Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem: Awakening, its characters, story, etc. This story is for enjoyment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended
Chapter Seven: All's Fair in Love and War - It goes without saying that until men are in a committed relationship and/or married, they will continue to fraternize or flirt with other women in their social circles. This means that you must inevitably compete with these women in order to win him for yourself. There are many different ways to handle your rivals in love, but the bottom line is that you must not do ANYTHING to give them an advantage over you. Love IS war, and you can not afford to show mercy to your competitors.
Like a true gentleman, Lon'qu escorted Cordelia back to her borrowed room after it became clear that the bulk of her outpouring of grief had passed. In actuality, he more or less dragged her there. She was so tired and out-of-it that he had to lead her by the wrist, gently pulling her along with one shaky hand. When they reached her room, he opened the door and pushed her inside, refusing to enter out of respect and decency. He ordered her to get some sleep and promised that either himself or Robin would come to check up on her.
She flopped down on her bed and immediately passed out, forgetting to remove her armor or wash up. She regretted that the next morning, but felt a great deal better following a long bath and a late breakfast. She was still very sad and teared up when something reminded her of her deceased sisters, but she did not break down like she did the previous night.
As the day passed, she resumed helping the others with travel and battle preparations and got in some training. She read her book for a little while, but didn't really put any thought into it; she just liked having something to keep her mind occupied. All the while, she kept an eye out for Lon'qu, intending to thank him, but she was unable to locate him. She asked a few of the others where he might be, but no one knew.
Around lunch time, Robin caught up with her to see how she was doing. The Tactician sat down across from her at the table, drink in hand, but no food.
"Ah, there you are. I've been told you had a breakthrough."
Cordelia looked up from rearranging the vegetables on her plate and offered a half-hearted smile. "I assume that means you've spoken with Lon'qu."
Robin propped her arm up on the table and rested her temple against her fist. "Mm-hm. I ran into him early this morning; he was sitting in the hall outside your bedroom."
The redhead almost choked on a spoonful of beans. "He... what?"
She giggled at the reaction. "He was worried about you. Apparently, he stayed outside your room all night to make sure you'd be okay."
Cordelia hid her blush by taking a long drink of water from her mug. Once she composed herself, she asked, "Where is he? I meant to thank him, but I haven't been able to find him."
"Sleeping in. He was up all night..."
"..."
Robin leaned over and took Cordelia's hand. "I know asking if you are alright is a little pointless; everyone is suffering right now and it will take time before any sense of normalcy can be regained. So let me ask instead: is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can provide that might ease the pain?"
Cordelia squeezed her friend's hand. "Thank you, but no. Just knowing that I'm surrounded by friends who care is enough. Hopefully time will take care of rest. Um... but..."
"Yes?"
She looked directly into her superior's eyes, brows furrowed. "Robin, promise me that Gangrel will pay. And... promise me that I will never have to lose a precious comrade ever again."
Robin sighed at first. "Cordelia, nothing is certain anymore. Some things are beyond our control. And a single moment, a split decision can change everything." Then she mirrored her stern expression. "But I swear, as long as I am your tactician, I will see justice done. And I will never allow a single Shepherd to die at the hands of our enemies. For as long as I serve Ylisse, I will do absolutely everything in my power to protect everyone."
The Pegasus Knight nodded, content with the promise.
The rest of the day passed slowly. Save for Chrom and Lissa, the rest of the mourning soldiers began to emerge from their own private reflections and either trained or assisted in preparing for the following day's departure. Cordelia never caught up with Lon'qu, but she figured she'd let him rest and recover from the trauma she'd inflicted on him last night.
She spent a great deal more time wondering how both of her commanders were doing. She'd spoken with Frederick briefly, who assured her that the prince and princess were recuperating as well as could be expected. Though they still preferred solitude, they too were itching to leave and make the mad king pay for his crimes.
