Title: The Nerd and the Jock

Chapter 8

Brian and Justin continued to sit on the couch watching TV. I've been happier with Brian and the cutting was a way for me to escape the pain. So cutting was an escape. Now Brian is that escape. Although Brian is still the escape for me, I still burn myself. I don't want to ever stop burning myself. Cutting myself was something that was added on to burning myself which is why I could stop. But burning myself is something I don't want to stop. I don't think I could. The burning started before the cutting by a few years. When I was just burning myself it seemed like there was something else I needed to do. So I turned to cutting. The burning was only on my stomach. The cutting was on my arms and legs. Because the burning started first I figured burning my stomach was better because it was the easiest to cover. When the cutting started, I didn't want to cut my stomach so I just used my arms and legs. I wear pants and sweatshirts all the time and it's not like my parents noticed. I told Brian and was willing to quit the cutting but not the burning. I still do it. I have a clip from when I first started burning myself. My mom went to a friend's house and I went with her. Her friend had a daughter and we hung out in her room that one time. I noticed she had hair clips that had a metal part. So I took one. I got a lighter from the store and I used it ever since. I've had to get new lighters but the hair clip I could still use. Thinking about it makes me want to do it. "I'll be right back," Justin said, standing up.

"Where you going?"

"To pee." Justin runs up the stairs and goes in the bathroom. He takes out the lighter and hair clip in his pocket. He opens the hair clip, turns "on" the lighter and puts the metal part in the flame for a few seconds. He turns "off" the flame and puts the lighter in his pocket. He takes off his shirt, drops it on the floor, and presses the metal against his skin. He tightly shuts his eyes. He leaves the clip there for a few seconds then takes it off his stomach. Just then, he hears a knock on the door and Brian saying, "Justin, you okay?" which makes him drop the clip and have it land on his foot. He screams in pain and falls on the floor. "Justin, what happened?"

"Nothing," Justin replied quickly. Brian opens the door and looks at what's going on. Shit! I thought I locked it. Justin thought. Brian looks at Justin's shirt on the floor, the clip then at Justin and Justin's stomach then Justin's foot, which Justin is holding. Brian walks over to Justin and kneels down in front of him.

"Justin." Justin just looks down at his foot, not able to look at Brian. "Justin, look at me." Justin lifts his head up and meets Brian's gaze. "Do you burn yourself?"

"Yeah," Justin whispers so quietly it's barely heard by Brian.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Justin looks down again.

"Because I don't want to stop," Justin whispered.

"I could help - -"

"No!" Justin yells. "I don't want help!"

"You're getting help!" Brian yells back. "Whether you like it or not! I care about too much to lose you if this were to kill you! You're getting help and I don't give a shit if I have to tie you down!"

"If I'm such a burden then why don't I just leave?!"

"Cause I want you here! And you're not a burden! I'm helping you and you're getting help! Now let me look at your foot!" Justin stopped holding his foot and stretched it forward toward Brian. Brian held it and looked at it. "I have to get some cream but it doesn't look too bad." Brian gently set Justin's foot on the floor then stood up and got antibiotic ointment and gauze. Brian put the ointment on the burn and wrapped it in gauze. Brian picked up Justin and walked over to the bed. He set Justin down gently. Justin went to grab the blanket at the end of the bed but Brian stopped him. "I want to look at your stomach." Justin just laid back down on the bed. Brian looked at Justin stomach. There were old, new, healing, healed, and scarred burns. Brian went in the bathroom, got the ointment and gauze and went back over to Justin. Brian did the same to Justin's stomach as he did to his foot; put the ointment on the burns then wrapped his stomach in gauze. Brian out everything away and picked up Justin's shirt and the clip. He dropped Justin's shirt next to the bed but held the clip in his hand. "Justin, you have to stop this and get help. If you don't, you might die. I don't want you dying."

"Wouldn't it be better if I died?" Justin whispered.

"Of course not! Justin, look at me." Justin looked at him. "I love you. I don't want you to die. My parents love you as their own son. They wouldn't want you to die either. Will you get help? For me?"

