MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING THE SITCOM INDUSTRY

Bokuto had loved his fish dearly. Sure it had only lived for a few weeks, but he gave that fish the best damn few weeks it ever saw. When he wasn't staring at it or playing it with, he was buying it (ridiculously expensive) decor for its tank. He cleaned the tank weekly, fed the fish daily (when he remembered, which wasn't often), and renamed it almost every other day. A few of the best being Aqua Bob Squarepants, The Amazing Dace, Floater, Chips, Puff Daddy, Moby Haha DICK, and Garfield.

He honestly took the best care of the fish when he could, so it really was a shock when it died. And its death set off a terrible chain of events.

Bokuto, of course, insisted on holding a funeral for the fish. He also refused to flush it.

"Bokuto," Daishou said, rubbing his sleep-crusted face, "You should just flush the betta. He'll go to the… uh, fish graves. Where he belongs."

"How could you disrespect the dead like that?!"

"It's a fish," Kuroo supplied, voice layered with exhaust. For some reason Bokuto had woken up at six in the morning (as he often seems to do, the madman) and found the fish dead. Kuroo, who had been suffering a particularly bad bout of insomnia, had been woken from his one hour of fitful sleep by his friend's distressed yells. He'd screamed like there'd been a murder in their very own home and woken up everyone inside and around Apartment 420. So now they were all up at 6 AM discussing the semantics of a fish funeral.

"Kenma and Akaashi have to come, too," Bokuto said, ignoring their protests against burying the fish in the lot.

"Kenma won't come," Kuroo said.

"Just tell him it's Daishou's birthday or something."

"He knows when Daishou's birthday is."

"How does he know when Daishou's birthday is?" Bokuto asked, confused. Kuroo and Daishou shared a quick look, Kuroo shrugged.

Bokuto accepted this as an answer and simply said, "Well make something else up."

"And lie to Kenma?" Kuroo replied, faking offense.

"You lie to Kenma all the time," Bokuto said.

"About?"

Bokuto simply raised an eyebrow, Kuroo became very interested in his feet.

"Fine, I'll get Kenma to come to your stupid fish funeral."

Bokuto gasped, "It's not stupid! It's the least you all can do for Captain Jack."

"I thought his name was Wishiwashi," Kuroo said.

"I thought his name was Dr. Sturgeon," Daishou added.

Bokuto sighed solemnly, "He was Captain Jack in the end."

And that was how they all ended up in an elevator at seven in the morning with a toy shovel and a dead fish.

Kenma tugged on Kuroo's sleeve, "I thought we were playing video games. You promised me Overwatch." He whispered.

"I lied."

"You're a disgusting little man." Kenma replied. Kuroo just laughed fondly and said 'I know'.

Daishou seethed behind them. Oh, so he can call him a little man, but as soon as I call him a little shit he becomes a smartass and brags about his height.

Suddenly, as if provoked by Daishou's salt, the elevator stuttered and the lights flickered. Then, the elevator stopped with a jerk. Assuming someone on the third floor pushed the elevator button, they waited for the doors to open. They didn't. They waited for a few more seconds.

"What the fuck?" Daishou said more than asked, his voice desperate and disbelieving.

"Oh hell no," Kuroo hissed, repeatedly jamming the "open door" button on the elevator panel. When that proved to be useless, he attempted to pry the doors open; he had not a shot in hell but that didn't stop him from trying.

All of a sudden, the lights blinked off and an tiny emergency light ominously lit up the small elevator.

"Ah! Look what you did!" Bokuto yelled.

Kuroo jumped away from the doors. "That wasn't me!"

"Calm down," Akaashi instructed like the grown, responsible adult trapped in a teenager's body that he was. "Does this building have a generator?"

"I dunno, probably not 'cuz it's outdated and cheap." Kuroo said. He hopelessly attempted to press the "open door" button again.

"Hit the phone button," Kenma suggested, pointing to one of the red buttons on the panel. Kuroo pressed it and waited with wide eyes for some sort of noise or response or anything – but nothing happened.