It was Robin that she was really beginning to worry about. She replayed their afternoon conversation in her mind, and realized that she'd been overlooking some concerning signs. Just like before Emmeryn's death, it was clear that she hadn't been sleeping. Not that anyone was getting a proper night's rest, but the woman could get a bit obsessive when it came to creating her tactical scenarios. Her eyes had been bloodshot and her smile, though geniune, was worn and weary.
It also occurred to her that she never asked Robin how SHE was doing. Almost all of the Shepherds had been dumping their stories and sorrows on her, but it was doubtful that anyone had taken the time to return the kindness. Cordelia looked for her at dinner, hoping to do just that, but she was nowhere to be found. She decided that after assisting in final preparations, she would track her down.
It proved to be more difficult than she thought. She checked her guest room, the War Room, Mess Hall, Arena, bathing rooms, library, armory... everywhere she thought Robin might be. According to Maribelle, she wasn't with Chrom and/or Lissa either. She'd been seen around here and there, but no one had caught sight of her in a few hours.
Cordelia wandered around for some time, checking other unoccupied rooms, retracing her steps back through the common areas, and questioning anyone she came across, Ylissean and Feroxian alike. It grew late and dark, and she was almost ready to give up, when she caught the flash of a dark robe disappearing through the War Room door as she came around the corner to search it again.
"Robin? Hey, Robin!"
The door slammed. Cordelia jogged over to it and paused. She could hear thuds and crashes coming from the other side. Forgoing the formality of knocking, she burst in. "Robin?!"
The room was in complete disarray. Maps and battle plans were strewn all over the place; some were ripped into shreds. The table had been overturned and pieces of a broken sword were sticking out from the side of it.
Robin was pacing the room, occasionally curling into herself as though about to collapse, but then she would straighten again. Her hands were covering her face, one of which was injured, for small trails of blood were trickling between her fingers along with tears. She was gasping; the noises she choked out were a cross between a broken sob and maniacal laugh.
"Robin!" Cordelia ran to her side, but the woman recoiled and backed away.
She took a moment to breathe deeply and compose herself. She wiped her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair. "It's alright. I'm okay. I'm okay..."
Cordelia temporarily occupied herself by righting the table and a few chairs, biting back a sarcastic rebuttal.
Robin leaned against a wall and sunk to sit down on the floor, elbows resting on her knees and arms loose. She tilted her head back to rest on the wall and stared up at the ceiling.
Cordelia sat down next to her friend and pulled out a handkerchief from a small pocket on the inner lining of her armor. She wordlessly took the strategist's bleeding hand and applied pressure to a laceration on the palm, waiting patiently.
"It's from picking up the shards of my sword," Robin whispered.
"And why, precisely were you trying to chop the table in half?" the younger asked wryly.
Robin chuckled humorlessly. "Anger management?" she offered.
"Who or what would make you angry enough to attack a defenseless piece of furniture?"
She didn't answer right away. She zoned out for a moment, blinking slowly and probably collecting her thoughts. "My miscalculation... my failure..."
Cordelia raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you mean?" The cut on her hand wasn't too deep and had already stopped bleeding, so she pocketed the now stained cloth, making a mental note to wash it first thing in the morning.
"Emmeryn... Philia..." Robin mumbled after another a pause.
The Pegasus Knight sighed, eyes downcast as understanding struck her. Of course; she blamed herself for the death of the Exalt and her royal guard. She'd spent days preparing for every conceivable contingency and it had all been for naught. "Robin, you know that it wasn't your fault. Lady Emmeryn... she made her own choice. As for the others... there's no way you could have foreseen that witch's ability to summon Risen."
"I know that... I do. But knowing it and accepting it are vastly different things." With a sigh of her own, she continued, "Everyone is in so much pain, especially Chrom. If only I had understood... if only I hadn't been so afraid... I might have been able to stop her."
