Walking. Alduin had never done so much walking in his entire life- and he had lived a very, very long time. Now, it felt as if he had done nothing but walk for an eternity- His heels ached up to his hamstrings, the arches of his feet burned, and each step was an effort, the impact jarring his sore muscles all the way to the base of his skull, making his head pound.
Vaguely, he remembered something the stable master, Geimund had said. "Walking never killed anybody". In that moment he felt like the damned nord couldn't have been more wrong- he was certain if he must go another step, he would fall down dead right there.
And he had only been walking for an hour.
" Woah, hold up" Irridessa said, bringing Starlight to a stop- Lydia pulled her own steed to a stand still beside her, assuming a protective position. " hear that?" She asked, looking down at Alduin pointedly. Alduin cocked his head to the side and listened intently, becoming accutely aware of the sound of battle in the distance- the metallic ringing and clanging of steel against steel was unmistakable. He nodded to her curtly.
"Nii los grah- It is a battle." He told her warilly, hoping to Akatosh that she didn't plan on riding through it...Irridessa couldn't just ignore it- someone might need help!
"let's get a closer look..." She said, nudging Starlight forward slowly. Alduin groaned out loud- He was starting to think she was trying to inadvertently have him killed. Lydia rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head as she prodded her own steed forward, keeping to the Dovahkiin's flanks.
As they continued down the forest path, the battle cries of a sizable group became clearer- it was just around the corner now. Irridessa and Lydia dismounted, crouching low and peering out around the bend. Ahead, the forest opened up around a stretch of roadway, and a skirmish had broken out between a group of Legionares and a band of Stormcloaks- it appeared as if the Stormcloaks had mounted a surprise attack on the emperials on their way to Whiterun; two supply karts were stopped in the middle of the frey.
"Looks like an ambush..." Lydia whispered, eyebrows raised as she watched a Stormcloak General bring his war hammer down on a fallen archer's head- it was crushed like a melon- blood, and brains exploding from his pulverized skull.
" We best hang back until it resolves itself- maybe there will be some loot left on the bodies when they leave. " Irridessa pondered as they watched it play out. Lydia rolled her eyes- Once upon a time the Dragonborns lack of respect for the fallen had irked her- but time and time again the few coins and trinkets they had taken from a body had meant the difference between starving on the streets, and a hot meal by a warm hearth.- it was hard to dispute the necessity of the desecration.
"Who do you think will win?" Lydia asked her friend dryly. Irridessa gave the brunette a sideways glance, smirking.
" I'd wager the Stormcloaks- they had the element of suprise. "
"Aye, but the Legionares have a home field advantage- and a few more men." Lydia countered.
"- You mean they had more men!" Irridessa exclaimed, gesturing to the growing pile of red cloaked bodies littering the cobbled path and grassy shoulder. Alduin couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he listened to the girl's wager- not very honorable behavior, he thought.
"Dovahkiin, are you not the people's Kaal- Champion?" Alduin teased in mock indignation. " Will you watch, while men are slaughtered? " Irridessa looked back at him with a withering look and shrugged.
"Conflict of interest- best not to take a side just yet." She stated emphatically. Anxiety welled up in Lydia's stomach at the prospect of eventually having to take a side- She herself felt conflicted as to which cause she agreed with; as a nord, it was hard not to sympathize with the Stormcloak cause, but- growing up in Whiterun under the rule of the empire had instilled her with a sense of duty. Could she fight her brothers at home for Ulfric Stormcloak- a man she had heard just as much bad about, as she had good? Could she follow her thane, whome she had sworn an oath to, if she chose the Northern cause?
Five minutes later, the Legionares had mostly fallen and the remainder were fleeing into the tree's. The stormcloaks followed in hot pursuit- shouting loudly in glory to the mighty Talos. The road ahead was littered with the bodies of both sides, staining the dirty cobbles bright scarlet. Lydia sighed, reaching into her pocket and begrudgingly handing Irridessa ten Septims- Irridessa stood triumphantly, tossing them up and catching them again before pocketing the win.
"Pleasure doing business with you, my friend." Irridessa giggled, re mounting Starlight.
"...if it had been an open battle between two prepared armies, I bet the outcome would have been different..." Lydia muttered broodingly as she followed suit. Alduin chuckled- a sound that caused both girls to look back at him sharply.
