—-08—-

Sakura had returned in their absence. Kyla found her curled up on the couch, asleep.

"Ky—" Kakashi began, but Kyla put her hand on his mouth, and pushed him back towards the kitchen.

"She's asleep on the couch," Kyla said quietly. "She must have drifted off while she was waiting for us. She had to of been exhausted or something."

"Ah," Kakashi said. "You know, she's been training really hard lately. Ninjutsu doesn't come easy to her. She's excellent at strategy and bookwork, but she just hasn't developed her own style yet."

Kyla smiled at him. She thought he looked tired. If she could see it, it meant he was probably a lot more tired then he led on. Kakashi never wore his emotions, he was usually hard to read.

"Why don't you lie down? I'll come after I make your tea." she said.

He went without hesitation. He was tired.

She came into his room 15 minutes later with a large glass jar of tea.

"You'll have to drink all of this before going to bed. I know it's a lot and pretty bitter, but I tried to balance it out with some of the tea blends you already had." she said, placing the jar on the ground near his bed.

"I don't mind bitter," he said, sitting up and reaching for it.

"Be careful," she said. "The glass is still hot."

He grabbed it with the tips of his fingers and took a sip. Kyla was still standing there. She noticed the only place to sit in his room was on on his bed and for some reason she hesitated.

"Are you going somewhere or do you want to sit down?" he joked.

She came over and sat on the edge of his bed.

Kakashi laughed.

"You're going to fall off sitting like that, Ky."

She laughed too.

"I don't know why I'm nervous," she said.

"I do." he said, because he felt it too. "But it'll pass. Or maybe it won't. Just let yourself feel it."

She adjusted herself. Kakashi was sitting back against the headboard to the bed. She decided to sit cross-legged near his feet, facing him.

"You were right, you know. About the women in the village." he said, blowing on his tea.

"I tried to recruit more female students before the year started but most of them are not interested and pretty complacent. They're too afraid to challenge what has already become the norm. About half of the squad leaders could care less. It pisses me off. Women have so much to offer to the Shinobi. We need their perspectives and their wisdom. They see things so much differently than we do. There are only a few of us with girls on our squad, and instilling confidence in Sakura has proven to be… really difficult."

"Of course it is," Kyla said. "She has no one to look to to give her confidence. There's you, but you're not a woman. It would mean something else, coming from a woman who has already made something of herself. To see that it's possible. It's one of the reasons why I brought her here to work with me."

"She can learn a lot from you." Kakashi said, in agreement.

"Yeah, like how to mouth off to the Hokage." Kyla laughed.

Kakashi laughed too.

"Don't teach her that, please."

He took a long sip of his tea.

"How about your other two Genin? What are they like?" Kyla asked.

"Well, there's Naruto, who is the must stubborn and undisciplined kid I've ever met. He drives me crazy sometimes.He's all over the place, all the time. He has incredible potential if he could just focus it. He had the lowest marks out of anyone in the class, but that doesn't have to mean much if he could make up for it in other places. However, he doesn't follow instructions well either, making missions difficult. But, he has a really good heart. His moral compass is exactly where it needs to be. He compares himself a lot to Sasuke, but Sasuke comes from a very well respected clan, that unfortunately has a tragic history." Kakashi said, pausing to take another sip of tea.

"What happened?" Kyla asked.

"Sasuke's brother slaughtered every last member of the clan, including his own parents. He only left Sasuke and himself alive."

There was anger in Kakashi's voice, understandably so.

"Oh my god." Kyla said. "That's awful."

"I know." Kakashi agreed. "Sasuke is my best student, talent-wise, but he's fueled by revenge. His power, however great, will be limited if he doesn't find a more pure source for his strength. He doesn't understand that, no matter how much I try to explain it to him. Ironically, he thinks I can't understand what it's like to lose people you love. I can sense a darkness growing in him. I hope to save him from it, but there's only so much I can do."

He sighed. Kyla put a hand on his leg briefly to comfort him.

The gesture stirred something in him. He didn't realize how freely he was talking to her. It felt like a weight was being lifted off his chest. He was still so comfortable around her after all these years. It fascinated him. He didn't talk much to anyone outside of Sano, and even then he held back. It felt so good. He didn't want to stop.

"What's more," he continued. "Sakura has eyes for Sasuke."

"Of course." Kyla laughed. "And do we know how Sasuke feels?"

Kakashi shook his head. "That kid doesn't show much emotion, a part from determination to make himself stronger."

"Oh boy." Kyla said.

"Yep." Kakashi said, drinking his tea. He was about halfway done with his jar.

"Sakura would probably be farther along if she didn't spend half her time fawning over Sasuke." Kakashi said. "She's truly an excellent student."

"She's young. She'll grow out of that eventually. Hopefully. Once she matures and finds her confidence, she'll realize it's a waste of time to try to impress anyone. Plus, from the sound of Sasuke, I'm sure he has plenty of girls fawning over him. She's just going to lose her face in a crowd. If she fully embraces who she is, she won't have to try at all. She'll have more than Sasuke coming after her."

