Stepsiblings, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl
Ferris Wheel (rough draft)
Summary: "You ride the Ferris wheel at night. The very last one. You sit there when they stop the wheel and look at the stars and the moon, and you tell Mommy you love her. Then you come down again and go home."
A/N: Part 1 is third person POV and takes place when Saïx is seven, shortly before the incident that scarred his face. Part 2 is from Saïx's POV and takes place about three months before he and Xion meet the boys.
Part 1
He's lining up figures on the windowsill, a wolf and a tiger and a lion and an eagle, then the door crashes open and he whirls around and it's Mother, but she's laughing. "Darling!" she cries, and her eyes are dancing like she's the same age as him. "Let's go somewhere and have fun!" She grabs him and her sweet smell wraps around him as she hugs him, making him feel better.
"We're going to have fun?" he asks cautiously. She kisses his face, between his eyes, and pulls on his hand until he goes with her downstairs.
"Kay!" Father shouts, marching out of his study. "Don't run away when I'm talking to you."
"Leave me alone!" Mother screams back, and Saïx is afraid again and closes his eyes. "You can't lock me up! I'm leaving!"
"Kay-"
"You can't keep me away from my own son!"
"Come back-"
They're outside, and Mother puts him in the car.
"Mother, where are we going?" He tries to unfasten the seatbelt again, but she pulls his hand away and kisses his palm and then bites it. "Somewhere fun," she says, laughing, but she's angry and scared below the laughter, so he only says "Okay."
She turns the radio on loud and sings all the way there, and when she feels safe and is happy for real, he stops being scared and he sings, too.
The parking lot is huge, so big, he watches out the window as she drives and drives and stops the car and gets out. This time he doesn't even try to take the seatbelt off and waits for her to do it for him. She pulls him out of the car and hugs him and takes his hand.
"Let's go have so much fun, sweetie."
"Okay."
He doesn't like the noise, and all the people and the heat and the messy food, but he loves to be with Mother when she's like this. When she's not scared and wants to play with him. He rides the rides because he can watch her smile and scream with laughter, he eats the food because she likes to clean his hands afterward. 'I wish you were like this all the time.'
They play the games, and he's bad at them and she gets mad and starts yelling at the man taking their money. Saïx wants her to stay happy. "Mother," he says, pulling at her sleeve. "Mother, can I give you a kiss?"
She leans down and hugs him, and he presses his lips to her cheek. Then she laughs. She stands up and pulls him over into her arms and says, "This is my son, Saïx. Saïx wants a prize."
He doesn't, but he's afraid to say anything.
"And I think he earned one, wouldn't you agree? Saïx, look at this man here, please."
He knows what she means. He stares at the man, thinking as hard as he can, "I don't like you, I don't like you, I don't like you."
The man backs away, looking really scared. "Y...Yeah...you want a prize, just-" He pulls down one of the ugly stuffed animals and shoves it at them. "Now go away. Go away, I better not see you two near here ever again."
Mother blows him a kiss and walks away with Saïx and the ugly toy. Then she laughs and laughs, and hugs him and tells him maybe sometimes he's useful after all.
It's getting dark. "One last ride, darling."
"Okay."
"The Ferris wheel. We always ride the Ferris wheel last. It's tradition."
"Okay."
The box is blue and yellow. They climb in and Mother holds him in her lap and puts the ugly toy on the seat next to them, and he kicks it to the floor when she's not looking.
"Isn't this nice?" she says as they float around and around in the sky.
He's happy, lying back against her with her warm arms around him, when she loves him and her sweet smell covers him like a blanket. "This is my favorite ride," he says.
"Mm." She kisses him again and strokes his hair. "I've been thinking, darling," she says. Her voice is soft. "I don't think we can ever get away from him here in this world."
"You mean the other Saïx?" he asks sadly. More kisses. "Is there another world?" he asks, a little scared. "Somewhere that's not Home?"
She laughs a little. "I hope so. I think so."
"Is the moon another world?" he suddenly realizes, seeing it hanging there in the dark sky.
"Hmmm...you know, I quite like that idea, darling."
He smiles. "We can go there, then."
"But how would we get there?" she asks, and there's a smile in her voice.
It's so far, and so high. "Maybe we could fly there," he says doubtfully.
"Do you have any wings for us?"
"No," he whispers, wanting to cry.
She tilts his face up and gazes into his eyes for a long time. "It must be so hard for you," she finally murmurs. "At least I can escape him sometimes. You never can."
He doesn't know what to say. The only reason he hates the other Saïx is because Mother does.
"Baby, I promise I'll free you. Just be patient a little while longer, all right?"
"Yes, Mother."
She still holds him, but he's cold now, and the sweet smell is gone.
Part 2
There is no possible way I would ever become a teacher, but if I did, I would certainly be competent enough to make sure I had all my students accounted for before driving off.
