A/N Episode 7.02 "The Well" is hands down my favorite episode in this entire series. If you haven't watched it, this chapter is a spoiler from it as well as this description. I thought having RM and Morgan meet would be an interesting dynamic because where they both stand on life being precious, but I didn't know how to go about it. After the episode aired, I had an idea. Plus, Richard is by far the finest person they have ever casted on that show, ha! (He's the Kingdom guard who gets punched in the face by the Savior if you don't know who I'm talking about.)
Quatervois (n.) a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one's life.
Where the hell am I? It's dark as shit out here and these stones on the trees keep smacking me in the head. I notice a decent sized pit fire at the end of the walkway. Holy shit. Get the fuck out of here! That's the biggest trash squirrel I've ever fucking seen! Oh, man. Their garbage must be wrecked. It comes over and brushes its fur against my beauties. I'd tell it to scat, but it's like three and a half feet fucking tall. I start giggling as the squirrel licks my hands.
"Incogitable." A friendly smile is turned my way. "Shiva is not one to warm up easily."
Oh, it's the guy with the cool hair. "Is she yours?"
"She is."
"She looks like the Chester Cheetah! Well, kinda," I snicker.
"You bemuse me, child."
"Why do you talk like that? I can't understand a fucking word you're saying."
"As I when you choose weak adjectives."
The shit is an adjective?
"What do they call you?"
"RM. What's your name?"
"I am King Ezekiel."
Damn, that's a mouthful. "Can I pet Shiva now?"
"You don't pose any questions for me?"
My eyes shift back and forth before I strike a pose. I hope this is what he means. "Can I pet Shiva now?"
"Can implies are you capable, may will ask the question."
Damn, this pose is starting to hurt.
"You may."
Fuck. Finally. He watches protectively over me and I thought it was because he didn't trust me but it turns out Shiva is not friendly to others and that's proven when we're interrupted. Oh, fuck. It's Richard. I stand up, fixing my messy hair. Damn, I wish I would have let Sherry brush it longer.
Richard mumbles something to Ezekiel before hurrying out.
Well... shit. He didn't even notice me.
"How may I ask did you happen upon us?"
"Look, I don't know what the fuck you're saying. This is like an episode of Mister Rogers. You're King Friday complete with Troglodytes Aedon over here." I put my finger up to my lip to make a mustache. "As a King, I never indulge in bologna. Lovely. Kindly. Farewell."
"You render me speechless, child."
Good. Some peace and fucking quiet. I sit back down next to Shiva and let her lick my hands again.
"Will you be staying long?"
Guess I'm not welcome here either. "I'll leave."
"Perhaps we started off on the wrong foot. I am King Ezekiel, and this is the Kingdom. Though, what kind of King would I be if I didn't know every affair in my Kingdom?"
Oh, I get it. He wants to know how I got in undetected. "I hitched a ride in one of your trucks. I'm from another community, but they didn't want me anymore."
"The Kingdom accepts all people, so long as you contribute."
"I'm real good at fixing and building things. Making something out of nothing, you know?"
"Yes, I see potential in you. Shiva sure seems to think so."
"I saw some tents when I came in. Do I get to have one of those?"
"The tents are for the warmer months. During the freeze, my people seek shelter inside the school. Tonight, you may sleep in my quarters."
Well, hopefully, Shiva sleeps with him.
My eyes take in his giant bed. Man, what's with leaders and big ass beds while the rest of us sleep on the floor? I watch Ezekiel put down Shiva for the night in her cage.
"I have urgent matters I need to attend to. Please, make yourself at ease on the lounge."
Pfff, fuck that. If shit goes south nobody's gonna fuck with the trash squirrel. I'm small enough to fit through the bars on her cage.
She rubs her face on mine before licking my cheek.
I hope Ezekiel won't be mad that I'm in here, but Shiva seems okay with it. She even lets me use her belly as a pillow. This is so much better than Negan's place!
I love it inside Shiva's cage. It's the safest I've felt since Negan would handcuff me.
"She sleeps with her," one of his men says.
"It astounds me. As if Shiva thinks RM is her young."
"We found a place not too far. It would be good to take a group and scavenge it."
"Then we shall. Fetch Richard, Morgan, and Benjamin as well."
Yes, Richard! I'm wearing my best cut off shirt.
I kick some of the rocks beside the truck as we wait on the others. Shiva wasn't allowed to come with which, if you ask me, is stupid. I'm not really sure what we're doing today.
"Here." One of the women hands me some type of vest.
I don't even know how to work this stupid fucking thing, but when I finally get it on I'm pissed. This thing is so big, it hides my stomach and it's not flattering in the least.
