A/N: I hope you all enjoy this update! It will be the last one for about a week as I will be on vacation without my laptop. But, the ideas will surely form and I will be sure to jot them down so I can come back home and write! Thank you again for all of the reviews. They make me want to write more.
Elena pulled the burgundy Mystic Falls football t-shirt over her head, adjusting it so it sat properly on her narrow shoulders. She pulled the pair of sweats on that he had also set out for her, pulling the drawstring as tight as she could to keep them on. The warm shower had felt nice, but it had also given her time to realize what she had just done. What she had been doing since the accident. Showing Stefan how vulnerable she was. Crying, breaking down in front of him, and giving up. None of those were things she wanted him to witness. It would only give him something to use against her down the road.
But Elena also reminded herself how much Stefan had been there for her lately. It was strange, yet okay at the same time. What he had said, about if she had ever needed anything had run through her mind a lot lately. Did he really mean it?
Elena ran one of his combs through her hair, looking at herself in his mirror. She looked pale and tired. No wonder he took pity on her. She was a mess. Elena sat the comb down and took a deep breath before heading downstairs.
She could hear him in the kitchen as she cautiously approached. Stefan turned around, having seen her out of the corner of his eye. "They fit. Sort of" he half smiled, gesturing to the clothes he had laid out for her. Elena watched him bring two plates over and set them down. She eyed the sandwiches on them. "Peanut butter, honey, and banana" he said, grabbing two bottles of sports drinks to add to the menu.
Elena stood there awkwardly before speaking. "I'm not hungry" she said. She hadn't been hungry since … since the accident. Every time she thought of food, a sick feeling hit her and she was sure she would get sick.
Stefan knew she hadn't been eating. Jenna had said as much. He took notice of how tiny she was and being in his clothes only made it more clear. Thoughts of her disappearing altogether ran through his mind, but he shook them away. "This is all we used to eat when we were kids" he reminded, taking a seat at the counter and twisting the cap off of his drink. "My mom stopped asking what we wanted for lunch finally because we would always ask for this" he added.
Elena was surprised to hear him talk about his mother. He never mentioned his parents, not since they died. It was nice to hear him say something though. Elena slowly made her way over to the counter and he pulled the other chair out for her. He was already biting into his sandwich. "You remember" she said quietly.
Stefan could see the hint of surprise in her tired eyes. He put his sandwich down. "Of course I remember" he replied softly. He remembered everything about every single moment they spent together, good or bad. Elena felt his eyes on her and she couldn't help but look up at him. "You used to be terrified of ladybugs" he added, sensing that she was uncomfortable with the silence. "Every. Freaking. Time you saw a ladybug, you would shriek like it was trying to eat you." He watched Elena begin to smile and a little color filled her cheeks. "I mean, I could understand a snake or a spider. But a ladybug? A tine, red and black speck with little, itty bitty legs?" he asked, his tone telling her that he was making fun of her.
But she wasn't mad or annoyed. She welcomed it because it was normalcy. He was giving her normalcy. "At the lake that one summer, one bit me. You know it did" she replied, playing along.
Stefan shook his head. She had always been so overdramatic. "And you remember what I did?" he asked, remembering back. They had been 12 at the time. Elena shook her head no. Stefan grabbed her right hand, the same one the ladybug had "bit" all those years ago and brought it to his lips before she could even protest. Elena watched as his soft lips brushed against the top of her hand, lingering there for a moment before the contact was lost. Stefan held her eyes with his own the entire time he was kissing her hand and she mentally kicked herself for not being able to look away. Stefan continued to hold her hand in his own. "I kissed where he bit you" he said, so quietly that he even surprised himself. "And do you remember what you did to me in return?" he asked.
Of course Elena remembered now. "No" she answered simply, wanting to hear him say it instead.