The taxi dropped me off at the amusement park as the sun was beginning to set, and I trekked across the vast front courtyard up to the entrance. Spotting someone in an employee's uniform, I told her my business. Her expression immediately broke into a relieved smile, though her nervousness in response to my eyes was still hinted at in her pale face and slightly jerky movements. "Oh, you're here for that poor little sweetheart we've got in the office! Follow me, I'll take you right to her."
As soon as I set foot in the room, Xion, who had been happily jabbering at a couple of other employees, flung the blanket off her shoulders, dashed across the room, wrapped her arms around me, and burst into tears. "I got left behiiiiind!"
"Father will make sure that those responsible are fired," I assured her.
She suddenly stopped sobbing and stared up at me with huge wet eyes. "He'll get rid of my teacher?"
"Yes."
Her mouth dropped open in horror. "No! Saïx, don't let him! I love my teacher!"
I stared at her. "She left you behind."
"It was an accident! She didn't mean it! She was even gonna come back and get me and buy me ice cream to make it up to me, but I told her not to because you said you were coming for me."
I closed my eyes in exasperation. "Xion, if your teacher would have come back for you, then that means I've come all this way and wasted so much time for no reason."
"But you're here to pick me up now," she said happily, completely missing the point.
"You know," one of the employees spoke up, "you're welcome to stay and enjoy the park free of charge before we close in a couple of hours, and our manager has some vouchers for your next visit-"
"No, thank you," I cut in, "my sister and I need to be on our way home."
"But Saïx, I wanted to show you the horsies! And they wouldn't let me ride the Tower of Screams, so you have to make them let me!"
"I 'have' to do no such thing." It was, however, fairly close to closing time, and my sister was going to be insufferable if I didn't at least compromise. "You have thirty minutes to waste time here. After that, we're leaving, no arguments."
"Yay! I love you!"
"I'd prefer that you not publicly announce that."
Xion's 'horsies' turned out to be the petting zoo, which was closed for the night. I pointed out that the carousel had horses of a sort, and waited while she rode them, refusing to submit to the indignity of joining her. The Tower Of Screams turned out to be a ride with a well-deserved height requirement which Xion was far from reaching, so to stop her sulking, I bought her an ice cream bar.
Then I caught sight of the Ferris wheel. I hadn't...ridden one of those since that time with Mother. "Xion," I murmured, "let's try that one before we leave."
"It looks boring," she complained.
"...It's tradition. The Ferris wheel is always the last one you ride before going home."
"Oh. Okay."
The two of us stepped into a blue and purple car together.
"There's no seat belt," she said.
"It doesn't move fast enough to need one. Stop clambering around like that, you're shaking the whole car."
"I'm gonna sit in your lap, then," she decided, doing so without permission.
"Xion..."
"Look! You can see the whole park from here!"
Then she was finally, finally quiet. The wheel ground to a stop, and we rested there for a while, swaying gently in the breeze. "It's like sitting in the stars," Xion whispered.
"...Mother and I once sat here among the stars like this, a long time ago."
She scrambled around and put her arms around my neck, staring into my face. "Mommy was here?" she asked breathlessly.
"Yes. ... We looked at the moon, and wondered what it would be like to..." It sounded so silly now. Not that Xion would care, or even notice. "...to fly there."
Still with her arms around me, Xion looked out at the moon as well. "Saïx? Do you think that's where Mommy lives now? That that's why she didn't stay with us, because she finally found out how to fly there?"
"No. People can't live on the moon. But it's a pretty thought. I like it better than what really happened."
"What really happened?"
It had been more than three years, but the memory was still too strong. I stared at Xion's face, at her clear eyes and warm flesh and glossy hair, and was once again overcome by the knowledge of how close this small creature in my arms had come to being laid in an early grave. I held her closer so that she could no longer see my face, but it did no good when I was trembling as well.
"Saïx? Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.
No. "Yes. I just...miss Mother, that's all." Well, that was one way of putting it.
"I miss her, too."
"You can't miss her. You didn't even know her. You were just a baby when she died."
"It doesn't matter," Xion said stubbornly. "She was my mommy and I miss her, just like I miss my first mommy." She pulled back so she could look at me again. "Saïx, will I ever have a mommy who'll stay with me?"
My fingers trailed uncertainly through her hair. "I can't answer that, Xion. That's up to Father. And to her, if there ever is another one."
Her face fell. "Okay." She sighed. "If I ever have a little girl, I'll never leave her alone."
"I'm sure you'll be a good mother."
She looked up at me again, and a little smile crossed her face. "At least you and Daddy never leave me, though."
"Of course not. I'd never be so irresponsible." Xion might be annoying and burdensome, but having her as a sister was my burden. I would carry it faithfully.
"You're a good person, Saïx."