They stood there in stunned silence for a few minutes before Kenma finally slid down the wall, took out his DS from his hoodie, and started playing what was presumably Pokémon.

"Oh my god we're gonna DIE." Bokuto shouted, dropping to his knees dramatically.

"No we're not," Akaashi said, "Just stay calm."

"I'll call the landlord," Daishou said suddenly, pulling out his phone. The rest of them eventually sat down and began to screw around on their phones. Daishou started to pace the length of the elevator (which was only about one step each direction).

When the landlord finally picked up he told Daishou that the power was out for the whole block, and it would presumably be awhile before it could be fixed.

"At least, that's what he was told."

"What do you mean, told?" Kuroo narrowed his eyes.

Daishou defeatedly dropped his arms. "He's like, two hours away out golfing or something."

"So you mean he's not even here?" Akaashi asked.

Daishou just shrugged, "Guess not." He then sat down and said, "I can't believe I'm stuck in a fucking elevator with a dead fish."

"I can't believe I'm stuck in an elevator with an ugly ass snake," Kuroo snapped.

"Was that really necessary?"

"Yep."

A spell of agitated silence fell over the cramped elevator. The only noise was Kenma tapping on his DS and the occasional sighs.

Suddenly Bokuto burst out with a "Hey guys–" but he was cut off quickly with a series of groans.

"You can't seriously be Vining right now, Bokuto," Kuroo said, pinching his nose.

"We're stuck in a motherfucking elevator," Kenma deadpanned.

The previous six seconds were caught on video and the last few lines of dialogue were immortalized and infinitely looped. Bokuto posted the video without a second thought. "Yeah! It's like our own personal bottle episode."

"How do you always manage to look on the bright-side?" Akaashi asked, yet a small smile graced his face.

As the rest of their group established small chatter, Daishou looked up and noticed a small security camera in the corner of the elevator. He tried to shake it off but it bothered him; sitting annoyingly in the back of his mind. Daishou eventually managed to distract himself with his phone but still the camera itched at his brain and took over his peripheral vision.

The following hour was hell. Daishou's mind flickered with annoyance and paranoia at every word uttered. He was overthinking everything, connecting it with something completely unrelated, until his brain was tangled with frustration. Daishou continued to scroll through his phone but his vision was blurred and his senses dulled until he was completely absorbed in his head.

The soft sounds of Bokuto and Akaashi talking and laughing could be heard through his daze.

"Could you two shut the fuck up and stop flirting," he snapped suddenly, voice dripping with venom, not even realizing it until the words were out of his mouth.

Bokuto was too shocked to be embarrassed and even Akaashi seemed a little offended, but Daishou was too bothered to regret it.

Nobody said anything for about thirty minutes. A deep tired silence gripped the tiny room, but Daishou's head was screaming.

The fragile hold they had on peace went to shit when Kenma took out his sketchbook.

"You should draw me," Kuroo jokingly suggested to Kenma, breaking the silence.

"Okay."

"Wait really?"

"Sure," there were a few seconds of Kenma's pencil scratching against paper, he then presented a poorly drawn dick to Kuroo.

"Um, rude," Kuroo said, feigning offence.

"I was tricked into going to a fish funeral and now I'm stuck in an elevator," Kenma replied flatly, "I honestly just can't believe I wasted paper on you."

"You're gonna make me cry, Kenma," Kuroo said, though was laughing. That laughter sent jolts up Daishou's spine.

A few seconds of contentedness fell over the group.

Daishou glanced feverishly up at the camera. They can see it, his paranoia-wracked mind whispered at him, They're watching, They can see you.

The words echoed over and over again in his brain until they consumed his entire body. Before he knew it he'd stood up, his body and mind working in tandem against him. He marched across the elevator, pulled his arm back, and swung hard at the small camera in the corner, barely reaching it.

The pain passed through his busy head and he barely felt it. He hit again; it did nothing.

Everyone else in the elevator immediately started screaming.

"Whoa, what the FUCK?" Bokuto yelled, followed by Kenma's Ugh, seriously?

