"Let's see, uh, granite, diamonds, wood . . ."
"Anything useful?" Ralph asked. Felix shrugged. "None that I can see."
The group let out a discouraged groan. "Oh come on! You've been looking for hours! Isn't there anything in that used tootsie roll wrapper that would help us get out of here?" Vanellope was at Felix's side and tugging on his jeans wildly and shaking her head.
Felix sighed and lowered the scroll. "I . . . I don't think so. But hey, let's not give up hope fellas. This is more helpful that just sitting around and waiting for something to happen, isn't it?" He rubbed her head gently. She didn't respond.
"Let's just keep looking."
For the past hour, Felix had been searching and scanning that scroll for anything that would be at all useful in figuring out where the exit of this strange game.
But to his and the rest of the group's dismay, he found nothing.
Although, as frustrated and discouraged as he was, he had to give the game some credit. This place has some of the most innovative and strangest technologies.
He really had to give it some credit.
This scroll for example wasn't any sort of paper Felix had ever seen. It was an interactive parchment.
On the paper was a list that displayed multiple rows of cubes and items with a description for each. But Felix discovered that with a single swipe of his finger, the rows scrolled upward, revealing more and more rows with a different variety of cubes.
It had to be the most amazing piece of technology he had ever held in his own two hands.
The cubes were fascinating too.
These cubes had a massively large variety of colors, designs and textures.
Grainy, rocky, chunky, black, green, tan, brown, leafy, wet, dry, hot, cool, dark, and every other adjective Felix could think of.
How anyone could be crazy enough to program a game of this magnitude was mindboggling.
After more and more finger swiping, Felix rolled up the touch-scroll and placed it back in his tool belt.
"I'm sorry guys. I couldn't find anything." Calhoun strode up beside him and scooped him in her arms and held him tight. "Now enough of that negativity soldier. It's like you said, we'll get out of here sooner or later." Felix wrapped his arms around her neck and the two lightly embraced, much to the chagrin of Vanellope who made gagging motions toward Ralph who only shook his head and chuckled.
"Wow, Captain Cranky," Ralph said to Calhoun. "I never knew you had a soft spot, even after you got married."
With one arm wrapped around her husband, she pulled out her pistol from its holster and pointed it at Ralph. His eyes went wide and his mouth made a perfectly straight line.
"Shutting up."
She holstered her gun and returned her attention to her husband. They finally parted and stared deeply at each other. Vanellope was about to protest their public displays of affection until something else caught her attention.
"Um, is it just me, or did it get darker?"
Ralph, Felix and Calhoun looked up to the sky to where the sun had been just a few moments ago. And just as Vanellope had pointed out, the sky had gotten darker. The square sun hovering over them was now dangling over the horizon, sending a light blue curtain over them.
"But, but how is that even possible?" Ralph scratched his head in confusion. Didn't we, I don't know, just get here? It's barely been an hour!" Calhoun set down Felix. "Well, this is a different environment than we're used to partner," Felix pointed out. "Time must move differently here."
"He's right," Calhoun pointed out. "We don't know the first thing about this place. And I'm not about to get blown up by some walking green matchstick. Let's get moving."
By the time she finished, the sun had already disappeared below the horizon line and the sky above them dissolved into a pitch black dome with tiny white squares dotting it all over. They each noticed a slightly brighter light coming from the other side of the map. They turned and saw a white square slowly rising into the sky to replace the sun.
"Wow," Vanellope said. "This game just gets more and more unbelievable, don't it?" Calhoun huffed. "Yeah, yeah it's stunning. Now get off your seats and let's go. Fix-It, you're with me. Pipsqueak, Wreck-It, turn on your headlights and follow us." Vanellope gulped. "Uh, yeah, about that?"
Calhoun turned to the child. "What is it?" Vanellope twiddled with her fingers. "Well . . . About the headlights . . ." Felix took out his trusty golden hammer. "Were they damaged in that explosion? Don't worry. I can fix it!"
