Chapter 8 – Boxes
The days stretched on, and the nights were far too long. Despite it all, somehow we kept surviving. Brutal day, after brutal day. Excruciating night, after excruciating night.
"It doesn't even really feel all that cold anymore," I said to Edward one morning as we were getting ready for that day's worth of torturous walking. "Maybe I'm just losing all sensation in my body."
He bent down in front of me, and lifted up my pant leg to expose my skin. Then he poked there with his finger.
"Your blood circulation seems to be okay. No severe frostbite that I can see. You're probably just acclimating to the cold. I think I am too. It's our body's way of protecting us."
"Really? Well, that's good. I mean, I still don't want to go walking around in a t-shirt out here, but I'm glad it's not so unbearable anymore."
"Well, it's going to start getting unbearable real soon. Today will be the first day we don't have any type of nourishment whatsoever."
"Are you sure there aren't any more pork rinds in the bottom of the bag? Some crumbs even?"
"I emptied the entire thing out," he assured me. "We ate the last few yesterday. Damn it! I just can't get over how pissed I still am that those fucking wolves took all the food I was carrying in my pack. I mean, I'm grateful they didn't get to the snacks in your pack, which has allowed us to get this far, but we would still have rations left today if it wasn't for those mangy mutts!"
"We would still have the food from your pack if I didn't let that fire die out," I corrected him, full of self-loathing.
It had been days, probably over a week, since it happened, and I still carried so much guilt. There was no sense in being angry at some wild animals for taking advantage of my stupidity. It was my fault, and I had to live with it. I was only grateful we managed to survive my horrible mistake this long.
Since that last confrontation with the wolves, we had somehow been able to evade them, and we settled into an extremely exhausting routine of successfully taking shifts tending the fire each night. I had learned my lesson the first time, and I managed to keep my eyes wide open while Edward took his turns sleeping. I hadn't fallen asleep on the job again, but each night just got increasingly more difficult the weaker I became. Everything about being out there was difficult. Every night, every step, every breath. It was a constant struggle just to find the will to go on. With the last remaining bits of food gone, it seemed things were just going to get impossibly harder.
"How long can we last without food?" I asked concerned.
"It's the rule of three. Three minutes without air, three days without water, and three weeks without food."
I nodded. "Three weeks. We can get pretty far in three weeks, right? Maybe even make it to some kind of man-made…something."
Edward raised his shoulders. "Maybe. But we are at a serious disadvantage here, because we've already been going for a while with only a few bites at a time. We've already lost a lot of weight, so I'm not sure how much longer we can go on like this. Especially with the amount of calories we burn by walking in the snow all day."
"Maybe we should take it slower?" I suggested.
"Bottom line is we need to get some sustenance. If we could just hunt for some kind of small animal, or something."
Edward looked down at Jake, and I immediately went into protection mode.
"We are not eating Jake!" I said sternly.
He scowled. "I wasn't thinking that. But he's a carnivorous animal, I just wish he'd go hunt something. A rabbit. Hell, I'd even be happy with a rat. Just something."
As if in cue, Jake's head perked up, so Edward and I both turned in the direction he was looking.
"A moose!" I nearly shouted.
"Oh no," Edward said, quickly grabbing Jake's collar to restrain him. "That is not the kind of hunting I was talking about."
"Why not? People eat moose all the time, don't they?" I asked confused. "We have a knife."
"Yeah, people eat moose, when they hunt them with rifles. There is no way we can even get close enough to stab that thing before it impales us with its antlers, or stomps us to death with its killer hooves."
"What if we attached the knife to a long stick and made a spear, or something?"
Edward shook his head no. "We wouldn't be able to stay at a safe distance and still throw it hard enough to kill it. It would just get angry and turn on us, and that's a fight we certainly can't win."
Jake didn't share Edward's concerns. He started barking, and tried to get free from his hold on him.
"Dude, that thing will kill you," Edward tried calming him. "I swear, this dog has a death wish."
"Hey, he's managed to survive this long."
"It's a miracle. Jake, stay!" Edward commanded. When he didn't obey, Edward looked to me for help. "Do we have anything we can use as a leash?"
"I don't think so," I said as I looked through the backpack where it rested, still on his shoulders. "Oh wait. Maybe this will work," I said as I pulled out my camera and unfastened the strap.
"Perfect."
I hooked Jake up to the makeshift leash, and since my camera was already out, I just couldn't pass up that opportunity.
"You're taking a picture of the moose?" Edward asked with an annoyed undertone.
"It's so beautiful, isn't it?"
"You know, I have some family who live in Alaska, and my uncle was telling me that the animal that kills the most people every year, is not the wolf or bear, it's the damn moose."
I giggled. "What? They're like big deer."
"No, they're seriously vicious. Especially during mating season. Moose and squirrels – the two most underrated deadly creatures."