I wonder if Mother was. I honestly don't know.
Xion was studying my eyes in that unsettling way of hers. "Saïx, even if Mommy isn't on the moon, do you think she can still hear us?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Let's tell her we love her, okay?"
"...All right."
She turned around again, settling back into my lap and drawing my arms around her even though I'd tried to let go. "Mommy," she said, looking at the moon, "I love you, and I miss you. I hope you're really happy. Saïx and Daddy are with me, so I'm happy, too."
There was a long pause. Xion finally tilted her head back to give me a questioning look.
"Mother," I finally whispered. "I miss the affectionate woman you could sometimes be. I know it wasn't your fault when you became something different. I know...that somehow, you still loved me...and that you loved Xion, in your own way." It was so much harder to say than I had expected. "...I forgive you." That was all, but it became apparent that Xion was still waiting. "And I love you," I finally added.
"Amen," Xion said in satisfaction.
What? "Xion, that wasn't a prayer."
"Oh. Well, it sounded like one. By the way, Saïx, I love you, too."
"You say that so often..."
o.o.o
Author's Notes: Stuff I forgot in previous chapters: I picked "Acerbi" as the golden-eyed characters' surname in this universe because, according to the site I looked at, it means "heartless" (or "harsh"), derived from Italian. I thought it was better suited to a group surname for characters who are mostly in the Org and/or related to Xehanort, as opposed to trying to pick one of the individual surnames I've been coming up with. For example, "Tsukino" (sorry, Sai XD) has relevance to Saïx, but not to anyone else in his Stepsibsverse family. Also, I forgot to credit the lullaby Saïx sang to Xion on Christmas Eve - it's my favorite one, and comes from the Disney movie Mary Poppins. :)
To Silence (but I'm sure other people will find this reply of interest, and I tried - tried - to keep spoilers out) - Thank you so much for the lovely review! It really meant a lot to me. (I'm replying here because I assume that everyone reading the other story is also reading this one, and this note will be more useful here.)
Xem is kind of a workaholic... Regardless, the stuff in Parts 1 and 5 happened at home when Xem was at work, and I'm pretty sure that Part 3 was in a hospital, with no one else in the room at the time.
I'm not sure if you meant Saïx's or Axel's relationships with their fathers. Xem really does love his family, he's just very bad at expressing it; Saïx disappoints him a lot, though. And Xem is under some pressure from his own father, too, which...hopefully I'll be able to expand on later. I've been toying with the idea of having Axel meet his biological father, but haven't worked out the details of that yet. Axel's relationship with Ven will be clarified in later stories (they were pretty close). Xem and Axel rub each other the wrong way, but they both try to put up with it for the rest of the family's sake.
I have a lot of admiration for Matthew West even though I haven't actually heard much of his music - "More" is one of my favorite songs ever. I looked up "Broken Girl," and I see exactly what you mean. Even though it was written for women who have suffered a certain kind of trauma, spiritual wounds are all the same, no matter how they originate, and the song does resonate a lot even if the specific circumstances are different.
I do hope to clarify the characterization for the kids' various parents, particularly Lea (good gosh I regret that woman's name now. DX I totally did not put enough thought into this universe at the beginning, though granted, I never expected the series to grow past the initial six Fire & Moonlight-inspired drabbles). Lea's character is now very clear to me, but I've only managed to reference disconnected bits and pieces of it in the stories that have been published so far. I have at least one story each from Lea's, Xem's, and Ven's perspectives (not from Kay's, though).
In a nutshell, Xem is a very by-the-book kind of guy and a control freak; also similar to Saïx in that he's very dutiful and loyal to his responsibilities. Lea has a whole lot of Issues and was one of those wild teenagers in high school. She loved Ven to pieces, he's probably the only one of her partners she ever truly loved; his loss was devastating and she's subsequently latched onto their son Roxas as a sort of substitute. She and Axel do not get along well. She's very passionate, gushing over things she likes and flying into a temper pretty easily. Also very selfish and deceptive, usually out of self-defense; she stresses over her public image and can't stand for people to look down on her, which is why she tries so hard to impress. Kay really did love her children, especially Saïx (despite later rejecting him in favor of Xion), but of course there were great hindrances to her being able to properly express that love, one of those being that he also scared her to death. The "two Saïxes" thing was her way of trying to cope with that.
Although most of them aren't published yet, stories in the Stepsiblings universe are going to be popping up in various other series such as Fire & Moonlight. That bugs me, so just like I did with Christmas at the Castle, I'll eventually get around to making a comprehensive list of all the stories that take place in the Stepsiblings universe, regardless of where they're actually published.
I'm glad you're enjoying this series. :) There are still huge amounts of unposted and unwritten material in this universe; I kind of despair of ever being able to "finish" it all, but I'll keep trying for as long as I can. I want to thank each and every person reading this for their support!
