Chapter 8

I went back downstairs so late that when I threw myself on the bed the lights in the common area were off and there were no bodies to be bothered by my presence. Not much later my eyes open exactly at 6:30 again too, even if I had gone to sleep a mere three hours ago. Either way it was a restless sleep, because I think I know I'll stay with them...but there is a piece of me that I wish was never born because she wants to leave them behind. I hug my legs close and grip tight as my mind assaults me with horror and guilt again, like it has since Mags left me on the roof.

A rustle catches my attention and I wrench my eyes open to see that middle aged face that makes the tension start to melt away. Hannah stares back, her eyes sad as she looks at me. Without my consent she sits beside me and strokes my hair from my face gently, like I imagine a mother would do for their child when they are upset. I let her, wanting to feel comfort before returning to the training center and performing without any guidance for the Gamemakers. I can't hold back anymore though, the comfort releasing a flood of emotions.

"I'm so fucking scared Hannah. I'm confused, and scared, and nervous. I can't think straight all the way, I worry about Lena...the rest of them. What am I supposed to do without a mentor? Where is he anyway?" I start to pour out but she sets a slender finger over my mouth to make me stop. I do, and she points to a t-shirt and shorts waiting for me on my bed. She then motions towards the shower in the bathroom and I understand. It hurts though that she won't hear me out, because even after talking to Mags yesterday I feel lonelier than ever. But I will not let her know that.

Without a word I get up and take the clothes with me, shutting the door and stripping down. I pick the same soap and shampoo as all those other times, letting it do its work as the tension stays inside like I guessed it would. I get out as soon as I can, scrubbing the towel over me before throwing on my clothes with a viciousness I didn't know I could muster in this state.

When I find myself dressed and such I grab the toothbrush and take my time scrubbing my teeth. When I'm done the sink is a little mussed, but nowhere near as messy as yesterday. I leave the old clothes behind and walk into my room, not paying attention until the bed creaks and I'm frozen with my hand on the door. How someone escaped my notice is beyond me, and the knowledge sets me on edge before I even know who it is.

"Why do I always catch you just after you get out of the shower sugar?" Finnick's voice purrs from behind me and I whip around to catch him lounging on my bed. The sight of him makes me feel a lot of things, like anger and confusion...with a slight amount of relief. Mostly it's anger.

"What are you doing here? I haven't seen you for almost two days!" I ask him loudly and the smirk crossing his face makes me want to punch the hell out of him.

"Miss me that much sugar? I thought I should see what you plan on showing the Gamemakers. I had a break in the schedule to come before you left." He says in those Capitol tones that make my ears ache.

"I did not miss you actually. If we're being honest I'm doing fantastic on my own. Sorry you had to waste your 'free time' on me Mr. Odair." I snap at him and he lowers the ridiculous mirrored sunglasses he has on so I see his striking green eyes. They look a lot less arrogant than he keeps sounding, but I don't really know if I trust this boy. He hasn't really even given me a reason to.

"Aww come on Annie babe, of course you did. And I'm sure you want help and need it because I talked to Mags and she mentioned some things you said after training. Now, what are you showing for your private session?" He cockily tosses my way and I bite my tongue. The only way to get rid of him after all will be to play his game and answer his stupid questions.

" I'm going to show them a trident and a sword, maybe some knots since I'm so good at that." I say calmly and these words placate him a bit.

"Good, and you think these things can get you a good score?" He asks and I nod confidently.

" I know they will get me a good score. Don't worry about it." I tell him, wanting to get out of this closed space with him so close and apparently unpredictable as far as I have seen.

" I wanted to talk to you about your alliances as well, because I heard some things about how you all have been acting in training." He says, taking a step closer. I don't budge, curious as to how he heard...unless Mags has put him up to this.

" Is Mags concerned I didn't hash out all my problems yet? Well I have it figured out thanks, and I don't need you telling me to stay away, or leave or whatever you were going to say." I shoot at him and he looks a bit surprised by my defensiveness. I am too, but there isn't anything I can do about it, because just the thought of what I reasoned last night makes me want to cry.

