Just a Picnic, part 1
"DAMNIT!!"
When you hear a green dragon appear from nowhere and scream, "DAMNIT!" it's never good news.
"What is it Gorvl?" asked Brihart.
"We're having a stupid family picnic thing tomorrow! Man, I hate these stupid reunions!"
"Why?" asked Caludart.
"My family's insane or asinine…or assholes…or disgusting; one of those four."
"Brihart's all of those things and you still hang out with him."
"See, the different is, I'm not related to Brihart. All the dragons that are coming tomorrow have some form of relation to me. Even the dragons who just come to drink a barrel of rum!"
"How does a random dragon who does nothing but drink rum related to you?" asked Brihart.
"I don't know but my grandfather will make up some BS story to explain it all!"
"So the old fart blabs ya family history. What's so bad about that?" asked Carsonlitov.
"By the time he finishes its winter."
"Aren't you stretchin' the truth a little?"
"No. The last reunion we had, he blabbed so long that it started snowing."
"You know how random the weather is." said Caludart.
"WE WERE IN THE DESERT!!"
Everyone chuckled to themselves.
"Well, what else is wrong with your family?" asked Brihart.
"My Tiresome Terrible Triples. I got these three cousins, Icky, Blicky, and Diky, who always either annoy the shit outta me--I mean that literally--or play Fudge Thuds."
Brihart and Carsonlitov laughed while Caludart stared at Gorvl with a blank expression.
"Ah, the good ol' days! I remember playing Fudge Thuds wit me uncle! I won everytime!"
"What's Fudge Thuds?" asked Caludart.
All of the other dragons groaned exasperatedly and shouted, "YOU NEVER PLAYED FUDGE THUDS!!?!?"
"…No." responded Caludart meekly.
"It's the best childhood game EVER!! You eat a bunch of brownies with laxatives--"
"I think Caludart can find out on his own. Anyways, my cousins are all only 6 years old, but they stink like a pile of your dung Brihart."
"HEY!"
"Everytime they play Fudge Thuds I always have to change their diapers!"
"Um…what is Fudge Thuds again?"
"And when they're not playing Fudge Thuds, they're either farting and trying to see how long it takes for me or my other family members to smell it or having dung-ball fights!"
"EEEWWW!!!" said all the other dragons.
"Yeah, ew. Somehow, I'm always the one who has to clean up after those three."
"Just those three alone would screw up my family reunion!!" laughed Brihart.
"Hey, why do they wear diapers?" asked Carsonlitov.
"They got this intestinal disorder…"
"Oh, I get it. Yuck."
"And then there's my Uncle Dafnel, who's got red stripes on his snout; he always finds a way to either tease me or make me look like an idiot and my Dad doesn't even notice! Last year, I tried to make him walk into a pit of mildew and King BURP spit, but somehow, I wound up in the pit! I saw him walk right over the damn thing and nothing happened! But when I stepped over it SPLAT!!"
"Wow, I think you should go to therapy."
"Shut up Caludart!"
Gorvl sat down and sighed heavily.
"What am I gonna do?"
"I suggest you bring a gasmask, less you wanna smell your cousins' wind."
"What if you guys came with me? I'm pretty sure you could spice up the place!" advised Caludart.
"Hey, yeah! We'd be a knockout at your reunion! Plus, you know that ogre Gram-slyt?" asked Brihart.
"That fat giant blue ogre who always picks his nose and flings it at people and wears that ripped up loin cloth that barely covers his ass crack? Yeah, invite him over too! My cousins should have loads of fun with that guy!" agreed Gorvl.
"Cool! We get to crash a family reunion! It's just like Weddin' Crashers!"
"Don't you mean Dragon Crashers?" asked Caludart.
"Whatever."
"And one more thing…" started Caludart.
"What?"
"WHAT THE HELL IS FUDGE THUDS!!!?"
And so, a day later, Gorvl and his family flew to an abandoned forest on an uncharted island located near the home of the Paxia Clans…and the recently deceased Carnax. It was this secret hideout that was designed especially for dragons, but other creatures like Zards and Centocor's where there too. Right now, the island was filled with yellow (or green; some dragons had the same condition as Gorvl) energy dragons and light blue plasma dragons. All of the adult dragons were having light conversations or telling jokes whilst the young and baby energy dragons were playing with each other or playing pranks.
"Dad, why do we have to come here again?" asked Gorvl.
"Because it's been a while since you've seen your family and you need to get in touch with your relatives!"
"But they always treat Mom like sh…crap. I don't understand why your family's so pissed off that she married you."
"Your father's parents wanted him to marry some slutty dragon--"
"She was not a slut!!" interrupted Zaporaton.
"--instead of me. I guess they're a little peeved at me all of a sudden."
Gorvl and his parents looked around the park when they saw Zaporaton's brother and sister. Both of them spotted Zaporaton and shouted with joy, happy to see their brother. They flew straight towards him and gave him a hug.
"Hey, Zaporaton! How's my old Scallywag of a brother doin'?!" asked his brother.
