Chapter 8: Mistake
"You've… obviously never been in an Alliance jail." - John Shepard
In which Shepard kisses Kaidan... while drunk AF... and Kaidan is conflicted.
He managed to haul Shepard with him at last, but thankfully, he could walk by himself. If there was one person that needed to have some fun for once, it was Shepard, and he wasn't going to take that away from him. After everything he had accomplished, stopping one of the greatest threats that the galaxy had faced, he sure deserved a break. When they arrived at the Wards, in hope that they could get to the Normandy without any complications, they were proved wrong.
"There he is!" they heard a man call, as three others collected themselves around him. "He has Zorya!"
Kaidan frowned. "Wait, wh -?"
"Go!" Shepard called. Before he could process what was happening, he was pushed ahead and started running, his CO quick on his heel.
"Who the hell is Zorya?" he asked exasperated.
"Dammit, hell if I know!"
They were about to take a right turn after reaching the end of the hallway, but five of them appeared around the corner, and Kaidan felt a strong hand grip his bicep. For a moment, his breath got stuck in his throat, but then he was turned around to see Shepard having changed their direction towards an elevator to their side. Kaidan's hand was grasped, and he was pulled along, letting Shepard choose their route.
Bullets went flying in their direction and they barely managed to take cover before they were seriously wounded.
Shepard groaned. "Dammit! We'll head for the roof. I stole a skycar."
"Wait, you did... you did what? Hell, I leave you alone for thirty minutes -!"
"Nag, nag, nag!" He quickly punched the button up.
The elevator jerked loose when his hand encountered the panel, so the two managed to lose their balance, causing an intoxicated Shepard to crash into him. Kaidan grabbed him to secure he didn't fall. The doors shut and the elevator started moving. They were safe for now. Not too long after, the vehicle reached the roof. Moving out, he was well-aware that they didn't have much time before the elevator would descend and bring the other guys up after them.
They were definitely not playing around.
Civilians didn't carry firearms with them at every port, so hell, they must've smuggled them in. If one thing was certain, it was that they were really choked up about Shepard stealing someone - or something - named Zorya. Zorya was a planet in the Faia system so it had to be a reason why it caught some interest.
Nevertheless, they came face-to-face with a hijacked getaway.
"That the car? Yeah, that's... that's great," Kaidan said, with clear sarcasm. "Hell, only soldiers and Spectres are allowed to carry firearms at the Citadel." Scouting the area for an escape route, he couldn't see one. "Hey, Shepard. Shouldn't we call the authorities or something?"
"That would be a great idea, but we don't exactly have the, ah... permit to be here."
Kaidan sighed. "You've got to be kidding..."
"I happen to have pissed off some security officers," he replied, heading for the skycar. "They didn't give a damn that I was a Spectre. So unless you want to end up in an Alliance jail... Hng." He pushed some debris away from the vehicle. "I suggest we take care of these guys ourselves."
"Wh -what's worse?"
"You've... obviously never been in an Alliance jail." It sounded like he had experience. His CO walked up to a barrel that had an assault rifle leaning quaintly up against it, casually grabbed the firearm as if it was just a normal Thursday, and that he was used to all this. "Heads up!" Shepard called, throwing it over.
Kaidan caught, watching him crouch down next to the skycar.
Those guys that were chasing them were trying to break through the door, so he readied the rifle, ready to shoot if they managed to break in. He checked if there was bullets in the magazine and was thankful to find it nearly full. He eventually realized that Shepard was aware of the gun's presence.
"Wait, hold on, did you... did you leave this here?" He received no reply but the sound of a wooden block being pushed under the car. "Seriously, Shepard. Talk to me..."
"Well, this doesn't look too difficult," he said, lying down on his back below the vehicle. He was about to ask where the hell he learned how to fix cars, but the exact moment he opened his mouth, the thugs broke through the door. His eyes snapped open, starting to shoot. "Hey, I know how to do this!"
"Shepard!"
"Got it!" He pushed himself away from under the vehicle, kicked the wooden block away and once again grasped Kaidan's arm, pulling him along before propping to the driver's seat. "Let's get the hell outta here!"
