The decision to abandon dinner had been a hard but necessary one.

Hard for Kirby and Toon Link, anyway. Alph decided he'd rather starve than tuck into the cold remains of this greasy 'pizza' the two had dug up from goodness knows where.

The three piled out of the tower in a rush to find the source of the scream, the oppressive dark closing up behind them and pulling the building from sight as soon as they entered the treeline.

Dead trees loomed down from above, twisted into clawed spectres by the shadows of night and dipping into Alph's circle of light like hands into water, hurrying them along into the darkness.

The screaming lead them further into the dark, eventually growing into a cacophony of banging and yelling, punctuated by the unmistakable sound of a broken engine straining to start.

Light bloomed from a break in the trees ahead and the three ran into the scene just in time to find Bowser Jr, lit from behind by the harsh lights of his smoking Junior Clown Car, pummelling some poor Dark Matter possessed soul while shrieking his lungs out, each word punctuated by a meaty impact from his hammer.

"GET! AWAY! FROM! ME! YOU! NASTY! THING!"

With a final whack, the indistinct blob shed its gooey covering with a flash of light, briefly illuminating the trees harsh white, leaving the trophy of a Koopa Trooper in its place as Alph blinked the afterimage out of his eyes.

Bowser Jr took a deep breath, slipped his hammer away, and let his eyes slip past the trophy to fall on the assembled group before screaming again. "AHHHHH-" He cut himself off with a blink of recognition, "Oh, it's just you guys." He rolled his eyes hard enough to make out through the sharp light, before waving dismissively and adding as an afterthought; "Hey, Link."

"Hey Junior." Link started tentatively, "What's going on out here?"

Junior stuck his tongue out. "Nosey. None of your business what I'm doing out here."

As he said this, the Clown Car finally died, cutting the lights and letting night pour back in. With a poorly hidden squeak of surprise, Bowser Junior relented immediately. "Okay, fine! I'll tell you. Get over here, I can't see what I'm doing."

The Clown Car turned out to be overflowing with junk.

"Dad grounded me in the castle 'cause something's going on." Junior muttered, sorting through the pile spewing from his vehicle. "That's boring though. That earthquake took out part of the castle, so I thought I'd do him a favour and take some soldiers to go get it back, you know?" He pulled a shoe from under his chair and chucked it into the darkness. "We never found it. We found a bunch of junked stuff instead, so I thought it would be cool to take a bunch of things and make stuff from them, like in those movies where the world has ended." He threw a lumpy piece of fabric at Alph's feet, huffing. "Those black things started crawling out of everything! They took out my entire squad, and they trashed my Clown Car!" Bowser Jr kicked the lumpy fabric, flipping it over. "I should've known a bunch of do-gooding heroes would turn up too."

"Hold on." Alph grabbed the fabric for a closer look. "Junior, where did you get this?"

"Hey, I'm not done. Why should I tell you anyway, Pikmin boy?"

Alph ignored him, brushing the ash off the fabric until the design underneath became visible, revealing it to be some kind of welcome mat, shaped like an ugly looking animal; Tongue lolling and eyes bulging on stalks. "This belongs to Captain Olimar! It was in his ship!" He shook it for emphasis, then stopped, grimacing, as a caked on black smear started to flake off onto his lap. "Junior, if you take us to where you found this, it would be really helpful."

"Well, I'm not feeling helpful." Bowser Jr snorted. "Why should I?"

"Because-" Alph started, prepared to tell him of the importance of finding his ship, how much it could help them defeat Dark Matter to simply know where they are, of how it's simply the right thing to do, except instead Toon Link cut over him.

"Hang on Alph, I got this." Link tented his hands in front of his face, fixing Bowser Jr with a confident stare. "We found your tower. And, we found half a pizza inside. You help us, and we'll take you right to it. Your dad never has to know you lost anything."

Cogs turned visibly behind Junior's eyes before he threw his head back with a groan of frustration, "Fine! I'll take you. But it'll take forever without my Clown Car, those black things busted it."

Alph glanced at the pile of junk Junior had pilfered from the ships, a smile setting on his face as he spotted a handful of replacement parts for the Drake poking from underneath. Finally, something he can do!

"Don't worry, I can fix it."


Toon Link examined Olimar's ugly welcome mat as Alph replaced some burst fuel lines in the engine, trying and failing to remove a footprint-shaped scuff of black gunk that had seemingly fused with the rough fabric. "What's this thing supposed to be, anyway?"

"Well, I think my translator might be a bit broken, because he keeps saying it's a dog."

"A dog? No way!" Link let out a bark of laughter, "It looks like one of those things that tries to eat us in the Distant Planet arena."

"Hah! It does!" Alph laughed, doing his best to keep his hands still as he worked. "The Captain owns one as a pet, I think he named the bulborbs after it, actually." He hummed thoughtfully, "If it is a dog, it's nothing like the ones on Koppi. Not enough eyes."

"What."


The Clown Car spluttered to life with a cough of exhaust and a flickering of lights. Alph stepping back with a content sigh as it righted itself onto its spinning rotor, throwing up ash until a small circle of clear ground appeared underneath.

