Danny lied in bed thinking contemplatively, he'd been this way for a while, and Jazz simply called it another one of those "funks." She understood that anyone who had to face their mortality daily would become depressed or moody but he didn't think it was that anymore. Sure his mind had been a complete and utter necropolis but it wasn't just because he had to face his mortality but because everything hurt.
It hurt to be alive and he wanted desperately for that to be an exaggeration. People didn't tend to feel themselves alive, it's always a sensation that is so natural that it's like it isn't even there, but for Danny every breath every beat of his heart was noticeable and it was painful. He could liken it to little pins and needles in every muscle in his body.
Danny turned over it had been like this for a few weeks now and he hadn't told anyone. That was a stupid move, he knew better than to ever deny any symptom he experienced, he knew he was supposed to tell Jazz who would in turn tell a doctor who would poke and prod him for weeks till they could contest that the ailment wasn't fatal.
Fatal, that word meant nothing to him; he'd visited the brink of death time and time again and had been pulled from it just as often. The boy shut his eyes and held his breath he wanted something more for himself but couldn't seem to find it anywhere or even begin to fathom what he could possibly accomplish. Danny wasn't sure what to do with himself half the time his days only seemed to exist in meaningless days.
If he was doing alright Mr. Lancer would come by and give him lessons for a few hours on school days then he could do what he pleased for the rest of the day which never amounted to much. Maybe he could go for a walk but never very far or alone, he could draw and paint but even his own creations drove him insane. Sam came by mostly but they never could do what they used to. And still throughout all these activities there was always the worry that he might have an "episode."
Danny perked up having his thoughts disturbed abruptly. He could still hear those horrible whisperings; they were supposed to be bad dreams. Sometimes they raised the volume to screams but he never knew who they were. It had to be the other people in the apartment building but he knew it was a lie. The sounds were sobering but the visions were hallucinatory. Mostly Danny was unsure of his sanity perhaps he was deteriorating in ways he'd never imagined.
The blue eyes looked to the ceiling and saw no comfort some days in his madness he wished he believed in God. He couldn't bring himself to hold onto that belief because he felt betrayed by the so-called deity that people always spoke of. If there was a higher power it had abandoned him or was playing some sick joke. No Danny couldn't believe there was all powerful being looking down on such a pathetic wretch of its own design.
There was a constant war raging in the teenager's mind. What was right was wrong and vice versa and nothing he could ever conjure up as an explanation ever made sense the next hour. Sometimes, he knew this well, what was right for one was wrong for mind skirted around the bend in the endless noise of his internal war.
If only he could make it all stop, make the sounds stop, the creatures that haunted his nights just disappear. If only he could leave and not ever worry about where he was and who he was with. He would give anything to shed the hospitals, the fears, and the manifest demons of his mind.
"What's the point?" Danny asked allowed and turned his head to stare at one of his own haunting paintings he had lying in the corner, it's screaming eyes looked blankly at him, if only it knew.
Danny sat upright; he knew what he wanted for himself now. He knew what he had to do, what he needed to do to find some sort of closure. He knew what was right and what was wrong and he knew that what was right for some was wrong for one. He looked at the clock Sam would be here soon, Jazz was in the shower, and Mike would be on his way home from work.
He needed to be quiet, he needed to be quick, and he could not hesitate not even for a second. It was what he wanted, what he always needed, it was something no one wanted him to have. There was no time for explanations and no more time to mull it over; he'd had years to do that.
Now or never he decided, now or never.
--------
Sam came over like always Mike let her in as she arrived at the same time he did. He talked happily with her about how he was excited to get to go to dinner with Jazz tonight, they hadn't been out together in weeks and he thanked Sam another time for giving them a chance to leave. The girl didn't think anything of it she loved those two very much they seemed to be like a family she never could find, so doing a favor for them felt natural.
Jazz greeted her as she was still getting ready to go out, Sam sat on her bed and talked as Jazz applied make-up. "Danny is sleeping; at least he was when I was showering. He's been a little moody lately, though you already knew that. Try to cheer him up if you can." She said then paused to put some red lipstick on a wonderful compliment to her flaming hair.
"God Jazz you're so gorgeous." Sam blurted out staring at the mirror image of the older girl.
Jazz blushed slightly. "I'm just a girl." She said meekly with a shrug of her shoulders. She smiled as another figure came into the bedroom.
"Hey beautiful are you tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day." He looked at her with a large grin.
"You're such a flirt, get out of here." She teased.
Sam grinned at the two. "Well, I'm gonna go see if I can wake Danny so you can both say goodnight then whisk away to your romantic evening." She stated dramatically and stood from the bed.
Jazz beamed and didn't seem to think about the words that began forming on her lips. "I'm so happy you came you're really helping this family out."
A sense of validation provided a sincere smile from the girl she said nothing and simply exited the room. She admired Jazz and Mike's relationship and wanted someday to emulate it, if she ever found someone she wanted to be that happy. She walked the short distance to Danny's room but already as she pushed the door open she felt something was wrong.
