So, Bella and Edward get closer... but they need to straighten out some stuff.
There is no flashback in this chapter, I felt like they needed to stay in the "present" and settle some questions before moving back. Next chapter will have some happy times of the "past", just beacuse I feel its needed. :P
This chapter is a bit angsty, but it is needed!
Becca, love, as always thank you for keeping me sane! I love you BYOTCH!
thanks to everyone who is sticking out with my lack of updates, but I assure you! this story will go on! :P!! THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS!! it really keeps my focus!!!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY TWILIGHT RELATED CHARACTERS.
Bella had slept soundly much thanks to the wonderful pain medication the hospital had provided last night. She woke up around eleven; her eyelashes were stuck together with old mascara chunks and her hair was a tangled mess that had obscured her vision. Her back and neck were as stiff as could be, making the bed very uncomfortable on her sore and tender muscles.
Bella groaned, moving her hair out of her face she tried to sit up; shooting pain came from her left side and she winced audibly.
"Bella! Here let me help you," a sweet chimed in.
Vanessa saw Bella struggle and quickly moved to help her. She moved the controls of the bed so it was in a sitting position and filled a glass with water offering it to her.
"How are you feeling?" Nessie asked.
Bella finished most of the glass before answering, "Like hell."
Nessie smiled eying her friend. Bella and Nessie were good friends who often joined forces against Jacob; she had been as worried as her husband when they received the call from the hospital. In all honesty, Bella still looked like hell; yet, she seemed to be okay and that put her mind at ease.
"You look like hell, actually," Nessie commented.
"Thank you, Vanessa, that is very sweet of you," Bella replied sarcastically.
"Hey, you said it. I'm just confirming," Nessie said taking the glass from Bella and placing it on the beside table."You gave us quite a scare."
Bella looked at her guiltily. "I know… I'm sorry, how did he take it?"
Nessie sighed moving to sit on the edge of Bella's bed.
"Jake down right panicked for a moment, but when Dr. Cullen told him you were going to be fine he calmed down," Nessie said taking Bella's hand for reassurance.
Bella tried not to get distracted at the mention of 'Dr. Cullen,' but it proved harder than expected.
Nessie could detect the glint of her eyes when the doctor's name was uttered, it was easy for her to read Bella's reactions. Nessie was dying to bombard her friend with questions about the mysterious Edward, the man who still held that much power over her friend's emotions.
"So, this Edward…" Nessie started but Bella interrupted her.
"Where's Jake?"
The question was enough to change the mood of the conversation instantly; Nessie looked sheepishly at Bella.
"Bells, Jake thought it was only fair...you know how Charlie worries and-"
Bella's eyes widened at the realization. "He told Charlie?" she shouted.
"Um, yeah," Nessie answered more as a question than a statement.
"Great! Nessie, you know how he gets! Why didn't he wait?" Bella cried, outraged.
"I told him to wait, but you know he never listens," Nessie defended, "be reasonable, Bella, you know Charlie would've freaked if we didn't tell him and you just didn't show up this weekend."
Bella sighed shaking her head; last night she didn't have time to talk to Jacob after he burst into her room. After he left with Edward, the nurse gave her a sedative that knocked her unconscious untill this morning.
"So, how did it go?" Bella finally asked.
"Around nine-ish Jacob called Charlie to let him know about the accident; obviously, Charlie freaked and demanded to talk to you but Jacob said you were still sleeping. Charlie wanted to make sure you were okay, so Jacob went to get him," Nessie explained smiling apologetically at Bella.
"He was supposed to go to therapy today," Bella said angrily.
"I know... but, Bells, come on!" Nessie chastised her, "He is your dad, and after what happened to Billy and him, do you really expect him to sit back and wait for you to get better?"
"No, I guess you're right. I just didn't want to worry him," Bella said in a small voice.
She suddenly felt like crying; as if it wasn't enough that her body felt like shit, she also had to go around and make everyone worried about her. Part of the reason Jacob was listed as her emergency contact was so she could spare Charlie from the drama- that, and of course, Jacob's proximity.
Trying to fight back the tears, Bella started planning her conversation with Charlie; she would explain how it was no big deal- she really didn't feel all that bad. She would tell him that the hospitalization was more of a doctor's recommendation than a necessity. That thought made her remember Edward, and the almost-kiss they shared the night before.
