Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Ranma ½ or Dragon Ball (or Z or GT for that matter). They were created by Rumiko Takahashi and Akira Toriyama respectively. Don't sue me; I have no money on me! Try again in about five years.

The story thus far: A sudden display of rebellion against Genma caused Ranma to be tossed into a random spring at Jusenkyo. Unlike the other pools there this one turned out to be a one way portal to the world of Son Goku. Now, teamed up with the teen genius Bulma and the "Monkey King" himself Saotome Ranma begins his quest to find the mythical Dragon Balls…and a way back to his own world!

Last Chapter: After having the balls stolen by the nefarious Pilaf, fighting Ryoga to a standstill, and rescuing his friends (and the world), Ranma had finally managed to collect all seven Dragon Balls. In a surprising change of character Bulma offered give up her wish to let the pig tailed boy return home. However just as Ranma was seemingly about to change his mind about leaving Goku, trying to be helpfully, wished that Saotome Heir and Ryoga would be sent back to their world.

Chapter 8

Ranma's Return Home!

"I'm Engaged to Who?"

Stupid monkey!

Those were the thoughts of Saotome Ranma as the world of Son Goku began to melt away. Suddenly a flash of light blinded him, forcing his eyes shut. When he opened them he could see that his surroundings were different now. The landscape was familiar; a valley that was littered with springs. He stared at it as if disappointed. Scratch that, he was completely disappointed. "Is this..."

Ryoga smiled brightly. "Yes! This is Jusenkyo! We're back! We're back!" With that the fanged fighter began dancing gleefully. Nice to know someone was happy about this.

They had returned to China. Shenlong had come through and transported them back to their world. As far as Ranma could tell he and his rival were standing at the entrance of the training grounds. It was early morning. As the young fighter looked on at the so-called "pools of sorrow" he wondered which one would lead him back to Goku and Bulma's world. Maybe if he tried jumping in random ones…

He quickly shook his head. Didn't Ryoga say something about the springs being cursed? Plus…he had made it to his own world, why would he want to return? All that work, after all, would go to waste. Yes, he was back on his Earth and that's all that mattered. A happy ending.

Yeah right.

The sounds of "Excuse me, sirs?" interrupted his thoughts. Both fighters turned to see a man dressed in the same clothes as the Jusenkyo guide. Ryoga quickly noted this man was not the same guide. He was tall, thin, and wearing glasses. "Sirs, can this one help you?"

Ranma regarded this man for a moment before answering. "Are you the guide here?"

The tall Chinese man nodded. "This one is taking over for cousin while he out with stupid, fat costumer."

The young fighter perked when he heard that. "Was the guy Japanese? Did he have glasses? Greedy as hell?"

The guide nodded once more. "Yes, he was those things. But this one think 'fat' and 'stupid' fit better. You know him?"

Ranma steeled himself upon hearing the description. "Yeah, he's my old man."

The guide's eyes widened with you shock. "You the fat one's son! You actually alive!"

Well that was somewhat expected, Ranma thought. "Yeah. I'm alive. No thanks to my pop."

The taller Chinese man was silent for a few moments, before laughing hysterically. Both Ryoga and Ranma looked at him with puzzlement. Eventually the guide sobered up and explained. "The fat one begged this one's cousin for help to bring son, you, back. Cousin say village of courageous women help. Maybe. This month ago. Fat one and cousin no come back yet."

Village of Courageous Women? Somehow things on Ranma's home world didn't seem that much more normal than on Goku's all of a sudden. Nevertheless now that Ranma was back home Genma was all he had. He had to find him and this was a good place to stat.

Focusing on the task at hand rather than the past the pig tailed youth faced the guide. The Chinese man, for his part, seemed eager to help though it was probably for the entertainment value that surrounded the Saotomes' situation. "Hey pal," Ranma started. "You think you can take me to that village?"

The guide smiled brightly. "Well, this one suppose he help. But it not like people come see springs too often."

Ryoga raised an eyebrow at this. He was no longer dancing with joy. In fact he seemed to be snarling. "Ranma…have you forgotten our fight!"

The pig tailed boy shook his head in disgust. The lost boy had such a one track mind. "Give it rest, moron. Can't you ever think about something other than that stupid fight?"

