This chapter turned out to be longer than I expected, mainly do to the fact I could not find a place to make a break.
Silk and Sand – Chapter 8
Necor opened the double doors to the large opulent room that had the big pool-like bath that Kahlan had been brought to wash on her very first day of her captivity. But unlike that day, Kahlan's heart was pounding with anticipation for what was to await her in that pool. Though they had just been together in the most intimate of ways, surrounded by a crowd of decadent and depraved people, they had not really had the opportunity to reunite in the manner she had wished. Now, though, as Necor opened the doors, Kahlan was chewing on her lower lip, smiling as she peered through the threshold and spotted the lone figure wading in the far end of the pool, occasionally splashing water over his head.
"I'll give you two an hour," Necor spoke softly. "Then I'll escort you back to your quarters, where you can spend the rest of the night together."
Kahlan gave a nod, and then surprised the man by giving him a big hug. "Thank you, Necor," she whispered into his ear.
"For what?" the big man relaxed and hugged her back.
"For being such a good friend in a place like this," she squeezed him then stepped through the doorway.
"Enjoy yourself, Kaya," he murmured, giving her a small smile. "You deserve it."
Kahlan nodded another thank you, then turned around to reunite with her Seeker. A thud resounded throughout the large marble room as the doors closed and were locked, causing the swimmer to spin around. Kahlan beamed, seeing his face for the first time in what seemed like ages. Richard grinned from ear to ear, his eyes sparkling. And for a moment they just stared at one another. Then, like a giddy schoolgirl, Kahlan pulled Necor's cloak off her shoulders and practically skipped down the marble steps into the pool. She waded through the water, rushing towards her Seeker… her best friend… her lover. Yes. That was what Kahlan wanted Richard to be, more than a friend, a lover.
As Mother Confessor, and one of the last confessors, Kahlan needed to plan ahead for the conception of more confessors. She would ask Richard if he would be her mate and lover, and before they escaped from this accursed place, she would talk him into allowing her to purchase a Rada'Han, so that they could be together when they left the negative field created by the Roh'machtig mountains. Yes, Kahlan nodded to herself, that was what she was going to do. Richard was an ideal candidate to be the father of confessors, and besides, she loved him and only ever wanted to be with him in that most intimate of ways, which he had been the first to introduce her too.
Richard met her halfway and immediately wrapped his strong arms around her, slightly pulling her up off her feet, hugging her tightly. And then, without hesitation or pause, they rammed their mouths against one another in a fierce and passionate kiss that left them both breathless. Kahlan had only really ever kissed him once like this, and at the time she had believed it as a terrible mistake that could have potentially destroyed the man she loved with so much of her heart. Now, however, knowing that her powers could not harm him, Kahlan let go and basked in all the feelings and sensations that his lips against hers caused within her body.
Backing up to catch their breaths, Richard rested his forehead against hers. "Oh spirits, Kahlan," he murmured into her lips as they shared the same air. "You… you have no idea how long I've waited to kiss you like that."
Kahlan bit her lower lip and stared back at him, blushing slightly. "I may know more than you think, Seeker," she jested back. "You… you're the first man I've ever kissed."
Richard arched an eyebrow. "Really? There wasn't some boy when you were a little girl?"
"Richard," Kahlan let out a breath, sometimes forgetting that he truly did not know anything about her upbringing or the Midlands. "Confessors don't have normal lives. I was never allowed to be around boys my own age. Even the Sisters of the Light at Thandore knew better than to allow me and Dennee to mingle with boys our age, especially when I started to blossom into womanhood."
He paused for a moment, his hands resting on her shoulders, his thumbs affectionately caressing her bare skin. "So, you were telling the truth, then?" he said.
"Huh?"
"When you told me that you never pleasured yourself?" he questioned in a quick breath, half flushing at the frankness of his question.
Kahlan flirted her eyes up and stared into his. "No," she answered. "I… I was never really taught much about that sort of thing. When it came to… to relations between a man and a woman, the older confessors only told us what was necessary to conceive a child. They never mentioned anything about deriving pleasure from the act of doing so."
"Odd," Richard frowned. He then shook his head, dismissing the topic and hugged her, planting a kiss on her forehead. "I… I'm glad your okay."
