Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I will admit that I've been having some minor writers block lol. The next few chapters are going to be a tad bit depressing but stick with me because it does brighten up. Again, thank you MakaylaLahote for your advice! Your interest keeps me writing :)
Regret & Anger
The air was frigid in my lungs as I bounded through the forest. My legs pushed on, regardless of the cold nipping at my bare skin making it all blotchy and red. I thought about all that had happened today, and wondered what was wrong with me. I remebered when Sam had told me that the imprint isn't the only one to suffer, but that the imprintee was prone to devastating circumstances when it came to separation. Maybe that is what it was?
"It makes us animal like sometimes." Emily had said when we drank our coffee, watching the guys spar in the dirt. "Not just them."
Ever since I found out I was an imprint I felt like my whole world had been put upside down and shaken. I sighed out of frustration. The worst part of all, was that I could do nothing but hang there and watch as all the contents spill to the ground. I really wanted to scream, maybe that's why I trudged alone now, to find a good solitude spot for screaming. I had heard of a place in Japan where you could write all your troubles onto glass plates and go and smash them. I could really use that, but they'd run out of plates if I did.
My thin cotton pants were slightly damp at the bottom and clung to my skin making me shiver, it didn't help too much when I reached a small lake. I wondered how far I had walked, and how long would it take me to get back home. Either way I plopped myself onto a large bolder and stared out, the stars were bright and beautiful. It was amazing how many there were.
"I wish I had never met you, Paul Lahote." I muttered throwing a rock into the water. Why couldn't I have been set to marry an average person and live an average life with an average family? Why did I get a temperamental asshole, who was still holding onto his past? And how was it that I was the only one paying all the fees and fines?
PAUL POV
I had been on patrol, making my rounds around the forest when a familiar scent caught my attention. I followed it for about two miles when I came to a secluded lake. I was surprised to see Amanda, sitting by herself in thin clothing. She was going to freeze to death if she stayed out too long, her lips were already blue. She hadn't noticed me yet so I decided to inch closer.
"I wish I had never met you, Paul Lahote." My name came out in a vicious slur as if the name was dirty all on it's own. And I felt a horrible burning in my chest. Her face was dark as she looked past me, not even noticing that I was standing just past the trees.
"You call me fat." She spat, "You compare me to Reachel," I'm sorry.
"You are fine one minute and then you're blaming me for your troubles." I don't mean to.
"Then you have the nerve to show up to the house in the girl-who-I-knew-nothing-about's arms." She was wagging her head as she laughed in disbelief, her frustration shining in her watery eyes.
"Oh, how I wish I had never met you!" In what had simply been her venting turned into a moment that was probably very private as she screamed curses and began throwing random debris. I burned everything I touched, even Amanda. Turning away and taking one last glance, I left. I too wished we had never met. Because then she'd still have her sanity. Slinking back into the dark I ran away from her, ignoring Jacob's awkwardness. Make sure she gets home. I'll cover your grounds. I thought glumly, severing our thoughts.
AMANDAS POV
It had to have been one in the morning by the time I made it home and changed out of my sodden clothes. I was exhausted and drained. But I couldn't sleep on my own. Instead I tip toed down the hall and into my parents room where they slept soundly. My gut wrenched as I recalled how I had yelled at them. They had always been good parents to me and I had done my best to be a good child up until now. I was being such a brat.
It had been years since I had crawled into their bed, and though many would say I was too old to do it now, I felt utterly lost. I needed them more than ever as my world was wrecked into pieces. Crawling quietly into bed I slid underneath the sheets, startling them awake.
"Amanda?" Mom croaked, still groggy. I gripped her hand, linking our fingers together. "I don't want to be alone. Don't send me away." I felt like such a child right now but I couldn't stop the sobs.
"I'm sorry for earlier, and I'll go to school tomorrow." My voice was strained through my tears and my parents were lost for words.
"Don't be sorry." Mom whispered, planting a kiss on my forehead. "Are you okay?" I shook my head, "I really don't know."
I laid in bed, reminded of a time when I held their hands as they walked me through the zoo. We were happy and I had no worries. Why couldn't it be that way now? It was true that the world got heavier as you got older and eventually I drifted into a troubled sleep. Mom and Dad looking worried over my head.