Ryoga replied predictably. "Stupid fight? Stupid fight? I suffered to meet with you!" To emphasis his point, the fanged fighter pointed the springs. "I had to spend weeks in that crazy world thanks to you! And you just keep backing out! You insufferable coward!"

Ranma, not for the first time, pinched his nose in frustration. One good thing about being away from Goku was that he didn't have to deal with the monkey boy's constant idiocy; however Ryoga seemed to be picking up the slack. "Look, lost boy, I'd love to spend the rest of my day beating the hell out of you so you'll finally shut up, but I gotta catch up with my old man. When I do I'll be happy to knock your teeth down your throat. Hell, we can do it every day for the rest of our lives if you want it so badly. But like I said I gotta catch up with him first."

You could see the anger coursing throughout his body. "Just another excuse! Fine! But this time I'm coming with you! I won't let you run away again."

The pig tailed martial artist just shrugged. It couldn't be helped. "Okay, let's go."

It took three days to reach Joketsuzoku. The journey was, for the most part, uneventful aside from frequent arguments from the two teenagers. When they finally got there Ranma found himself fairly surprised. He wasn't exactly sure what he was expecting to see but it wasn't a rural farm town where everyone was practically living in huts. The first thing he noticed about this place was that there were a lot of women. He saw a few men wandering around but for the most part he saw people of the female persuasion. The second thing was the way all these women carried themselves. Almost everyone he saw had the movement of martial artists. Even when he was traveling Goku's screwy world he never came across anything like this.

"Here, sirs, is village of courageous women, Joketsuzoku," the guide informed them. "Too bad. You should have come back from abyss a few weeks ago."

"Why's that?" Ranma asked as her looked around the village.

The guide shrugged "There big tournament. Big food prize every year."

The pig tailed youth smirked. "Sounds like an easy meal."

Ryoga, hearing this, growled a bit. "Have you no honor? Picking a fight with women just to fill your belly?"

Their delightful helpful guided rolled his eyes at his costumers lack of local knowledge. "Sirs you no understand. It very bad if you pick fight with women here!"

Unfortunately (As we shall soon see) their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of one of the locals. She was shorter than the two boys and sported with exotic purple hair, maybe around their age, very attractive…and very angry looking. She began yelling at the three new arrivals, though neither Ranma nor Ryoga had any clue what she was saying. Obviously it was Chinese and neither was very versed in it. Thankfully the guide obviously was as he proceeded to have a conversation with the girl.

Ranma leaned over to his rival. "You getting any of this?"

Ryoga simply shook his head. After a bit the girl calls out to another villager. She says…something briefly causing the villager to run off. The guide, remembering his costumers didn't speak the language finally decided to fill the two Japanese youth in on the satiation. "This village champion. She win tournament I talk about before. Xian Pu."

Ryoga raised his eyebrow at this. "Shampoo?"

"What kind of dumb name is that?" Ranma asked.

The girl, now assumed to be named "Shampoo," frowned hearing this. Though she didn't understand it she did indeed understood insults. She began yelling at the two.

"What's this chick's problem?" Ranma asked.

"She say she no like tone," the guide explained. He then said something aside to Shampoo which seemed to calm her down. Turning back to the boys he said "I tell her you just stupid foreigners."

"Gee thanks," Ranma mumbled.

"Anyway," the guide continued. "She say outsiders not welcomed in village anymore."

"I thought you said the village was friendly," Ryoga reminded the guide.

"It is," was the response. "Or it was. She won't tell this one why we not allowed in. She say elder come down and explain everything."

Ranma was a bit annoyed at this, having come all this way for seemingly nothing. "Can't you ask her about my old man? See if he's been here."

The guide shuddered a little at this. "Sir, I not want to make her angry. Amazon women easy to make mad. And when they mad they very violent."

The Saotome Heir rolled his eyes at that. He was confident that no matter how angry this girl became he could easily handle her. Luckily there would be little need for this as at this point a creature stranger than anything Ranma or Ryoga had seen, recent events included, approached them.

Ryoga looked confused as he saw it. "They just let dried out monkeys wander around the town, huh?" It responded by hitting with a cane over the head.

"At least it doesn't have blue skin this time," Ranma remarked, though he too was struck by the creature.