"He laughs!" Lydia exclaimed in pleasant surprise. Irridessa was shocked at how pleasant it sounded- almost musical. Alduin felt the familiar, strange twisting in the depths of his belly as the Dovahkiin fixed him under her green grey gaze- he wished he understood joor expressions better- there were so many!
"Come on, we need to hurry up and grab what we can before they come back," Irridessa told her followers. " They will be back to raid the karts. "
The smell of blood was thick in the air as they waded through the bodies strewn over the ground- Lydia patted down the bodies reluctantly with a grim expression, and Irridessa had Alduin go around and gather arrows from the men's quivers. The Dovahkiin herself busilly worked on picking the lock on a chest secured on one of the supply wagons- something she was rather good at, due to her previous life as a notorious theif in Riften- a part of her past she had buried since her escape from Helgen that fateful day.
He listened carefully as he yanked an arrow from one of the fallen joor, listening to the clicks and ticks from the lock as the Dovahkiin's nimble fingers twisted the metal pick with practiced precision- He could tell from the sound when she finally got it, and the tumblers released.
Irridessa inhaled heavily, a surge of pride filling her with warmth as the lock fell from the chest and the top popped open.- The smell of gold and parchment wafted up as she lifted the lid the rest of the way; inside, three heavy coin purses filled with coins and gems, an assortment of rings, pendants and circlets, as well as carefully bundled sealed scrolls cluttered its wooden confines- the wax seals were various colors, and she recognised several prominent house sigils- no doubt these were important documents...
Greedily, Irridessa gathered up the gold and jewels and loaded Starlight's saddle bags, ignoring the side eye Alduin had been giving her. For all her talk of honor, and her riotous attitude, he was quite amused by her Dovah-like behaviour- jewel lust was a trait all members of the Dov possessed.
Lydia followed his disparaging gaze to Irridessia, misreading the expression and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"The dead do not need gold in Sovngarde." She told him softly- having grown up under the tutelage of the Preists, she assumed his expression was distaste at stealing from the dead- an act the teachings of Arkay frowned upon. He blinked, faltering for a moment, then opting to simply nod an affirmation- even if the joor did need their wealth in Sovngarde, he couldn't care less if they arrived empty handed.
"Alright- they will be returning soon, we best move on." Irridessa instructed, climbing on her steeds broad back. " And vodahmin, it's time you practiced your riding- go hop on that mule over there, She seems friendly enough. "
Alduin looked over to the front of the wagon, where a medium sized mule stood grazing lazily- blood spatter smeared across its grey coat. A feeling of dread washed over him, and he cursed Akatosh silently as he skulked to its side- wary of its back legs and mouth- at least it wasn't as big as a horse...he climbed clumsily onto the mules bare back, gripping its long coarse hair tightly.
"Good...after you." She told him, stifling a grin as he gave her a black look- He knew he looked ridiculous, and his dignity suffered as he prodded the animal onward. It sensed his unease and awkwardness, and bayed loudly in protest before starting forward- unprepared, he lurched forward and very nearly toppled off.
...
It took them longer than Irridessa had felt comfortable with to put a good distance between them and the ambush site- but they made it into the mountains without incident, following the stretch of road along the river banks- they would be entering the mountains of the reach by mid afternoon. She and Lydia kept a sharp eye out as they reached higher elevation, and the tree's became thinner- forsworn had been known to wander down into these parts and prey on small groups of travellers.
Alduin road awkwardly in the middle of their trio, focussed intently on not falling off the mule as they climbed up the hills- his steed more or less followed Starlight ahead of her, to his releif. After a few hours his body had grown accustomed to the rocking motion, and he was almost able to relax, letting his body move with the steady rocking gate. At one point, he had managed to look backward over the hills, to the expanse of treetops behind them that swayed as the wind blew. He had inhaled deeply the crisp air, revelling in the sight of the sunset and the sound of the leaves rustling in the breeze.
By nightfall, they had made it to the statue of Dibella monument- a shrine located between karthwasten and the karthspire. Alduin lay awake beneath the busty statue of beauty, stretched out on his backside as he lay starring up at the crystalline sea of stars above- There were no clouds, offering an unobstructed view of the twinkling expanse- save for the mountains that towered above them on either side. He thought the land here was beautiful; its fog shrouded, snow capped cliffs and piny passes- this was a place for a dovah.