Was he really going to kiss me?
She replayed last night's events on her mind, analyzing every single detail of their brief encounter. She recalled the way he looked- so different yet the same- the way he moved, the way he looked at her.
For a moment she was sure Edward looked at her in the same way he had always looked her- with love.
Bella interrupted that thought instantly, she would not allow herself false hopes and fantasies. However, she couldn't help but notice the way she felt: elated, excited, fearful, and happy all at the same time.
"So, are you gonna tell me what's the deal with your doctor?" Nessie interrupted her thoughts.
Bella's head snapped up, her neck muscles protesting. She winced before asking, "What?"
"Its him, isn't it? The guy you almost married?" Nessie blurted out, instantly regretting her bluntness at Bella's expression.
The excitement Bella felt at seeing Edward again vanished with that question, dread replaced the excitement.
"Yeah… that's Edward," Bella answered in a somber tone.
"He's been in here all morning," Nessie said, hoping the information would comfort her friend. "Well, he doesn't actually come in, but I've seen him lurking around the hall at least three times this morning."
He's been checking up on me?
Bella smiled looking down at her palms. "Have you talked to him?"
"No, Jake tried to, but he said it didn't go so well."
Bella's smile disappeared, chastising herself for forgetting Jacob's determination to talk to Edward, she knew it couldn't have gone good.
"You loved him a lot, didn't you?" Nessie suddenly asked; she was never one to dance around the conversation.
Vanessa looked into her friend's brown eyes, sensing the struggle to be honest with her. Bella almost never talked about her high school days, and when she did it was in response to question or one of Jacob's comments. She never volunteered any information without prior inquiry.
"Yes," she finally replied with a humorless laugh."I love him… more than anything," she admitted, her voice cracking.
Nessie scooted closer to her on the bed, holding Bella's hands tightly in between her own before asking, "Love?"
Bella eyes widened, tears evident in the sparkling orbs. She noticed the present tense she used, and wondered if she could correct herself. However, looking into Vanessa's eyes, she knew she couldn't deny the truth from her friend, like she couldn't deny it from herself.
Time had passed; it was evident their lives were not at all what they used to be ten years ago, yet the love she felt for Edward was still embedded deep within her. All the sentiments she kept hidden throughout these years arose without warning the moment he stepped into the ER room; unable to control them, and heightened by the pain her body felt, Bella started crying.
She leaned into Nessie's embrace, who in turn wrapped her arms lightly around her, trying her best not to hurt her.
"Shh, Bella, it's going to be okay," Nessie cooed.
Bella sniffed and laughed bitterly, "I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm crying," she said, leaning back on the bed.
"It's okay." Nessie wanted to keep asking about they guy Bella was obviously still in love with, but figured this was not the best time.
"Can I take a shower?" Bella asked, steering the conversation away from the raw emotions.
"That's probably not the best idea without the nurse. But I can help you clean yourself a little bit," Nessie offered.
With the help of a plastic bassinet and the tray table, Bella washed her face and brushed her teeth with the toiletries the hospital provided. Finally she combed her hair back into to a ponytail instantly felling better.
Bella looked at herself in the compact mirror Nessie gave her. She looked at the light bruises in her chin and neck, courtesy of her car's airbag. When she remembered the car, Bella asked Nessie about what now seemed like trivial things; mainly her car, her job, and the hospital's paperwork. Bella trusted Jacob, and it was pleasant to see he had taken everything into account. He had talked to the police about towing the car back to his shop, he had apparently called her office and informed them about everything, and since he had legal power over on her insurance, everything was taken care of.
At twelve o clock, a nurse came in with the lunch tray, but Bella wasn't really hungry. After being reprimanded by both the nurse and Vanessa, she begrudgingly took a green gelatin and started eating it.
"Bella, don't be a child and eat the freaking meal," Nessie complained while Bella pouted poking the gelatin.
"Does it have asparagus?" an amused voice said from the doorway.
Both women glanced up to see Edward leaning on the doorway looking at them. Nessie was the first one to recover eyeing the plate then back at Edward.
"Yeah," Nessie said.
Edward chuckled shaking his head. "Bella hates asparagus," he answered, silently implying it was the most known fact in the world.
"Oh, right," Nessie said giving Bella a "say something" look. It was wasted though, when she discovered Bella hadn't taken her eyes off Edward.