"You told me you couldn't drive!"
"I can't!" he replied, and ducked when bullets flew their way while Kaidan jerked aside. "What, do you want me to go around and get shot instead, lieutenant? Just get in!"
"Dammit, at least scoot over!"
"Fine, take it!" he called back, moving aside. Kaidan grabbed the controls and didn't waste one moment to get the skycar moving. However, the quick motion caused Shepard to tumble backwards as he had been unable to sit down. "Whoa-oh!"
Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Shepard sprawled in the backseat. He was unable to hold back the amused smile as he got up on his feet again, a startled expression on his face, hands balled around each front seat lean. After minutes of being chased, those guys were finally out of sight, having him release a relieved breath. He slowed the car down. There was no need to rush anymore.
Kaidan peeked up at the rear-view mirror to see blue eyes closing, releasing his grip on the leather seats before slumping back into the backseat, resting an arm over his eyes. Shepard made no attempt at mending the impact he encountered, but it was soft back there, so it didn't matter.
"So, Shep... This is how all your first dates end - drunk in the backseat of a stolen skycar?"
He smirked. "Only with you, lieutenant... Only with you."
It was quiet on the Normandy. The others were about to round up the night as well, but after receiving a call, Kaidan found out that they decided to stay for a few more minutes. Tomorrow they would be back to work. They had a lot to do even now when the reaper was taken care of, had to prepare for the next push and expect the worst, as the reapers would roll through one day.
With Shepard's arm thrown around his shoulder, he helped him to the bed so he could rest out. He slumped down, and Kaidan readied a glass of water as it was his time to take care of Shepard, helping him with the hangover.
"Hey, K... you're staying, right?" he asked, and Kaidan turned. "With the Alliance."
For a moment there he thought he meant for the night.
They would all say their goodbyes one day. Garrus would return to C-Sec and Tali would return to the Flotilla to end her Pilgrimage. The other crewmembers didn't know what to do now when Sovereign was defeated other than prepare. Some of them would stay at the Normandy. Him staying was at least a fact. Shepard would stay, too, and he was glad they got to continue working together. It would feel somewhat empty without the others, as they had become one big family, but he'd live.
"Yeah, sure. My place is with the Alliance. Always will be," he replied.
He watched as another of those rare smiles appeared on Shepard's full lips, and not before then, he noticed that he'd been looking at his mouth a lot. Nevertheless, the smile was gone as quickly as it had appeared.
Shepard averted his eyes. "Ever told you about how I came to involve myself so much in the Alliance?"
"You've mentioned it. Redeeming yourself, right? I, ah... I assumed that was the same reason why you stayed."
Walking up to him, he propped down beside him and squared an ankle over his knee, turning to face him.
"There's more to it. Thanks," he slurred, and took a sip of the water that he just gave him. "As I said earlier, after calling it quits with the Reds, I sought out the Alliance to redeem myself. The only thing I knew back then was how to hold a gun. That, and talking myself out of situations so that I didn't end up in trouble on my own terms. I later realized that I could use this to a better cause than intimidation for a meager reward. I was taught that there was only one way to survive - keep yourself alive and don't give a damn about other people. I learned that mercy is a weakness to be exploited, never to get attached and that everyone are in it for themselves.
"I was proved different when I enlisted. It gave me the opportunity to meet people that had the same reasons for what they did in the past. Survival. Some did some pretty fucked up stuff. Difference is, they realized it was wrong, and decided to change their ways."
Kaidan couldn't imagine how difficult it was for him.
He had to face a few problems in BAaT, but compared to this, that was nothing. He had killed his instructor, sure, but he was protecting a friend he was in love with. Rahna. It was the closest thing he came to 'criminal.' After the incident, she became scared of him, which affected him in far more ways than he would like to admit. It was the first and only time that he had lost control. He was the man he was today because of it.
His father once told him that even the right choices have consequences.
Shepard had stolen and vandalized, but he did it because he knew of nothing else, and that made him all right in his book. Judging by the fact that his parents weren't there, it only increased the chance of turning to crime, which is exactly what happened to him. He was an excellent example that bad things happen to good people all the time.