It was short; very short. Its long white hair was barely noticeable with its huge eyes staring into your soul. Perhaps it was wearing similar clothing as the other villagers, but they draped over her.

"You two should learn to respect your elders," it replied it perfect Japanese, but with a sort of a wicked witch sort of feeling to it.

"A talking monkey?" Ryoga replied, as he was struck again.

"I am called Cologne," the creature said. "I am the matriarch of Joketsuzoku. I'm sorry to say that we are no longer allowing outsiders to roam freely through our village."

Ranma shrugged at that. "Look, I just want to find my old man. I heard he was coming here."

The old woman (Who still resembled a dried out monkey) nodded, knowingly. "Ah. You're searching for your father. We do not receive many visitors and we receive even less Japanese ones. There was a man here a few weeks ago along with a Jusenkyo guide. The man was Japanese, fat, bald and insatiably greedy."

The pig tailed boy sighed. It sounded like Genma had been here. "Yeah, that's my Pop."

Cologne smiled. At least Ranma thought she was smiling. Her face was so wrinkly that it was hard to tell. "Sonny," she started. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your father has been deemed a wanted criminal by the council."

The young martial artist rolled his eyes. Typical Genma. Cologne continued. "You see we were having our annual tournament which my great-granddaughter Shampoo here successfully won. However your father decided to eat the feast that was to be the prize."

"Oh crap," Ranma replied as things started clicking in his head.

"Indeed," Cologne replied back. She then said something in Chinese over at Shampoo who immediately began staring daggers at the young Saotome. She turned back to Ranma. "Your father headed east."

Ryoga was also seemingly growing angry. "That Genma…I can see the family resemblance with you, Ranma. You're both honor-less cowards."

"Yeah, whatever lost boy," Ranma replied. He turned his attention back to the amazon. "Look, I'm sorry about my Pop. His brain is in his stomach. When I find him I'll punch him a few times for ya. Hell, I have a list of things I need to punch him for."

"That's very kind of you, Sonny Boy, but I'm afraid that won't be sufficient. You're father stole the champion's prize and therefore the champion has a right to challenge him. And since he's not here she's challenging you." The guide was about to say something but a very evil glare from the amazon elder shut him up. Apparently the two boys didn't notice this.

The pig tailed youth threw his arms up at Cologne's "request." "Are you kidding me? I'm not gonna fight a girl just because Pop ate her dinner." Shampoo responded to this in Mandarin. Whatever she said caused her grandmother to chuckle (Cackle?). "What's so funny, ya old crone?"

"Oh, my great-granddaughter was just commenting on the lack of courage in the Japanese. I can't say I disagree. Or perhaps you're just a weakling. I suppose I could understand that. You probably run from fights all the time."

Ryoga nodded, knowingly. "It's like she's known you all your life."

Ranma ignored his rival's comment, but he couldn't ignore what the amazons were saying. "Fine, Miss Purple Hair. Let's dance."

They danced. On a challenge log. Ranma won. Easily in fact. The entire time Cologne was grinning. After the dust settled the pig tailed boy came back to the old woman. "Are we done now? My old man should be in the clear now, right?"

The old woman nodded, though her smile had yet to disappear. "Of course. As far as I'm concerned your father's business with us is done. But yours is just beginning."

The young pig tailed fighter raised an eyebrow at this. "Wait a second, old crone, you said we'd be in the clear and free if I beat Shampoo."

The old woman looked over to her granddaughter who was picking herself off from the ground. The purpled haired amaazon returns to the glance to Cologne, who nods knowingly. Shampoo, now on her feet, approaches the pig tailed boy. For reasons he himself couldn't figure out he was unable to stop what was happening.

Shampoo passionately kissing him.

The reactions were mixed. Cologne was simply smirking while the guide's face was buried in his hands. Ryoga was just shocked.

Ranma quickly pushed the amazon away, completely flabbergasted as to what just happened. "Whoa, whoa! What the hell's going on?"

The guide spoke up. "You sir is now married. Congratulations?"

"Married? How the hell are we married?"

The guide sighed sadly. "When Amazon is beat by man they is married. You fall for oldest trick in book."