Changing the curse of action, Nessie stood up purposely bumping the bed with her legs. She slight movement made Bella look up at her.
"I'm gonna go get you something else from the cafeteria. Is that alright, Dr. Cullen?"
"Sure," Edward replied stepping aside to let her through.
Edward looked at Bella nervously, after his breakdown in the on-call room he promised himself he would not let his emotions show around her. However, he still felt an urge to be near her.
After trying –very unsuccessfully- to get some sleep, he did his morning rounds. These gave him the oportunity to pass by her room a couple of times; he hoped he had been discreet enough, however, Vanessa's actions proved otherwise.
He had seen Jacob move around the hospital on his cell phone; Edward had evaded him for the most part hoping he wouldn't try to talk to him again. He knew it was childish to evade a patient's family, but he didn't care. Jacob Black was lucky enough Edward had never given into the sweet temptation of punching him in the face- something that Edward thought Jacob wholly deserved.
He had tried to stay away, but when he spotted the asparagus on the leftover lunch trays he couldn't help himself. He made his way back to Bella's room, pleased to see her up.
She had cleaned up, her hair was tied back and her face clean, he was reminded of the nights he used to sneak up her room just after she had taken a shower. He would climb up to her window, which she always left semi-open, and wait for her as she finished her nightly ritual.
"You did it," Bella said interrupting his memories.
"Excuse me?" Edward was confused at her statement.
He watched Bella blush and look down at her hands. "You're a doctor. I always knew you would make it, but seeing it," she chuckled, "to experience it, knowing you did what you always wanted," she paused.
She knew she had revealed too much of her thoughts. Bella looked up to see Edward standing in front of her bed looking amazed at her words.
"It's silly," she continued, "but, it makes me proud."
Oh, my God, did I just say that? Bella thought, panicked at her sudden honesty.
Edward smiled feeling himself blush a little. He perked up and felt immensely happy by her confession. It wasn't as if no one had ever congratulated him on his accomplishments; Carlisle and Esme reminded him of how proud they were every time he spoke with them. His siblings, even if they teased him endlessly for his workaholic tendencies, made it clear that they were also very proud of him. Tanya had mentioned once or twice how he admired Edward's commitment to a job 'she'd never he happy in' which he took as compliment; and even his mentors had expressed their congratulations on more than one occasion; yet, if Edward was honest with himself none of those times felt like this particular moment, with Bella.
It could be because it was in his talks with her that he discovered Medicine was something he was passionate about. Or maybe, that most of his care-giver side flourished while taking care of her many cuts and bruises. Perhaps, it was that when he first thought of a future as a doctor; in his fantasies, she was the one waiting for him at home. He didn't know, and it was scary how a simple sentence from her could make him feel like he had done the most important thing in this world.
He tried to hide his delight. "Thank you, you of all people knows how much I wanted this."
Bella was still embarrassed, Edward sensing her discomfort changed the subject. "How are you feeling?" he asked moving to her injured side.
"I… eh… it hurts?" she said more as a question.
Edward had reached her injured side and moved Nessie's chair out of the way. He turned to Bella, grabbed her left arm and gently positioned it above her head. The spark that both of them felt at the small contact went unmentioned, but not unnoticed by both parties. However, the wince Bella made at the stretching of her torso was not ignored, by Edward.
"I'm sorry, but your ribs will hurt for a while, we can always give you some vicodin if you want," Edward said nonchalantly while obviously teasing Bella on her poor tolerance for sedatives, something he had experienced first hand.
Bella glared at him. "Ha, ha, very funny."
Edward chuckled this time, "Sorry, it was too easy. But let the nurse know if the pain gets to uncomfortable, okay?" He looked over her side, moving her robe and checking the incision bellow the bandages.
He felt her stiffen against his touch. He looked up and saw Bella looking at the ceiling, an obvious flustered blush all over her cheeks. It was then, that Edward realized how uncomfortable his proximity could be; after all, the tube inserted to drain the lung had to be placed right bellow her breast. He hadn't thought much about the consequences of being her doctor, but now the repercussions felt more real than ever. He stepped back looking at her.
"I can bring the nurse in to the examination, or have one of the interns check on you if that makes you feel better," he said apologetically.
She turned to look at him her eyes wide. "No, no, I'm sorry, that was just… sudden."