He sniffed the air twice before saying, "I see you still got that foot odor!"
"Yeah, yeah, we get it Adilon."
"What's up Aunt Passak?" asked Gorvl, waving his hand at his aunt.
Passak greeted Gorvl like she always does, pinching the living daylights out of his cheeks.
"I can't believe you still have those stubby little cheeks! You are so cute!"
"OW! Can you stop destroying my face?"
Passak let go of his cheeks and glared at Massic, taking the smile off her face.
"Massic."
"Passak."
Both of them sounded coolly at each other, but Gorvl could already tell how stressed they were deep down inside.
"So how's about we go meet all of your cousins and relatives in the main field? Icky, Blicky and Diky have been dying to play with you!" asked Adilon.
"I don't think I should--"
"Aw, come on! I insist!" said Adilon, dragging Gorvl away by his hand.
Gorvl groaned.
Meanwhile, Brihart and his crew were standing at the edge of the park ready to disrupt the tranquil picnic and party. With Gram-slyt on their side, they'd be able to bring down the festival in no time.
"Hey Gram, what are you gonna do at the party?" asked Caludart.
Gram-slyt is a titan sized blue ogre with almost no hair on his scalp. He was wearing a loin cloth with a cheetah pattern on the front end, but nothing on the back. The loin cloth merely covered his genitals and his penis; nothing more or less. His bare ass was exposed for everyone to see. Gram-slyt was known for being lazy and gassy, two combinations you don't want to see within an ogre. He never takes baths or brushes his teeth and he somehow finds a way to make anything either stinky or gross. Brihart witnessed this when Gram-slyt placed a frogzard up his butt and pooped it out an hour later…so he could eat it.
"Eh, the usual. I'll just find some food to eat…some dragons to poop on."
"Maybe you should run around with your loin cloth torn off. I bet that'll be a sight for sore eyes!"
"Last time I did that, you went blind for two days."
"Fine! I'll wear goggles!"
Gram shrugged. "All right."
And so, Gram-slyt, Brihart, Caludart, and Carsonlitov made their way into the park and began to bash up the party…just as they were interrupted by Gorvl and his grandfather.
"Back in my day, Adilon would always find a way to get his education and never skipped school and…HEY! Who are all you guys? I don't remember you bein' a part of this family!" said Gorvl's granddad.
"I'm uh…Gorvl's long lost cousin…twice removed." said Brihart.
"Right and I'm…Adilon's step-son's cousin's…uncle."
"Really? You're Greginon's uncle?"
"Yes…Greginon…I know that name…" said Caludart uneasily.
"My name's Erzon. I was that bloke who got your Pops outta that sticky situation back in the war." said Carsonlitov.
"You saved my father from those ebil Moglins?!"
"Uh…let's go wit that."
"Come! We have lots to talk about Sir Erzon!"
Carsonlitov gulped loudly when Gorvl's grandfather began to drag him away, talking relentlessly.
"You know, I'm surprised your granddad didn't even notice me." said Gram-slyt.
"He's got really bad eyesight. Hope you guys have fun!"
Gram-slyt responded by farting loudly and scratching his right butt cheek, laughing as he saw the disgusted faces his dragon friends made.
"Try not to stink up the place too much; if Brihart blows his fire breath, I don't want so much methane in the air that we all explode and die."
"No promises!!" laughed Gram-slyt, walking away and letting loose another rancid fart.
"C'mon Brihart! Let's go see who we can mess with!" said Caludart, flying away with Brihart.
Gram-slyt walked up to a green energy dragon who was standing idly next to a wall, drinking from a large keg of rum. Gram sighed heavily and patted his stout belly twice, before he began to talk to the dragon.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Is that a keg of rum? …I love rum."
"Sure. Take a sip if you want to. There's plenty to go around!"
Gram-slyt grabbed a giant keg of sweet, malt-filled rum and started to guzzle the whole barrel down, ignoring that a huge portion of it was spilling all over his face and stomach. Gram-slyt put down the barrel and sighed contently, before farting in a squeaky tone and hiccupping.
"Ew! Say excuse me!" said the green dragon, holding his nose.
"Oh, shut your mouth. It was just a little bit of gas! Everyone does it!"
Gram-slyt bent over in a slurred manner and stuck his butt into the air, passing another great accumulation of nasty gas. The green energy dragon swore he saw a funky yellowish-green cloud seep out the ogre's butt. Gram-slyt sighed lazily again and swished his belly around with his hands.
"Sorry--HIC!--rum makes me a little…gassy. And--HIC!--And sluggish…"
"…Dude, are you drunk?"
"YAAAAAYY!!!" cried a shrill voice from beyond Gorvl's view.
Gorvl turned around and was tackled by three short, but still pretty big yellow energy dragons wearing diapers. It was his six year old cousins, Icky, Blicky, and Diky.
"Hi Icky. How's your brother's doing?" said Gorvl in a strained voice.
"Hey, it's cousin Gorvl! Tell us a story!"