She wasn't quite sure what she meant by that, but insisted, "You don't know that." Cordelia set a firm hand on her shoulder and shook her a little, forcing Robin to face her. "What's done is done. You can't change what happened. But you can change the NEXT course. You promised me, Robin. You promised that you'd make Gangrel pay for what he's done. You can't sit here and wallow in 'what if's'. We need you now more than ever. We're lost without you."
Cordelia thought her words would encourage the downtrodden woman, but it did not seem to have quite that effect. Instead, she closed her eyes and swallowed heavily, the frown on her lips deepening. When her face contorted to a neutral expression, she opened her lids again and nodded once. Her steely gaze looked infinitely conflicted, and she pushed herself back up to her feet.
"You're right. I need to be strong. I should get back to work." She went about collecting her disorganized documents and tomes.
Cordelia followed her lead, assisting her in cleaning up. They stacked the books and papers back on the table in no particular order. "Perhaps it would be better if you rested instead. You don't look well. Things always look better after a good night's sleep."
Robin shook her head. "You may be right," she admitted, but did not move towards the exit or give any indication that she intended to follow her advice.
Cordelia observed her closely as they worked. "There's something else isn't there? Something you're not telling me?"
She shrugged.
Then she kneeled and reached for the pieces of the broken blade, but Cordelia grabbed her arm, both to prevent her from getting injured again and to reinforce her concern. "Tell me... please. You've always been there for me. Let me help YOU for once." She pulled her back up to standing.
Robin moved closer to the table and looked down at the map of Plegia lying on it. She traced a few imaginary lines with her finger and chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "It is... just as you said. Everyone is counting on me. I must not fail again. I have to keep going..." She glanced back at her. "I have to keep my promise to you..." She pulled up a chair and sat down, propping both her elbows up on the table and resting her head in her hands.
Cordelia likewise took a seat as she mentally analyzed the subtext of Robin's words and noted her body language. She looked so very tired. And as she grabbed one of her tactical manuals and started paging through it, she hunched over the table further, absently massaging the back of her neck with one hand. Her own body ached just watching her. Then it hit her.
"Oh, Robin..." Tears gathered in her eyes, brimming with compassion and regret. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize..."
"Hmm?" She had apparently moved on and had started thinking about the upcoming battle.
Cordelia twisted the edge of her skirt in her hands, a little ashamed of herself for compounding Robin's stress. "I... I never stopped to think about how you must feel... how much pressure you're facing. You always work so hard for our sake... not just in keeping us safe as our tactician, but you've been doing everything you can to help us cope or to cheer us up. You've been listening to us go on and on about how upset we are, without us knowing that you feel responsible. And yet all of us continue to put our faith and our lives in your hands. It must be such a heavy burden..."
Robin set aside her book and scooted her chair closer. She reached out and took one of her clenched hands. "It is a burden I am willing to bear," she insisted. She gently placed her other hand under Cordelia's chin, tilting her head up to look into her eyes. "I won't say that it doesn't hurt. The truth is... it can be suffocating at times, almost like I'm drowning on land. The knowledge that one miscalculation on my part could result in the death of one of my loved ones, and the guilt afterwards; sometimes it's so heavy that I fear it will crush me." She chuckled and grinned. "So of course at times I need to have a little melt down. But I always manage to pull myself together, sometimes with a little help." She squeezed her hand in a silent gesture of thanks. "For Chrom... for you... for everyone."
She stood up and pulled Cordelia with her. Then she embraced her in a tight hug. "You are more than my friends and comrades. You are my family... I have no one else that I can remember. You are all so very precious to me. And I will do everything in my power to keep all of you safe and happy. That is why I refuse to give up; that's why... I will keep fighting, no matter what."
"Robin..."
She pulled back and smiled sincerely. "I'm sorry I worried you. But everything's going to be okay. I won't break my promise."
Cordelia gripped the folds of her tactician's robe. "Robin... I shouldn't have... you don't have to..."