"Are you sure?... This is strictly on a professional capacity," he tried to use a serious tone, "but, given our previous… relationship," he paused for a moment, "maybe, it's best if..."
"Edward, it's okay. I'm not uncomfortable… and to be honest, I'd rather it was you than any other doctor," she said reassuringly.
"It's just, your hands are freezing!" she complained, trying to lighten the mood.
For Bella it wasn't uncomfortable to have Edward look at her; sure, it had been a shock to have his hands touch her body, even if it felt completely different than the other times. He was, obviously, very professional; it felt just like any doctor's examinations. There were no groping or innuendos; there was nothing sexual in his touch. Yet, to Bella, it felt safe.
After the examination Edward covered her up again and wrote some notes on her chart.
"Everything seems okay. In two days we'll make another set of X-rays to make sure the lung is completely healed. The ribs will take the longest, but you'll just have to be careful with those." He looked up to see her annoyed look again.
"Meaning, don't trip over your own two feet and you'll be okay?" she snorted.
"Basically, yes," he smiled setting her chart back in place.
"For your information, Dr. Cullen, my balance problem has improved. I don't trip… as often," Bella said carefully crossing her arms, the pout Edward found so endearing making an appearance.
God, she hasn't changed at all.
A part of him was relieved to see they could still get along, it was very easy for him to tease her back and he felt at ease with her.
I guess time does heal all. Edward thought sadly.
"She's evolved from tripping to crashing," a sad voice said from the doorway.
Edward saw Bella's uncomfortable expression before turning to face the new visitor. He never expected to see an angry Charlie Swan sitting in a wheelchair being pushed by Jacob Black.
Edward wasn't able to hide the surprise on his face. Charlie Swan, a man who always looked as strong as bull, was in front of him looking thin and tired. His gray, balding hair still had traces of brown- the same shade he had passed on to Bella, his eyes were furious, and his lips were pressed so tight that they were almost white. It reminded Edward of the time Charlie had caught Bella and him parked near the woods on one of his patrols. It took every persuasive power Bella had, for Charlie not to arrest Edward on the spot. Even if the familiar scowl made Edward remember the fierceness this man still processed, there was no denying his body was not at all what Edward remembered.
Jacob looked at Edward apologetically, as if saying, 'I'm sorry you found out this way'. Edward shook his head, silently telling him it didn't matter.
"Edward! Jacob told me you're Bella's doctor, thank you for everything, son," Charlie said rolling towards Edward and stretching his hand.
Edward took his hand and shook it. "You don't have to thank me, Chief."
Charlie smiled, the gesture made him look younger. "Well, son, I'm not the Chief anymore," he said patting the chair, his tone was friendly- something that had never been in the past.
"But, it's nice to see someone here still remembers who the authority is." Charlie looked at Jacob, then at Bella meaningfully.
Bella, who saw Edward's surprise at her father's state, wanted to end the encounter. She wondered why no-one in his family ever told him of Charlie's condition, the accident he suffered had been the cause of much gossip back in Forks.
What did you expect? He's never been back in town, not that you know at least. She thought bitterly.
"Dad, don't you have therapy today?" Bella asked, pointedly ignoring the authority comment.
"Well, my daughter crashing head first into a street light seemed more important than stretching my legs," Charlie answered hotly.
"To be fair, it wasn't exactly head first, it was more like sideways," Jacob said motioning with his hands and stopping as soon as he saw both Bella and Charlie shoot him equal glares.
Jacob raised his hands on defeat. "Doc, care to show me where the cafeteria is?" he asked Edward, giving him a look that meant, 'Run away as fast as you can!'
Edward didn't miss the tension in the room, or Jacob's warning. After giving one last look at Bella -who was having a "stare off" with her father- he turned to Jacob.
"Sure," he replied to Jacob then turning to Charlie, "it was nice seeing you again, sir," he said shaking Charlie's hand once more.
Charlie smiled genuinely at him before rolling closer to Bella's bed. Bella chose to ignore the exchange, pressing her hand over her eyes she prepared for the inevitable confrontation.
Once Jacob and Edward closed the door, a muffled, "How could you be so careless, Bella?" was heard.
Both men stepped away from the room heading to the elevators, Edward was caught in his own thoughts.
"I take it you didn't know?" Jacob asked, braking the silence.
Edward shook his head. "No, is he completely paralyzed?'
