AN- …Am I late? Well whatever, I've been revising. Fun times – now it's over for a few more months until my next exams XD
I personally love this chapter, but I won't spoil you!! Just read on and enjoy.
I'll stop before I fangirl too much. Have fun !
The most convincing lies are the ones with some truth to them.
Ok, so he can't tell if this if really good, or really, really bad.
Opposite Matt, Suuki calmly lifts her coffee to her lips and takes a sip. The redhead's thumb fiddles with the side of his own untouched drink, his mind racing.
When he had sighted the brunette, she had been talking to a co-worker over the front desk. As soon as she spotted him however, she had hastily cut off mid-sentence and ended the conversation. Without so much as a hello, Suuki had walked straight past the redhead, shooting him a look to make it clear he was supposed to follow.
And he had. So now they are both sitting in silence in the hospital's humming cafeteria, and Matt has no idea if he should be running for his life or not.
He nearly jumps out his skin when Suuki finally breaks the silence. "Is your friend ok?" What? No yelling? Oh god, she must be building up to it. This is exactly the kind of thing he has done too many times to count. Build up a false sense of security and then destroy is without mercy. Maybe this girl isn't as incapable as he first thought…
…but still - even with these ideas rushing through his head - just the thought of his best friend can't help but bring a small smile to the gamer's face. "Yeah, thankfully. He scared the shit out of me there for a minute. But he's just woke up and is as bitchy as ever, so Near's probably terrified right now." He can't imagine the albino being terrified of the blond, but he barely sees him, so it must be a shock.
"Well, that's good." She offers him up a smile, but Matt can see the calculation in her eyes. What could she possibly be thinking so intently about? He has no idea, and it that is what irritates him more than anything.
He's supposed to be great at reading people! Getting into people's minds and knowing what it is they want to hear is one of his specialities. Well, his idiocy will surely pass, it's only been a day after all. To come to any conclusions from two bad days is idiotic, so he'll have to refrain from doing so.
"You didn't call for an ambulance." Green eyes snap back into focus to see brown ones staring at his Styrofoam cup. The redhead fluidly brings it to lips, fighting a cringe at how cold the liquids gotten. "Why?"
This, of course, brings the gamer's idiocy back into question. He hadn't even thought of that! He had just been too scared at the time to think clearly…
But still, he can't say that. "I didn't have the number on hand, and we knew a public hospital would have to be a last resort."
"Why?"
"Personal reasons."
They stare at each other while Suuki absorbs this. Matt has made it clear in the past that he won't talk about those personal reasons, and he's sure the young woman has thought of millions of possibilities, all of which are now probably rushing through her mind.
To be honest, the main reason Near isn't in a public hospital is nothing more than L's paranoia and hatred of going anywhere in public. He and Light always seem to be wary of how long they are out of the safety of headquarters. This is understandable in L's case, but Matt has always found it suspicious that someone as attention-loving as Light doesn't try and bargain his way out every now and again.
He mulls this over until the brunet opposite him is finished with her own (obviously less complex) thoughts. She takes a final swig of her coffee and looks straight into his orange lenses. She smiles slightly, and says "I get it now. I know your secret, Matty."
Mild panic rushes forth, the redhead's eyes going guarded on reflex. There are too many things that she can be referring to. Did he slip up somewhere? God no, he's not said anything compromising at all! The best course of action is to play dumb, of course. "And what secret are we referring to here…?" He prompts, frowning slightly in confusion.
Suuki's smile grows amused; making the gamer's eyebrow twitch in shock. Well she surely seems to be over the whole 'I-Ignored-You-While-Carrying-What-Probably-Looked-Like-A-Corpse' thing. That is good. "You know!"
Oh Christ her eyes are practically sparkling. He knows does he? Well he knows a lot of things thank-you-very-much, but unfortunately, this time around, Matt has absolutely no idea what she's going on about. "Erm…no I don't?" Aw, and Wammy's had always told him never to admit it when he didn't know something during a negotiation. Oh well.
She bites her lip, an action that doesn't help Matt's nerves in the slightest. The redhead watches in fascination as nervousness creeps over her features, and is then violently squashed with understanding and determination.
Ok, now he's confused and scared.
"You… oh god it hasn't happened yet, has it?" And what, she expects him to answer? The redhead tries not to grow annoyed at how obtuse his friend is being. She seems to be thinking again, so he retreats back into his own thoughts.
Hasn't happened yet? Wow now he feels really oblivious. There's no way he can be expected to tell her things that 'haven't happened'. What is he, psychic? Matt mentally shakes that train of thought away, knowing it will lead him nowhere.