"We'll head south," Richard tells Ezekiel.
Oh, damn, he is so fucking sexy. So serious. Fuck. He's coming this way. Okay, be cool, RM. I lean against the truck, pushing my hips out some. My friend Ren had this same way of standing that all the guys seemed to like. When I finally get my chance to introduce myself, I don't even get my name out.
"Where's your weapon?"
I stretch my leg out some. "RM's DM's is all I need."
"I'm not laughing. Is this a joke?"
Why is he mad?!
"RM, blade or ammunition?"
I stare back at Ezekiel as if he's speaking his weird language except I understood it just fine. "No thank you," I reply when they keep pressing the issue.
One of the men nudges my vest, giving me a gun.
I stare down at it blankly then give him a breathed laugh. "Seriously? You want me to shoot this?" I wave the Desert Eagle at him. "This is a .50 caliber." I'd know. Madsen always carried one on him. He tried to teach me how to use the fucking thing and I ended up with a broken nose from the recoil.
"Perhaps a blade for our young friend," Ezekiel tells the man.
Perhaps nothing. This sucks. I didn't even get to ride in the same truck as Richard so I couldn't wait to actually get there. It was nice of Ezekiel to take me, but I don't know what for. I told him I liked to build things, not destroy them.
"I'm Benjamin."
"RM." I return his warm smile. He's actually really decent, but he talks too much. Heh, it reminds me of my friend Specs. Specs was so goddamn hyper all the time. Partially from all the meth he did, but he lived off energy drinks. I don't think I ever saw him eat once. Specs and Benjamin are both equally clumsy, too. I laugh when he trips over his boots.
"Meant to do that."
"You meant to fall on your face?"
"Thought I saw something on the ground is all."
"You should have-" My eyes widen when I watch some of Ezekiel's men attack the dead. "Oh, god, no! Stop," I beg them, but my cries are in vain. I tug on one of their sleeves and get knocked back when they think I'm one of the dead. Shit! My beauties! I'm so distraught that I've added a new hole in them when I landed on my knee that I don't notice the dead topple over on me.
Richard yanks it off of me and kills it with one shot to the head. Then he kills a few more closing in on us.
"You murdered them," I scream, slapping his hand away when he tries to help me up.
"Don't be stupid, kid."
I'm so mad at him, I don't even want to suck his Richard right now. I twist around so my back is to them while his men finish killing the dead. Fuck, my knee burns like a motherfucker.
"Here," Benjamin starts, taping something to my knee.
"What is that?"
"Huh? How do you not know what a bandaid is?"
Sometimes people make me feel really stupid. How the fuck am I supposed to know what a goddamn bandaid is? Things were simpler when I lived back at the trailer park. No one sure as fuck made me feel stupid. Madsen always took the time to explain to me what things were or showed me things I didn't know. Well, at least the bleeding stopped.
This day continued to go down the shitter. Until. I stop in my tracks. Oh my god. Dominic? Is that…? "Dominic!" I hurry towards my friend. "I can't believe I found you! Is Cheeto with-" I stop and frown at the man. "Oh. You're not him. I'm sorry. I'm RM," I smile.
He gives me a menacing grin, before grabbing the strap of my backpack. I'm flipped around and his gun is pressed to my temple. "Give me all your shit or she fucking dies right now!"
"You're hurting me," I whine.
He fires the gun once at my feet, pressing it back to my temple. "I ain't fucking around, or she dies!"
My fucking ear. I think my eardrum is busted again as blood trickles from it.
Bags are placed at his feet.
As one of Ezekiel's men starts to give over his bag, the staff he's been using twirls around and knocks the man holding me over the railing of the bridge.
The man lands on his leg breaking it and his screams start to attract the dead.
Oh, no! "He's going to die," I tell them, hurrying down the side of the ledge. "Help me," I shout up at them. We could have fucking saved him, but only one of his men helped me. The man that knocked him over the ledge to begin with. Maybe he felt obligated, but it doesn't matter because we're too late. I try to yank on one of the dead's pants loops to pull him off of the man, but they're too distracted feeding on him. He's not yelling or screaming anymore. If only I could have got to him faster. If I were stronger maybe I could have pulled the dead off of him in time. I look up at the bridge to see all Ezekiel's men looking down at me like I'm the monster. Goddammit! The only reason I hurried back up the ledge is because I knew his men would come down and try to kill the dead. I'm told to wait in the truck like it's some form of punishment. Fine by fucking me. I'm so fucking over this bullshit.
I plop down next to Shiva.