They had reached the elevators, but no one pressed the button. "No, he's been in therapy for a while. He can move his legs now, even walk a little bit, but they're still not strong enough to hold him a whole day. For a while, most doctors said he would never walk again, but Dr. Cullen kept making tests… he told us with extensive therapy he would be okay."
Edward contemplated what Jacob said. Carlisle knew? And he never mentioned it? The thought angered him; he was going to have a talk with his father.
"When?" Edward pressed, suddenly it was very important to know.
"A week before Bella planned to leave for Dartmouth," Jacob answered looking at Edward's paling face, "Charlie and my dad went fishing like every other Sunday, it was raining, and on their way back a trucker lost control and smashed right into Charlie's car."
To Jacob, telling this story was automatic; he was there when it happened so he was numb to the information, yet he could tell Edward was having a hard time processing it.
"And, your dad?" Edward asked, concerned.
"He… didn't make it," Jacob said solemnly.
Edward's head snapped up, he looked into Jacob's sad eyes. He was unable to conjure a better thing to say than, "I'm sorry, man. I… didn't know."
Jacob shrugged like it was no big deal. "It's okay, it was a shitty year. But we pulled it through." He smiled and patted Edward's back.
Edward knew by: we, Jacob meant him and Bella.
"Didn't you ever wonder why Bella never went after you?" Jacob asked.
Edward was taken aback; no one had ever asked that question out loud, not to him at least. However, Jacob was nothing if not outspoken.
"I thought she just didn't want to," Edward answered honestly.
Jacob laughed bitterly shacking his head. "Dude, no offense, but you're as much as a dickhead as I remember."
"Watch it," Edward growled.
"Sorry, sorry. But, come on!" Jacob whined as if Edward wasn't getting the big picture.
"I think you of all people will understand why I thought that!" Edward's voice rose with every word.
"Hey, man, it's not my fault you never bothered to check!" Jacob was near shouting too.
Before the argument could escalade, the elevator doors opened.
"Good, you're here. Is Charlie with her?" Nessie asked stepping out of the elevator.
When she stepped closer she felt the tension between the two men. "Is everything alright?'
"Yeah," both of them answered defiantly.
"Listen, man. I'm not sixteen anymore, and I don't want to fight, but you're not making it easy. I'm just telling you what I know," Jacob calmly said.
Edward sighed, "Thanks."
"At least now you know why we freak out over little car accidents," Jacob chuckled.
"Yeah… I really am sorry… about your Dad."
"Thanks," Jacob smiled sadly.
"Watch over Bella, okay. Let me know if she's in pain, she's too stubborn for her own good."
With a laugh Jacob and Vanessa nodded. Edward left them, he had a surgery he had to prepare for.
**
For the rest of the day, Edward was able to push aside any thoughts of Bella, as he busied himself with work. He got updated on his patients conditions thanks to his interns, so he knew Bella's family hadn't left the room until visiting hours were over.
Edward's shift ended at seven, nevertheless, he stayed to help a nurse change some bandages, to look over some discharges. At eleven he was finally out of the locker rooms, freshly showered with his backpack set upon his shoulders.
He played with the idea of picking up some dinner from the cafeteria, but he knew he was stalling; what he really wanted was to check up on Bella one last time before heading home to an empty apartment.
Surrendering to the pull, Edward headed to Bella's room, half expecting to see her asleep. However, he was pleasantly surprised to find her on the same sitting position he had left her in, the room was lit by one of the bedside lamps and the TV lights. Her eyes were transfixed on the program, so much so, that she didn't immediately notice Edward standing at the doorway, looking at her.
From his position he couldn't see the screen, since the TV was attached to the hospital bed, but he could hear a lot censored cursing and screaming. He cleared his throat loudly, not wanting to startle her.
Bella looked up to find Edward looking at her, blushing embarrassedly she pushed the monitor aside. "Hey," she said with a smile.
"Hi. What are you watching?" he asked straightening his backpack.
"Um… I…"
As Bella stumbled with her words Edward stepped closer and looked at the monitor screen; holding back a laugh he answered for her, "The Maury Show?"
Bella blushed and justified herself. "It's not that bad, besides, there's nothing better on," she whined crossing her arms and defiantly.
Edward couldn't contain his amusement, he eyed the empty chair next to Bella's bed, silently gesturing if it was okay for him to sit. Bella nodded trying to hide her embarrassment. She reached for the monitor, trying to change the channel.