"Squirrels?" I spat, finding his little rant far more amusing than I would have expected.
"Yes! Those things are little monsters from hell."
"And how many people have been killed by squirrels?" I challenged him.
"None… that I know of, but I saw a documentary on them once, and they're horrible creatures. I wouldn't mind finding a few of them to butcher. A few less of those devil animals to terrorize the planet could only be a good thing."
I laughed again. "So, you're afraid of heights, confined spaces, and squirrels?"
"I'm not ashamed of my shortcomings," he deadpanned.
"Well, that's an honorable trait. Good for you."
He finally cracked a smile back at me, and then jerked his head to the side. "Let's get moving again."
"That's a good idea. If we stand still under these trees for too long, a squirrel might leap down and attack us," I teased him.
He smiled bigger, but tried to fight it off. "You can laugh now, but just wait until that fateful day when you see those little terrors in action."
"I have seen them. Seattle has an expansive squirrel population. They're adorable. I just love their fluffy tails. But I can see how you could be right about them being mean. I did see one steal someone's walnut out of their salad during a picnic once."
"Ah, walnuts sound so good right now, don't they?" Edward asked, as if he was suddenly lost in a vivid daydream. "Walnuts on a salad… No, walnuts in chocolate cake!"
I giggled.
We walked some more, but then I started thinking about what food I was craving. "I just want a cheeseburger. A huge, thick burger, with crunchy strips of bacon, stuck in the gooey, melty cheese. Oh, I want one so bad!"
Edward chuckled. "You don't strike me as a burger type of girl."
I smiled, amused by his presumption. "Why not?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. Hippy bohemian animal lover, who spends all her time taking pictures of nature."
"A hippy bohemian?" I asked, before laughing so hard that tears rolled down my face.
"Well, aren't you?" he questioned carefully. It was clear that he was unsure if I was actually finding humor in his words, or just going stark raving mad. In reality, it was probably a little bit of both.
"I'm sorry, no. My best friend, Alice, is a complete bohemian chic kind of girl, but no matter how hard she tried, I'd never go along with her style of clothing or her philosophy in life. It's just so funny that you would think that way of me, when I've always been the exact opposite."
"So you're a conformist?" Edward questioned.
I smiled, and then honestly tried to analyze myself to give him a proper answer. "No, not exactly. Well, maybe I was for a long time. I worked the nine to five job, stuck behind a desk and all that, but I hated it. Now I'm taking pictures full time, but I struggle with the lack of consistency in my work schedule. I don't know, I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm artsy, but I like to blend in. I claim to be independent, but really, I hate being alone." I shrugged. "I am an animal lover, but I do love eating meat," I added with another giggle.
"Well, it's good that you don't fit into a particular box," he told me. "Keeps things interesting."
"And what about you? Do you fit into any boxes?" I asked, but then I mentally kicked myself. I had promised that I wouldn't ask him anymore personal questions, and here I was, breaking that promise. I seemed to be addicted to being nosey. It really wasn't my intention. I didn't want to make him upset or uncomfortable again.
Thankfully, for the first time, he didn't rebuff my personal question, but he did sigh. "I guess I do fit into a particular box."
We walked a ways more in silence, and just when I thought he wasn't going to elaborate on that box of his, he took a deep breath.
"My sister, Bree, died when she was ten, of a neurological disorder… I was thirteen. It took a terrible toll on my entire family. So, I guess I fit into the box of a bereaved kid, who grew up to become a doctor, hoping to make it so no other family ever has to go through that kind of loss again."
My stomach dropped.
"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry," I said, feeling an overwhelmingly heavy wave of guilt for all the negative thoughts I ever had towards him. No wonder he seemed so closed off when talking about his patients. He knew first hand what it was like to lose a child close to him. I couldn't imagine anything more tragic than that.
"I didn't tell you that so you'd feel sorry for me, I just… actually, I have no idea why I told you that. I don't talk about my sister much. I think I've only told Kate a few things over the years… But, the idea of fitting into a particular type of box makes sense to me. It seems all the doctors I know are either just after a paycheck, or their parents pushed them into the field, or they're like me, and had some type of medical tragedy in their family background. It's all kind of… cliché, isn't it? I mean, I became a doctor hoping to save kid's lives, but really, how much of a difference have I made? I've just subjected myself to so many more deaths than anyone should ever have to see in a lifetime. It certainly doesn't make me want kids of my own."
"Is that why you have issues with faith?" I questioned gently.
He grimaced. "I just don't understand it. Too many innocent kids never get a chance to live. It pisses me off. I don't know, maybe all this hunger is going to my head a bit. I shouldn't be talking about any of this crap."
"Look, I promised I wouldn't push you to open up again, and I still mean that, but the truth is we may die up here, and never see another human being for the rest of our lives. So, if there's anything you ever feel like getting off your chest, I may be the only choice of confidant you'll ever have again."