"Aw yeah!" Bowser Jr didn't bother to hide his glee as he leapt into the driver's seat "If dad was here he'd be so stealing you."

"It's a bit of a patch job," Alph admitted, grunting as Junior gabbed his arm to help him climb into the space behind his seat, Toony hopping in behind. "If you're too rough with it, it may break again."

"Don't care!" Junior hit the throttle hard to prove his point, rocketing the Clown Car above the treeline with Kirby clinging to Link's arm for dear life. "You'll just have to fix it again!"

As they flew, the upper branches of the trees reached for them in the headlights of the Car, the dancing shadows of the woods making them appear alive and writhing.

"Bowser Junior?" Kirby asked, unable to stop himself from breaking the silence. "Why's your dad kidnapping people for playdates?"

"What- Link! You tattled!" Bowser Jr shrieked, twisting in his seat to face the little green swordsman.

"No, I didn't!" Link squeaked, as Junior almost pushed him out of the Car, "Your dad booked me in for another one! And Alph too! While attacking us! In front of everyone!"

"Uuuuugh," Junior responded to this news by knocking his face against the steering wheel "That's so embarrassing…" At the questioning silence from everyone else, he continued- "He's been watching parenting shows. And listening to them, like, a lot. Enforcing bedtimes, chores, vegetables…"

Alph stuck his tongue out sympathetically, "Ew."

"Yeah, exactly." He paused, briefly. "…When are you two coming?"

"Wednesday." Link said, "You guys are really out of blindfolds?"

"Yeah, the troops were doing some kinda teambuilding thing…" Junior shifted awkwardly, "… You wanna get schooled in Mario Kart again? We can order in more food."

Toony nodded. "Yeah, sure. But I get to pick the tracks!"

"Only if I pick the food!

"Deal!"


Just like everything else, the clearing where the ships were parked had been trashed.

Unlike everything else, the Drake had held up fine. The main body had been smashed into the ground, legs splayed underneath like a crushed insect, but the hull remained intact and unbreached beyond minor cracks snaking over the exterior windows.

Olimar's ship, on the other hand, had folded like paper. The hull blown out by the pressure difference against the outside atmosphere and the loose contents sprayed into the surrounding trees like confetti; An empty suit hanging from the blackened branches of a dead pine like a ghost.

The impact had left the ship's annoying AI mercifully silent.

"Well, here's the place. You're welcome, I guess." Junior groused, physically pushing them out of the Clown Car, "Go do whatever you're here for! I don't have all night!"

Alph ignored him and ran for his ship, mentally running diagnostics.

With no signal to the Kop-pad and no lights, the power must be cut. He tugged open a panel and pushed bundles of wires out of the way until the fuel cells appeared. Designed to be removed, the connectors to the cells could be jostled out of place by a bad enough hit.

Reattaching them was a simple enough process, and as each wire snapped back into place, the Drake hummed to life bit by bit.

The moment the tractor beam came online, Alph leapt inside without a second thought and allowed it to draw him into the ship.

Helmet discarded by the airlock, he ran for the computer.

Caught mid-reboot, it spat scrolling lists of errors onto the main screen, everything from the sudden increase in gravity that comes with being smacked by a giant evil hand to the catastrophic loss of power that comes with all your batteries being disconnected.

Happy that the Drake's limited AI could handle a simple restart, Alph ran for the kitchen.

He was starving. Yanking the fridge open, he grabbed the first juice he saw, long past caring about the flavour. Whatever it was, it was sweet and red and would quell the ache in his stomach long enough to get work done.

He wouldn't be able to update the Kop-pad map without getting into orbit, but once the ship was running again the mapping software would automatically start to display exactly where they'd been in the last few hours, generating a time-stamped route from place to place which would hopefully help in planning their next move.

With nothing to do until the computer was done rebooting, Alph pulled his helmet back on, turned towards the airlock and walked into a doorway as an enormous dialogue box took up his entire Heads Up Display.

'Update Now?'

An update? Now? Really?

Alph dismissed it with a roll of his eyes, crashing into the doorframe again as an even larger box popped up.

'Wrong Answer. Starting update.'

Malware. Of course.

The 'update' installed in a matter of seconds. A simulated update, Alph assumed, as the ship had no connection to anything now, whatever it was must have already been installed and waiting for him.

The HUD blinked off for a moment, returning seconds later with a shiny new icon floating in the corner, cobbled together out of already-existing assists twisted awkwardly into the shape of a hand.

"Hey." The in-helmet speakers spat and crackled with a familiar voice as the digital intruder flickered and twitched into a wave. "It's me, your pal Crazy Hand."

"I live here now."


((Still here, still truckin...

What do you know? It's our good friend Crazy Hand who is absolutely in no way responsible for this mess! I'm sure he'll be a great asset.

And not a shoehorned tool to spew a lot of exposition very quickly.

I've tried to pull back from cool monster fights for a few chapters to help move things along narratively, but I assure you, the peace won't last very long for our intrepid heroes and also Bowser Jr.

Also, anyone else having huge trouble with formatting? It ruins my word flow ans I'm suddenly being forced to put in a load of line breaks to keep sectioned up :/

Please review!))