to protect her friend.

"And you didn't even hurt her?" he asks me, "how is that even possible? If you follow the trajectory…"

"OK, brainy, I don't understand any of that, but it's just about balance and having a steady hand. Also, about the right pressure…" I try to explain to him, but it's actually pretty difficult. His eyes are big, carefully listening to me. I sigh, "Here, let me show you."

Caleb looks at me terrified, his face absolutely white. I think he believes I'll throw knives at him or something, but then I grab a piece of cheese and a knife that I had taken from the cafeteria along with some bread and place it on the small table near the bed. Then, I throw the knife, hitting it perfectly in the middle.

Caleb's mouth is now wide open, his eyes looking at the cheese with the knife and then me.

"No way, that's impossible!" he says, "Show me how to do it!" He's absolutely excited now, and I think he's forgotten about Tris, and internally I give myself a pat. Well done, Tobias.

I show him how to do it, but he misses the target. I notice that he crooks his elbow in the wrong direction, that's why it doesn't follow the direction. Also, he applies to much pressure; he just needs to do it quick and fast.

"No, not like that."

"But I imitated you perfectly!" he protests. Well, I guess he's not used to being wrong.

"No, you didn't."

"Well, show me again then," he says, but suddenly the door opens and a curious Tris appears. I can't help but grin and stand up, going to her side. Finally, the Prior I've wanted to see all afternoon.

"What're you doing?" she asks her eyes passing between the knife in the cheese and then Caleb and me.

"Tell me he's some kind of Dauntless prodigy! Can you do that?" Caleb asks, still stunned.

She thinks it for a second. Of course she can, I taught her.

"With my right arm, maybe. But yes, Four is unique." I stare at her, knowing what she was trying to say. My nickname shows how different I'm to the other Dauntless.

Caleb starts speaking, saying something about the water's system's book, and I suggest him to lend it to Tris, having my pay back for her little joke with my name. He'll annoy her till hell. She stares back at me and I can't help but get lost in those eyes, her beautiful stormy grey-blue eyes, which show that sparkle I love so much, that fire that could consume me. My eyes move to her lips, so desirable. I want nothing more than cross the few steps between us and kiss her, and then when I look back at her eyes I realize that she has the same look. Her eyes are a bit darker than usual, her teeth chewing her bottom lip, and I feel jealous of it.

Caleb must notice how we look at each other, because he clears his throat and then leaves the room after saying something that I didn't really pay attention to him.

"It seems every single Prior will come today," I tell her after he leaves. She giggles.

"What was he doing here?"

"Oh, I think it was the big brother talk, you know. 'Don't fool around with my sister' and that."

"And what did you tell him?" she asks, lifting her eyebrows

"Well, I told him how we met. That's how the knife throwing came up," I answer her, and she smiles at that. "And I told him I wasn't fooling around."

Her head immediately jumps at that, after a few seconds she closes our distance and kisses me, hard and roughly, but also lovingly. I know what she's trying to say: I'm not fooling around either, I love you. But we aren't really good with words, and sometimes human contact, a touch; a kiss is a thousand times better than words.

I kiss her back, thoughts of what happened in her bedroom coming to my mind. I kiss her cheeks and on her neck, leaving wet kisses over it, sucking it, a moan escaping her lips and I smile. She likes it. I suck harder, Tris enclosing me with her tiny arms. My nightmare comes to my mind and I press harder, trying to forget it, to deny it: I haven't killed her, she's with me. Her chest is pressed against mine. I can feel her breasts and it makes me crazy, the sensation of her hands playing and pulling my hair as I kiss her neck and collarbone, encouraging me to continue. One of her hands sliding under my shirt, tracing my tattoos; her legs around me.

But she hasn't come for this… I'm the older one, I have to concentrate. I pull away from her skin, gently untangling us and kissing her ear.

"Tris… You haven't come for this," I tell her.

"Who cares?" she says seductively and a bit desperately, taking my head with her hands and kissing me back fiercely again. She wants to forget, I want to forget, we both want to escape to our personal world where it's just her and me, where there's no war, no Jeanine Mathews and where we aren't even Dauntless or Divergents. Our world where it's just her and I; Tris and Tobias, a boy and a girl deeply and madly in love.

I kiss her back with the same desperation and need, but I know I have to stop this, be the mature one and not simply a horny teenager.

"Tris…" I say again, a bit more insistent this time.

"Okay, Okay!" she says exasperated and sighs, looking at me under her lashes two seconds later. I swallow hard, noticing it's the first time she does that and how incredible sexy she looks, her eyes bluer and more alive, "but we continue later," she finishes

Ok, yep, no doubt, this girl is going to be my death, definitely.

She gets up from my lap, sitting next to me and I bring my legs to my arms, grabbing them, not wanting her to notice my little problem.

As soon as she starts telling me about Marcus and Johanna and what she heard in the gardens I almost wish I hadn't stopped her, wanting everything but to hear about the piece of shit that raised me and shivering at his name. It seems that they all want to talk about him today.

She tells me that Marcus says that Abnegation has important information about something, something for what hundreds have died, and another amount has almost died, included her parents. This information is now in Janine's hands, and he wants it back

Then she asks what I think, and I answer her: It's just Marcus being Marcus, trying to b more important of what he really is.