He nodded, and then shrugged. "Well, I could always talk to Jake. He's a really good listener."
I snickered. "Shows what you know. He is a horrible listener. He always wants to be the one talking, and he has an extremely short attention span."
To prove my point, Jake tugged on his leash, and barked again at something else in the distance.
We both laughed.
"Maybe we should just let him go," I said as Edward had to practically drag Jake behind us as we continued to walk.
"No way. If he gets injured, you'll get upset, and then I'll feel guilty. Neither of us need that… Then again, if he dies…"
"Still not eating him," I maintained.
Edward chuckled.
We got several more yards, but then Jake's tireless pulling somehow allowed him to wiggle right out of his collar.
"Shit!" Edward shouted as we both watched Jake take off like a bullet out of a gun.
"Some animals just can't be chained," I said with a mix of amusement and anxiety. "Where did he go?"
"I don't know. I just hope he didn't go back after that moose."
"Jake!" I called. "Come here, boy!"
We kept calling him, and calling him, but there was so sign of him anywhere. We waited there for what felt like hours, but then the snow started falling again.
"Let's just stay right here tonight. Wait for him to come back."
It wasn't even close to dark yet, but it would be all too soon, and we were both already spent, so I nodded with agreement. We began looking around for usable sticks and logs for a fire, but everything was, once again, soaked.
"Nothing is lighting," Edward said, becoming increasingly discouraged as his attempts to start a fire kept failing.
I tried to help, but I didn't have any better luck. We looked around for some kind of shelter, but we couldn't find anything.
It was our most dire situation yet. Not only was Jake missing again, but it was snowing pretty hard, we had no shelter, we were weak with malnourishment, and we couldn't get a fire going to save our lives.
"What do we do?" I asked concerned.
"I don't know," Edward reluctantly admitted. I knew how much he hated feeling helpless, but it seemed like there wasn't anything we could do.
If it got too much colder, and we couldn't start a fire, we weren't going to survive the night. It was the first time when I truly saw no hope for us, and I was scared.
Without thinking, I found myself turning towards Edward, and just holding on to him as the snow continued to beat down on our faces. I squeezed his body, and was so incredibly grateful when I felt his arms wrap around me in return. If that was truly going to be our last night on the planet, I just desperately needed to be held one more time, and thankfully, he gave me that kindness.
I didn't know how long we held each other like that, but it seemed the frozen wilderness wasn't done messing with us just yet.
"Do you hear that?" Edward mumbled.
I wasn't sure if my mouth was even capable of moving with it being that frozen, but I tried anyway.
"What is it?"
"I think it's Jake barking."
"Where?" I asked, as I pulled away from his embrace just enough to look around us.
"I don't know. Maybe we should go look for him."
As much as I loved that dog, I couldn't imagine taking one more step at the moment. Whatever acclimation to the cold nonsense I had felt before, was long gone by that point. I honestly thought my internal organs were beginning to solidify like meat in a freezer.
"I can't move."
Jake's incessant barking in the distance didn't slow, so Edward got antsy. "He could be caught somewhere. Let's go try to find him. At least it will get us moving again. Maybe we will find some better wood to burn along the way."
I let Edward pull me, but I couldn't really feel myself move. We followed the sound of the barks, but when we finally found him, we were baffled.
"What is it, boy?" I asked.
Jake wasn't caught anywhere, or appeared hurt in any way. He was just standing there, wagging his tail and barking at us, as if he had some happy secret.
"Maybe he sees a squirrel," I said while trying to look up through the falling snow at the tree above us.
"I don't think so," Edward replied. "He's got that look on his face… that look like he's thinking we're just a couple of dumb humans."
When we continued to stand there, just staring at him like idiots, Jake had enough. He grabbed ahold of his collar out of Edward's pocket, and then turned around himself, and started running away again. When we still didn't follow, he turned back and barked at us one more time.
"He wants us to go with him," I concluded.
"Bella, this isn't some genius super dog movie. There's no way he's actually trying to communicate on that level."
Except, that's exactly what he seemed to be doing. "We really should follow him."
Edward shrugged. "Well, it'll at least keep us moving."
We followed him through a particular set of trees, and then I gasped at the sudden drop in front of us. I hadn't even realized we were that high up until that moment.
"Well, that is a nice view," Edward said, still perplexed as to why Jake was so eager to bring us there.
Jake didn't stop before the drop, he continued slowly, descending down a narrow path, and then we finally saw why.
From where we were, looking down into the valley below us, we could see what appeared to be a small box – a small box, that under closer inspection, I realized was actually a structure.
"Oh, my god!" I cried, sure I had to have been seeing it wrong. Surely my eyes were playing a trick on me. Surely we weren't that lucky. However, as my eyes focused on the unbelievable sight below us, I had no choice but to believe it. "It's a house!"
...