Stefan grinned. "You kicked me in my shin and took off running" he answered. Even as a kid, she had been pretty damn strong. He limped around for days, lying when everyone asked him what had happened to his leg. He told them he fell. Elena smirked at the memory, but it faded quickly as she was once again consumed by her thoughts.
Awkward silence fell over them and eventually, Elena pulled her hand away from his. She looked down at her plate to avoid having to look at him. "I just … don't feel hungry" she said, changing the subject real quick.
Stefan figured she would say that sooner or later. "No harm in just taking a bite" Stefan said, taking another bite of his. "I must say, I am an amazing cook. This is awesome" he added in between chewing.
Elena couldn't help but smile, something that he was hoping for. "You consider this cooking?" she questioned. Stefan shrugged. Elena picked up the sandwich and tore a piece off, taking a small bite. She caught Stefan staring at her, waiting for her reaction. "It's okay" she said shrugged.
"Okay?" Stefan asked her disbelief. "You wouldn't know fine cuisine if it came up and bit you in the ass" he told her, pretending to be offended. He didn't care if she continued to make fun of him. Because Elena was taking another bite of her sandwich.
They had settled into a comfortable silence while they ate. Once they had finished, Stefan returned to his concerned nature. "Do you want to talk about what happened at home?" he asked cautiously. She had been so upset when he had found her that he thought she might be a little more rational now after calming down. But Elena shook her head no. Having sat with him for over half an hour, she had time to cool off and actually felt more relaxed than she had in a while. "Okay" he said. Fair enough. John Gilbert wasn't exactly his favorite person to talk about either. "Do you want to watch a movie?" he tried again.
Elena shook her head no once again. She knew what she needed from him, and talking and a movie wasn't it. Elena stood up and took a few steps back from the stool. Stefan got up as well. She looked down, feeling self-conscious. "You … you said if I needed … anything …" Elena said, stumbling over her words. Why was she so nervous?
Stefan straightened up some when he heard her speak. Then he nodded. "I meant what I said" he told her.
Elena looked over at him, her hands trembling slightly as she worked up the courage to ask him. Just watching her made his heart shatter a little. Elena used to be so outspoken and now, she was so timid. But he had said he would be there for her, and he was going to make good on that promise.
"I meant it" he repeated, stepping forward and placing a hand on the side of her face, letting it rest there. "Anything at all. If you want to talk. Get out of here for a little while maybe …" he listed off.
Elena opened her mouth to say something, but then quickly stopped herself. "Never mind. It's stupid" she said, turning and walking out of the kitchen. She felt so insecure and lost and now, she was making a fool out of herself. She turned the corner and quickly went up the stairs.
Elena could hear Stefan running after her. "Elena, wait!" he called. Elena stopped just in front of his room, her back to him. Stefan grabbed her hand and turned her towards him. "Whatever you need from me, I'll do it" he said sincerely.
Elena sighed before looking up at him. He seemed sincere. "The accident. My parents" she said. "I need you … to make me forget" she told him softly. That is what she needed more than anything.
His green eyes caught her brown ones, and his eyebrows raised slightly. "I don't understand" he told her. He couldn't make her forget.
"Make me forget about everything, at least for tonight" she told him, placing her shaky hands on his chest and moving in towards him. Stefan froze as he watched her body moved in to his. Her lips were mere inches from his own now and he began to realize what she wanted from him. With her face so close to his, her heartbeat so close to his, something in that moment had changed. All he wanted to do was kiss her. Touch her. And he was pretty sure that's what she wanted too. But she was in no shape to be doing that with him or anyone else for that matter. She was far too vulnerable.
"Elena" he said quietly, his voice catching in his throat. "We … can't do this" he told her. Every rational thought in his mind was screaming at him to move away from her. To tell her goodnight and leave her standing in the hallway. But he couldn't get his body to move. "Elena, we can't" he tried again, hearing his voice crack. Elena did not accept his answer as she leaned in, pressing her lips against his before he had time to move his head away.