"Why are you punching the camera?" Akaashi asked in his voice that was usually reserved for Bokuto's antics.

"They can see all of us," Daishou seethed, outraged that no one else saw the problem. He pointed at the camera behind him for emphasis.

"Dude, it doesn't work anyways, the power went out!" Kuroo yelled back.

"You don't know that, those emergency lights came on!" Daishou snapped back, looking absolutely unhinged.

"Suguru, you need to calm down."

The use of his first name made him flinch. "Would you shut the fuck up you pathetic, rambling, overrated scene kid," Daishou snarled, contempt filling his face.

Kuroo scoffed, "I'm not the one who's rambling."

"I'm not the one who left!" Daishou screamed; outrage filled and overflowed. He said it louder than intended and all eyes in the small room turned to him. Bokuto and Akaashi were obviously confused, Kenma just looked anxious, but Kuroo was staring at him intensely. He looked wistful, and somewhat sad. There was the reminiscence of a fire behind Kuroo's eyes, a fire that had died; nothing left but hopeless, gray ashes.

The flash of nostalgia was over in an instant, and Daishou could feel the emotion that had risen up die down. Yet everyone still stared.

Daishou didn't like everyone's eyes on him. He could feel them prying into his soul, tearing away this careful exterior he built. People looking at him made every cell in his body race with fear. He was shaking with panic now; panic and rage. Everything was telling him to run, but there was nowhere to run to. He was trapped in a room with something he feared but didn't understand.

He pulled his arm back again to give the lens another blow, but something caught his hand. Daishou glanced back and saw Kuroo gripping his wrist.

"Daishou," he said, eyes locked onto Daishou's, seeing the storm of fear that raged behind them. "Calm down, it's okay."

"We're stuck in a tiny death capsule and you're telling me to calm down?" Daishou yelled. He yanked his fist out of Kuroo's hold.

"Suguru," Kuroo breathed, almost in a plead. His eyes bore into Daishou's. "The fact that we're stuck in here is exactly why you need to calm down. You can't start doing this now."

Daishou exhaled, slow and jagged. He tried to focus on what was real and around him. The stable floor beneath his feat, the quiet sounds of everyone nervously shifting around. He tried to focus on Kuroo. He took a breath, steadier this time. I'll be okay, he told himself, though didn't quite believe it.

"You must be at least level seven friend to unlock my tragic backstory," he blurted out suddenly.

The corner of Kuroo's mouth twitched upward and he let go of his breath, huffing a gentle laugh. Suddenly, everything was kind of okay.

"Dick," Kuroo replied, smiling.

They both sat back down and a collective eyebrow raise passed over the elevator.

Hour three passed with relative ease, the only annoyance being Bokuto Vining.

"This is my friend Kenma! Show them what you're drawing," he said, training the camera on Kenma.

"I swear to god I will take off my sweaty binder and choke you with it."

Kenma, being an individual who almost never liked interacting with Bokuto for obvious reasons, had a very special talent in which he knew exactly what to say to shut him up.

A few minutes later, Bokuto pulled out his phone again and asked, "Hey! Who wants to practice kabedon-ing with me?"

"Is this for a Vine?" Akaashi asked.

"...Maybe."

"No," everyone said simultaneously. Bokuto visibly deflated.

After a bit, they all began to talk quietly and made jokes, and the discomfort that had filled Daishou's mind slowly left. At one point Kuroo blared 'Kazoo Kid Trap Remix' and Daishou even laughed. Bokuto then did a dramatic reenactment of 'Never Gonna Give You Up.' He kept trying to dance and falling into the sides of the elevator.

However by the fourth hour, everyone had lost their meme spirit; Akaashi had even fallen asleep.

Bokuto giggled and pulled out his phone again, ready to record. He started messing with Akaashi's hair and arms, all while making random commentary.

Kenma poked Bokuto in the shoulder. "Bokuto, stop, you're gonna wake him…" He said.