"I...uh...yeah okay. I'm sorry I upset you. I just heard a rumor you were all calling yourselves the second career pack is all, and was wondering if the original knew anything about that." He says a little more softly than his previous Capitol tones. I back down too, feeling a bit better he wasn't trying to dig around my head like Mags had done. I'm not in the mood for moral questioning again today.

"Sorry, I've been up all night thinking on the stupid roof...and no they don't know that's what we call ourselves. We agreed amongst us we would publicize that in the interviews tomorrow. Catch them off their guard you know." I tell him and we both stand with our hands in our pockets for a moment and look at each other.

"Oh good. Yeah that's a really good plan. It sounds like you have everything figured out then for today. Uh...good job sugar." He gets out, not really good at hiding his surprise that I have this good of a plan. I choose not to respond to that.

So we stand in silence, staring each other down in the eye and waiting...for something. The heat is growing in here too, the longer we stand this way, and it's like lightening keeps striking me all over. It's uncomfortable actually, but I can't make myself leave his presence. I can't make myself leave him because there is something in his eyes that begs me to stay. Something in those green eyes is trying to tell me something, and I'm not sure he realizes he's doing it. So I observe him, realizing how when I originally thought he was standing straight, he is actually slouching. I see how the smirk on his face has dropped easily off, and the exhaustion is easy for me to see. Does he know that he has dropped his mask?

" So you trust me enough to drop the act? Or is the young man I met at the reaping the mask and the Sex God the act? Because it is either or and I'm tired of trying to figure out which." I toss at him and he cannot hide the startled look that crosses his face. It seems to have hit a nerve as he looks at me in amazement, as if I have uncovered a secret no one has been smart enough too.

When he doesn't respond to me right away I sigh and leave him behind in my room, hoping he would tell me exactly what his problem is. I hate to see those looks in his eyes, which is evidently true because I let down my guard around him every time. I'm such a fucking sap.

"Did he talk to you girl?" Mags' garbled voice asks from the table and I turn to her with a small nod.

"Yeah, he's all caught up on me, not to worry. I'm gonna go down there though, I don't want to be late and he looks like he needs some sleep." I say quietly and Mags raises her eyebrows in a question I am not sure I can answer...I'm not all that sure what she's even asking. So I leave without responding, hearing Finnick coming down the hallway and calling my name as the doors slide shut. I make one last piece of eye contact before it drops me down to the training center.

" Are you nervous?" Lena asks me from my right and I punch her shoulder lightly because I can see her smirk from the corner of my eye. It grows when she punches me back and I sigh when she begins to laugh with Oliver over my facial expressions.

" Yeah well some nerves are a good thing you know, and being Four doesn't give me much time to prepare my psyche." I tell them sternly as the boy from Three is called into the room. He looks near vomiting, and honestly I can't blame him one bit because I feel my stomach heaving against me. The only ones out of our group who look unaffected actually are Lena and Oliver.

" It's the best, you don't have to wait long but you aren't first either Cresta. Four would be my place if I wasn't from Seven." She says with the Lena shrug I have grown used to. Carrie doesn't speak at all, her and Winston's face white as a sheet and staring off into space. I decide talking to them might make me feel sicker, and responding to Lena is something I wish to avoid in case I puke.

"So we should meet up tonight after we get our scores I think. You know talk to each other before we go into the Arena." Oliver tosses out as the girl from Three is called.

"We should meet on the roof, the button with the thirteen on it. I went up there last night and it's the best place to not be over heard. No more whispering." I say, being sure to pay attention to Adam. He is staring at me while the others grunt in agreement and I find myself looking back at him, the fear in his eyes hidden but not enough to fool me. We hold each other there for a moment, until his name is called and he goes pale, shakily standing up on wobbly legs. He glances at me one last time before he enters the doors, his eyes searching mine for something I never knew he would be looking for. Something I never thought I would give him. I wish him luck in the silence only siblings understand.

