Thank you all for the wonderful comments and encouragement! I actually divided this chapter into 2 parts because it wasn't flowing very well. I should post the next chapter by the middle of the week.
CHAPTER 8
Rayna watches from the passenger's seat as Deacon runs into the drug store. With sunglasses covering her face, in Deacon's non-descript pickup truck, Rayna is unrecognizable. Still, Rayna looks around to see if she's been spotted.
They ran out of condoms. It was Deacon's fault really. Last week, he insisted on buying the smallest box because the woman behind the counter was a senior citizen and "She was judging me with her eyes."
Since they'd resumed having sex, Rayna hadn't wanted to go back on birth control yet. She knew it was silly but she just couldn't be on birth control right now. Perhaps it was that she couldn't face going back into the OB-GYN office again. Perhaps it was some recognition of how much time had passed since Jack was born. But she just couldn't do it. Deacon had been so understanding about the whole thing, even though he clearly wasn't a huge fan of condoms either.
Rayna's leg twitches in anxiety. She's in her thirties, early thirties mind you but still thirties. She's married and who cares what kind of birth control they are choosing. Still, it feels like she's seventeen again and sneaking out of the house. But unlike when she was actually seventeen, it's less exciting and more annoying.
The truck door opens and Deacon slams it behind him.
"Get 'em?" asks Rayna as she reaches over to grab the plastic bag. The box promises they are 'ribbed for her pleasure'. Rayna raises her eyebrow and Deacon shrugs as he throws the truck in reverse.
"Options were limited. It was either this or the glow in the dark ones."
Rayna nods as they get back on the highway and head home. She leans over and brushes her hand against the nape of his neck. Her touch, even after all these years is still that odd combination of familiarity and electricity, both comforting and exciting.
For the last month, things had been good. Rayna's therapy sessions were three times a week for an hour. Some days, Rayna walked out of the doctor's office and was perfectly fine. Other days, she would cry all the way home, then would disappear into Jack's room.
It still worried Deacon sometimes, how much she spent in the nursery. But at least now she left the door open. He and Maddie could go in and visit with her. Deacon would come home to find Rayna and Maddie curled up in the rocking chair reading a book or laying on the floor coloring together.
Tandy was watching Maddie for the afternoon while Rayna and Deacon were celebrating. This morning, the two of them, Watty, and several execs listened through the entire album straight through and everyone had given their stamp of approval.
Rayna thought the album was perfect. Deacon wouldn't call it perfect but he thought it sounded damn good. Truth was, he was proud of himself. It had been eleven years since his last solo album. Sure, some of that was because of the duet album that he and Ray did. Rayna's success on her solo albums was another reason he hadn't gone back to the studio to do another solo. But most of it was because people in Nashville had long memoires.
The bad years were full of missed concerts and embarrassing headlines. He cussed out and attacked half the guys at Edgehill. He'd thrown up a writer for the paper. Rayna was always having to beg and apologize to the producers of CMT shows and arena tours for his behavior. People don't forgot that kind of stuff, especially not in Music City. It isn't just about money and careers and dreams. Nashville, for better or worse, was the heart and soul of country music. The writers and the players, the up and comers, they all resented the hell out of him for being.
Now, a little over five years sober and he'd finally gained back some of the trust he'd lost. He looks over at Rayna and smiles as they make their way down one of the side streets.
She catches his smile and asks what's going on "in there" as she points toward his head.
Deacon just smiles, "I'm not happy that the album is done."
Rayna whispers into Deacon's ear that she is so proud of him.
He smiles back at his wife and admits that he's, "Just a little bit proud of me too."
(())
Deacon sighs heavily as he stands up before the small group in the Community Center Recreation room. This isn't his usual meeting place, half way across town, in the middle of the afternoon. But today, he needs to be here. The anniversary of Vince's death always hits him hard. Even worse, Vince's birthday is just weeks later.
Each year, the memories of Vince fade a little more and the old pictures yellow. But right now, right in this moment the pain still feels fresh.
Since Maddie's birth, his emotions about Vince's death are different. If possible, the guilt of Vince is worse now. Vince will never get to have a child or experience all the terrifying and amazing moments of fatherhood. Finally getting a hold on his sobriety, marrying the love of his life, and getting the privilege of becoming a father means his life was damn good.
Vince and Deacon had bonded over their fucked up childhoods. Even when Vince was alive, Deacon realized how lucky he was to have Rayna. Vince had his share of girlfriends, some long term and some that lasted a weekend. But Vince never got close to what Deacon shared with Rayna. He got a best friend, a writing and singing partner, his lover, the mother of his children and the best thing that ever happened to him.
Deacon hangs around after the meeting, eating several Oreos and enjoying a cup of coffee. He looks at his watch and calculates traffic at this hour. Deacon has always tried to shield Maddie from his drinking. She knows he goes to meetings but she has no clue what a beer bottle looks like. The words "drunk" or "hungover" have never been uttered in her presence.