"No, it's not that. It's just . . ." Ralph walked up behind her. "Come on kid! Spit it out! What is it?" Vanellope faced her friend. "My headlights don't work," she admitted.
Everyone's eyes bugged. "They don't what?" Ralph asked with an eyebrow raised. "They don't work," she repeated. "Wha-what do you mean they don't work?" Vanellope narrowed her eyes at the wrecker. "What are you hard of hearing? 'They don't work' means that they don't work!"
Ralph looked to the kart then back to Vanellope. "Then what are those two things on the front?" She looked over to where he gestured. "Those are just gumdrops. They're just there for decoration. What's the big deal anyways?"
"Well who builds a car with headlights that don't work?! What's the point?"
"Why would I need functional headlights in a game that has an unlimited supply of sunlight?"
"Both of you shut it! Sweet sons of, you two can bicker about anything, can't you?" They stopped and directed their attention to the infuriated sergeant. "The more you two argue, the longer we're here for. So settle your petty squabble and get moving. Now!"
The two of them stood frozen in place, staring at the sergeant. Vanellope looked to her kart, then back to Ralph and sighed. "Well, there is still some light from that blocky piece of Swiss cheese up there," she said, gesturing up to the square moon in the sky. "I suppose it wouldn't be so bad to drive," before she could finish, Felix cleared his throat.
"Actually, it's probably best all of us just walked."
"What?!" The remaining three looked to the repairman in shock.
"Now Vanellope, I am in no way questioning your driving ability, but as we stated earlier, no one here knows anything about this place. I simply couldn't bear it if you accidentally hurt yourself driving in the dark in some foreign environment."
Vanellope was ready to protest, but Ralph put his hand lightly on her head to silence her. "He's right kid. It's too risky."
Felix nodded at Ralph. "Thank you Ralph. And Tammy," he turned and faced his wife, "we should probably stay on the ground with the two of them as to not leave them behind." Calhoun blew her bangs from her eyes and grunted.
"Fine." Her cruiser shrank beneath her feet (which she had already undone while Felix was talking), and she slung it over her shoulder. He nodded. "Thanks dear." She stared down at him. "You're lucky you're cute, Fix-It." His cheeks glowed bright red and he turned back to Ralph and Vanellope.
"Now, let's get a move on, shall we?"
"Um," Ralph and Vanellope twisted their heads left and right. "Where?"
Felix shrugged. "Anywhere. We just need to find something that will help us get out of here."
"Oh yeah," Vanellope rolled her eyes. "That's going to be easy." Felix knelt in front of her. "No one said it was going to be easy, Vanellope. But you know what?" She looked up at him questioningly. "Everything that is worth doing is rarely ever easy. You've just gotta,"
His heartwarming speech was interrupted by what sounded like someone gurgling an entire bottle of mouthwash.
HRRRGGMMGHRRRRGGGMMM
Everyone's eyes widened and they turned to Calhoun, who only held her hands up defensively and shook her head. "Don't look at me."
It came again.
HRRRRRGGGMMMHRRRRRGGGMMM
Calhoun immediately whipped out her repeater rifle and aimed it at a nearby tree. The sound came again from the other side. She rolled and landed on one knee, pointing the gun at another tree. She turned her head left and right, looking for whatever made that noise.
"What is that?" Felix stepped backwards to Ralph.
Calhoun looked over her shoulder to the three of them. "We've gotta move. Now."
Vanellope's eyes widened. "Wha-what? What is it?" Calhoun lowered her rifle and jogged back to Felix. "No idea. But enough with the senseless chatter and move! Now!" Ralph wasted no time. He leaned down, scooped Felix and Vanellope into the crook of his arm and tucked them close to his body. He then trotted over to Vanellope's kart and hoisted it onto his shoulder. He turned to Calhoun who was waving her hand rapidly and gesturing him to follow. "Come on! Let's go let's go let's go!" She barked harshly. Felix wrapped one protective arm around Vanellope while holding his hat on his head as Ralph took off in a sprint, following Calhoun.
