...

Watching her owl disappeared into the melancholic sky as the sun painted the dimmed canvas with its last deep rosy streaks, Lily sat back down on the couch. Her eyes were still red from rivers of tears she had shed. At least he won't disappear tonight,...I hope. Lily wished her letter had given Severus enough reason to stick around...at least for one more night.

Lost in her thoughts, Lily did not know how long she remained in that position. The sun had set. Dark veil draped over the sky. Yet her green eyes registered nothing.

...

Sev.. was a Death Eater.
He worked for Voldemort…
I.. had.. no, have, a son. But I had... died.
Sev turned when I died.. Why MUST he wait until I die! Why can't he just believe me and snap out of that downward spiral! Why can't he just come back to me… just like… now?

...

Lily knew the answer. Because she had pushed him away. She realized now that she had been the only reason that had kept him in the light. Once she had turned her back on him, there would be nothing, but darkness.

...

If only I had known… If I had tried to understand him... If only I were less proud..
...

Lily knew the world thought Severus' unforgivable insult was the result of his obsession with Slytherin pure-blood mania. He had offended many others with that degrading name for far too many times to count. But deep down in her heart, she knew hers was different. Sev would actually be the first one to hex the life out of anybody who dares to insult me. It was not her blood status that had him searing with venom that day.

...

I know he had seen it.
He was hanging upside down, choking, disgraced and mortified... and I actually half smiled.
He had seen me...smiling at James
.

...

She had tried so hard to deny that horrible truth. She had tried to remain furious when he had come to apologize so that she could still believe it had not been her fault. But when she lied awake that night, hoping he would come back to her in the morning, her conscious had cut her heart so deep she laid weeping alone. I had flirted with James when he needed me most. And it had been so idiotic since she had actually set out to flirt with James... so that Severus would get jealous. So that he would see her in a new light. So that he would disown all his Death Eaters friends for her. So that he would throw his damned caution away and tell the world he...loved her.

But the flirtation had gotten out of hand. James could be quite charming. Part of her teenage hormonal rush had loved Jame's vivid extravagant attention. With Jame's grin glaring as radiant as the Sun, it had been difficult to see Severus' soft moonlit smile.

...

But when that morning came, Sev was gone.
He had never spoken a word to me... again.

...

Lily knew his obsession with the Dark Arts had actually not played such a grand part in her giving him the cold shoulder as she might have claimed. It was her bitter disappointment at him giving up on her after that night, and her guilt which she had had no wish to admit at that time, that had sealed their door forever.

...

YOU IDIOT, LILY. YOU BLOODY IDIOT! Why didn't you just forgive him! Why did you need to hold the friendship hostage for your stupid pride! He was there, you had pushed him away yourself and you still demanded him to come back for more rejection? Why didn't you just tell him you're...sorry.

A freaking hypocrite. That's what you are, Lily. You praised Gryffindor bravery, but you couldn't even find the guts to admit you're wrong.

Your stupid foolish pride had sentenced him to a cursed life, when you slammed that door, leaving him nowhere to turn to but those evil souls.

...

Lily roared with anger. She wanted to tear herself limb from limb. Tears flooded her bloodshot eyes again. The more she thought about his horrid memory; about how wretched his life had been from that ghastly point on, the more furious she was with herself.

...

I made him a Death Eater.
But... he was responsible for my... death. James' death.

...

Try as she might, Lily could not blame Severus for those crimes, since she was, apparently, alive. She remembered his hollow cry when he had learned of her death. Lily shuddered at the thought… for Severus had sounded…lifeless. Hopeless. Soulless. As if he had been kissed by a Dementor.

His life had ended …along with mine, Lily realized with a start. She had known for a long time he secretly had feelings for her. Just this morning, she learned that his feelings were deep and passionate. But she had no idea he could love her…that much. That his heart had stopped feeling, when hers had stopped beating. Lily started to sob uncontrollably. Oh Sev… I'm so sorry…

As the image of him caressing her 'love' scribbled on a paper raged in her mind, Lily's sob turned into a heart-wrenching weep. She recalled how his tears had soaked the letter; how his Patronus had taken a shape of a doe; how his tearful eyes had lit up with pride when he had muttered Always. Her heart felt as if it was going to burst with guilt and remorse. I don't deserve his devotion... his love.

Lily's memory drifted to the shack where Severus had laid crumbled on the floor, asking Harry to look at him one last time. She howled with agonizing grief. Sev… you don't deserve this loneliness. This...hatred. What kind of lie had you been living…for me? For my son…

Her son. James Potter's son. The very thought sent chills running down her spine. She was so close to walk to same path had Severus not collapsed against her door just the day before. His name is…Harry. Lily had no doubt why Severus had found it so hard to like the boy. He was a splitting image of James. Yet he had risked his life for him... for me.

...


...

James' dazzling grin came to her mind. Lily smiled at the thought sadly. She had liked him. She still liked him and she was sure he could make her happy. But that was no longer enough. James needs a charming and intelligent girl who can make him laugh and set him straight. But Sev needs me. ONLY me. Her teary green eyes grew wistful with bittersweet memories. Lily knew now she also needed him... and him alone. For he was the only man who who understood her yet was unlike her; who thrilled her yet soothed her; who comforted her yet frightened her; who left her... yet still loved her. The only man my heart ached in pain and joy for. The only man I've ever truly... loved.

Severus was no Knight in Shining Armor. Yet, Lily realized she was neither a Damsel in Distress. He's a wizard... and I am a witch. I'll be his sunny day for he can be my dark night.

Lily had made up her mind. Whatever crime Severus had committed, his suffering in the past life had been more than enough. It was she, after all, who was also responsible for what had happened to him.

As her tears subsided, Lily had found a new purpose emblazoned in her aching heart. She wanted to jump up and apparated to Severus right away. But she knew she needed a bit more time to compose what she would say to him. What she would promise him. She knew that this was it. It was not only his second chance at life, but hers as well.

I'll right my wrongs. I'll be better...for him, she vowed determinedly. I hope it's not too late. Please, Sev, please be there for me at dawn...

...


Author's Note: Slight changes made to the mention of 'Dark wizard'. Perhaps it's too misleading. Thanks Matrice for that. Also, thanks for all other comments. I love them!. R&R, please.