Then he is gone and the spell is broken as quickly as it was cast. There is nothing we have to do with each other, there never has been in our entire lives. But I cannot deny that since stepping on that train there has been moments that concern me. Because in the end I know he'll have to die to save my family from disaster. It makes my heart ache, but it's true so I make small talk with Lena for the minutes leading up to my own private session.

"Annie Cresta. District Four" The automated voice calls over the speakers and they all look at me as I stand tall. The nerves cannot be allowed to eat me alive now, so I ignore them and keep walking with my head held high like when I walked onto that stage. The doors slide open for me and I go through, heart racing as the sliding sound echoes through the hollow space. I take a look at the Gamemakers who are taking me in with pleased smiles, waiting patiently for me to reach them. When I do stand in the spotlight I bow slightly and summon the most confident voice I can.

"Annie Cresta, District Four." I say clearly and even my confident tone surprises me, as well as them. I don't waste the confidence I have gained suddenly either, walking over to the tridents and relishing the feeling before turning on the holographic opponents. Then I forget about where I am, and I forget all my dreams. I just fight. I just fight like there is no tomorrow for me, and honestly I'm not sure there are many left.

After the trident I don't stop before picking up the sword and continue fighting the things they throw at me. I just keep going until the machine stops and all around lay virtual opponents. There isn't a scratch on me.

"Thank you very much Miss Cresta, that was quite a wonderful show." The Head Gamemaker says in awe from behind and I turn around to take one more bow. They all look at me with a mixture of absolute excitement and gut wrenching fear as I walk away. But really I want to curl up and sleep, not feeling proud about pretending to kill other people for their grading purposes.

The door slides open for me on the other side and I walk to the elevator in a haze of fear, shame, and anger mixed with exhaustion. It actually seems to be harder to hit the buttons while my brain withstands the storm, and as the elevator zooms up to the fourth floor I try to calm the tempest before it becomes too much. I have been there before, and it has been years since I let the storm overcome me. So here on the brink of death I cannot let the waves drown out my reason, unless I want to let Lena and them down. I take a deep breath and close my eyes tight.

When the elevator stops and I step off moments later the storm seems to have exited my brain and manifested in reality because the noise level is decibels above unnecessary. I wrench my head around, searching for the noise in panic as my instincts kick in, catching Adam out of the corner of my eye throwing a tantrum at Hannah. Mags tries to grab his arm, but she is on the ground in seconds while Grey cries out. I see Finnick for only a second before I am in the melee, taking his arm and shoving as hard as I can. My brother falls to the couch with a shout of surprise and I put up my fists, prepared for him to retaliate.

"Stay out of this! It isn't your problem!" He yells at me, standing up but taking in my stance and tacking a step back. I find it surprising really, but my fists don't go down and my eyes never grow softer. Instead I stare him down in the eyes, glaring into him until fear is the most prominent emotion.

"No, you back off, because this is ridiculous Adam. I told you this wasn't home damn it and this certainly isn't the time to be picking fights with the people getting you sponsors. Idiot." I spit at him and he takes two more steps back, then going past Finnick and into his room down the hallway. I put down my guard as soon as the situation has quieted, taking a deep breath and wishing I could be free of all these problems.

"Impressive fighting technique girl, and thank you for handling him. He was upset when he got here and I suppose we didn't help the situation." Mags garbles as Finnick picks her up and I'm curious as to where he was when Adam flipped shit on a puppy, a middle aged woman, and Mags. But he looks un-kept again so maybe he just got back from some of his ladies here in the Capitol. Either way it isn't my business and I want to sleep more than I want to ask him about his playboy status.

"Yeah, training really opens up the skill sets I had. Um...I'm going to go get some sleep okay, if it's alright could you come get me when the scores come on?" I ask and Finnick raises his eyebrows while Mags simply nods.

"Don't you want to talk about your session?" Gwendolyn asks and I shrug noncommittally as I step towards the hall.