She nearly flew to his bed to get a better view of the sickly looking sight. At first she almost believed that he had fallen into an episode but it only took her a few seconds to realize that wasn't the problem at all. His body looked rigid almost frozen she touched his arm slightly and barely whispered his name. In response his body convulsed his eyes had rolled into the back of his head and Sam screamed in horror.
"Jazz!" She shrieked. "Get in here, Jazz! Mike! Jazz please!"
"Shit what the hell is happening?" Sam cried as Jazz charged into the room and saw her brother's figure seizing violently. A seizure wasn't something Danny ever had she shouted out the door for Mike to call for an ambulance and she received no protest. If she ever asked for paramedics there was no question, there was no investigation, it was simply done right away.
She heard a crack and saw the bottle lying on the ground splintered now from her weight. Jazz picked it up and looked at Sam with a faint glare. "Pain killers? These yours?" She questioned.
"Yeah…" Sam replied sheepishly. "I wasn't using them…I haven't since we started talking."
"Shut up. How many were there?" Jazz was hostile; her brother may have been dying. "How many damn it!" This was no time for Sam to be shy.
"Umm…umm…ten or eleven, at least eleven left if I can remember." She responded quickly.
Jazz tipped it upside down. "Well it's fucking empty."
"What?! That's crazy! That's...that's…"
"Suicide?" The red head interpolated.
"Oh."
Mike appeared at the door. "The ambulance is on the way." He came to Jazz's side and she thrust the pill bottle into his hand.
"He took eleven." She announced and they watched helplessly as Danny seized knowing better then to touch him, knowing that he was dying as they just stood there.
Finally the ambulance came and hauled Danny off Jazz in tow, telling them to meet her at the hospital. She didn't have time to say anything else but 'meet you there.' So Mike and Sam stood awkwardly staring at each other.
"Oh God…this is all my fault. Those were my pills; he wouldn't have had anything if I wasn't around. Oh my God…Danny."
"Snap out of Sam…if there's any one to blame it's me. I mean Christ I've seen that kid in a suicidal fit and I kept it between us. I should've told Jazz maybe we could've gotten help. No, we still can, he'll be alright. Come on Sam we need to be strong if not for Danny for Jazz."
--------------
"Damn it Danny why would you do this to me?" Jazz seethed under her breath as she watched the sway of his limp body in the ambulance. He needed his stomach pumped they'd said, he was in very bad shape; his body was shutting down…She shook her head and the stray tears she couldn't hold onto sparkled around her. She felt sick she didn't want to look at him anymore; she didn't want to think about it anymore.
She approached Mike and Sam in the waiting room her voice gone her eyes filled with rage.
"What? What's going on?" Mike trembled taking her in his arms. "He's…he's…"
"Hanging in there…they say he doesn't have a good chance though…we might lose him."
"We won't. He's tough."
Sam listened in and began sobbing. "This is my fault." She wailed and buried her head in her hands.
Jazz pulled away and sighed whilst shaking her head. "Comfort her would you? I…I can't deal with this right now but she needs some support."
Mike looked at her weakly. "Are you gonna be okay?" He asked taking her shoulders.
She broke away. "Yeah, I'm just really pissed right now; I need to take a walk."
He nodded slightly confused but let her go. He sat beside Sam and wrapped her in a hug trying to soothe the young girl. He rocked her back and forth feeling like she was a terrified little sister and hushed her.
"Now now Sammy, it's alright. This isn't your fault, this isn't our fault. Our boy's gonna hold on for us, you know he will."
It was a lie he didn't think that at all, he didn't believe that Danny would fight this, afterall the boy's intent had been to leave them. Why now, now that he had been caught would he righteously and valiantly fight for his life? Whether he had been lying in his bed or in a hospital bed nothing had changed, at least not yet.
He sought hope, he wanted so bad to believe this was all a horrible mistake. But all he could seem to do was spew lies out for the girls because he knew what a suicidal person thought and he knew that both the girls couldn't take that reality. But Mike knew exactly where Danny stood.
A good five minutes had passed until Sam had gotten a grip. She sat upright and wiped her eyes on her sleeve; she sniffed then gave him a wayward smile. "I'm-I'm sorry, I kinda lost it there. I'm okay now. Sorry."
"It's alright I'm scared too…but we've got to be strong for Danny and for Jazz."
Sam sniffed and looked steadfastly at him. "She's not herself, is she?" He shook his head. "God everything is so fucked right now."
--
Jazz paced outside the hospital more angry then she'd ever been. What was he thinking did he really think she was just going to let him go? For what? How could he be so selfish? She loved him, and he was going to take himself away from her.
"Jazz? Jazz is that you?"
She turned at the voice and smiled slightly. "Lucas…" She sighed and ran to him his arms enveloped her. "Mike must've called."
"Yeah. What's with our boy, is he okay?" He pulled his unruly black hair from his dark brown eyes and looked at his friend with concern, completely out of character for the usually fun-loving guy.