Ranma felt like a crumbling stone statue as his brain processed the information. Ryoga pat his rival on the shoulder. "I'm starting to think that the weirdness actually just follows you around."

Cologne chuckled at his. "I knew you were strong the moment I saw you, son-in-law. You'll make an excellent addition to our village and you'll provide Shampoo with many strong daughters." In other words "breeding stock."

Ranma snapped out of his shock for moment when Cologne said that. "Hey, you said my old man went East, right? I better go get him. You know…let him know the good news. Yeah."

With that Ranma grabbed his two traveling companions and raced off with blinding speed towards East leaving Shampoo and her grandmother somewhat startled.

"Oh son-in-law," Cologne sighed, more frustrated than angry. "There is no place you can go, no place you can hide that I cannot and will not follow."

The game was on.

It took two days before Ranma felt safe enough for he and his friends to rest, however once they were settled they found little trace of Genma. A few more days past, one of which they narrowly avoided an attack by Shampoo while in a restaurant. What little signs they found pointed back towards Jusenkyo to which Ranma greatly complained that all of this could have been avoided if they just stayed where they were (Though Ryoga reminded him that it was his idea to leave in the first place). When the group reached the front gates of the valley they were shocked to see the regular Jusenkyo Guide racing away from the area at his top speed (Which was slow).

"Cousin?" the tall one said. "Why you running?"

"Aiya! You found the fat one's son?" said the short one.

"Yes, he come back on his own. Why you running?"

The true guide of Jusenkyo lowered his head."This one and the fat one attacked by masked man! I run before fat one use as human shield."

Ranma pondered this news. "Is it an Amazon or something?"

Ryoga shook his head. "He said it was a man."

The pig tailed boy though about it for probably longer than he should have considering before saying "Well…better make sure the guy doesn't kill him….I guess."

The group made their way to the pools of sorrow only to find Genma being attacked by the masked assailant...who was using a giant spatula as his weapon. Something else of note was that Genma was clutching onto what looked like a small cask of some sort of liquid for dear life.

"Feel the wrath of the one you left behind!" the man said.

"Ukyo, please have mercy! I was poor and could barely feed Ranma and myself!"

Hearing this set a few alarms in Ranma's head. His father was being strangely forward with this guy. "What the hell is he talking about, Pop? What'd you do this time?"

Both men looked over towards the pig tailed boy. Genma eyes widened as he realized his son was back….then they glinted sinisterly. He turned towards the one he called "Ukyo." "The truth is that Ranma is the one who made the decision to leave you. He's the one you should truly be angry at."

Ukyo took a good look at the newly arrived Saotome heir. Realizing that he probably was indeed who Genma claimed he was anger boiled quickly down deep within his heart as he leapt towards Ranma with ill intensions. "Ranma, prepare to die!"

Splash!

In an instant the mystery Ukyo was gone. Genma had clearly just thrown the water from his cask at the unsuspecting fighter just as it drenched him he was gone; disappeared into thin air.

"What…what happened to him?" Ranma asked.

Genma smirked as if he done the cleverest thing imaginable. "That was the same water from the spring you fell into, my boy. We were carrying it with us hoping to find a way to reverse its power. We're all just lucky that I hadn't gotten rid of it yet."

Ranma's head nearly exploded from that. Genma had just doomed some poor slob to life on Goku's world!

"Pop! What'd you do that for?" Ranma demanded.

"What? She'll be alright, son. After all you somehow made it back."

Surprisingly it was Ryoga who spoke up. "What do you mean 'she'? Was that guy...a girl?"

Ranma felt himself become even angrier at this. "A girl, Pop? You just sent a defenseless girl off the damn planet? What was she talking about with that whole 'left behind" crap? What is she, my sister or something?"

Genma didn't like Ranma's tone. He marched over to his son and glared the way a father does towards a wayward son. "First of all, boy, Ukyo is anything but defenseless so I'm sure she'll be fine. Second of all she's not your sister. She is…or was, your fiancée."

"WHAT?"

And so Genma explained the story of Ukyo and how he and her father made the arrangement for them to be married and the fact that he ended up stealing the Ukyo's dowry and abandoning her.

"So you see Ranma, now that she's gone we don't have to worry about the engagement anymore," Genma proudly announced.