"Uh...it went well. Yeah, so I...I'll see you all later okay. I'm really, really tired." I tell her and this makes Finnick's eyebrows raise even more. I ignore the look he gives me and turn on my heels, listening to Grey mutter about manners and Mags mumble about if I am telling the truth.

I shut the door as quietly and quickly as I can, throwing myself onto the made up bed and shutting my eyes. Flashes of the holograms turn into tributes behind my eyelids as soon as they close, bringing out a whimper from between my lips I regret. I bite my fist to stop the tears from escaping, willing my body to stop shaking and the pain in my chest to go away. The storm rages on though, and as I slip into unconsciousness I see Lena telling me about her favorite color being green as a tribute slices her throat.

"Annie, Annie help me!" Lena screams as the dog mutt takes her down. I stop and run to her, the mutt howling in anger as I stab it with a trident in my hand. It launches itself at me but I shove it to the ground, stabbing the ugly thing in the heart. But Lena just keeps screaming my name while more mutts come towards us, too many for me to fight off alone. They fall upon me in droves and I scream in helpless fury, Lena continually yelling for me. Yelling...yelling...yelling...

"Annie come on wake up!" A man's voice breaks through the nightmare scene and my eyes open wide and I sit up quickly. He backs up just in time to avoid my head, big hands holding onto my upper arms securely. I look at him with my wide eyes, taking in the reddish hair and green orbs that look scared as hell. I take a deep, shaky breath before speaking to him because I need to not sound like I want to die right now.

"I'm sorry...I-I just had a nightmare is all. Uh, is it time for the scores then?" I ask Finnick softly and he takes me in for a second before nodding easily, the smirk I have grown used to gone and set in a grim line.

"Yeah sugar, it's time to go. We thought we could have you both eat dinner before so that you can get to sleep earlier. The interviews are tomorrow you know." He tells me slower than normal, making sure I'm following along. I don't take offense verbally though and just stand up , his hands falling off my shoulders and onto his lap where he sits.

I don't wait for him to follow, or question the fact he got into my locked bedroom somehow while I slept. Instead I take my seat at the table in my chair next to Mags, Finnick sitting down across from me without a word next to my brother. Adam doesn't look up from the fish filet on his plate, and I don't say a word to him either. Instead I listen to Grey as she talks about the newest fashions hitting the Capitol after the tribute parade. I can't believe it was only three days ago though, and my mind wanders as she blabs thinking about the fact I am meeting my friends up on the roof after the scores. What will we say to each other? Will we all have good scores, or good enough to take on four kids who have been training for this moment?

I take small bites of my food while my mind goes like a tornado, around and around and picking up stray thoughts to add. Eventually however the food is gone, and the distraction I am in is no longer acceptable. I snap out of it to find Gwen still talking, Mags dabbing her face and Adam still pushing pieces about his plate. Finnick however is staring directly at me, and I feel the insane need to hide from the intensity I see there. What is up with this guy?

" Gwendolyn dear, I believe it's time we watch the scores. These folks need to know and be prepared." I hear a familiar voice say and turn in my seat to see Cinna's smiling face. I feel a small one come on and this seems to make him happy because he comes over to hug me. I didn't really realize how much I missed him I guess...

" Yes! Come on now kids, off to the couches with you!" Grey cries excitedly and we follow her. I sit on the floor again, relinquishing my seat as I did before. Mags gives me the same smile she did then, and Finnick sits down next to me. Our arms touch slightly and a tingle runs up me, making me inch away to make the feeling stop. If he notices, he doesn't show it. Instead he stares at the television that comes to life before our eyes, Cesar Flickerman alone on the screen. My stomach clenches at the sight of him.

"Welcome! Let's hear the scores for our wonderful tributes shall we! I don't want to keep you waiting too much longer." He says and I can almost hear the roar of the Capitol. I feel like I'm about to vomit when he continues talking.