She had her rifle out and at the ready, pointing it this way and that as she ran past tree after tree, that strange gargling noise emanating from every direction. She glanced back to see Ralph clutching her husband and Vanellope under his arm and carrying the kart in the other. She let out a startled cry as she brought her foot down to take another step forward but no ground came to meet her.
She fell about a foot before regaining her lost footing and continued her jog. She glanced back at Ralph. "Look out! There's a step!" He looked at her with an eyebrow raised as he neared the random shift in elevation. He too let out a quick yelp as he fell a quick foot down, causing his grip on the kart to loosen. He fumbled with it with his single hand for a few moments before grasping it successfully and tucking it under his arm.
"Careful with the precious cargo, pal!" Vanellope shouted at him. He didn't respond, he just kept following Calhoun.
The sergeant stopped dead in her tracks and held up her hand, gesturing Ralph to stop. He saw her signal and came to a wobbly stop, his upper body teetering forward as his mass added with his two friends and a full-sized go kart carried him forward. He took one more step forward and regained his balance.
Once he had his footing back, Ralph looked left and right, letting his surroundings sink in. They were in the middle of a circular clearing surrounded by trees.
Calhoun aimed her rifle forward once again and lowered her body into a proper fighting stance. She whistled over to Ralph. He turned and saw her gesturing him over to her side with her head. He nodded and looked down to his friends with wide eyes. "Um, er, um, let's see . . ." He rolled the kart back onto the ground before lowering Vanellope and Felix into the driver's seat.
He held up his hand and said, "Stay with Felix." Vanellope made an attempt to crawl out but was apprehended by Felix who grabbed her by the waist and pulled her securely to his lap. She wiggled and squirmed as Ralph jogged next to Calhoun.
"Hey! No fair! I wanna help!" Felix cupped his hand over her mouth to muffle her screams. "Sorry Vanellope. It's too dangerous."
Ralph approached Calhoun breathlessly. "Sarge. What do you need?" She shot him a quick glance. "Cover my back, Wreck-It. I'll need some back up." He darted his head back and forth. "What is it we're fighting, exactly?" She looked at him in irritation and annoyance. "I have no idea," she snapped. "Just keep me covered, shut your chew hole and look alive!"
"Uh, uh, yeah! Right! Ok. Ok. Got it. Gotcha." He turned his back to her and raised his fists. The two of them paced in a slow circle, their feet crisscrossing over each other like an intricate dance with their backs to each other.
Crunch
Ralph stopped pacing and raised his fists higher as Calhoun zipped around and began rapidly firing into a patch of trees. Ralph jumped in surprise and fell backwards on his rump as he watched the unhinged sergeant unload into the trees much like she had to him earlier that same day. Streams and bolts of light passed over his face as tiny explosions erupted as they made contact with either tree trunks or grass.
She released her finger from the trigger and the never-ending line of bullets ended, smoke rising from the barrel of her gun. He scoffed and rose to his feet. "Geez Sarge. Give a guy a warning next time!" She looked over in his direction. "Hm? Oh. Sorry." He rolled his eyes and looked over at the wave of destruction that she had just caused. "Well, whatever it was, I'm sure it's,"
HRRRGGMMMMHRRRRGGMMMMM
Calhoun raised her rifle but didn't fire as Ralph raised his fists close to his face.
Then they saw it.
At first it only appeared as a quick, black shimmer in the black of night. Ralph could barely make out the shape of the figure. It had a square head, much like that green thing he and Vanellope encountered, but it had a broader side to it under the neck which were clearly shoulders. He could also see two arms swinging at its sides.
Ralph could see the legs swinging as well, gliding along the ground rather than making actual contact with the ground.
It stopped.
Ralph's heart stopped for a single moment as this new creature began approaching them. The figure becoming slightly bigger as it inched its way to their position. Its body emerged from the shadows and into the pale moonlight, finally revealing itself.