"I don't know."

"Please Justin. I need you to stop this. Please?" Justin sighed.

"Fine."

"I'm getting rid of this," Brian said, holding up the clip. "And I'm guessing you have a lighter."

"Yeah." Justin took it out of his pocket and handed it to Brian. Brian took the lighter.

"I'll be right back. Don't move." Justin nodded once and just laid there. Now what? Justin thought.

Brian went down the stairs and out to the outside trashcans. Brian put the lighter and clip in the biggest trash can they had and took trash from the smaller trash cans and put it in the biggest trash can. Brian then ran back in up the stairs and into his room. Justin was still laying where he was when he left. Brian laid down next to Justin. "I have soccer practice tomorrow. Do you want to come?"

"I don't know," Justin said monotone.

"Justin, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"I'm just…on edge right now. It's just that, I used the burning and cutting as comfort and now I don't have anything for comfort."

"Well, you have me. You could use me for comfort."

"You mean, like, talk to you?"

"Yeah. Just talk to me when you need to talk."

"Why would you want me complain to you about stupid shit?"

"Because it's not complaining, and it's not stupid. I want you to talk to me. If you need to talk then talk. It doesn't matter when or where."

"What about when you have soccer or your friends are here or we're out or with your parents? What then?"

"When I have soccer and you need to talk, it would probably have to be after but you could wait on the bleachers. When our friends are here, we could just go somewhere else and talk. Same with if we're out or with my parents; we will just go somewhere else." Justin didn't say anything. "Justin, will you talk to me if you need to?"

"I don't want to be depressing and complain all the time."

"You won't be. It's okay if you want to talk."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Justin shivered and rubbed his arms.

"Cold?"

"Yeah." Brian got off the bed and picked up Justin's shirt. He handed Justin his shirt and he sat up. Justin put on his shirt and stood up. Brian and Justin stared at each other for a few moments then Justin crashed their lips together. They kissed until they needed air. They pulled away and looked at each other and smiled.

"What was that for?"

"I don't know. I just felt like it."

"What if I felt like doing this?" Brian started tickling Justin's sides. Justin tried to block him but was not able to.

"Brian stop," Justin laughed.

"No." Justin grabbed Brian's hands.

"What was that for?" Justin asked, pretending to be pissed.

"I just wanted to make you laugh," Brian said as he wrapped his arms around Justin's waste and pulled him against his body.

"You could have just made a joke or something?"

"I didn't feel like it. Now stop being so mad. Don't make me tickle you again." Justin smiled.

"Okay."

"Brat." Justin just smiled and wrapped his arms around Brian's neck.

"So I'm a brat?"

"Yes. But you're my brat."

"So now I'm yours?"

"Yes you are." Brian smiled and Justin just laughed.

"You're crazy."

"I know I am. Hey you wanna have some fun?"

"Sure."

"Come on." Brian said, grabbing Justin's hand and started leading him.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." Brian brought him to the basement.

"Why are we in the basement?"

"I'll show you." Brian went over to a cabinet that was on the right of the room. Brian opened it and took out a bottle. He closed the cabinet and went over to Justin and showed him the bottle.

"Vodka?" Justin asked, looking at Brian confused.

"Wanna get drunk?"

"No."

"Come on. It'll be fun."

"No. I don't want to. I'm not into that."

"I'm not into it either."

"Then why'd you get it out?"

"I just like to have a drink from it."


10 minutes later

Brian and Justin were sitting on the couch in the living room, making out. Justin was laying on the couch with Brian on top of him. After a while, Justin pulled back. "Brian, I can't go have sex with you."

"I know. You'll let me know when you want to." Justin smiled and Brian smiled back. They looked at each other for a moment then went back to making out.


A/N: Don't like, don't read. I would like some more reviews so I know how I'm doing. If no one likes this story then I'm not going to continue this story. I would like to know how I'm doing and if I should continue. If I don't get reviews, that's fine too but I probably wouldn't continue.