"Faust from District One, 9. Quartz from District One, 8. Jackson from District Two, 9. Illyria from District Two, 10." He reads and I knew the scores would be that high. I knew they would be greater than anything I have imagined for myself. I see Adam gulp and I pull my knees to my chest in an unguarded moment.

"You'll both be fine I'm sure." Gwen sings, and Three has passed uneventfully.

"Adam from District Four, 7." Cesar says and I see him shove his fist in the air happily. Oh man, I think I might vomit all over this floor. Finnick grabs my hand and I don't let go.

"Annie from District Four...my ladies and gentlemen we haven't seen this since Mags from District Four, 11." He says on that screen and I am not on the floor any longer. I'm being held in Finnick's arms as he cheers, the rest of them yelling and hollering too. I got a higher score than everyone in the career pack...I beat the career pack.

"Oh wow Annie, that's brilliant. You are amazing!" Finnick said while he held me in the air. His eyes glowed with happiness, sucking me in for a moment where the silence is peaceful on my ears. We stared at each other, the tingles racing all around me for what seems like forever and a smile reaching his eyes. That is until Mags hugs me too, and the silence is brought back to celebratory noise.

"Yes girl, you have done better than we could have hoped. Congratulations young lady." She whispers and kisses my cheek gently.

"Oh, we have a winner I think. Both good scores but oh my goodness this could be our year!" Grey squeals happily, hugging her next. Cinna just smiles, letting me have a reprieve from all the closeness. Adam glares instead of smiling, boring into me and making the guilt bubble up. Yet he has no right to look at me that way for all that he has done to me in the past. No right...

When the congratulating ends I realize the other scores have passed me by, making me feel terrible I never got to see my allies. But as my floor retires to bed, Adam long gone to his room, I take to the elevator. The button glows in the night and I shove my finger into it, going up like a bullet from a gun. The cool air hits my flushed face with a beautiful sensation, and I can see Lena with Oliver waiting by the edge of a fountain. She looks up at me with her grey colored eyes, happiness over boiling at the sight of me. I give her a smile when it becomes infectious, knowing they have done well too.

"Seems our group has two 10s and an 11 for the Arena." Oliver says joyously. But there is a sadness there too. Carrie and Winston are not here...and that means one of two things. Lena seems to sense that I notice this.

"They already came up here. Seems our allies have decided to no longer be a part of this alliance. Carrie believes they would be better off alone since she got a 7 and he got a 5." She tells me in a clear voice. I feel as if I always knew this would happen, but the sadness still sits heavily in my stomach. We all give a moment's silence to our loss, but we need to regroup.

"Then let's come up with something tonight, we have a lot to cover." I say quietly and take my seat between them on the fountains edge. It reminds me of the parade chariot actually, except this time we aren't talking about home. We are talking about how to survive long enough to see it again.

"We take the cornucopia, or get in there quick enough to grab weapons. I say we grab the bow too. You know...in case we run into Carrie and Winston." Oliver speaks up and I think it is foolish to grab her a weapon. Yet...I'm positive I would have anyway.

"Yeah, it's not like we wouldn't grab it for her anyway. Eventually we could run into them. All we need to do is be sure when we're running away we grab a pack too." Lena agrees, crossing her arms and leaning on my shoulder a bit like she does when she's done talking. Oliver nods, standing up without us.

"I'm gonna go then. I'll meet you both up here the same time tomorrow night okay. But for right now I think sleep could do us good." He tells us, offering his hand to Lena.

"I'm gonna stay up here a while actually. It's pretty refreshing." She says and I nod to Oliver to tell him I am too. He smiles and leaves, the elevator taking him down and away. It is a long while Lena and I sit there after that, talking about normal things until we nearly fall asleep back to back and looking at the stars. With quiet goodbyes we leave one another at her floor, and I return to my own. The lights are all off, and there isn't any noise again...I never noticed how lonely it is in here.

It isn't until I lay my head down that I realize Lena just told two hours ago that me her favorite color was green.