That sassy, meddlesome hobbit! She was going to get a very rough handling once he got his chance again to bed her! She'd find no gentleness in his lovemaking when the time came. He gritted his teeth as the wool blanket barely kept him warm. Thorins monotone voice only going in one ear and out the other. Dain was in no mood to speak with anyone, as the barge floated onward, taking them towards the smelly, fishy city of men.
As the barge man gently docked, Dain was the first to get off the stupid boat, making sure to watch his step as he stood on the boardwalk. Fish was his least favorite meal, the sight and smell of the water dwelling food source making his nose sting at the stench.
Dain waiting for Thorin to lead the way towards their destination, his eyes unaccustomed to the strange lay out of the town. Hobbit in tow, the king started his way towards the center of the town, the company brushing past multiple fisherman trying to sell their daily catches.
"What is our task here?" Dain asked.
"We're to talk of trade. I wish to purchase spices and wine for our upcoming wedding." He patted the hobbit lass sassily on the rump.
"Thorin!" She hissed at him, seeming to be easily embarrassed with physical display of affection in the Lake Town.
"Ah, so you've decided on a date then?"
"Not quite, soon though, right my little hobbit?" Thorin took a teasing hand and pinched her rump playfully, the lass smacking at his retreating hand.
"Really Thorin!" She muttered, cheeks glowing in their flushed nature.
"And what do you intend to trade with?" Dain asked another question, the king stoping the group in front of a large trading post.
"Forged iron from our mountain, they know our craftsmanship is the best around." He answered his kin, Thorins keen eyes searching around for their main trader, Bard.
"Thorin." The man called to his expected visitor. Bard was use to trading with the dwarf king, and was also accustomed to seeing Bilbo as well. When Bard noticed the hobbit in a dress, a lot of strange notions came across his mind, but he put those thoughts aside. Whatever those two did with one another was none of the trade masters business.
"So, shall we begin?" The man asked of the king, vaguely noticing another dwarf within Thorins company, but thought nothing of it.
"Alright, I'll need twenty pound of spices, and ten barrels of the finest wine you've got. And not that elvish wine, I don't care to mix any of my business with their lot." He spat his words, his feeling of dislike greater than usual due to Kili's horrific involvement with a she-elf. Durin forbid that the young dwarf somehow conceive with that dirty little tramp!
"Alright, I'll see what I can find. In exchange we'll need double the usual amount of iron. Finding wine that fancy takes a skilled trade." Bard explained, the dwarf king sighing before grudgingly agreeing to the terms.
"I'll have everything ready in one week, that much I'll guarantee." Bard shook the dwarfs hand, sealing the deal.
"If you're purchasing wine for your wedding, I'm assuming you are going to have a bachelor party before the special day?" Dain inquired, noticing that the hobbit got a rather odd look on her face. Perhaps she didn't like the idea of Thorin having a manly night with his dwarf friends, enjoying alcohol and women.
"I'm not a young pup like Fili or Kili, I've no need for such romping about before our ceremony." Thorin stated his opinion, he too had noticed his hobbit acting uneasy at the mention of a bachelor party. Bilbo was rather adorable when he acted jealous, but there really wasn't a need for the behavior. Thorin was only interested in his hobbit, no simple bar maid nor dwarfish lady could convince him of thinking otherwise.
"Ah, but why not? No harm in having some entertainment before you're saddled with just one lass." Dain's words both insulted and angered Bilbo, his little hobbit teeth starting to grind in annoyance.
"Let it go, Dain. We have other tasks to attend to." Thorin urged his kin, no happy with his hobbit companion getting hurt feelings by his cousins loud mouth.
"Aye, as you so desire. When we've no female company I'll bring it up again, and with more detailed ideas." To this, all Bilbo could imagine in his easily jealous mind, was the image of Thorin getting fresh and handsy with a hired female from the town of Dale.
Bilbo tried his best not to let his imagination control his anger and make him lose his senses, but it was rather hard when that blaster dwarf Dain smiled so damn smugly!