He admired him for wanting a moral life.
"I needed to meet people. Hear their stories," he added, clenching his jaw. "People who grieved over losing their families, their children... I didn't understand any of that. Hell, I never knew my parents. How could I? They either died or bailed out on me. I had no compassion for them. I also knew that the people I called my 'friends' would sic me - and each other - at a bear without hesitation if they had as much as a slight chance to escape... But then I got to know people in the Alliance. People that would die for each other without as much as flinch." Shepard's voice softened. "Being the same answer as I gave Ash... I wanted to be a part of something again. Something better than a petty gang who cared for nothing but themselves, and that... that's why I stayed."
"I'm glad," he said, smiling softly. "We're fortunate to have you, Shepard."
He turned back to him.
"John."
Kaidan blinked. "Uh... sir?"
"My name?" he clarified, as if it was obvious. "It's John." Feeling the flush in his cheeks, his eyes went wide, surprised by how dense he was. Shepard arched a brow. "You didn't know, did you, Alenko?"
"I... No. I, ah... I didn't."
A slow smile spread on Shepard's lips, and with a chuckle, he averted his eyes. That sound did strange things to him and he hadn't considered why. Everyone on the Normandy - hell, even the whole Alliance - referred to him as just 'Shepard.' It was as if part of him believed that it was his first name, but hell, that would've been strange.
John Shepard. John. Such a normal name for an extraordinary man.
"John..." he muttered. It felt right on his lips. "Yeah, I could... I could get used to that."
He nodded. "Good to hear, K. Can I call you K?"
"Yeah, no."
"Well that's too damn bad, lieutenant... 'cause I'm going to, anyway," he grumbled, closing his eyes. Kaidan couldn't hold back the chuckle that escaped him. Shepard was still drunk as all hell. A knee bumped against his, and as his eyes fell down, he was suddenly fully aware of how close they were sitting.
Shepard dragged a hand across his face before his arms fell motionless to his lap. Turning his head, piercing icy-blue collided with his whiskey-brown, where they lingered. He was convinced they'd be the death of him one day. Kaidan felt that odd and warm sensation he still couldn't quite place. It was like an aura. They were close, sure - there was no doubt about that - but even so, this was very different. The way Shepard was studying him did wonders to his insides. He had never seen him looking at him like that before.
"Anyone ever tell you you've got really nice eyes, LT?" Shepard asked.
He simply froze, his heart beginning to beat far more rapidly underneath the fabric, struggling to process that.
Is he...?
He watched as Shepard's eyes fell to his mouth, and his chest tightened, making him swallow hard. When he looked up again, his gaze was dark, wanting, nearly dangerous. The realization hit him. His unwavering stare had him pinned in place. He lost his thoughts and his body remained unmoving. Kaidan first now realized just how much he wanted, craved, what he was suggesting. Knowing now why his smile always sent him spinning was both pleasing and terrifying.
Before he could process what was happening, lips came against his, determined and direct. Hotly, at the contact, his blood started coursing through his body. He jerked back in shock, but their mouths stuck together, Shepard's eyes closed but his wide open. His movement had Shepard pull away with a wet sound, only inches keeping them apart, eyes fluttering open with the area around them drawn tight.
Kaidan hesitated.
His eyes drooped, leaning somewhat reluctantly in, mouths brushing for his heart to start beating even harder. He finally pushed forward, claiming his lips, met with a willing motion of cooperation.
Sucking in a breath through his nose, he pressed further, parting his lips to feel a warm tongue enter him. He couldn't hold back the guttural moan that had built up in his chest, and without effort, his hands moved up to cup Shepard's face to pull him deeper. Shepard made a muffled sound, sending him throbbing, eagerly dominating his mouth as a hand slipped up the small of Kaidan's back below his shirt.
Shivers traversed down the length of his spine and he savored the touch, revered in it, caressing Shepard's cheekbone with his thumb.
This was wrong.
So damn wrong.
...but he didn't want to stop.