She whines and licks my face.
It instantly makes me start to feel better as I giggle. "Thanks, you cute big Cheeto."
"RM," Ezekiel starts, closing his door.
Great. Dad's home. Now I'm going to get a fucking lecture. However, what I didn't expect is an apology. He explained to me that there are several people in his community that aren't fighters and they have jobs inside the walls. What's even better is he's going to let me work on their water filtration system. That's like my best skill! I had to come up with some pretty creative ways to get water back when I lived with Mama. Finally. I'm useful!
Why do the men do the laundry here? Isn't that a woman's job? You sure didn't see men folding clothes at Sanctuary. Things are so much different here than what I'm used to with my other groups. I discovered a new building today, not that it's hard. This place has a piss ton of buildings. There's a woman laying down in one of the beds. I lean over and inspect her face. Is she dead?
"RM," a voice startles me from behind.
"Shit, Martin, you scared the fuck out of me."
"My name is Morgan."
"Right. Sorry, I'm not good with names."
"I wanted to talk to you." He eases down on the chair across from the bed.
"Is she okay?"
"Yeah," he smiles. "She's just resting."
I pull the blanket up more on her because she looks cold.
"When we were out there today and you got attacked, how come you didn't fight back?"
"I don't harm people."
"Those things, they aren't people."
I sigh and look over at him in the chair. "Whatever, man."
"How have you survived this long and never killed one of the dead?"
"I just have, okay?"
"That man you thought was your friend, how come you still tried to help him after he hurt you?"
"It doesn't matter if he was my enemy or not, he's still a person. How come you ask so many jackassey questions?"
"Here."
I shake my head at the yellow book. "I can't read."
He seems confused.
Truthfully, I'm equally beside myself about being so forthcoming.
Morgan explained a little more about his philosophy to me. How he met this cheesemaker and learned about Aikido. He opens up the book. "Aikido means not to kill. Although nearly all creeds have a commandment against taking life, most of them justify killing for one reason or another. In Aikido, however, we try to completely avoid killing, even the most evil person." When he told me about how he thought all life was precious, well, he had my full attention then.
"That's why you were the only one who tried to help me save him."
"Sometimes I feel a bit lost, like I'm just making things up as I go along. Trying to be this other person. I see you, and your ways. How you would have died if it hadn't been for Richard. You weren't scared to though, nor did you even try to put your arms up to push the walker away."
"One time I had one of them fall on me. His flesh was soft, and my hands went through him. I felt terrible because I had hurt him."
"Did you lose someone close to you from them that made you like this?"
"No. This is just how I've always been."
He starts to smile.
"Don't let people change your mind, and don't ever let someone shake your beliefs, Morgan."
"Do you think someone could kill and still be a good person?"
I think about my friend Cheeto, and how he used to kill for Madsen when people owed him drug money.
Sometimes people get out of line and you just gotta take care of it. It never gets easier. I just do what needs to be done.
There's gotta be another way.
That's life, kiddo.
Is that why you drink?
I never needed an excuse to drink.
He kept me safe when Madsen couldn't. I refuse to believe that Cheeto was a bad person. "It's not so much good versus bad. Once you kill someone where do you draw the line? How do you decide that these fucks over here are okay to kill but not these fucks? I don't want no part of that."
"What if you didn't have a choice?"
"You always have a choice. My choice is simple. I don't harm people."
"What if you had to kill someone to protect someone you love? Someone you care for."
My eyes jolt down to the lady in the bed. "Is that why she's sleeping?"
"Yeah… that's why she's sleeping."
I've never met anyone that is as passionate about human life like I am. It gave me hope that other people could be that way, too. That… that maybe I'm not alone on this planet after all.
"Hmm… what'd you get?" I lean over and look in Shiva's bowl. "Not much better, huh? I got just the thing." I snap on a glove and open a new bag of Cheetos with a giggle. "These are the paw kind. Like yours. Do you wanna try some? Whoa, relax, I've got plenty more. Don't eat my hand off now. I'll need it for later when I'm thinking about Richard if you catch my drift." I raise my eyebrows up and down and Shiva gives me a grunt. "I think he'll come around. Heh." I tilt the bag some over in her bowl. "What you don't think so?" I swear to god Shiva snorted at me. "Yeah, I can't wait until another trash squirrel comes along so I can bust your balls as much as you're busting mine." My eyes jolt to one of the windows. "What the shit was that?"
Shiva senses it, her ears perking up.
Then all of the sudden the sky opens. I start to scream as Shiva lets out a roar with me. "Holy fuck, we're gonna die, I know it!"