Kakashi smiled at that. He could relate. Kyla didn't have to try at all with him; he was smitten with her from the beginning. He still was. He imagined it was the same with the Avatar. He remembered the remark about having tunnel vision only for her. He had noticed the way the other Shinobi were looking at her the night of the banquet, too.

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience," Kakashi teased, nudging her with his knee.

"Unfortunately," she said.

"Why do you say it like that?" he asked.

"Um, excuse me, but weren't you the one who told me you wore a mask so women wouldn't bother you?" she laughed.

"Touche." he said with a smile, tipping his jar of tea at her before taking another sip.

There was more to it though. How could she explain it to him without him taking it personal? She didn't know, but she was going to say it anyway.

"Men tend to fall in love with me easily." she said, regrettably.

"It obstructs many friendships, causing me pain. I invest time and energy in people to find out their end goal is entirely different than mine. It feels almost like a betrayal. I don't really understand it fully, but it happens. More often than I would like." she said.

She was hoping he might provide some insight.

He thought about that for a moment.

"Speaking as a man who fell in love with you easily," he began. "I think it has something to do with what you were saying earlier about Sakura. You are somebody who knows exactly who you are. That's rare for anyone, especially in a woman, at least in my experience. You don't shapeshift to impress anyone or.. I don't know. You aren't intimidated by other people's… social status."

Kyla knew he was talking about himself.

"You know your own worth. It's impressive and sexy. I can't tell you how many women will just tell me what they think I want to hear. As if they have no opinions of their own, because they want me to like them. But you," He looked up at her. "You couldn't give a shit about any of that."

He laughed.

"I can't tell you how many times you embarrassed me or made me feel like a fool. You challenged me. I loved that."

I still do, he thought.

She smiled at him.

"But, aside from all of that, there's a depth to you that's alluring. It feels like… there is so much going on behind your eyes, and you just want to find out what it is. It's like standing at the edge of a void, feeling yourself being pulled in, and not being able to fight it. You want to dive in head first, even though it doesn't make any sense and could be really dangerous."

He paused. His eyes unfocused, in thought.

"It's the curiosity that keeps you coming back, until you find yourself wanting to be around you all the time. But the catch is, that even if I spent my whole life with you, I'd still only get a glimpse, but that glimpse would be the most wonderful thing."

The fact the he had changed the language from a universal "you" to "I" was something that wasn't lost on Kyla.

Kakashi remembered what Aang had said to him a few days ago, and now he understood.

"Being with you is a gift, Kyla. It's like the greatest fucking treasure." he said, painfully.

"Kakashi," she said softly, trying not to cry.

"No, it's true. There's something I need to say. You give and you give and you give, Kyla. And you never ask for anything in return. You're so damn selfless. But I just took it from you. I soaked it all up and I ran and I kept it. I carried it with me and it's nourished me all these years. But thinking back about the conversation we had on the day you arrived, I realize now that by doing that, I drained you, like a goddamn vampire. Of course I was in love with you, and I know you knew that, but I didn't give it back in nearly the same quantity that you put out."

"Ironically, you are the person who knows me the most in this world, and at the same time, compared to some people of my village, you know nothing about me. I hid many parts of myself from you. I was too afraid of being vulnerable, because I knew you were the only woman who could unravel me. Who could turn me inside out. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to face myself and my past."

He took a deep breath and downed the remainder of his tea.

He wiped his mouth before saying, "But I'm ready now and I feel like I just want you to rip me open and pull it all out of me. Because that's what you do to me. You make me see all the shit I don't like about myself, and I become a better person because of it. But it's more than that. It's like.. when I'm with you, I'm somehow more me?"

He gripped the bridge of his nose with his fingers, thinking.

"I want you to know me. All of me. Even the terrible."

What he wanted to say next was provocative, but he decided to say it anyway.

"These past few years, it's felt like I've been staggering around a desert, searching for an oasis or something. There was a gaping hole in my life. I never knew what it was I was craving, until now. You are the only one who can quench my thirst, Kyla. I want to show you how capable I am of replenishing you, too."

Just fucking come here already, he wished, his body burning, but he knew she wouldn't act rashly.

Kyla was fumbling with the hem of her pants. There was so much going through her mind. She didn't know where to begin or what to say. Most of his words hit her right in the heart, but those last ones touched her somewhere else. Kakashi could tell. The air between them was charged with desire. She shifted in her seat. He felt somewhat guilty for creating the situation.

"I'm sorry, Kyla. I know you said you didn't want to talk about this but I don't want to have any more regrets when it comes to you."

He knew she could respect that.

It took all the strength she could muster to get up off the bed, but she did.

"I hate to say this, after you've been so open with me, Kakashi. I know that's hard for you, but I can't talk about this now. I really can't. I know the mindset I need to be in when I'm working. Our relationship, right now, is transitioning to healer and patient. Your treatment has literally just begun. Soon enough, you're going to be bed ridden. When we talk about us in depth, I don't want it to be cut off by a health emergency, okay? I need a clear head." she said.