The first thing Ralph and Calhoun noticed about it was its color. Same as the stick creature that exploded in the forest, it had a sickly, grainy green color to it. It had a strange teal shirt and dark blue pants over its rectangular limbs. It had small, black dots which made up the eyes with more black spots that composed the mouth. The arms were raised upward and it continued to walk straight for them.
"What the bits is that thing?" Calhoun readied her rifle and pointed it straight at the strange being before pulling the trigger, unloading a few rounds that hit it straight in the chest.
The creature was pushed off of its feet and landed on its side, letting out the same gurgling noise it had made before. Then, a strange cloud of pixelated smoke engulfed its body. The weird layered puffs of smoke lingered for a few moments before subsiding, revealing nothing under it. The creature had just disappeared.
Calhoun lowered her rifle with an eyebrow raised. "What in Davey Crocket's coon tail just happened?" Ralph only shrugged. "I dunno what to tell you." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, I just,"
HRRRGGMMMHRRRRRGGGMMMM
Ralph was cut off mid-sentence by the same sound. He raised his fists and Calhoun raised her rifle back to the forest where two more creatures, both of them exactly looking like the one that had just disintegrated right before their eyes.
"More of them? You've got to be fragging kidding me!"
Ralph placed his hand on the barrel of her gun and lowered it. He received a questioning glance from her. "I got this one."
He bolted past her and ran at the two creatures with his fists raised, screaming at the top of his lungs. "HHHYYYYYYYEEEEAAAHHH!"
He jumped off of the ground and slammed both fists onto one single creature. He smirked as it instantly disappeared in another cloud of dust right under his hands. He stood back up, pivoted on his bottom foot to turn and face the last of them. He connected his fist with the thing's chest violently, sending it flying backwards and landing on the ground before the cloud came and it disappeared.
Ralph smiled and wiped his hands together. A look of pride plastered on his face as he turned to face Calhoun once again . . . who had her rifle pointed right at him.
"Ralph! Duck!"
He stared at her in confusion before diving out of the way the exact moment Calhoun delivered another unceremonious stream of bullets in his direction. He turned and saw three more creatures dropping instantaneously to the ground. He turned onto his belly and began pushing himself to his feet. He stopped once he saw at least half a dozen more of those things approaching them.
He huffed. "Sweet Mother Hubbard! How many of these things are there?" He rose to his feet and charged straight for them.
At the kart, Felix was having a difficult time restraining Vanellope, who was still thrashing and squirming under his grip. "Vanellope! Hold still! We can't do anything to,"
Bing bing
Bing bing
Both of them stopped arguing as a familiar sound came from Felix's tool belt. He let go of the child (now too exhausted and intrigued to go help her friend) and reached for the scroll, which was blinking. "What in the name of," Felix muttered under his breath. He opened the touch-screened paper to reveal a completely new page.
He read.
"Looks like you've gone off and disturbed this peaceful night." Felix narrowed his eyes and the paper. "Oh darn thing! Does it always have to be such a smart Alec?" His eyes widened and he put his hand over his mouth. "Please forgive my potty mouth Vanellope." She stared up at the super intendant then back to Calhoun and Ralph, who were doing their best to keep a horde of these weird looking guys at bay. "No time to be polite sunshine! Keep reading!"
Felix turned back to the paper.
"Hopefully, this guide will prove useful as you fight off these vicious creatures of the night." Vanellope's ears visibly perked up. "Guide? There's a guide! Read it! Maybe it'll help!" Her tiny, shrill, high pitched voice was almost drowned out by the sound of Calhoun yelling and shooting aimlessly while taking out almost every one of the creatures.
Felix swiped his finger across the screen and it scrolled downward, revealing another page with tiny, blocky creatures, each with a little description next to them. Vanellope crawled onto his lap to take a look. Her large eyes widened and she let out a small gasp as she came across the familiar green stick figure from before.