"Yeah, tell us! I wanna hear more cool adventures from cousin Gorvl!"
"C'mon! Tell us!"
"Tell us!"
"Tell us!!!"
"GET! OFF! OF! ME!" shouted Gorvl.
The yellow diapered dragons hopped off of Gorvl.
"Sorry for yelling, but you were crushing my trachea."
The Tiresome Terrible Triplets laughed in unison and said, "We don't know what that means!"
Gorvl sighed. "It's this organ in your neck…"
Gorvl looked at the dragons and realized they weren't paying attention, so he swayed off the subject.
"Um…you guys wanna play a game?"
Meanwhile, Gram-slyt was still drinking barrels filled with rum and farting around the green energy dragon, who was covering his nose. Gram threw down a barrel of rum and shattered it into a bunch of wooden planks.
"UUURRRRRRPPP!!! Oh, my bad."
Gram-slyt waved his hand in front of his mouth to fan the sour belch away.
"My breath--HIC!--my breath doesn't stink too…bad, do it?"
"Yeah! It smells horrible!"
"HA HA HA HA!! You know what? I--HIC!--I like you man…like a lot…HIC! You scales…it's so--HIC!--rough and…rough. URP!"
"…I'm walking away now…" said the dragon.
"NO! We are not playing Fudge Thuds again Icky! The last time--"
"Aw, c'mon cousin Gorvl! That was only a little bit of poop! I never meant to throw it at your face--"
"Look, I love you Icky--"
"HEY!!" yelled Blicky and Diky in unison.
"And you Blicky and you Diky, but I'm really tired of your mom making me change your diapers after you poop all in them."
"Don't worry cousin Gorvl! We won't make a giant mess in them like last time."
"Okay, that's good. At least--WAIT! You already started?!!?"
The triplets laughed mischievously. "We already ate the laxative brownies and all the beans and meat we could stuff in our bellies!!"
Gorvl groaned loudly.
"Ready? GO!!" said the triplets in unison.
All three of them started grunting very hard with their eyes shut and their teeth gritting. The overall objective of the game was to see who could poop first. Vulgar one might say, but dragons love to play this game for some very comical reason. The triplets love to see Gorvl change their stinky diapers and sometimes, they'd get other adults to change their diapers for them. So basically, they could poop all they wanted without getting in trouble.
"Looks…like I'm gonna win…Blicky." said Diky, groaning.
Blicky farted loudly. "You smell that and tell me I'm not gonna win this time!"
Blicky and Diky were grunting so hard it almost hurt. Gorvl could only watch as his two cousins grunted and farted continuously until they would inevitably poop their diapers. Suddenly, Icky lifted his tail and blew out a fart so loud it rumbled his diapers. Icky sighed and laughed to himself.
"I WON!"
The other two cousins groaned depressingly and stopped groaning.
"I made the fudgie! I made the fudgie!" said Icky in a sing-song tone.
"Okay, you pooped first Icky. You can stop now!" said Gorvl.
"Hee Hee! Trust me Gorvl, this is gonna take a while!" said Icky, pooping in his diaper some more.
Gram-slyt was still drinking himself away with the rum, swaying so much he almost fell over and crushed a few dragons. Gram held his stomach and broke wind right in a dragon's face, knocking her out with his stinky yellow gas.
"Ergh…rum is--HIC!--drunk...stomach--HIC!--WHEW!! Feels like…"
Gram-slyt held his stomach and heard his colon grow so loudly that he saw it rumble like an earthquake.
"Feels like…I gotta take a shit. Oh God, I gotta take a shit right now!!"
Gram-slyt ran as fast as he could to a dragon restroom, farting so much that he left a small trail of poop on the ground. When he kicked open the door of the restroom, he saw a bunch of dragons sitting on modern-day like toilets, defecating into them. All of a sudden, Gram-slyt ripped off his loin cloth and sat down on a toilet, not caring that his privates were showing. It didn't disgust the dragons much…at least not until he started to poop. Gram-slyt sighed loudly and let a colossal amount of farts and ogre dung fly right out of his anal sphincter, pooping like there was no tomorrow. The dragons, appalled and grossed out by the grotesque noises and the horrible smell, flew out the bathroom screaming and holding their nostrils.
"Ahhhhh, that's better!"
Gram-slyt wiggled his butt a little and realized something was very uncomfortable. He shifted his butt side to side squeezing the obstruction lodged on the toilet seat down into the bowl. Too bad he didn't realize the obstruction was Gorvl's uncle, Adilon. After Adilon fell through the toilet he was pooping on, Gram continued to lay waste into the toilet bowl, sighing at his satisfaction.
Two hours later, Gram-slyt was sleeping…naked and still on the toilet. He had his mouth open, drool seeping down his face, his tongue hanging out. It looked disgusting, especially with all the flies buzzing around him. Suddenly, the toilet began to talk…
"HEY! Can someone help me?" asked Adilon, who was still in the toilet Gram-slyt was sitting on.
To be continued…