He nodded. He understood.

The last sentence she spoke made him think of something else. What if he died? What if they couldn't talk about this again?

"Kyla," he began. "I want to make something clear, in case something goes wrong." he said.

"No, don't." she said, cutting him off.

"Don't give me your last words or some shit like that. Death isn't an option, Kakashi. Don't leave me again, after I just got you back. Nothing is going to go wrong."

She knew he was going to say something that would break her heart. She had to maintain an air of confidence, even though she knew the risk. She felt bad about silencing him. She didn't know how important it was for him to speak up so she said, "You've said enough, Kakashi. It's clear to me."

Kyla thought he looked relieved when he smiled at her.

"I'm going to get my things." She said, as a way to excuse herself, and left the room.

When she was clear of his door, she leaned back against the wall in the dark hallway and put a hand over her mouth. She let herself silently cry. She'd be lying to herself if she said she didn't want to be with Kakashi again. She couldn't deny it. But then there was Aang, who she loved so much. She couldn't imagine her life without him. She didn't want a life without him. Their relationship was incredible and so important to her. She knew she'd have to talk to Aang about this eventually, because it wasn't going to disappear. Her heart throbbed with pain. She couldn't fathom hurting Aang in any way. She took a deep breath.

This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. Dammit.

The temples of her forehead began to pound.

I need to sleep.

She wiped the tears off her cheeks and went to get her bag and bedroll from the sitting room.

She came back to his room and climbed the few steps to the second level.

"You don't have to sleep behind there," he said.

"I like it. It gives me a little privacy and there's plenty of space to unpack my things, all while keeping it hidden from view. I can see you still like everything to be visually impeccable." she said.

Kakashi smiled at that. It was true. It kept his mind at ease.

When she had gotten herself situated, she asked, "Do you have a surburachi?"

"Yes. It's in the kitchen. You'll see it."

She left to get it and came back a minute later. Kakashi heard her pounding things together behind him.

"Alright." she said, coming down the steps. "Take off your shirt."

He did. Kyla sat next to him on the bed with the surburachi in her lap.

"What is that?" he asked, looking down at the chunky yellow-green paste.

"It's the plantain I picked earlier, with a few other powdered herbs I had with me. I'm going to rub it onto your wound and we'll keep it there over night. It's the same idea behind the tea, except this will begin to extract the poison straight from the source and bring it to the surface."

She picked up some of the paste.

"This will hurt." she said, looking up at him.

"I'm ready." he said.

She brought her hand to the wound on his abdomen and began to slather on the paste as gently as she could. He didn't even flinch, although Kyla herself was grimacing. She knew he had to be in pain. She let her eyes flick across the rest of his chest for a moment and saw that it was riddled with many different scars. Her eyes grew wide. No wonder he didn't flinch.

"Shit, Kakashi," she said, bringing her clean hand to touch the shiny skin of a long scar that she could tell had just recently healed.

"It comes with the job," was all he said.

She sighed and then got up to go wash her hands. When she come back, she brought a clean cotton bandage with her.

"Sit up so I can wrap this around your abdomen," she said, while twisting her hair up in bun.

He leaned forward.

"Hold it against you here," she said, putting his hand into place. "Gently."

He did and she went to work passing the bandage around his back. The smell of her being so close to him was intoxicating. Her bare neck was inches from his face. He felt his mouth go dry. He wanted to feel the warmth of her beneath his lips, to touch his tongue to her skin. It took all of his control not to pull her into him.

"Okay," she said, tucking the end of the bandage into the fold. "There."

"The herbs from the tea and this poultice will probably hit you in the middle of the night. Take this," she said, unstoppering a bottle and handing him the dropper, "so you can sleep through it."

He squeezed the dropper into his mouth and handed it back to her.

"I'm going to go to bed now. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Kyla." he said. "And… thank you."

She smiled at him and climbed the steps back to her things. When she unrolled the bed, a thought hit her.

"Kashi?" she said.

His heart skipped. He loved the way she shortened his name sometimes. It felt… intimate. Like a secret that only they shared.

"Hmm?" he hummed.

"Um. I just realized I have no other clothes with me. I'll have to run and get them tomorrow. Could I borrow something to sleep in?"

He got up out of bed, climbed the steps, and crossed over to his wardrobe. He rifled through his things.

"Just a shirt is fine," she said.

He handed her a thin white long sleeve shirt.

"Is this ok? Or do you want something warmer?" he asked.

"That's fine." she said.

He went back down the steps.

"Can I turn off the light?" he asked

"Yes."

"If you need another blanket, they're in my wardrobe on the top shelf. Just grab one."

"Okay."

With that, he shut the light and climbed back into bed.

He heard her clothes hit the floor as she changed. He fidgeted in his bed, putting a pillow over his face in frustration, trying to erase images of her in nothing but her underwear out of his mind. It didn't work. He rolled onto his side and resigned himself to being uncomfortable until his body calmed down. Within ten minutes or so, he felt his eyes growing heavy.

It must be that dropper, he thought, thank god, and drifted off to sleep.