Feet away, the Dovahkiin and Lydia had built a small fire, and were chewing hunks of dried, salted meat in silence as they starred into the flames. As he observed, He noted their actions had a pattern- they would take turns chewing, and sipping from their waterskins, while their eyes cautiously scanned the surrounding area for danger- their proximity to forsworn territory had them on high alert, and they operated like a well learned wolf pack, watching each other's backs as they took turns eating and drinking.
"You know," Lydia said suddenly, her voice filling the space where only the crackling and popping of the fire had been before. "Looking up at the stars makes me think sometimes, the Gods may be real after all..." Irridessa looked to her friend, giving her a incredulous look.
" after all we have seen, you doubt the God's? " she asked- She had once questioned the existence of the Gods- old and new- and soon afterward she had found herself on the imperial chopping block, next to Ulfric Stormcloak, only to be saved by death itself in the form of an ancient Dragon nobody had seen in a millennia, and thrust into a series of impossible events to save the world from said Dragon- That had been enough proof for her- beyond her visit to Sovngarde itself.
"...I don't know- My mother used to tell me about Magnus, the god of magic, and how he built mundus at the request of the god Shor." She explained in soft tones as her eyes grew far away, peering into the flames. " She said that Magnus used almost all of his power, then tore a hole in the sky in his return to Atherius- his magical domain, where he rested- and that this hole is the sun. She told me the other Aedra followed their master, and these holes became the stars. " it had always sounded like a fairy tale to Lydia- perhaps because her mother told her as a bed time story, it never seemed real.
Irridessa looked up at the shimmering expanse thoughtfully.
"I was told Shor tricked Magnus into creating mundus, and that he only returned to Aetherius to avoid being completely drained of his power." She told lydia wistfully- though perhaps the thieves of Riften just enjoyed a good tale of trickery?
" would that make Shor evil though? My family always revered him... " Her friend asked ponderously. Irridessa shrugged.
" The elves call Shor by the name Lorkin, who they believe to be inherently evil. " She informed her casually.
"Huh," Lydia hummed in fascination. " I remember hearing that Lorkin had been killed- maybe that's why you didn't see Shor in the hall of valor! " she hypothesized excitedly. " maybe he really is evil then... " Alduin listened to the philosophical conversation quietly, finally chiming in when he had grown tired of their narrow minded views on concepts like "good" and "evil".
" Joor put far too much tooth into concepts like kul- good, and evil. " He stated insolently, causing the girls to look to him sharply. "There is no such thing- everything is made up of both. It is Ro- balance." Lydia blinked, wondering if that was some knowledge he had gained in his time with the monks.
" What do you mean? " she asked curiously, turning her body to face him in genuine interest. Alduin looked at her strangely, unaccustomed to such positive attention- pleasantly appeased, he thought of the simplest way to explain.
"You just spoke of Shor\lorkin, for example; actions such as trickery- murder...they are all concidered to be Vokul- Evil. Yet, Nords revere him and acknowledge his role in bringing about the Kulpa...The world. Depending on your perspective, Shor, or Lorkin, can be either good, or evil- the elves happen to view him as the latter, due to his betrayal of the other Aedra."
" -the elves also don't acknowledge Talos as a true God. " Lydia countered skeptically. Alduin rolled his eyes- an action which caused Lydia to momentarily go blank- He was ridiculously handsome- his eyes heald so much expression.
"I have heard of this Talos- I do not recognize him as a God." He told her boldly- Talos was apparently the Nordic diety of war- though Alduin knew little behind that; He had been firmly banished to the sea's of time during the hero figure's rise to power.
" -anyway, the conversation is moot- Lorkin- Shor- died, so he can be neither good nor evil. " She told him matter of factly. He snorted in response.