"It's okay. Now, didn't you say something about a good night's sleep?" She moved to her side and linked arms with her. "May I have the honor of escorting you back to your quarters, milady?" She smirked mischievously.
Coredelia knew she was trying to lighten the mood and move on; she clearly had no desire to discuss anything further, at least with her. She was also well aware of the fact that Robin had no intention of going to bed. She simply wanted to be alone... to think... to grieve... to plan. She wanted to stay, but she also wanted to respect her space.
"Very well..."
Robin did just that, and left Cordelia at the door to her room after a second hug, reassurance she would be fine, and a genuine thank-you.
The Pegasus Knight sat down on her bed, dissatisfied with the whole thing. She loved her friend, and truly wanted to help. She was already doing her best to help with logistics and supplies. And while it was likely appreciated, it did not help to heal the hurt that was simmering below the surface of her cool exterior. Robin was convinced that she needed to appear calm, collected, and in control so that everyone else could be at peace. Who would be able to convince her otherwise? Who might she be willing to share her woes with?
"Chrom..." she murmured. Of course; they spent nearly every waking moment together and told each other everything. Except for Frederick and his younger sister, Robin was the only one he had allowed to visit and comfort him. It stood to reason that it would work the other way around, since it was obvious that Chrom cared for her. Surely he would want to know that one of his dearest friends was suffering alone needlessly, partially for his sake.
It was a trait that the two women shared. Though Cordelia did not know how deep Robin's feelings for their commander ran, they understood that the weight of crown was a substantial one, even more so now that he would have to take his elder sister's place as Exalt. As such, they were both willing to shoulder any load, if only it would allow him to breathe more freely or bring a smile to his face. The difference between them was that in addition to all that she did for him, Robin's other self-imposed tasks were her way of guarding ALL of the lives she held in her hands.
Did Chrom know this? He had admitted to Cordelia that he didn't always notice when his soldiers performed well above what was required of them. Was he aware of how much Robin had taken on, not just for him but for everyone?
This wouldn't do. It wasn't fair that he should remain so ignorant. Affirmation and acknowledgement was certainly not necessary and should not be the driving force behind one's actions, but it was appreciated, and helped make the pain worthwhile. Cordelia probably knew that better than most.
Having come to that conclusion and wanting very much to see Robin in better spirits, she stood up and left her room, intent on speaking with the prince. She walked quickly but quietly, not seeking to disturb anyone else who might be trying to wind down or sleep. Except for a rotation of guards, she passed no one else loitering the stone hallways.
She reached Chrom's room in little time. She'd passed by it before, but was either not allowed per Frederick's insistence or unwilling on her own to disturb him, in spite of how much she ached to see him. Strange how she was able to muster up the courage when it was on another's behalf, and the faithful guardian was conspicously absent at the moment. She looked both ways down the hall, took a deep breath, and knocked softly.
There were a few rustling noises before the sound of footfalls could be heard approaching. Then there was a loud click of the lock turning, and the heavy wooden door creaked open, just wide enough for an ashen face with blue eyes to peer out.
"Cordelia?"
She swallowed and held back the urge to interrogate him about his own well being and offer her assistance. She was not here to satisfy her own desire to impress or comfort him. She was here for Robin's sake. "Forgive me for disturbing you at this hour, milord. But I have become aware of a certain matter that I think should be brought to your attention."
Chrom rubbed his eye and sighed. "Is it an emergency? Can it wait until morning?"
Cordelia understood his hesitation, but she also knew that the longer her friend was left alone to her own devices, the more difficult it would be to get her to open up and listen to reason. She hardened her resolve. "It is not a dire situation, but I believe it would be inadvisable to wait. Please, allow me to explain and you can decide for yourself how to proceed."
"Very well. Just a moment," he consented ruefully.