"Haha, nah, it's alright. One morning before practice he fell asleep on the front step of the gym and no matter what we did he didn't wake up," Bokuto said, continuing to wave Akaashi's limp arms around.

"I think he's straight up dead," Daishou said. He crawled over to where the pair sat. "Hey, lemme draw on him–"

Bokuto slapped his hand away. "No, dick, only I can do that."

"Jeez, okay…"

A while passed before anything more happened. Bokuto continued to bother Akaashi while he slept. Daishou still seemed a little upset but he had calmed down and made assholeish comments every now and then. Kenma remained quiet but continued to pull various games and gaming consoles out of the pockets of his sweatpants.

He started playing Pokemon Moon on his DS, then cycled through Majora's Mask, Animal Crossing, Pokemon X, and Super Smash Bros. Kenma ignored the flashing red light but still got upset when his DS died in the middle of a match. He complained for a few minutes, but quickly got over it and took out his sketchbook. He did a few sketches, got bored, then retrieved a Game Boy out of his pocket and played Mario Party on that until it died. Next he pulled out a PSP, which was already half dead, and played on that until that died.

This had gotten Kenma quite a few weird looks but Kuroo was acting as this was all perfectly normal.

"Are you finally done?" Akaashi whispered once the PSP had died, apparently awake.

"Hm?" Kenma said, already immersed in playing Deemo on his phone.

"You have so many," Akaashi replied, gesturing to the pile of dead consoles.

"Well, I have my laptop in my bag so I can always play on that if my phone dies."

"Holy shit."

"This isn't even half of it," Kuroo laughed. "Did you bring a Wii U, too?"

"No, a PS4."

Kuroo started making his ugly hyena cackling.

"You brought all this to a fish funeral?" Daishou asked.

"I was promised video games," Kenma seethed. He kicked Kuroo's leg, which brought his wheezing laughter to a halt. He brought his knees up to his chin and immersed himself back into Deemo.

After all of Kenma's devices finally died, silence filled the elevator. Akaashi fell asleep again. Everyone tapped away on their phones, batteries dangerously low. Kenma sketched, his brain constantly itching for a distraction.

"Guys," Bokuto said, breaking the comfortable quiet, voice oddly serious.

"What."

"I have to pee. Like really badly."

"No you fucking don't," Kuroo answered.

"Oh my god."

"Here," Daishou said, grabbing Kuroo's empty water bottle and handing it to him.

Kuroo's sense of panic went from 0 to 100 in .2 seconds. "Bokuto do NOT–"

"Bokuto, no, please don't," Kenma complained.

"Do it Bokuto," Daishou snickered.

Bokuto made a grab for the water bottle but Kuroo snatched it out of Daishou's hand.

"Dude you weren't actually going to pee in my water bottle, right?"

"H-Hah, Haha, o-of course not," Bokuto stammered.

"I can't believe you."

Five minutes passed before Bokuto brought it up again, "I'm serious though, I really have to pee."

Everyone groaned loudly, jolting Akaashi from his sleep.

"What's going on?" he asked, glancing around as though he expected someone to be dead. "Why are we still here."

"Bokuto has to pee."

Akaashi looked seriously at Bokuto, "No you don't," he deadpanned.

Bokuto whined, but the issue was resolved by him deciding to hold it indefinitely. I have a bladder of steel, he'd proclaimed with great confidence.

It had been about six hours into their bottle episode when Bokuto began to shake his leg. Loudly. It was understandable really; you lock someone with ADHD in a small room with only one thing to do and they're probably going to get bored and stim.

"SHIT," Bokuto yelled.

"What is it this time?" Akaashi sighed.

"I just remembered forgot to take my meds this morning."

"You forget to take your meds basically every morning," Kuroo commented.

"Well it's not everyday I get locked in a tiny room with a bunch of people and – oh my god guys what if we run out of air?"

"We're not gonna run out of air," chided Akaashi.

Kenma looked up from his sketchbook, glancing around nervously, "Wait, are you sure?"

"Guys, we are not going to run out of air."

A few minutes passed when Bokuto stood up and began to walk around, which was hard as the elevator was tiny and filled with people with their legs outstretched.