"That's it!" She screamed, pointing at the paper. "That's the thing that we saw!" Felix adjusted the paper so he could read it clearly.
"It says here that it's called a, uh, a Creeper." Vanellope shuddered at the mere thought of that thing. "'Creeper' isn't a good enough word to describe how scary that thing is. Keep reading." Felix nodded and read the Creeper's description.
"This guy (much like the other bad guys in this world) prefers the night and will explode if startled. Keep your distance and use any long ranged weapon you have against it. It's your best bet." Vanellope scoffed at it. "Well that's all fine and dandy. Now let's see if it says anything about these butt munches," she said with a thumb pointed at the creatures attacking their friends (and wife). Felix nodded and scrolled down, mumbling to himself as he skimmed through the info.
"Uh, uh, here!" He stopped the screen from scrolling as an image of the creature in question popped up.
"Zombies," he read. "Now I'm sure this guy needs no introduction. These undead creatures will stop at nothing to make you their next meal or seal your imminent doom." He backed up from the paper with wide, frightened eyes.
"Well that's lovely," Vanellope quipped. Felix continued. "They prefer the night and are relatively easy to take down in hand-to-hand combat." As if on cue, the sound of Calhoun howling and grunting as she fended off a wall of zombies with her rifle.
Vanellope stood up in the seat and pointed to Ralph and Calhoun. "Felix, c'mon! We've gotta help them!" Felix lowered the paper and looked to Vanellope. "Darling, it's much too dangerous to,"
Shoom
Tink
"Whoa!" Felix let out a quick cry of surprise as a long, thin object soared through the air and hit the side of the kart, digging itself into the cookie frame.
Felix peered over the side to get a look at what the thing was. It didn't take long for him to realize what it was.
An arrow has stuck itself into the side of Vanellope's kart.
The shaft was shorter than most arrows, about the length of his forearm. At the end of the pixelated wood was a pair of blue, blocky feathers. "What in the world?" He reached forward to unstick it from the side of her kart.
Whoosh
Another arrow shot over Felix's head in the blink of an eye. His eyes widened as he found where exactly it had come from.
Emerging from the shadows, three, white, blocky figures holding small bows in their hands revealed themselves. Vanellope peeked over the edge of the kart to get a look at the new monsters. Neither of them needed the guide to figure out what these guys were.
"Skeletons!" Vanellope shrieked with her finger pointing in their direction. "Skeletons with bows and arrows!" Felix pushed Vanellope downward as they each sent a volley of arrows in their direction. "Yipe!" Felix held onto his hat and ducked, now scrunched on the floor with a terrified looking Vanellope. Felix reached a cautious hand over the side of the cart, grasped the arrow that was stuck, and pulled it out. He dropped it to the ground, took out his hammer, reached out over the side and tapped the damaged area. It was repaired instantly with its high tone and bright light before reeling his arm back in.
Calhoun and Ralph, still firing and punching at just about everything that moved, stopped when they heard the sound of a high pitched squeal coming from Vanellope's kart.
Ralph froze in place for a split second and turned to see three new creatures approaching the kart.
"Kid!"
"Felix!"
With a swing of his hand, Ralph swatted away three zombies before gripping one in his palm and chucking it in their direction. Calhoun in return took aim and pulled the trigger, instantly destroying two skeletons while the flying zombie collided with the remaining skeleton, both of them disintegrating instantly.
Ralph let his arms fall limply to his sides as he breathed in deeply while Calhoun lowered her gun and panted. Both pairs of eyes were aimed at the kart, silently praying that they were unharmed.
After what felt like an eternity, two tiny figures rose from the seat with large, frightened eyes. Ralph and Calhoun let out long breaths of relief to see their friends (and husband) still breathing. Before Ralph could say anything, Vanellope raised one shaky arm and pointed behind them, her eyes about ready to pop out of her head.
"C-C-C-Creeper!"