"I don't know anymore. He was alive last I saw him…Jesus Luke he…suicide?" She paused and looked to her friend for something to say. "Do you have a cigarette?"
"Jazz you don't usually smoke." He stated looking at her baffled.
"Heh, I know hell of a thing that. But…right now I just need something to calm my nerves. Please?"
He sighed but yielded to her desires and withdrew his pack of vanilla cloves and he took two, one for him and one for her. The two lit up the cigarettes and stood in the cold staring at the parking lot. Cars drove in and cars drove out, an ambulance shrieked out of the lot onto it's next save. Softly a few faint snowflakes blustered about in the wind.
Jazz blew a puff smoke out with an exasperated sigh. "If he dies tonight…God I'll be so lost."
Luke nodded unsure of what to add, he knew Danny, but Danny wasn't his brother he couldn't begin to understand what she was feeling. He was distraught over the horrible state everyone was in right now, especially the kid. Jazz felt Luke's arm around her shoulder but she was lost her mind was connecting the past to the present.
She was staring out over the parking lot but she wasn't really looking she was lost, sometime else.
--
"Dad? Are you...are you drinking?" Jazz asked nervously as she walked into the darkened kitchen and there her father sat in a dim light with papers of all kinds sprawled out on the kitchen table. He took a swig from the bottle then looked at her through glassy eyes, he'd been crying. "Dad you can't be drinking."
"Your brother's dead Jasmine." He announced in a dark voice staring straight through her.
Jazz backed up ands hook her head. "No...no, I just saw him...he's not. When did you get the call? Does mom know?"
"No call, he's still at the hospital with your mother, here's there but he's dead. Machines say he's still breathing, but its an illusion Jasmine, your brother is dead."
"It's only a coma...he'll come out of it soon. It's not death, Danny's young he has a chance, don't ever talk like that."
Jazz scolded her father as if it were natural but her entire mind had just spun out of control in a matter of seconds because he had told her Danny was dead. That was something she feared everyday and would never take lightly. If anyone said Danny was dead she'd have to accept it as truth until she saw otherwise.
"Come sit here Jazzy, I'll explain." She came beside him and stared at the papers he had laid out. "Danny's not physically dead but he's terminal, want to know how I know this?" He paused waiting for her response, she was silent. "Ectoplasm Jazz, ectoplasm, he's infected with it. It's tainted his body and it's poisoning it."
"So what if he does come out of that coma the ectoplasm is still there, he was exposed to too much, it's eating at him. You know about ectoplasm don't you? It's what ghosts manifest themselves out of."
"What are you talking about?" Jazz asked harshly. "That makes no sense."
"The ghost zone Jazz, the ghost zone." He said loudly. "Danny opened up the portal he was exposed to ectoplasm. In theory the ghost zone is completely made up of ectoplasm, a very real substance but it's more of an unworldly material, we theorized that the human spirit isn't tangible but can imprint itself on a certain substance like ectoplasm. It allows the unrestful "soul" to continue an existence in this world instead of going wherever the dead go. It isn't meant for the living, the organic composition of the body can't handle ectoplasm in the system, it eats at it dissolves it."
Jazz blinked at the papers none of this was supposed to make sense let alone be a valid explanation. Ghosts weren't real, ectoplasm wasn't real, but if that was true then her little brother would've only been shocked by the electricity not afflicted with a terrible illness. "You're saying that...this "substance" is destroying Danny from the inside."
"Like a cancer, it'll weaken him, feed off of him and isn't curable. We can't remove it from his system no one can, unless his body finds some way to regulate and use the ectoplasm it'll continue to rage against his immune system and vital organs till there's nothing left to sustain his life. Ectoplasm can't be in an organic life form, it kills, it's like filling a live person with embalming fluid."
"But..."
"Your mother knows it too, she sits there and holds his hand and tells him to be strong and fight, but she knows he's going to die. She knows we can't save him no matter how many expensive hospital trips we take. Heh. I spent my entire life devoted to studying ghosts, then I had kids and I never let the two interfere with each other. One could never impede upon the other because both were so important to me, now I have to choose between the two."
The young woman could hear the tone in his voice and see the glint in his eye. "It shouldn't even be a choice." She said firmly with a vicious glare. "How can science compare to your children?"
"Children? I've only got a daughter now and she's old enough to care for herself."
Jazz stood up and slammed her fists on the table. "Danny's got a chance, you'll see, mom's not holding his hand to give him false hope she believes it too. Nothing is set in stone, you'll see Danny will live a long life he'll beat this. Don't you dare give up on him while he still has breath to breathe, I know I won't."
"It's a poison Jazz. A poison."
--
"Come on Jazz, we better get back inside before people start to worry." Lucas said softly touching her arm.
She snapped out of her trance and flicked her cigarette butt away. She felt disorientated and terrified, somehow her past wouldn't leave her. "Yeah...sure." She agreed.
Sorry guys I'd update more if I wasn't always so busy. I try my best so forgive me and take what you can get out of me.