Against his every judgment, he played along, the taste of alcohol yet noticeable on his tongue. Its bitter taste was ignored in the sensation of his mouth upon his. He wasn't usually a greedy man, but knowing that he might never feel those lips again, he made an exception.
It was chaste at first, but god, Kaidan felt everything.
His body was pushed into the bed, and Shepard crawled over him, straddling his hips with his thighs. Lowering his mouth, Shepard bit into his neck, nearly having his eyes roll back in his skull. His whole body trembled when a hand slipped under his shirt again, trailing from his abdomen and up, all the way to his left pec. His lips were once again claimed, a wet tongue dancing around his own, breath reduced to short huffs that left goosebumps in its wake.
Shepard moaned into his mouth when he grabbed a handful of his ass, kneading it, arching up his hips.
Exploring his whole mouth, Shepard's repeated kisses were desperate like he starved, having him do his best to meet them. Friction was created as he was forcefully rubbed up against him, earning him another moan, tightening his hold around him.
He felt his belt grasped, its sides separated, and he finally realized what was happening.
Having to stop him before they went any further, he tipped Shepard around so he was on top, splaying a hand at his chest to keep him down. His breathing was heavy, his body hot, his throbbing member begging him to continue where they left off.
He wasn't going to take advantage of an intoxicated man, especially not his damn CO, so he knew he needed to get away.
Fast.
"I should, ah..." he began, his voice strangled. He cleared his throat. "I should check on the others."
Kaidan tightly shut his eyes and pulled off of him before reattaching his belt, but when he felt his wrist grasped, he made the mistake of looking at him. The hurt in the blue hue in his bloodshot eyes from alcohol was prominent. The guilt ushered through.
"I'll see you in the morning, Shepard," he said instead, pulling away. "Get some sleep."
Shepard was drunk and didn't think clearly.
It meant nothing. It was an impulse. It was a mistake.
...and Kaidan knew he was in deep.
Shepard woke up with a throbbing head the next day, pleased to see Kaidan placed at the chair in the same room, albeit confused.
He had most likely stopped by again to see if he was all right. He let his eyes wander across his own body only to see that everything was intact. There was no visible attempts at amateur surgery or selling his insides on the black market.
He pulled himself up. "Alenko?" he groaned. "Thank god. I expected waking up next to a batarian. Damn... how out of it was I?"
"I think we've uncovered most of what happened," he replied, giving him a somewhat careful smile as he rose from his seat. "You know, you said something about papers in your sleep when I dropped by earlier."
Shepard accepted the pad held out to him.
"Oh, for fuck's sake..." he murmured, giving it a look.
It was two contracts giving both Garrus and Joker the allowance to use his credits on alcohol for the night. Garrus had bought a completely new gun for himself - a Spectre HMWSR Master Sniper Rifle - while Joker had bought an entire frigate. They had also bought a lot of alcohol to last for several months that were now in the storage.
He wouldn't be surprised if he was now broke.
"We should get moving again before I -" Shepard interrupted himself in mid-sentence, reaching after his back pocket as he felt something tangible. He fished up a key and a name tag he had never seen before. "What the...?"
"Yeah, that's... it belongs to a skycar," he replied, almost sounding worried. "What do you, ah... what do you remember?"
"Bits and pieces," he murmured, as the headache had decided to stay. "I remember being in Flux. Garrus gave me some... some drink I had never seen before. I drank. A lot. I remember something about... a name. I think. Element Zero, maybe? No, Zorya. Then... that's it." Kaidan exhaled, seeming somewhat relieved, making him frown. "What?"
Kaidan cleared his throat. "Nothing."
Although he wasn't convinced, he let it slide.
He just shook his head. "Hell... Grab some painkillers from that locker for me, will you?" he asked. Walking up to the container, Kaidan took a firm grip of the handles and pushed it open. Shepard looked up from his hand, giving him a confused look, as Kaidan was just standing there.
"...Kaidan?"
There was a moment of silence.
"Shepard... why is there a pyjak in your locker?"
Now it made sense. Zorya was one of the many planets inhabiting pyjaks.
"Fuck. I think... I think that's Zorya."