"A God cannot truely die- they are immortal... there is another possibility-" Alduin told Lydia philosophically. " the cyrodillians equate Lorkin and Shor to their God "Shizzar", whom after his demise, was reincarnated as a semi-immortal being they referred to as a "shizzarian"- other examples I know of Shizzarians are Miraak- the "first" Dovahkiin- and Irridessa..." Irridessa felt a strange jolt at hearing her previous incarnations name out loud- her time in solthsteim seemed like a lifetime ago...She pushed the thoughts- the memories away, thinking about what the implications of what Alduin had just told her were- if it were true, she was Shor- or lorkin, or Shizzaar made flesh- much like he himself was the mortal embodiment of Al Du In...
"Are you insinuating that I may be the god, Shor?" Irridessa asked incredulously. Alduin scoffed in response.
"Hinz- I am ignorant in this. Take comfort- I would not choose credit you so." He assured her with dull humor- it was her turn to roll her eyes. "But tell me dovahkiin, as per the subject- do you believe yourself to be good, or evil?"
The former world eaters question struck an unexpected nerve- she hadn't meant to think too hard on his words, but something about them deeply unsettled her in that moment. Was she good? Irridessa thought back to her years growing up in Riften- her adolescent years had been spent around the ragged flaggon, theiving her way up the ranks of the guild...Before she had become the Dragonborn, she had made it all the way to the top almost, acquiring additional titles and rolls, such as the roll of Nightingale and The Listener in secret orders like the Nightingale's and the Dark Brotherhood...She wanted to brush it off, tell herself it was behind her and that she was a new person- but more blood was on her hands now as the Dovahkiin than ever before!
Lydia grunted, seeing her Thane's disgruntled expression- She knew her friend struggled with her inner demons.
"Ofcorse she is good," she retorted sharply, eyes narrowing. " She is the hero of the people, and the honored Thane of Whiterun- She slew the World Eater! " Irridessa shot her companion a thankful smile, greatful to always have her at her back. Alduin gave Lydia a withering look, immediately fired up at the mention of his demise.
"Ah- remember perspective, Lydia of Arohlsdovah," He countered huskily, roused by the challenge in her tone. " Alduin was born from Akatosh's shadow, to bring balance to the circle of life, and bring about the beginning- and end- of the Kulpa- The Dovahkiin's interference in this cycle may have extended the life of the current kulpa- but how many thousands of lives did she prevent? If the story was told from the perspective of the next world, would she be the villain, and Alduin the hero? "
"Perhapse." Irridessa snapped, suddenly feeling very tired. " perhaps if Alduin hadn't forsaken his destiny and tried to enslave all of man and mer, he might have prevailed against me and succeeded in starting the next life. " She told him curtly, hoping to end the conversation.
Alduin gave her a scathing look and withdrew, moving away from them and breathing in the night air deeply. Closing his eyes, he turned to the side, trying to remember what the night sky looked like from above. After a few quiet minutes, he could almost feel the wind beneath his wings- like swimming in an ocean of diamonds...Flying over the sea's at night had been like swimming through the depths of oblivion...endless. Peaceful. Timeless...When he opened his eyes the scenery was no longer satisfying. He hated that the stars were so far away and he was so much smaller than everything else.
He hated being bound to the ground in his flightless, joor, mortal form!
Alduin sighed, trying to calm himself. He couldn't let the Dovahkiin get beneath his skin...He hated not understanding things- his own body! He was a cesspool of strange impulses, and emotions that were foreign to him- The human body was riddled with hormones that begat impulses that seemed to defy rational thought and reason! Anger he was familiar with, but fear...self doubt? Alduin, the world eater, the eldest, first son of akatosh and God of destruction, had not even been familiar with "fear" until he had heard that bloody thu'um- Dragonwrend- which had first bound him to the ground of sovngarde- then had bound him to the ground of nirn, as a small, insignificant mortal...
He turned away from the stars, stewing in self pity and curling up against the grass as he closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep. Irridessa regarded his brooding form carefully- tossing his words around in her head and pondering them- there was something familiar about the way he explained things- He reminded her of his younger brother, Paarthurnax in the way he spoke...
Irridessa looked back up to the sky, at the two glowing orbs in the starry expanse- suddenly she was overwhelmed with an aching need to speak to her teacher- her friend- to ask his advise, and what the God's may want from her...
"You should get some rest- I'll take the first watch tonight." She told Lydia softly.
" you sure? " Lydia asked, brows arching with concern. Irridessa nodded, giving her friend what She hoped was a good, reassuring smile.