She whines, followed by another roar.
"What are we gonna do?!"
Shiva picks up her bowl with her mouth.
"That bowl ain't gonna save us, dingus! Put it down!" Before Ezekiel's door even closes, I'm screaming in his direction. "We're gonna die!"
"I will assure the both of you neither will perish."
Between Shiva and myself, I don't know how the two of us didn't smother Ezekiel as the rain moved in that night.
Ezekiel never once tried to push us off him, or tell us that we were overreacting.
It should be comforting, right? It isn't. Truthfully, it's the one time I missed dumpy. His body is so big, it kept me hidden. Safe. Negan was always so confident, like nothing could hurt him.
"Perhaps, we could find something to ease your mind?"
"What, like moonwalking?"
"If… you find comfort in that."
"Oh, hell yeah. I love the motherfucking-"
"Language."
"Heh. Do you think you can handle this Zeke?"
"I'll try."
"Let me borrow your glove, it works better with one glove." I get my stance going before I clear my throat. "Billy Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one! But the kid is not my son. No, no. Hee hee!" Unleash the motherfucking moonwalk, followed by a twirl.
Shiva groans, tucking her face in her paws.
"Pfff, hater. Pretty good, huh, Zeke?"
"A sight to behold."
"Hear that, Shiva?"
She's less than amused.
Well, I know one thing is for certain. It got our minds off the storm and I perfected my moonwalk that night.
I find Shiva resting on the porch and join her. The rain brought back the cooler temperatures which means it's going to freeze soon. I hear music in the distance. Oh, god, I love Bob Dylan. That must be the choir Ezekiel was talking about. I'd sing along with them but Shiva has made it clear she doesn't enjoy my rapping, so I doubt she'd like my singing. I stand up and look over the railing. "I'll be back," I tell Shiva. Maybe nobody noticed the lady stuck, but by the time I made it down the steps and to her, she was still in the same spot. "Let me." I help push her wheelchair from the mud onto the walkway. Oh, I remember her from the infirmary. "Are you feeling better?"
Her brow furrows a bit in confusion.
"It's okay, you don't have to answer. We don't know each other, so why should I care, right?" Yeah. That's what the Saviors would say to me.
"Wait."
I turn on the ball of my heel to face her. "Yeah?"
"It's not enough to run nowadays."
I fold my arms and look away from her. "What do you know?"
"Because my daughter ran, and she didn't make it."
I watch her wheel herself into the cafeteria. You know, I don't really understand why everyone is always on my tits about this shit. I'm still here, aren't I? Yeah other people have helped me, but the fact still remains, I am alive. And I'm alive without having to compromise what I believe in. There's a loud noise behind me that catches my attention. Oh, sweet Barbara!
Richard is over by one of the trucks.
I've been working on this sexy walk for a while to show him as I saunter over to the truck.
Naturally, he doesn't notice.
"So, uh." I flutter my lashes several times at him but the way he looks at me is like I'm going into a seizure. Ugh, pathetic.
"What's wrong with your eyes?" His voice has me in some kind of slut trance. "Hold still." Richard cups my cheek and tugs down the skin right under my eye. "I don't see anything." He grunts, pulling his rag from the edge of the truck, then uses it to clean the grease he got on my cheek.
"I don't mind getting dirty." I flash him a mouthful of teeth. This is even more pathetic that Negan trying to hit on one of his wives, though at least I'm not rubbing my denim boner on him. Shit, a few more seconds and I might have.
"Watch your elbow."
I move it to the side some so he can close the hood. Fuck! What is his deal? Go figure. The one person to get my stockings wet since Madsen and the fucker doesn't want a goddamn thing to do with me. I could probably be butt ass naked and he wouldn't give me the time of day. Well, not like I'm really all that much to look at. Damn this stoic bastard! He looks pissed. Or maybe he's happy? Who the hell knows? The guys had one emotion for everything since I've been here. Grumpy.
Morgan introduced me to one of the teachers here. If you ask me, I think the lady could have done without the constant touching of my shoulder as a form of praise. School is hard and I get in trouble for the dumbest shit. Like I can't say fuck around the children.
"RM?"
I tried not to curse, I really fucking did. "I don't fucking know!"
"Language!"
"Fuck! I mean shit! I mean piss! Wait, is piss a bad word?"
The other children find it funny which only makes her even more upset.
Just when I really was about to say fuck it all or piss it all or shit it all or whatever the fuck it all I was allowed to say, we start this one class called math. I'm great with numbers since I used to help Cheeto with the bookkeeping when it came to Madsen's supply of drugs. However, the teacher did help me learn a few words. One of which was goodbye. Coulda used that a few weeks ago. Though, hopefully, I'll never have to use it again.