Ok, so. Possibilities… Near coming home with them. Ha, why would she think that? Besides, it's not his choice to make – it's L's – and the detective hasn't yet disclosed his reason for not having the albino come back to headquarters.
Maybe she thinks I beat up Mello in revenge for him 'punching' me.
Well if she does, she doesn't know him as well as he first thought. Him beat up Mello? Why in God's name would he do that? It wouldn't be worth it.
His mind trails back to the previous day and his conversation with the girl about his injuries. She had reacted strangely to his lie. What had he said to her again? Something about wrestling with Mello, there's nothing weird about that… is there?
"Matt I think you have the hots for Mello." His mouth falls open.
…
… "WHAT?" He exclaims.
She's looking at him all seriously, seeming to gauge his reaction. Well how is he supposed to react to THAT? The redhead feels like his body has gone numb, all thoughts flown from his mind.
"I think you want in Mello's extremely tight pants. They actually scream gay to be honest." She sort-of repeats. Matt feels like he's made of jelly. Mello. GAY. The thought has never… ever crossed his mind.
Sure, he can vaguely remember the other kids at Whammy's making fun of Mello for being 'feminine' or something like that, but come on.
"Mello? Seriously?" He can hear the disbelieving tone to his voice, but still feels oddly blank. Suuki nods solemnly. "You're joking…! N-no he's not! Oh Christ, if he heard you right now…" Green eyes nervously jerk around the room, as if expecting the blond psychopath to storm in at any moment.
Suuki blinks at him and promptly goes into a laughing fit. Matt frowns, not understanding what can be funny about Mello on a rampage. "What now?"
The girl collects herself and grins at him. Something about that grin doesn't bode well for the gamer, he can tell. "I'm just shocked. You don't seem to care at all that I've said you're gay – you're just defending Mello." Matt stares. "I think this proves my point, does it not?" She winks.
… well shit. There is obviously a rational explanation for that. "Uh…" It just so happens that the redhead hasn't yet figured out what it is. He quickly scans the conversation up until now and realises she's right. He smoothly brushes those thoughts away for now, it won't do for him to stay silent for too long in the company of someone who isn't the genius' he lives with.
"Don't be ridiculous Suuki. The reason I haven't objected is obviously because I know I don't like guys, I'm defending Mello because he's not here to do it himself. Besides, if you told any of this to him it'll be your funeral, I'm just saving your life." He looks straight into her eyes, trusting his goggles to conceal his lie. They say you can see into someone's soul though their eyes after all.
She looks away, looking slightly put out for some reason. Silence reins over the table, both occupants avoiding looking at the other. Matt's careful control over his thoughts slips a few times, causing him to wonder about Suuki's observation. As soon as he notices this though, the redhead stubbornly avoids going down that thought track.
When the quiet starts to feel suffocating, Matt finally snaps and downs the rest of his now cold coffee. Sod it. "I'm going back to Near's room now. They'll be wondering where I am, I've been gone so long." The receptionist looks up from her nails, shocked.
Matt stands up, making Suuki leap to her feet desperately. "Wait!" He does, "will you at least consider it? Please?" The gamer frowns in irritation, not bothering to hide it.
"Why do you care so much anyway? Isn't it traditionally Japanese to find those kinds of things repulsive?" He snaps, not caring if he offends the girl. She backs up slightly, having never seen the other lose his temper, even if only slightly.
"Geeze, no need to get stereotypical." She points at Matt's face, "besides, you're not Japanese, so why should anything like that apply to you?"
"Who says I-" He attempts to protest, but she waves it off.
"Oh please. Sure your accent and all that are perfect, and you seem to know the customs really well, but have you looked in a mirror?" She tugs at his fringe, making the redhead pout. "Red. Your eyebrows are red too, so my guess is that the curtains match the carpet. Am I right?"
Of course she is right. In a last ditch attempt, Matt slaps on a slightly mocking smile. "Oh yeah? Maybe I was raised in Japan. Maybe my parents moved here before I was born and all I've ever known is Japan."
Brown eyes narrow slightly. He can almost see the inner battle going on within Suuki's head. "No, I don't believe you." Matt's mouth goes slack with shock.
She doesn't… believe him?
He doesn't know how to react - the only people who have ever not bought his lies are sitting in a small white room somewhere else in this very building.
He quickly pulls himself together, making the calculations in a millisecond. Suuki is probably bluffing, it's the only rational explanation. He gives her a mental pat on the back to her stubbornness, but with nothing to back it up, her lie has fallen flat on its face.