"Wait. Don't you want to see how it ends?" Edward taunted.
Bella said nothing, opting to lean back and pay attention to the program. It was all for show, the moment she had seen him her stomach did a back flip and her pulse raced, she silently thanked God she was not strapped to a heart monitor.
She had wondered all day when she would see him again, and was very disappointed when one of the interns had come back up to check on her. She tried to pay attention to her dad and the others in their mundane conversations but her mind had been on Edward all the time.
"So, what are they arguing about?" he asked pointing to the TV.
The volume had been turned down, so he couldn't really hear what was going on.
"That lady, well, the recap said she had revealed to her husband that she cheated on him with her brother, and that their baby might not be his," she paused glancing nervously at Edward, who in turn had raised his eyebrows, "now, they're back to do a paternity test."
Edward eyed her. "And you find this entertaining?"
"Of course," she simply responded turning up the volume.
He knew better than to say anything else, despite her poor choice in programming, he couldn't escape the fact that he still felt comfortable just sitting here beside her. There were a lot of things they needed to discuss, but for now, he was just content watching crappy television with her.
After a few more amusing minutes the host announced neither the husband nor his brother were the father of said baby; Bella gasped in shock, while Edward laughed at the circus that unfolded on the screen.
"Please tell me you don't watch this often."
Bella looked away guiltily. "Well, not all the time…" Edward interrupted her.
"You? The classical literature fanatic? The woman who once scolded Emmett for watching Jerry Springer?" He couldn't contain his laughter any longer; doubling over, he laughed so hard Bella found it hard not to laugh along.
"Jerry Springer is disgusting, besides, I don't really watch a lot of TV, and when I do it's because I can't sleep," Bella defended.
"Okay, okay," Edward settled down.
"What do you do if you don't watch TV?" he asked, eager to know anything about her new life.
"To be honest, not much." She looked at him warily. "I spend weekends on Forks, helping out my dad. Sometimes Angela, Ben, Jacob, Nessie, and I hang out; but mostly I work."
"All the time? What is it that you do?" he pressed.
Bella seemed reluctant, but still answered honestly, "I'm Editor-In-Chief at Townsted Publishers. I take care of advertising our high profile novels, setting up the distributions with the booksellers, promotion tours, and of course, normal editing and meetings with my authors."
"Wow, any author's I know?"
"Um, well, I don't think so, we're most recognized for "Dusk" but you're not exactly our target market," she laughed.
"Dusk? As in, the book teenagers won't stop screaming about?" he asked impressed at her success.
"Yeah, I was supposed to do a press conference today about it." Bella looked down at the tube currently draining her lung. "But, here I am," she finished lamely.
"Are they publishing anything of yours?" Edward remembered her dream of writing.
Bella froze for a second. "No, I'm not a writer, I'm an editor-"
"I know, you said that. I just thought you were writing too." Edward looked at her apologetically, for some reason she seemed offended by his question. "I'm sorry, I thought you still wanted to write."
Bella looked into her emerald eyes, immediately recognizing his sincerity. "No, it's okay. I… well, things never work out how you plan them. Besides, I really have no time to write anything of my own."
Edward sensed her reluctance to go on with the subject. There were so many things he wanted to know about her; some were little things, like if she still liked the same music or if her preferences had changed; some things were bigger, like the specifics on his father's accident. Finding no easy way to get to the answers he needed, he just plunged into it.
"Bella, why didn't you tell me your dad was in an accident?" he asked looking down at his feet.
He didn't want to meet her eyes, he had convinced himself it would be best this way.
Bella's eyes widened in surprise at the sudden change in topic. She expected the conversation, but it still wasn't any easier for her to answer.
Thinking back on that year was not something she did willingly, there was too much pain and struggle for her to revisit those memories without breaking down. However, she was determined to offer as many answers as Edward requested. Wasn't this after all, what she had wished for?
"I didn't think you'd want to know," she said in a low voice.
His face snapped up, his eyes locking his hers. "Why on earth would you think that?"
His featured showed shock, it was almost as if Bella has slapped him with her statement.
"You left Forks. You made it very clear you didn't want to talk to me when you left without letting me explain…" Bella started but Edward cut her off.
"You could've called…" Edward said desperately running a hand through his unruly hair.