There was this kid in my class named Henry. He was really helpful when it came to the reading shit, but not good at math so we'd help each other out. He'd read me books and I'd help him out with his multiplication and division. Decimal points and that sorta shit. He also seemed pretty interested when I'd work on the water filtration system. "See? It catches all the water we got from that storm, then it takes it here to be cleaned."
"You're good with this kinda stuff."
"You're good with that reading shit."
"Hey, tonight is movie night. Wanna come?"
"What movie?"
"I can't remember the title, but it's about aliens."
"Oh, fuck yes, I fucking love aliens!"
"RM," the teacher shouts.
"Heh." Shit, I didn't even know she could hear us out here. "Damn, next time warn me or some shit."
"S- sorry."
Benjamin comes over and gives me a smile. "Is Henry bothering you?"
"You're embarrassing me," Henry says under his breath.
"He's fine. He's helping me."
"Dinner is in an hour," Benjamin tells him before going back to the stables.
"That's my brother," Henry tells me. "Do you have any siblings?"
"I had a brother."
"What happened?"
"He died when I was really young."
"How?"
"We were getting water actually. He was a few years older than I was so he could carry back the jugs. Anyway, a bad storm trapped us and he was struck by lightning." I remember his boots coming right off, and blood was even coming out of his eyes. The lightning had burned his eyelids right off. His right hand had exploded. Gone. I tried to wake him up, but he never did. Ugh, the smell was so gross. "I never told anyone about him before so we'll keep that between us."
"I lost my mom and my sisters to the biters. My dad a year later. He got trapped in a building."
"I'm sorry that happened to you."
"Benjamin takes good care of me and I have you now." He takes my hand in his.
I squeeze back his hand tight. "I have you, too."
"Let's go pick out our spots for the movie before dinner, okay?"
"Yeah," I smile, "lead the way."
As I walk between the buildings the wind is bitter against my beauties. Shit, I hate winter. The sky is depressing. Every day it just looks like it's about to storm. I hear my name as it paralyzes me. That voice is the last person I'd expect. Oh, god, no! I keep hidden as I hear Simon talk with Ezekiel and Richard.
"We want Negan's wife back, and we'll do whatever it takes to do so. He's willing to offer immunity from supplies for three months in exchange for her return." Simon steps forward and cocks his head at Richard, then looks back at Ezekiel.
"The girl has not crossed our path."
"Then it's business as usual. Same time tomorrow," Simon replies with a grin. "Gentlemen." He points at their trucks so they can be on their way.
Fuck! Fuck me.
Richard has more than his usual stoic expression for once. He's livid. "They came into our home. She could ruin everything."
"Richard, calm yourself."
I know I don't have much time left, so I hurry to the auditorium to see if Shiva is there but she's not. What I don't realize is that Ezekiel is right behind me.
"I want you to be forthcoming about some concerns I have."
I can't even begin to play dumb.
"Why have you fled from your union with Negan?"
"I'm not his wife!"
"That's most unfortunate."
"But… it's the truth."
"Shall I ask you one more time?"
"There's no way I'd marry that fuck!"
"Language."
"Sorry," I sulk. "I'm not lying. You have to believe me, Zeke!"
"Why do the Saviors have such a hefty bounty for your return? Or perhaps your capture?"
"I don't know! He said he wasn't going to cuff me anymore, that I was free to go."
"Then why the sneaking?"
"I was scared he'd try and persuade me to stay, and that I'd listen."
"Is it not your desire to be with the Saviors?"
"No. I hate it there."
Ezekiel seems at a loss for words. A first.
"Is Richard mad at me?"
"He thinks your presence here will cause tension between our groups."
"I- I don't want anyone to get hurt."
"Perhaps a bit of unveiling is in order?"
"I was a drug addict. Negan helped me get clean. He decided that it was time I do things on my own. We had a big fight, and then I ended up here."
"Does he mistreat you?"
"No."
"Would you be mistreated if you were to return?"
"No, but…" The truth is, I don't know if Negan is going to hurt me if I go back. "I'll return." It doesn't matter if I'm scared. I can't stay knowing these people's lives might be in danger because I'm here. I escaped once, maybe I could do it again?
"We should drop her off a few miles before the rendezvous point so they don't think we had her," Richard intervenes.
I didn't even know he was standing there listening. "I'll pack my things."
"No," Ezekiel starts. "Richard, this matter does not concern you."
"What? But I'm-"
"Richard, that is enough."