Every person present looked on at Genma as if he was the worst thing on Earth. Genma, not noticing this, went on. "Plus now that you're back we can head back to Japan. You're real fiancée is waiting for you, after all."

Ranma was shaking with hatred and anger. "Another fiancée…"

Genma nodded. "Indeed, boy. To a very old friend of mine's daughter."

"So," Ranma went on. "First you toss me into that spring, then you trick poor stupid Ryoga into following me-"

"That's right," Ryoga said from behind. He paused before saying "Hey, who are you calling stupid?"

The pig tailed boy went on. "Then you piss off the amazons and now they're after me, then I find out that you've been engaging me to any guy you meet on the street's daughter, one of which you send on a one way ticket to another goddamn world for no…good…reason!"

Genma looked as if he wasn't sure what Ranma's point was. "A martial artist's life is fraught with peril, son."

"KAMEHAMEHA!"

A wave of blue chi collided with the Genma with such force that it literally sent him clear out of the valley. The two guides were shocked to have seen the young man perform such an act of mysticism, while Rygoa seethed with jealousy. Ranma for his part was a combination of surprised and delighted that he had finally managed to do that attack…and an impressive one at that. But that feeling soon left as determination took over.

He looked over to the two guides. "Which on is the spring that takes me back?"

"Back?" the shorter guide asked, puzzled. "You mean Gate-Way Spring? Why you want to go back? You just got here?"

"Ukyo got a bad deal with my old man," Ranma explained. "And now she's trapped on the Dragon Ball world. I gotta take responsibility."

The guides were both surprised by this; the world where the Gate-Way Spring leads is said to be impossible to return from and yet this boy (And his friend) managed to find a way to do this. Whatever horrors they may have faced in what they can only assume was some sort of dark realm the young man now seemed bent on returning.

Ranma was growing impatient. "Well, you gonna help or not? I don't wanna have to keep jumping into springs until I find it!"

The short guide nodded. It wouldn't do for the young man to get himself cursed. "This way."

Soon the group were standing over the infamous spring; the vortex to the World of Dragon Balls. It had barely been a week since he left it and now the heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts was preparing to return. The time he spent there, he decided, had indeed been the best time of his life. His unhappy return to his home world had just been an all too constant reminded of the truth: here on his own Earth he was not in control of his own destiny. If he wanted to be free of Genma or whatever obligations he had set for him here he needed to leave. Back to where Goku lived.

Back to Bulma.

Ranma shook his head. Where did that come from? Bulma, of all people, was probably the best reason to stay the hell away from that world. But above all else the main incentive to go was to bring Ukyo back. They had been friends at one time, despite it being so long ago. He owed it to him…her.

"If my old man comes back looking for me," Ranma said, softly and less jovial then he tended to be. "Tell him I ain't coming back."

Ranma's departure was cut short by the snarling of Ryoga. "You're just going to leave without finishing things with me, Saotome?"

The pig tailed martial artist simply sighed. Of course Ryoga like a moron would simply jump in after him. It didn't matter; he would just use the Dragon Balls to send him back with Ukyo. "Come along then, lost boy. Just try to keep up."

With that Ranma hopped into the spring, followed by Ryoga. Both young men disappeared in the pool of sorrow to rescue a girl they barely knew.

To be continued…

Next Time:

Ranma: Yo, Ranma here.

Goku: Hooray!

Ranma: What are you so happy 'bout, monkey boy?

Goku: I was afraid the story ended with the last chapter! But now I get to come back after all!

Ranma: Man, you're easily amused. Anyway looks like I'm back on Goku's world. Now all I gotta do is convince Ukyo not to kill me.

Ukyo: Easier said than done, huh "Ranchan"?

Ranma: Where'd Goku get to anyway? Next time on Ranma and the Monkey King…"Ranchan & Ucchan's Excellent Adventure!"

Author's Note:

Well there you go; a new chapter and only something like four years late. I'd be shocked if anyone who used to read this story is still waiting around for this but whatever. This chapter was slowly worked on over the course of the last few years but isn't anything particularly special. While I would like to write more we'll see if I actually can. One day I'll re-write earlier chapters. But not today.

Update: As of today I have in fact re-written the earlier chapters, this one included. Go me.