Our main problem right know is figuring out what the hell we're going to do about the city, the attacks and our faction.

She lets me win this time, agreeing with me, but I know her better: She hasn't changed her mind, she's just trying to avoid and argument right now. She's Tris , after all, and we're both too stubborn and proud for that.

"Wait, did you say that all the Priors came to see you today?" she asks me and I smile.

"Yeah, your parents came before Caleb."

"What for?" I can see fear in her question; she might be thinking that they came to talk about us, just like Caleb.

"Marcus," I answer. Her eyes go wide with curiosity, "they wanted to report him," I say it as its no matter to me, as if it hadn't been what I wanted and prayed for back when I was 10, 12, 14 years old; scared and beaten, but she knows me better, she looks through my eyes.

"And what did you say?"

"I said no, I don't want to give him the pleasure of knowing he hurt me; or anyone really. I don't want them to think that I'm…" I don't continue, I can't. If I do, I'd have to admit the truth: that I'm a coward, that I don't deserve someone as brave as her by my side. But this is Tris. She notices my mood change and, taking my head with her hands, she tells me, "you aren't weak because of it Tobias. Everyone is afraid of something, you told me that. And what you said is not true… you let me know it."

How does she do it? How can she look through me that way? How can she know what to say when I need it, when not to speak when I can't hear her? It's something that I think I'll never be able to understand.

"You're special Tris" is my answer. I've always lived hidden, hiding who I truly am. The best proof is how I never told my name to anyone, not even Zeke. But with her it's different, I know I need to be opener, I need to tell her about me; how can we build a relationship otherwise? Not long ago I thought that I couldn't be kind with her, just hard, because that's the only way I know how to be; and I couldn't have been more wrong about anything. She makes me kind; she makes me want to be kind.

I don't even notice when Tris is kissing me again, but I give myself entirely to that kiss, pushing her on the bed and caging her with my arms. She lets out a moan, but I know that this one is not in pleasure but in pain.

"What's the matter?"

"My sides are hurting me. Let's shift both of us to the bed," she says against my lips, and I nod, lifting her up and throwing us both onto the mattress, kissing her again immediately. Her legs curl against my hips, my hands on her waist and I want to touch her, feel her. Holding my weight with one arm, I wander the other through her left calf and then her right, looking at her eyes, silently asking for permission. She doesn't stop me and I don't want to stop. I'm glad she's not shy and know she's getting over her fear, slowly and piece by piece, that she's pushing herself to her limits, not letting the fear control her. Her eyes shine with fire and it's intoxicating and breath- taking. Her left hand wanders under my shirt and she pulls it up a bit. I catch her message and help her take it off, remembering what I told her last time she tried to take it off, about not being able to control myself. Well, to be sincere I don't think I can control myself now, but that time had been just after our little train session and I really felt like I could jump over her and rip her clothes off.

She presses my chest, indicating me to turn over. I smile: of course, she has to control it; she has to be on top and take control of this.

I do it and then the most wonderful view comes to me. She's just on top of me, her hair falling all over her face, giving her an angel aura. I pull some locks behind her ears so I can see her better. Her cheeks are red and they flush even more when she notices I'm staring at her, her lips partially open, red and swollen from our kisses, and she's breathing fast. Her top lets me see the beginning of her breasts and a few red marks around them, where I kissed her before. My eyes wander up and down, taking all her beauty, and the bulge in my pants is killing me now.

"Your eyes… they are so dark," she whispers, touching my face. I close my eyes and remember that I have to calm down, that this particular thing is in her fear landscape. My face must be a predator's one: dark and hungry, but she's so damn perfect, beautiful, and hot.

"It's… desire, Tris," I say, "lust." Just then I realize what I said and I want to kick myself. Yeah, perfect, go and tell your girlfriend, who has intimate issues, that you want to fuck her. Go, just do it! Idiot!. But when I open my eyes, she's not looking scared, but… pleased?

"You desire me?" she asks whispering and with an incredulous voice. Is she actually asking me that? After what happened on the train, what happened in her room? After seeing the way I look at her? Why can't she see how freaking hot she is? She might not be all curvy and tan like other girls, but she's a thousand times more beautiful than any of them: she's natural, she's herself. Beautiful could never fit her.

"What do you think?"

"I've… I've just never thought about myself as desirable or sexy. I know how I look; I don't really understand how you can feel about me in that way."

My face must be priceless,

"You sure you got Erudite? Because that was the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Oh, well, maybe I shouldn't have said that, not very kind of me, but I couldn't help myself.

A grin appears on her face. I've just insulted her and she smiles? God, Tobias, it seems you're in love with a crazy woman.

"Can't be nice for too long, can you?"

I chuckle.

"Not really."

She rolls over me and I feel coldness, so I put my arm around her body, bringing her closer to me, breathing in her hair.

"Good thing I prefer you that way," she says. "Do you think they'll say anything if I sleep here?" she asks, and I smile

"You know? I don't really care," I answer, quoting her words to me when she kissed me after initiation. Her smile is the last thing I remember before falling asleep.


So? What did you think? Thanks for reading, and I'll try to update back next Thursday. I can't promise I'll do it on Monday or Tuesday because I'll be studying like a crazy woman Argentinean History, but after that I'll try to update!

Thanks soooo much and please don't forget to leave reviews!

Vanesa.