I won't cause any more problems between this group and start my rounds to say goodbye.
"Hey, I want to talk to you."
Henry sighs, and has a seat next to me. "I know. Benjamin told me. He said that you're leaving to protect us."
"Maybe when I get good at that writing shit I can send you letters."
"You promise?"
"Of course."
"Will I ever see you again?"
"I don't know."
"I miss you already."
"I'm sorry that I let you down."
"You didn't let me down."
"Even though I'm leaving?"
"I'm just glad we got to know each other." Henry wraps his arms around me tight, then hurries off.
It makes it all the more difficult to leave. I reach into my bag and pull out my Cheetos. There's only a few left. I tilt the bag over and let the rest of them fall out on the edge of the well. Drink from the well, replenish the well. Maybe it wasn't exactly what Ezekiel had in mind but it's the least I can do.
I owe this wonderful opportunity I've been given to Shiva. Without her acceptance, I don't think Ezekiel would have taken me in like he did. I giggle when she keeps licking my face. You know, Shiva is actually smarter than most people. She can sense I'm leaving in the morning. "Here." I set the Cheeto Queen down next to her. "Now I'll always be right here with you."
Shiva tries to give me her bowl.
"No, dingus, that's yours," I laugh. God, I love this fucking trash squirrel. I'm really going to miss this place.
I'm nervous as I wait for our meet up with the Saviors.
Ezekiel gives me a warm smile.
"I'm sorry if I put you in any danger."
"It was of no trouble, RM. If you are able to find your way back I hope you'll do so."
"Thank you for everything."
"The pleasure is all mine."
"Look," Richard starts, "it's not too late to get back in the truck and return with us."
It honestly came as a shock to me because I thought he hated me. Well, I guess it's as good of a time to ask as any. "No, I'll go back. But did you wanna have a quickie before I do?"
He smiles for the first time since I've been here, shaking his head no.
"Damn."
The Saviors pull into the parking lot as the squeaky brakes startle me when they come to a stop.
Richard leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
"Shit, don't get my hopes up, man."
"I'm too old for you, kid."
"So you're saying there's a chance in the future?"
"Probably not."
"I'm going to take that as there's a chance."
"Get out of here," he laughs.
My smile fades as my eyes sink. Fuck. I don't want to go.
Morgan reaches into his pocket and hands me a piece of fake fur. "Here, I want you to have this. It's a rabbit's foot for good luck. A gift from the cheesemaker."
"For me?"
"RM, you know that life is precious, but you have to believe that your life is precious, too."
I never thought of it that way, and here I was poisoning my body for all those years with the drugs.
"I hope we cross paths again."
"Me, too, my friend. I'll take real nice care of this beauty you gave me."
"I know you will."
It's one of the rare times I actually wanted to show someone affection by a hug thing. I just fear that if the Saviors know how close I've gotten with this group that they'd report it back to Negan, and Negan would retaliate.
"RM?" Simon seems confused. I thought his jaw was going to hit the floor. He gets down on one knee yet he's still taller. "Goddamn, kiddo… I…" He starts to smile and cups my cheek. "It's good to see you."
I look up shamefully at Simon. "Is he mad?"
"Yeah." His smile fades as his mustache stiffens. "He ain't happy."
"Shit."
"He's more upset with me."
"You didn't do anything."
Simon looks hesitant to elaborate so he tells me to get in the suburban and wait for him.
At least he let me sit up front with him. There are so many times I want to tell them to stop the suburban, but it wouldn't do a fuck's bit of good. The closer we get the more nauseous I become. I anxiously await the large smokestacks of Sanctuary to become visible.
"Sir, we found her. ETA 2."
Negan doesn't respond to Simon, but why would he? The rude fuck! Goddammit, I hate him!
I try to sneak back into his room but the hinges give me away. His room is unwelcoming and has a chilly draft coming from a broken window. No doubt his doing when he threw something out it from one of his famous tantrums. I set my sack down on my pallet. "Go ahead and yell at me." I can feel Negan's eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. His breathing is the only way I can tell I'm not alone. "I came back so don't fucking hurt them." I squeeze the rabbit's foot Morgan gave me. "Promise me." I glance over my shoulder as if I expect him to be hovering over me, but the spot is vacant. My eyes dart through the room before I retrieve his oil lamp. I clutch it outward, but he's not in his usual locations. For a moment, I really thought I had imagined hearing him breathe until I trip over his boots. I spin around, holding up the light.
He's on the floor, back sagged against the closet. Negan clings to a shallow glass of black velvet whiskey. His weary eyes watch over me. There isn't an expression on his face except for when he takes a drink as if he can't stand the taste.