Kenma suddenly sat bolt upright from his position of leaning on Kuroo, "Shit guys what if the elevator falls?" He said a bit louder than he intended.

"It's been stuck like this for six hours," Akaashi said flatly, obviously tired. He'd been attempting to nod back to sleep but at this point it was basically impossible.

"It's gonna fall, oh my god we're all gonna die," Kenma ignored him. Daishou then jumped up and tried to pry open the doors, eventually giving up and sliding face-first down the doors.

"I'm gonna punch the camera again."

"It doesn't even work, the power's still out," Kuroo pointed out.

Daishou then had a realization: "Guys if the lights came on why isn't the elevator working. What if they're trying to kill us and the elevator falls."

Akaashi looked up to the ceiling like a silent prayer. "I wish they would just kill us already," he sighed.

Daishou pounded weakly on the doors.

"With you guys jumping around so much I wouldn't be surprised if it actually fell," Kuroo said, annoyed and tired. He could feel another migraine slowly infecting his head and was kind of with Akaashi on this one.

"Oh my god," Kenma said softly in a 'what the fuck' tone of voice.

Daishou screamed at a moderate volume.

"OHHH MY GODDD IT'S LIKE THE TOWER OF TERROR," Bokuto screeched, either excited or terrified – it was hard to tell.

Everyone started screaming in harmony with Bokuto, while Kuroo just snickered and Akaashi closed his eyes in silent exhaustion.

"Please don't kill me, I'm better than everyone else in here," Daishou yelled through the crack in the doors.

"Please kill me, I've had enough of this," Akaashi whispered.

Daishou looked defeated, "Kuroo. I leave you my snake."

"I don't want no dusty ass snake," Kuroo quipped in response.

"Is that fear I hear underneath your smartassery?"

Kuroo turned to look at Daishou with wide eyes. "Fuck. Off," he seethed through clenched teeth.

"We're all gonna die. We pissed off god by being gay and living in sin," Kenma said, pulling his hoodie out to hide his face in the collar.

"At least I get to die gay," Kuroo laughed, despair surrounding his words.

"And single," Kenma added.

"Rude."

"This elevator is homophobic because I'm gay and it's inconveniencing me," Akaashi chimed in. Everyone laughed and was silent for a few seconds.

Bokuto was tearing up in the corner, "At least," he said, choking, "I get to d-die surrounded by my f-friends!"

"Chill," Daishou replied, "You're only a level three friend."

"What am I?" Kuroo asked.

"Annoying."

Kuroo glared at him.

They spent the following hour discussing their wills.

"I'm leaving all my coffee mugs to Kenma."

"Keep 'em."

Kuroo ignored this, "Except the cat one, bury that one with me."

"Bro, what about me," Bokuto asked, offended.

"You can have that bowl with the straw built into it."

"That was already mine, you just stole it from me."

"Really?" Kuroo said, "Hm."

"Yeah, you know I hate using spoons."

"I still don't understand that."

"I'm leaving all my possessions and money to the man that kills me," Daishou said.

"You're really going to leave all your things to a homophobic elevator?"

"Yes."

"None of you get any of my things," Kenma said bitterly.

"Damn who passed the salt," Kuroo snorted.

"You when you tricked me into going to a fish funeral and got us stuck in an elevator," Kenma snapped.

"Bokuto's the one that told me to lie to you!" Kuroo defended.

Bokuto, after he realized the blame was passed to him faster than Sonic the Hedgehog's lightning fast ejaculate, looked around wildly in search of someone else to pin the blame on. "Daishou's the one that insisted we take the elevator instead of the stairs!"

All heads turned to look at Daishou. "Okay... I didn't get us stuck in the elevator," he tried, "The murderers who are slowly torturing us by prolonging our deaths did."

"They're probably trying to kill you for bein' a lil' bitch." Kuroo sneered.

"But we all know you're the real asshole of this elevator."

"I can't wait until this elevator falls and we all die," Kenma groaned.