"Wha?" Ralph raised an eyebrow and turned around.
The sight made his heart plummet.
Approaching them was a familiar tall, green creature. Its four stubby legs gliding along the ground.
Calhoun snorted. "Don't worry. I've got this." She slung her rifle over her shoulder and began pacing toward the monster. Ralph raised his hand. "Wait! Calhoun! No!" She didn't pay his warning any attention. The moment she was within range of the Creeper, she raised her right foot and slammed it straight into the chest (or neck?) of it, shooting its feet from under it and falling on its back. She smirked and wiped her hands. Her smile faded as the monster began to blink red.
Hiss
"Huh?"
Ralph reacted instinctively. He lunged forward, wrapped his hands around her and pulled her tight into his body protectively. He turned his back to the downed Creeper and began running.
He was too late.
BOOOOOOM
Felix and Vanellope ducked under the kart once again as Ralph was completely blown off of his feet and was propelled forward. He never lost his grip on the sergeant as the two of them flew seven feet forward, skidding to a halt just in front of the kart.
Once he felt the coast was clear, Felix peeked over the windshield and saw the crater that was left by the explosion. His eyes quickly fell to the smoking bodies of Ralph and his wife lying side by side.
"Tammy! Ralph!" He skipped out of the kart and landed on the hood, then hopped one last time onto his antagonist's belly, inspecting the damage. Ralph's arms were blackened slightly and his face was bruised. Felix winced as he took out his hammer and tapped his friend.
Bing!
Ralph's injuries instantly vanished and he sat up straight in a start, sending Felix sprawling to the ground. Ralph patted his body to make sure he was unhurt, then let out a quick laugh as he discovered he was alright.
Felix scrambled to his feet and dashed over to his wife. He turned her so she was laying on her back. Her eyes were closed and her face was bruised much like Ralph's. Black marks and scratches were visible on her full body armor. Ralph leaned down to her side to make sure she was alright as well. Felix tapped her armor.
Bing!
In an instant, she bolted upright with a loud, startling gasp for breath. She sat up so fast, she unintentionally head-butted Ralph.
"Ouch! Oho man! Geez!"
Calhoun gripped her side tenderly as she coughed violently as Ralph fell on his back, grasping his tender spot on his face and winced in pain.
Once she was done coughing, Felix jumped and wrapped his arms around his wife, pulling her close. She was shocked at first, then gave into the hug. "You gave me an awful scare there, dear." Felix patted her head and rubbed her hair gently in his palm. She sighed and rested her chin on his shoulder. "Sorry Fix-It."
Ralph rose slowly into a sitting position, looking at the un-proportional couple, still holding his head. "I'm fine too by the way. You know, in case anyone was, whoa!" His sarcastic quip was cut short as a flurry of blue pixels formed in front of him. They rematerialized into Vanellope as she pushed Ralph back to the ground, her tiny arms outstretched across his chest.
"Don't ever do that to me again, Stinkbrain! You almost gave me a heart attack!" Ralph could only smile as he wrapped his arm around the child.
The four of them said nothing for the next few minutes. They just sat with each other, rocking slowly from side to side in the pale moon light, one being thankful that the other was unharmed.
Vanellope lightly gasped. "Hey guys, look." She pointed over Ralph's shoulder. The rest of them turned to see what it was she was instructing them to look at.
On the other side of the map, a warm, red blanket was filling the sky. Below it, the square sun was peeking over the horizon, rising slowly into the sky. Calhoun let out an impressed whistle. "Jeepers," Felix said. "That was awfully fast."
The four of them said nothing as the square sun successfully emerged, light now spilling in from every direction.
"Uh, guys?" The group turned to Vanellope who was sitting in the palm of Ralph's hand. "Can we take a break now?" They let out little chuckles and looked back to the child.
"Sure, kid." She beamed up at her friend.
"Alright you wusses," Calhoun suddenly barked, "take five, then we're back on the road."