Has he even slept since I've been gone? I set the oil lamp down as it casts a shadow over his face so only his lower half is visible. I gently wiggle the glass from his hand.
He's put a good size dent in the bottle already. Negan's arm comes at me in one violent lurch, though it's only to claim back what's his. It's counterproductive because the drink spills all over him.
I turn up the lamp so I'm able to get a clear view of his face.
Depraved bloodshot eyes trail upward, then the rest of the glass is tilted back. There are sweat stains under his armpits and around the collar of his once white shirt. Coarse thick stubble hides his butthole chin. His fingernails are disgusting and I don't know if that's blood or dirt. Perhaps the most unsettling thing is how unkempt his hair is. "You fucking left me, bitch," his hoarse voice finally surfaces.
What I normally shrug off as some twisted term of endearment angers me. "Don't bitch me, bitch!"
He feels for the bottle beside him as if it's hidden or something.
I snatch it and hurl it across the room. "You told her all my secrets! I let you in. I trusted you. I told you about Madsen, you fucking snake!"
His cheeks flush and it's not from the alcohol.
"Yeah. I fucking heard everything. I was outside the bathroom door."
Negan can't even bring himself to look at me.
"Oh, let me guess. You're real motherfucking sorry now, huh?"
He moves his head up and down in agreement.
"Yeah, a sorry bag of dicks!" Fuck this motherfucker! "You're always fucking shit up!"
I thought he was going to leave because he was sick of being yelled at, but he opens his closet door and two dozen inflatable green aliens are flung out at me.
Oh, god… they're… so fucking cute! One more is taken from the closet. An orange one. "The Cheeto Queen," I whisper.
He sets it in my arms.
"No foolin'? I never had this many nice things before!" I giggle and dive into my aliens. Sweet fuck! There are so many green beauties. "Ack ack ack ack ack!" It comes at a perfect time because I gave my orange wooden alien to Shiva. "Take us to the Cheeto Queen."
"Are… are you still mad at me?"
I poke my head out from under my aliens. "Pissed, but I'm coming around."
"I didn't know who to talk to about you."
"It's no one's goddamn business why I am the way I am, but confiding in her? You fucked up, dumpy. I don't even care that you think I'm stupid. It's that you told some other sausage wallet about Madsen. I didn't tell Dwight about how you lost Lucille to cancer, because I have enough fucking sense to know how painful it was to open up in the first place."
"RM, you're not stupid! And I fucking worry about you, okay? Because I like you, bitch! I fucking give two shits about you, and I wanna fucking help you. That's all I've tried to do for you!"
"Don't give me that bullshit. I asked what the fuck I was supposed to do and you said I wasn't your problem."
"I wanted you to fucking fight. Fight to stay clean. Fight to stay with me. Fuck, something!"
"Well," I whine. "Why didn't you just fucking say that?! I can't read your goddamn mind!"
"I don't know," he murmurs. "Here. You left before I could give you this." He hands me my one month sobriety coin.
"Yes," I whisper. This one is especially cute with his little skeleton jaw showing.
"Were you at a place called the Safe-Zone?"
"Get fucked, I ain't telling you!"
"Let's ask Simon."
"Fine! God! I was with Ezekiel at the Kingdom."
He seems relieved for whatever reason but there's still this somber look on his face. "I know you wouldn't have come back if I didn't force you to, and that ain't right. I just wanted a chance to explain myself. I'll take you back. Truthfully, I thought I'd never see you again because it had been weeks. After Simon came back yesterday, I told him to call off the search to find you. If you wanted to be here, you'd be here. Then Simon tells me he found you, and I didn't know how to react."
Oh, that's why he didn't respond back to Simon.
"Guess it's a good thing you didn't unpack," he sighs, picking himself up again.
"You ain't taking me anywhere! You're drunk."
He stretches his hand out to steady himself on his bedpost as he rubs his brow.
"You're pretty lucky that I like these aliens so much."
"Does that mean you're staying?!"
"What do you think, bitch?"
He knocks the wind out of me when he shows me affection.
"Too tight! Ugh, and you stink." The fucker still doesn't know his own strength.
"Bet you missed this when that fucking storm came through."
I didn't have to admit it because he could see it by the look on my face. "I hate you, you dumpy fuckwad."
He gives me the weakest bullshit smile. "Fuck you, bitch."
I pacify him with a faint brush of my fingers against his. "Fuck you, too."
"Look at you showing me affection."
"That's because you're a little bitch."