"Believe whatever you want. I'm not here to convince you of anything, or discuss my childhood. I'm here for Mello" her eyes sparkle, "…and Near." He tacks on hastily.
"Think about it. For your sake, not mine." She pleads as Matt walks past her and to the door.
He pauses, his hand resting on the doorframe. He turns his head to look her dead in the eyes. "I'm not in love with Mello."
The redhead turns on his heel and strides out of the cafeteria, refusing to look back.
"…I am not in love with Mello."
…The most convincing lies are the ones with some truth to them.
Matt looks around blankly. The walls are all the same bleached white, the corridors are deserted and there are no signs as far as he can see.
Where the hell is he?
The redhead sighs and resolves to worry about that later. Since he has found himself totally lost in the hospital (how did he manage that anyway? It's not a big place) he might as well do some real thinking.
He leans back against one of the walls, sliding down and sitting with his legs pulled up. He looks a bit like L, but the thought is fleeting, so he doesn't care.
His mind is abuzz with the recent events. Suuki had certainly shocked him to the core, both with what she said and with her reaction to his answers. The timing of this little revelation of hers couldn't have been worse for him, what with…
He forcibly shakes his head, still refusing to voice the experience even within his own mind. If he wants to get past it, he has to ignore it, right? That's worked for everything else in his life…
Why does Suuki think that he and Mello are more than best friends? It's ridiculous; of course it's ridiculous! No one would ever want Matt. No one has ever wanted Matt.
The redhead forlornly lays his chin on his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs. He remembers how shocked he had been when the blond had first ever approached him - the loner kid who would spend all his time playing games while others where studying, but somehow still kept his place as third - and announced them as friends. He remembers how he had cried because of the overwhelming emotions he had felt at that moment.
He had been five.
Matt quickly pushes away the memories before they burst forth in a flood. He has to think logically about this – logic is safe.
Ok, he's never really thought about it before, so does he like girls?
The redhead tries to picture himself with a woman, before realising that the only female he knows is Suuki. The kids at Wammy's don't count because he hasn't seen them for too long and picturing any of them will make him feel like a paedophile.
Suuki. He pictures her face when she's working, when she's smiling, all the expressions he can remember seeing on her face. He's grasping for something, for anything!
Nothing. There is no burst of feeling, or sudden heat or sparks flying or… anything. Why? It can't be that the girl is ugly, he knows for a fact that she isn't. Maybe he just can't feel anything because he sees her as a friend and nothing else?
Matt lifts his head up off his knees and slams it back down in irritation.
He should just go out on the street right now, pick up a random good-looking and very willing girl and get it over with.
… Shit.
That's not how a normal healthy teenager would think of it, is it? Not that Matt has ever claimed to be normal… but this is just too much. He will bet even the Great L has gotten some before. Hard to believe, and pretty damn creepy, but true.
Funny, the gamer always pictured L as asexual… fuck maybe he's the asexual one.
Matt can feel a major headache coming on. It's blossoming from his left eye (which is turning a funny yellow colour) and crawling back through his brain, making it extremely difficult to think straight.
Should he be thinking straight? When he's not even sure if he is straight anymore?
Now he is sure that he's not going to get any further by thinking anymore. The pain in his head spikes violently, making bright green eyes screw up. Matt pushes his goggles up to sit on his hair and rubs at his left temple with a shaking hand, trying futilely to ease the pain.
He snaps out of his fractured thoughts at the sound of a sniff. The redhead's hand numbly moves from his temple to brush just beneath his eye and up into his field of vision.
His glove is wet.
Wide green eyes take in the sight in a detached kind of way, the clogs of Matt's brain moving slowly before they click. The click resounds throughout his head, seeming to echo in the silence of the deserted corridor.
As he hides his head on his knees in the unnamed, unoccupied corridor, another sniff breaks through; confused and scared, Mail Jeevas cries.
AN- is it too short? Oh well, I might add more before I post it :P Or I might not. I didn't have time to fully read through it properly cause theres some serious shizz goin down IRL and I can barely think straight.
Poor Matty, I'm putting him through crap. But it has to be done. Besides, who ever said Death Note is happy? I wish it was too, but lets face it, it's not. And this fic is meant to stick to the vague feel of DN.
I got totally stuck as soon as Suuki told Matt what that he wants Mello's arse, and couldn't face trying to battle through that scene. So I'd love it if in your reviews you could maybe tell me if that bit was ok? In the end I just said sod it and started typing XD
Reviews will help Matt come to terms with his feelings!
Edit - I totally forgot this but just now remembered. Who do you guys think is topping in this fic? I really wanna hear your views on this one. Seriously XP