But every once in a while, he would get into one of his "moods".
And in times like this, when he is in one of his moods, he tries to make sure he is out of his AA mood before he gets home. Sometimes, it just takes the car ride home to get himself out of the funk. Other times, he would go to the park and sit on the picnic table for a while.
But today a walk in the park or taking the long way home wasn't going to cut it. He felt, for lack of a better word, ungrateful.
His album was done, tomorrow he'd get a release date. His daughter was happy and healthy. He and Ray were almost back to their usual selves. But it now it was slowly occurring to him that he really had a son who died. It had all seemed so surreal back then but now he was pissed.
Over the years, he'd gotten real good at hiding his emotions until they all came boiling up to the surface. He'd thought he had dealt with losing Jack. The other day, he took Maddie to the library. There was a nice woman with a kid who was born the same month as Jack. The little girl was smiling and holding her head up. Truth was, seeing that little girl hurt like hell. In some ways, so much time had passed by since that awful day. But in other ways, the pain felt raw. He and Ray hadn't been able to move from this stalemate in four months.
(())
Rayna smiles into her husband's kiss enjoying the way his hands travel over her exposed flesh. The scruff of Deacon's beard tickles her wrist as his lips slowly travel down up her arm. She inhales his scent and catches the faint fragrance of the vanilla candles burning on the fireplace.
Rayna reaches up to her shoulders and pulls down the straps of her bra. Deacon whispers against her lips a "thanks" for the help as his hands reach around towards her back. She loves when they are like this together, taking their time. Deacon undoes the hooks of her bra and the material joins their shirts on the floor.
His mouth kisses the length of her neck, up to her chin and settles over Rayna's lips. She opens her mouth tempting his tongue to play with hers. The long kiss they share is slow and long. She moans into his mouth as his hands tangle in her hair. Deacon whispers her name against her skin as her fingernails drag across his bare stomach. The pull apart, taking a second just to look at each other. Deacon reminds himself to take his time, they have the whole night ahead of them.
Rayna bites her lip as she watches her husband unbuckle his belt. Rayna's smile widens as Deacon reaches the front of his pants. He slowly unbuttons the denim, enjoying the way Rayna's eyes are glued to his hand movements.
Her blue eyes are wide with desire as she leans forward and captures Deacon's lips between hers. Keeping their lips together, the two work in tandem to get Deacon's pants down his legs. Her hand reaches inside his boxers and slowly, gently strokes his erection. He groans against her lips and feels himself grind towards her hand involuntarily.
All of sudden, Rayna's motions stop and she pulls away.
Before he can ask her what's wrong he hears two little feet followed a second later by a quiet "Mommy?"
Rayna manages to grab Deacon's shirt off the ground and cover her breasts before Deacon can react. The bedroom door opens as Deacon falls onto the bed, placing a pillow in front of his boxers.
Rayna scoops up Maddie and asks what is going on. Maddie furrows her brow and looks over her mother's shoulder to Deacon.
"Why is Daddy breathing like a doggie?" ask Maddie as she brushes her own hair out of her eyes.
Rayna takes another deep breath and laughs into her hand. Deacon really was panting, like a dog. Deacon attempts to catch his breath while Rayna asks her daughter what she is doing out of bed.
Maddie looks at her mother with a serious expression and admits that she, "just couldn't sleep."
Rayna quickly gathered their daughter into her arms and headed back to the little girl's room.
"Tell Daddy night night," commands Rayna as Deacon stays on the bed. Rayna shoots Deacon an apologetic look before she heads back down the hallway.
Twenty minutes later, Rayna returns to find the candles blown out and Deacon sitting on the couch strumming his guitar.
"Your daughter is finally asleep…again," Rayna announces as she plops down beside Deacon. He strums a few chords and Rayna smiles. Maddie walking in on them had been a mood killer but it was only a few minutes after 9 o'clock.
"Whatcha doing?" asks Rayna as she picks up the notebook on the side table. Rayna hums the chords Deacon has written down and tries to decipher the lyrics written among the ink blots and scribbles.
Deacon offers to play her what he's written so far. Rayna smiles as he strums through the music twice.
"You want help?" Rayna asks and Deacon can't help the grin that spreads across his face. Writing is the one thing they hadn't done since Jack died. Deacon leans into Rayna, kissing her softly and admits he would love her for to help him.
Several hours later, with Rayna's head on Deacon's shoulder he whispers that he loves her. She runs her fingers through his hair and waits for him to continue. In the black of night, with the candles all but burned out, Deacon tell his wife that he misses their son. He tells her about the woman in the library and they both cry.
The night ends with a long kiss and Rayna whispering to Deacon that she loved him.