"You're a big enough bitch for the both of us, bitch."
"Go shower! You stink!"
"Well… do you swear you won't sneak out on me?"
"If you swear you won't hurt them." Maybe I'm stupid to believe this motherfucker, but he looked pretty fucking pathetic when he promised me. That fucking look that can bring anyone to their knees. Goddamn him.
Oh, good. He's not wearing that smelly stained shirt. And he's shaved. It looks better smooth. He still has that pathetic fucking look on his face. Now's a good time to ask. "Will you get me a cage?"
"The fuck for?"
"To sleep in, duh."
He just looks at me like I've lost my goddamn mind.
"You know one that a big trash squirrel would be kept in."
"I bet I could find you one of them sex cages."
"You're an idiot. Fucking forget I even asked."
"Why would you want a cage to sleep in?"
"To feel safe."
"You are. You're with me and when you're not you're being watched."
"What does that mean?"
"All my wives have a Lieutenant that looks over them. Yours is Simon."
That's why Simon said he was in trouble. "I'm not a wife."
"Doesn't matter, and don't tell anyone else otherwise. You're safer if they know you belong to me."
Speaking of safe. "Do you have my handcuffs?"
After he cuffs me, he sets the key down so I can stay or go at my own leisure. "So, I, uh." He rubs the back of his neck. "Fuck it," he murmurs, scooting up behind me.
"Oh, no, fuck, why?"
"Shut up, bitch."
"Well… can you get fucking comfortable?"
"Let me make this shit up to you tomorrow."
If I'm even alive tomorrow. He's fucking smothering me. "Take me for a ride."
"Fucking seriously?!"
"Not for a ride on your shrimp boat, dingus. A ride on your bike."
"Maybe you'll be all fucking horned up when we get back."
"What do you think the motorcycle's for?"
"No shit?"
I don't say anything after that because I want him to squirm as he tries to decide if I'm kidding or not. The metal on the handcuff pinches my wrist, and I have his boney pepperoni digging into the back of my leg. Home sweet fucking home.
"Faster," I shrill as he takes the sharp corner. From behind, it's hard to tell it's Negan and I lose myself in blissful nostalgia. My dominating silhouette of perfection. Madsen's fingers occasionally brushing my beauties. The scent of his pomade in the wind. I close my eyes, moving my hands up the hard contours of Negan's chest. His response is the same as Madsen's as his breathing grows short.
Negan takes my hand and moves it down to his growing arousal straining against the denim.
Fuck it. It's not like I'll have to see his face when he's got me bent over the bike. There's just something about a bike that gets me going. I slide my fingers down and slowly back up him again.
He eases off the throttle some and looks back over his shoulder at me.
Before I can even bring my eyes up to his, I'm launched over him and the handlebars as I skid across the pavement.
Negan hits the ground hard and after his body takes the impact he's completely still.
The blood is blinding and burns my eyes. I fade in an out of consciousness, but hear a voice loud and clear. It was no accident the bike flipped. Someone had seen us coming and threw out spikes.
"Take those bolt cutters to each one of her fingers until the big guy gives up the location to their camp."
"Negan," I whine.
You look tired, Madie.
You look beautiful, RM.
No, I don't, man. Don't brush off my concern.
"RM?"
Something drips on my face. I squint my eyes, then force them open. It's Negan's blood.
He turns his head some, spitting a mouthful on the pavement. "You okay?"
What's going on? I jerk my hands up. Eight fingers and two thumbs, thank fuck.
Negan is beat to hell but it ain't from the accident. His gigantic hand shields my eyes from the slaughter he's bestowed on these men.
"I need to rest a second."
He's having to hold me up.
I'm so dizzy I end up vomiting, though the carnage isn't helping matters. "What's that ringing?!"
"You've probably got a concussion. Sit down over here for a minute."
I slump down some against the side of those men's van, but Negan sits me upright.
"Wake up, RM."
"I… I just need a little rest."
"No, open your eyes." He grabs me by the jaw and tilts my head to the side some. "Hey!"
Shit. This is what I get for touching his crotch rocket. "What's that smell?"
"I don't know. Something is leaking from the truck I accidentally shot trying to kill one of these sorry fucks."
There goes our ride home because I know his motorcycle is trashed. Fucking damn shame. That thing was fine as fuck.
"The snow is falling. Gather up what you can and let's get going."
"Just what I've always wanted. To be stranded with you out in the middle of fucksfield."
"Want me to plow your field still?"
"Keep that corn stalk away from me."
"I hope you like creamed corn."
Jesus Christ, why couldn't they have just taken my fingers instead?