Suddenly, the elevator started moving.

"HOLY SHIT YOU CURSED US," Bokuto screamed.

"If the elevator was actually falling we'd be dead by now," Akaashi corrected.

"Wait so you mean–?"

"FREEDOM!" Bokuto hooted, cutting Kuroo off. "I CAN FINALLY PEE YOU GUYS!"

When the elevator dinged and the doors opened they all almost cried.

After eight hours of being stuck in a motherfucking elevator a fish funeral seemed less ridiculous and more like freedom.

And at this point, Bokuto was more concerned with his Emergency Bladder Evacuation than finding a more dignified place to bury his fish than the gross lot behind their apartment. They found a place to bury the fish, but it was of course complicated by Daishou.

They were preparing to dig a little hole for the fish to reside in. Bokuto pulled out the fish from the bag and held its bare, lifeless body in the palm of his hand.

"Ew, you're just gonna hold it like that?" Kenma scrunched his nose.

"Haha, hey can I hold it?" Daishou asked Bokuto. Bokuto seemed happy with Daishou's eagerness to finally give his pet attention and plopped the betta into Daishou's hand.

Daishou examined the dead creature, then suddenly entrapped it inside his fist and chucked it halfway across the lot.

Bokuto screamed. "DUDE! THE FUCK?"

"I spent eight hours in an elevator because of that thing!" Daishou complained.

Bokuto wordlessly stood up and walked towards Daishou, "HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT CAPTAIN JACK LIKE THAT," he howled. "I'MMMMM GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU!" Bokuto bolted towards Daishou before Akaashi even had a chance to hold him back (unfortunately for Daishou). Daishou was running now with a very emotional Bokuto on his tail, screaming in fear.

Bokuto continued to chase Daishou around the empty plot of land for about two minutes until he managed to catch up and shove him to the ground. He then retrieved the fish and they all held the ceremony.

"And now," Kuroo said, "a moment of silence."

Bokuto started crying.

"It's okay, you can get another fish."

"It's not that," Bokuto sniffed, "It's just that I can barely remember to take my meds, and I can't focus on anything important... I just, how am I gonna pull this off, being an adult? I can't even keep a fucking fish alive," he snapped, voice quivering, "I just wish my brain wasn't like this. I'm just really stressed out," Bokuto finally divulged just a fraction of the thoughts that'd been swarming his mind all day, all while trying too hard to distract himself and feeling like he'd dragged everyone down with him in the process.

"It's okay," Akaashi said, leaning into Bokuto. "We're here to support you."

"I know... I'm just a little sad."

"I think we all are," Kuroo confessed.

"Yeah, I guess we are."

They were all silent for a moment, stewing silently in their own pain. They were all a little sad, but at least they weren't alone in that sadness.

"Let's all go get some food and drinks," Daishou said, "I think we all deserve that after today."

"I gotta pee first."

"You held it for six hours, I think you can walk across the street."

Bokuto was practically running across the street to get to the bathroom. Everyone else walked slowly, burdened with the weight of the day. Daishou was falling behind. Kuroo slowed his pace to talk to him.

"Hey," Kuroo said, "you okay?" he asked, genuine concern lacing his voice.

Daishou considered saying something like 'I'm fine, just tired,' but this was Kuroo; they had known each other for longer than Daishou liked to admit, and he also knew Kuroo would be unrelenting until he told him the truth.

"Would you be? After what just happened?" he replied instead.

"What did happen?"

Daishou desperately wanted to tell him the truth, but honestly he didn't know what the truth was. He could feel it brimming at the edge of his mind, pushing at the edge of his thoughts. Paranoia was Daishou's familiar friend, and what had happened today had been no different than other days; but he didn't know what had caused it. Normally he could feel it coming, and had developed enough coping skills over the years to stifle his minor paranoia attacks.

They can see it, he had thought.

Daishou didn't even know what it was.

He thought, in that moment, if he had known, he would've told Kuroo. But he didn't know, and probably never would tell.

"Nothing," he said absentmindedly in response, "It's nothing."