"And what would you have done, Edward?" she raised her tone, "Would you have come back and help me? Even after what I did? Even after I called off the wedding?"
"I called off the wedding. I was the one who left…" he matched her tenor.
Breaking their eye contact, Bella looked up holding back tears. "Exactly, Edward. You left, but that didn't mean people blamed you."
"What does that mean?" He was having a hard time controlling his temper.
Bella shook her head. "What does it matter now?"
Edward growled, "It matters when I don't hear from you for ten fucking years, then find out the reason you stayed in Forks was because your father was injured!"
He didn't care if he was close to yelling, he was angry with her. Angry that she kept something like this from him and infuriated with himself for never checking up on her.
"How do you know that?" Bella asked, confused.
Even if it were true, somehow her pride wouldn't let her accept the truth. "Why do you think I stayed because of Charlie?"
Edward sighed. "Jacob told me."
He stood up, sitting on the edge of the bed he looked into her teary eyes once more. His hands itched to touch her, but he kept them still.
"Is it true?" he asked in a quiet voice.
"What?" Bella looked into his eyes trying desperately not to cry.
"That you were going to Dartmouth before the accident happened?"
The question hung in the air for a full second. Each stood their ground, their eyes defying one another for the truth. In the end, Edward won.
"Yes, it's true," Bella admitted looking away, embarrassed that she couldn't lie to him.
Edward reached for her, his hands wining the battle within. He cupped her face, making her turn to look at him again.
"Then why, Bella, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you let me help you?" his voice broke slightly.
The moment was bittersweet, the knowledge of all the time they wasted washed over him.
Bella shook her head, she used her hands to pull Edward's away. "Would you have forgiven me? For the wedding, for everything?"
Her eyes were angry, Edward was taken aback by the gesture. "I… I would have made sure you were okay, I-"
Bella interrupted, this time she raised her voice, "Would you have forfeited a year of college, like I did? Would you have helped me nurse him back to health, when for months he wouldn't get up from bed to eat because he was too depressed?"
"I would, if you had asked me," Edward promptly answered without hesitation.
"You never came back, not even for summers," Bella laughed without humor.
"You never asked me too," he answered.
Silence filled the room once more.
"All I had to do…was ask?" Bella asked disbelievingly.
Edward watched her incredulous expression, his heart broke. He understood her reluctance towards his words and knew that he was to blame, and so was she. However, he knew the answer and he hoped she would believe him.
"Yes."
Bella shook her head, she never expected the conversation to take this turn. She scolded herself for loosing control, that was in the past and nothing could change it.
"It doesn't matter anymore," she concluded.
Edward wanted to shake her, to make her believe him. "Bella-"
He was interrupted by the sound of his cell phone. Cursing under his breath he stood up and reached for his cell phone just to make sure it wasn't someone from the hospital. His stomach plummeted when he read the flashing screen.
Caller ID:
Tanya
Reading his girlfriend's name on the screen reminded him of his present reality, one that until yesterday had no Bella in it. There was only Tanya, his fiancée, whom he had not remembered since the moment Bella rolled into the ER.
"You're not going to answer that?" Bella asked, knowing Edward's guilty expression by heart.
"I…" He didn't know what to say, he eyed the demanding cell phone.
"I should go to sleep now," Bella interrupted moving the bed controls.
He looked at her, unsure if he should leave this conversation. However the vibrating object in his hand reminded him of what Bella said: It doesn't matter anymore.
"Okay." He silenced his cell phone and took his backpack.
Edward felt it was wrong to leave her like this. He wanted to say something, anything that would make her believe even if it didn't matter anymore. He reached the doorway just as Bella turned off the light. He paused and turned back to look at her, he could still make her out in the darkness lying on her uninjured side.
"I waited for you to call, and I wanted to call you... every day, I waited," he said in a small voice.
Bella heard him, wishing she hadn't. There was no way, either of them could ever escape from the 'what ifs'. She didn't respond, she didn't even breathe. She didn't want to acknowledge his confession.
"Goodnight, Bella," Edward said before stepping out of the room.
Even if Bella didn't turn to see him leave, she imagined the way his shoulders sagged in defeat.
Once she heard him step out of the room she finally whispered, "Goodnight, Edward."
As always, just to remind you to check out: A TALE OF TWO EDWARDS, my amazing co-write with the annoyingly lovable, XShear.
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