The door momentarily closed again. When it reopened, Chrom stepped outside of the room and shut the door behind him. He had pulled on a dark blue sweater over his nightshirt, though his loose black pants and bare feet probably offset the extra garment's warmth. "So what's going on?" he asked, sounding a bit grumpy.
It was a little unnerving to see him look so irritated. She'd witnessed his anger before, certainly, but not general crankiness. It was a little off-putting, but she forged ahead. "Have you spoken with Robin at all today?"
He nodded. "She stopped by to update me this morning. And she had dinner with Lissa and I."
Cordelia crossed her arms. "And during any of those times, did you ask her how SHE was feeling? Did she talk to you at all about how she was dealing with everything?"
Chrom opened his mouth to say something, but immediately closed it and narrowed his eyes. "Actually, no. It didn't really come up."
"I see..." Her tone was disappointed, but the sentiment was aimed at herself as much as him. "Truth be told, I didn't consider it either until a little while ago. So I went to talk to her..."
He quirked an eyebrow. "And?"
"And..." she continued, "I think you should see for yourself. She's been so strong for all of us. She's been our rock, the solid footing we've needed for purchase. But none of us thought to repay her kindness." Cordelia sighed, worry crossing her delicate features. "I tried to get her to open up, but she was... resistant. She gave me her thoughts, but she would not allow me to help, nor fully accept the truth of this whole matter."
"And what truth is that?"
She looked down at the ground. "That Emmeryn's death, that the massacre of the Pegasus Knights... was not her fault," she whispered.
Surprise overtook him and he too hung his head, the shadows of the dark corridor obscuring his downcast eyes. "Robin... I TOLD her not to blame herself. I told her that she is not responsible."
"And yet she still holds herself liable... and is utterly determined to shoulder the burden of everyone's welfare on herself. She assured me that she would be alright, but I fear for her. I fear that she will break."
Cordelia took a single step closer to Chrom to get his attention. "Milord, you are the only she seems to listen to. If anyone can help her forgive herself and allow the rest of us to stand at her side, it's you. I know you're still hurting and tired, but so is she. She needs you."
Having said her piece, she backed away. "What you choose to do and when is up to you, of course. But I wanted to at least bring this to your attention. I want to see Robin smile wholeheartedly again." She bowed low. "Again, I'm sorry for disturbing you. I will go now." With that, she headed back in the direction of her own room. She heard Chrom thank her, but she did not turn around.
Cordelia did not sleep well that night. Many thoughts jostled around in her head, and her heart seemed at war within her. On the one hand, she earnestly prayed that Robin would find some peace, and was glad that she had alerted Chrom in the hopes that he would give her that.
But on the other hand, she marveled that she did not possess such mettle when she wanted his attention for herself. Even though she didn't know how Chrom and Robin felt about each other and recognized their need for one another, it was still unnerving that she was so willing to direct her love's focus towards other women. It was even in direct contrast to something she vaguely remembered reading this morning.
After tossing and turning most of the night, she finally gave up on sleep and chose to get some training in before the Shepherds and the Feroxian army packed up and moved out for the final phase of the Plegian campaign. It was well before dawn; so she dressed and exited her quarters as silently as she could.
On the way to out to the training yard, she decided to peek in the War Room to see if Robin was awake or okay. There were no sounds coming from within, but she knew it was highly plausible that her dedicated leader may have passed out on her books and if so, she did not want to wake her.
Cordelia pushed open the door just wide enough to give her a full view of the small room. She smothered a gasp and tried not to slam the door shut in disbelief.
Just as she thought, Robin was fast asleep. But she wasn't alone. Chrom must have taken her advice to heart and checked in on her sometime during the night. They were sitting up side-by-side against one wall. Her hood was pulled up as she reclined her head on his shoulder, and his own head was resting against hers. They were holding hands.
Cordelia smiled sadly and backed out of the room. She closed the door as soundlessly as possible, turning around to lean against it. She tilted her head up towards the ceiling, closed her eyes, and sighed.
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