Stefan's hand instinctively went around her waist, holding her as close as possible, all the while deepening that kiss. God, it felt amazing. Better than he could have ever imagined. But this was wrong. He wasn't that guy who took advantage of girls when they were so vulnerable. As quickly as it happened, Stefan pulled away from her, resting his hands on her shoulders to keep her still. Elena looked up at him, her tear-filled eyes locking with his. "Elena, you're hurting right now …" he began, trying to think how he could rephrase his rejection in a way that she would accept. She simply wasn't thinking straight with everything going on in her life right now, he thought.
Elena backed away from him, frustrated and hurt. "I am so sick and tired of people treating me like some pitiful, sad little girl" she told him, with two tears spilling down her cheeks. Stefan remained silent, knowing she was going to continue. "I don't want to be that sad, pitiful little girl tonight, Stefan. I want to forget about all this bad stuff that won't leave my mind. I need someone to help me forget that I just lost my parents" she said, her brown eyes piercing his green ones. "I need someone to help me forget that tomorrow, I am going to wake up and still be living this nightmare of a life where nothing makes sense anymore" she added, her voice shaking slightly. Stefan could relate to where she was coming from. Sometimes it was just easier to forget. And he wanted to help her. If he could take her pain away, he would. But sleeping with her? Was it really the right thing to do, even if she was asking him to?
"Please Stefan, just for the night, just help me forget" she repeated to him, desperation evident in her voice but not overpowering. She wasn't begging and she would not beg. But she wanted, needed to convince him that this is what she needed. That this was okay. She had tried other distractions – music, writing, and nothing seemed to work. So why was she so convinced that he could be her distraction? Because there would be no way in hell she could think about anything else when he was that close to her, making her feel something other than sadness and pain.
Stefan held her gaze for a few moments before peeling his eyes away from her and focusing on the wall behind her. He hated seeing her so pained by her parent's death. And he wanted to help her. He could not believe that he was actually considering this. "Elena, if we do this, we can't take it back" he said, reminding her. Up until a few weeks ago, they had hated each other. And now, they were contemplating sex. Sex. Of all things.
"I know" she said with a small nod. Elena was well aware of what the consequences might entail, but she didn't care. Because the thought of an hour, maybe more, of thinking, feeling something else for the first time since the accident, outweighed all of the consequences she had come up with.
Stefan moved closer to her as she stood completely still, unable to move. As his body touched hers once again, she felt her body tense. Suddenly, the reality of what they were about to do finally set in. He dipped his head and captured her lips in a soft kiss. Elena moved her arms around his neck as he backed them into his room. She felt his hands move to her hips as he continued to kiss her. His hand soon began to slowly make its way under her t-shirt, but she stopped him. Stefan stopped kissing her, wondering if she had changed her mind. She took a few small breaths, trying to catch her breath. Even those few minutes had taken her mind off of everything. God, he was a good kisser. "Don't hold back" she finally said. Stefan swallowed hard and nodded slowly.
She leaned into him again, kissing him hard. Elena was so lost in his kiss that she barely realized that his hands were grabbing the bottom of her shirt and pulling it off of her. He quickly went to work on her sweats next, only breaking the kiss when he could not get the knot in the drawstring out. Finally, he figured it out and the pants fell in a pool around her feet. Elena pulled away from him, holding on to the hem of his shirt and looking into his eyes. Stefan swallowed hard, not sure if she was going to back out now or not. When he felt his shirt being pulled over his head, he quickly shook the thought from his mind.
Stefan pulled her close, kissing her neck softly and received a sigh of approval from her. Her head rolled back, giving him more access. He breathed her in, pressing his body closer to hers. "Elena?" he whispered in her ear. "Promise me, no regrets" he said, kissing just behind her ear.
Elena sighed contently, loving the way he made her feel. She didn't feel sad and pitied anymore. She felt wanted. "Promise" she whispered back.