As Thorin lead the group over to a fish seller, the hobbit stepped back and pretended to be looking over different fishes freshly caught that day. In actuality, the miffed minded Bilbo was scheming. He noticed Dain's nose constantly wrinkled in distaste at the smell of the town, and could guess that the dwarf wasn't fond of the fishiness within the air. So with that assumption in mind, and Bilbo's keen eyes noticing a very large amount of feral cats wandering the walkways, a plan started forming.
Sneakily, the fellow purchased a fish without any of his companions noticing. A small yet potent fish that he then began teasing the cats with, getting a group of curious felines to follow him closer to the unaware body of Dain. The dwarf was wearing a jacket with large pockets, and so very carefully, the hobbit showed his cat followers where the fishy was going, by placing it silently into the pocket of Dain.
Backing away to act innocent, the hobbit watched as at first one cat pawed playfully at the dwarfs pocket. The Dwarf barely batted away the creature, more interested in his conversation with Thorin and the fish seller.
His pocket started getting batted at by two, then three cats, a group of others standing back to see if their friends could steal the fishy morsel. Dain was starting to get fidgety as he stood, still trying to half heartily bat away the insistent animals.
One cat had had enough foreplay, and wanted the whole prize. With needle sharp claws, the rather large feral cat began clawing his way up Dain's leg. That got the dwarfs full attention! The fellow howled and tried shaking the furry fighter off, only making the cat dig in more and start biting the loudly yelling Dain. He started running around the walkways, trying to rid himself of the mean spirited feline as a mass of other cats chased after the dwarf. The sight was rather hilarious, the mighty Ironfoot getting attacked and chased by homeless kitties. His leg shaking from time to time as he ran, still trying his damnedest to get the large cat off his pained leg.
The ferocious kitty found his host very rude, and started making his way further up the dwarfs body, clawing and biting until he reached the hairy fellows beard. Once the cat had reached Dain's beard, the irate dwarf reached out, grabbed the fighting creature, and with a very hard kick, he bunted the mean thing off the docks and into the water.
"Who wants a piece of me?!" He growled at the group that had followed him, fists raised as if ready to fight all of the feral cats within Lake Town.
At this point all the fishermen were laughing, pointing and chuckling so hard that some men had tears in their eyes. They'd never seen such a ridiculous display and found it the most idiotic yet funniest thing they'd ever viewed.
As Dain glared down the curiously staring cats, his body was bent just so that a small, smelly fish slipped out of his pocket. One cat quickly grabbed the tasty meal and with his leave the others seemed to follow. The ready to rumble Dain watched stupidly as the cats all went away, leaving him to look the fool in front of all the lake men.
Straightening his posture, he walked up to his smirking cousin and informed the trying not to laugh Thorin that he would be waiting on the barge. With determined strides, he marched past Thorin and when passing Bilbo he gave the hobbit the stink eye, possibly thinking the lass had something to do with his assault. Bilbo watched as the displeased dwarf made his way back to the barge, before turning his attention towards Thorin.
"Bilbo." Thorin eyed the hobbit, trying hard to look sternly but he couldn't help it. The king laughed, patting the prankster on the back and saying that he'd never seen a dwarf attracting that much pussy. His statement made the hobbit laugh out loud, finding the play on words incredibly funny.
"I doubt he'll look at another 'pussy' the same way." Bilbo joked with his counterpart, the lightly immature humor making Thorin chuckle, his arms going around the hobbits shoulders as they began heading towards a nearby pub.
"Why are we going in here?" Bilbo asked, still willingly walking along next to his companion.
"After that incident, I think we both could use a bit of food and drink. Let Dain pout out all his soreness on the barge." Thorin explained, leading his hobbit into the pub and helping Bilbo with his seat. Dain was by no means a dwarf you wanted to be around when he sulked, and so the two would wait it out before heading back to their home under the mountain.
-0-0-
Inside the comfort of the inn, Bofur was playing a private tune for the dwarf lass he'd recently met. Doing a little dance as he played joyfully, the female clapping her hands to the melody, a smile plastered on her bearded face.