School had gone by painfully, Paul sitting at the back of the class, ignoring me as I ignored him. This being a sign of his single status in which all the girls flung themselves at. Paul did not object to their attention and toyed with their naive emotions. He showered them with charismatic smirks and snide remarks about their physic. All the while Jacob did his best to comfort me. It didn't help much as Paul's open lecherous ways was like an open jab to my pride. But I kept my chin up and managed to get through the days.
Two weeks had gone on like this and I didn't visit Sam much because of the Paul/Reachel duo, but if I did I stayed away from them and mingled with everyone else. I was pretty good at avoiding them, however occasionally Paul and I would somehow end up in a scream fest. Throwing angry insults at each other. "Why don't you lay off?" Reachel had said, her dark eyes narrowed.
"Stop walking around here grovelling at what you can't have. Plenty of people are interested in street trash, I'm sure someone will pick you up." I did not care if she was Jacob's sister at that point, once I felt my fist connect with her nose I was satisfied. Blood gushed out onto her crisp shirt and she cursed at me. Sam had stood between us, saying I should just go and wait it out. Wait what out? Why not Reachel? But I knew why, it was because she was the one Paul was attached to.
So now that I was sort of banned from the Uley residence I spent a lot of time by myself. Jacob having become attached to that Bella girl when her vampire boyfriend dumped her and wasn't around too much. But it was fine, it gave me plenty of time to do my homework and watch movies with my parents.
"Don't you have anything planned this weekend?" Mom asked, while we had put the past events behind us they were more wary and watchful now.
"Nope." I replied popping the 'p' as I did.
"Well it's winter break, don't you have friends to hang out with?" I shrugged
"They're busy. Besides I have a lot of homework and I'll probably stop by and see Allison." Allison and I had become closer. When it was just her and I she called me her 'Little Nizhoni.' While Allison knew something was up, she didn't pry for answers or cast scrutinizing looks my way. Instead she waited until I would tell her. Mom pursed her lips,
"You need to go out and socialize." I did socialize and look where it got me, of course I wasn't going to say that out loud. "I know, I'm trying." I mumbled, pushing my plate away not feeling too hungry.
Mom patted my hand, her eyes going over me with a worried look. I didn't want her to worry so I plastered a smile on my face and told her there was a small chance I would go to the lake with Jacob and Embry. This pleased her and she let her worry ease, allowing me to escape out into the woods where I had been going to quite a bit lately for relaxation.
My favorite spot had been the woods that I had visited two weeks ago and it was always deserted. Here I studied, did homework and scribbled chalk doodles on the big boulders. Sometimes I even spent the night here, Mom wasn't exactly okay with it but she let me go on in the condition that I had two cell phones, and a flare gun with me at all times. Which was ridiculous really, since I wasn't far from civilization. Every once in a while I would let Jacob tag along, and we had loads of fun roasting marshmallows, skipping rocks, and telling ghost stories -evidently I'm a lame story teller- but Jacob hadn't been up here since Bella got dumped, and I made him swear that he wouldn't bring her up here or I'd break his legs. I wasn't sure how, considering his condition but I would.
Finally when I reached my destination I tossed the heavy camping bag onto the ground and started setting up an ugly neon yellow tent -mom said to help me get noticed- and relaxed inside, letting my head peak out from the opening. The sun was barely setting, splashing colors of orange, red, and yellow against a pale blue and gray sky. All my stress was melting away and I started being me, the real me.
Humming as I went through my essays and work sheets, scribbling with pencil and sifting through textbooks I hardly noticed as the day got older, getting dark and chilly. I decided that I could finish the rest tomorrow and shoved the work to the side in a messy pile. Slipping into a sweater that I had stolen from Sam -he didn't need it anyway- I trotted outside, flashlight in hand. It was unusually quiet but I figured the pack was out early and honestly if I were some small critter and a large group of bear sized wolves were prowling through the woods I'd be hiding too.
At night was when things were interesting, if you stayed still enough the forest came alive. The trees whispered and jeered with their limbs, pointing down below as the small mouse narrowly escapes death, and the elegant deer darts through the trees, dancing to it's own tune. I loved it our here, it was truly more beautiful than anything Virginia had ever showed me. As I edged deeper into the forest, I noticed that not even the bugs were out. No centipedes, or spiders, simply nothing. It was still early so I figured they were still asleep and trekked on. Not knowing I was heading towards my impending doom.