As the tune began to slowly fade, her happy looking face changed to that of a saddened maiden. Her eyes unreadable as he completely stopped playing and watched her behavior with a keen gaze.
"Earlier, you said that Dain had promised you to Thorin Oakenshield, and you didn't believe my words when I told you that Thorin was bethrothed to another. Why do you suppose Dain hasn't told you this news?" Bofur inquired carefully, not wanting the lass to become defensive towards his question.
She sat down in a near by chair and kept quiet for a little while, Bofur being kind and letting her take time to answer him.
"Gerta, is suppose to marry Thorin. If king already has bride, then Gerta is in trouble. May not be able to return home if what you say is true." She began, her tones uneasy, her dark eyes trying to hold back fear.
"Couldn't go back home? But why not? It's not like there aren't plenty of other dwarfs that'd chop off their mothers beard just to have you at their arm." He complimented her, the lady dwarf sighed and shook her head.
"Is no good. Gerta can not return because of lord Dain's..." She paused, eyeing Bofur wearily.
"Go on, you can tell me anything. I promise that nothing said will leave this room, Gerta." He smiled reassuringly, willing the lass to continue.
Her eyes started to mist as her thick hands wiped at the perspiration happening. "It is private matter, Gerta has told no one like lord Dain asked...but Gerta fearful now. If what you say is true." Seeing the strong bodied lass acting so sensitive warmed Bofurs heart. He reached out a hand and clasped hers gently.
"Whatever it is, I'll help you in any way I can." He promised the emotional dwarf, watching her nod in understanding. With a sniff, Gerta began her story.
"Gerta milked the goats belonging to lord Dain. He is a fair employer and paid Gerta well. Not long ago, he starts acting strange around Gerta, looking over her like livestock at sale! Then one day he asks to have private meeting with Gerta. It was very scary and different, being invited inside lord Dain's chambers. Gerta thought it unusual for such an important dwarf wanting to visit with her in his private room." The lass let out a sigh at the memory.
"Lord Dain asked if Gerta was married. I told him truth, that Gerta hadn't had any dwarf male touch her. That's when he said, 'perfect, you come here now'." Her eyes grew sorrowful as she paused again, Bofur feeling very sorry for the simple yet kind hearted lass.
"Lord Dain ordered Gerta to do things with him, things she'd never done before. He left bruises, and Gerta is a strong dwarf! After the mighty Dain took what he wanted of Gerta, he tells her that she will travel with him, to Lonely Mountain. That she was going to marry Thorin Oakenshield and that she must never tell Thorin about what Dain did to her."
Aha! Very treacherous, this Ironfoot dwarf! Marry Thorin to her and let the king think he conceives with the bride on their wedding night! What a dastardly, sneaky thing to do all in effort to try and steal the kingdom. This simple girl was a victim, not an accomplice. He'd have to make that very clear to Thorin once he told him everything. Little Gerta had suffered enough, carrying a bastard child, that's why she had said she couldn't go back home! That Dain needed to be taken out and hung to death, the heartless bastard!
"Gerta, I know you're scared and worried, but things will turn out. If you can't go home, you can live here or inside the Lonely Mountain." Bofur tried comforting the other, Gerta taking her hand away and standing up. She walked over to the window and stared out with glassy, defeated looking eyes.
"Gerta is a disgrace, there can be no home for her anymore." She spoke emptily.
"Don't talk like that, you've got a friend now, a dwarf that won't take advantage of your sweet nature." He stood and walked over to her, patting her shoulder friendlily.
"You are nice dwarf, Gerta feels glad to have met you." She admitted cautiously to the other, her dark chocolate eyes looking wearily at the musical dwarf. "Please, promise Gerta you'll visit her soon. She gets lonely in this human village."
"Of course, lass! I'll be back again soon to check on your pretty little self. I have to get going, but I'll be back soon!" He winked, and before fear could grip his heart and stop him, the flirty dwarf pecked the bearded lass on the cheek before dashing out of the room and down the stairs. He had some important information ready for Thorin!
-0-0-
The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.