She sucked in a deep breath, feeling all the fears and worries she had felt when she had first woke up in that dark dank cell several days ago. "I… I was afraid you had been killed," she whimpered, looking down absently at his chest, running her fingers along the scars and cuts. Chewing her lower lip, she looked back up at him. "Are you okay?" she asked, fingering a long scar that ran down the left side of his chest.
Richard took in a deep breath and simply held her for a while. "I am… now," he finally answered. "I won't lie, Kahlan… it has been difficult. The things I've had to do to survive." He gulped, looking sick with himself. "I… I would have done it," he said, referring to the depraved play they were forced to do. "I would have raped the girl playing the Creator… to… to survive for another day… another day in which I could look for a way to escape and find you."
Kahlan's heart was breaking with his self-loathing at what he would have done if it had not been her. She clutched him to her chest and allowed him to grieve, listening to his racking sobs.
"I've been kicking myself this entire time about what happened back at camp," he continued. "I… I had allowed myself to get distracted… daydreaming about you, giving those marauders an opening to rush in and capture us. I... it… it was my fault."
"Shh," Kahlan soothed him, rocking him gently in her arms. "What is done... is done. Leave it in the past. What matters now is that we are together again."
His nostrils flared as he inhaled through his nose. "I'm sorry."
"What did I just—"
"No, about what just happened," Richard said, looking up at her, his warm brown eyes filling with regret. "I never wanted to have you like that, Kahlan. Even though I knew you never thought we could be together, deep down, I always hoped that one day we could. And… and when that day came, I wanted it to be special. I… I…," he was choking up, tears running down his cheeks. "Oh spirits, Kahlan, I wanted to give you so much… but now… now that is impossible, because I've taken it away from you. And for what? For the sick pleasure of those vile monsters who wanted nothing more than to watch a poor girl be raped on a stage for their own amusement!"
Kahlan hugged him again, pulling his head to her shoulder. She rubbed her hands up and down his back, trying to comfort him. She understood why he was so upset. She had wanted their first time—if they ever got a first time—to be something special, but they could not change the past or what had happened. Tentatively, she began pressing soft kisses against his neck and jawbone, trying to soothe him and remind him that she loved and cared for him.
"I am not sorry for what happened, Richard," Kahlan said in a firm voice, using her training to hide her own tumultuous emotions. "Though, I will be honest, it was not the way I expected to lose my virginity. That being said, I want you to know that I have no regrets about losing it to you, or the manner in which I lost it, because it was you and not someone else."
He heaved in a deep sob and leaned back, gazing down at her with watery eyes. "I'm sorry," he shook his head. "Here I am being a mess, when you've been the one to suffer the most." He backed away and looked down at her. "Here… let's get you cleaned up. I'd like to see you as you really are. Even though, you do make a strikingly beautiful Creator."
Kahlan gave a soft smile and nodded. "Will… will you clean me?" she asked hopefully, wanting to feel his hands roam over her body as he rid her skin of the silver paint.
"If that is what you want, then yes, of course I will," Richard smiled back, as she wiped the remnants of his tears from his face.
He held her hand as they drifted across to the edge of the pool where the soap holders were. Richard reached up and grabbed a bar. Turning her around, he hovered behind her and began massaging the soap bar against her shoulders and lower back. Kahlan closed her eyes and basked in his gentle touch as he worked the soapy substance into her skin, clearing it of the silver paint.
"Oooh, that feels good," she moaned softly.
"You have no idea how many times I've dreamt of bathing with you, Kahlan," Richard replied, she could hear the smile in his voice.
"Let me guess, it began when you caught me bathing at that waterfall," she replied, grinning at the memory of turning around and seeing the Seeker gazing longingly at her backside.
"Well, it was a nice view," Richard quipped back, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on her shoulder as he lifted her hair up, giving himself room to rub the soap along her slender neck. Kahlan sighed, enjoy both the kiss and feel of his hands.
"I'm sure it was, Seeker," she retorted. "I didn't mind the sight of you when I saw you step onto the stage."
Richard chuckled. "I bet you blushed like crazy under that mask once you realized it was me," he said.
Kahlan smiled and bit her lower lip, trying to stifle the blush that came from him mentioning her blushing. "Well, it felt better than having to do it while thinking it wasn't you."
He stopped. "What if it was not me?" Richard suddenly asked. "What would you have done?"
She was caught off guard by the question. It was not something she wanted to think about, especially since she had been partially aroused by the sight of Rook without knowing he was Richard and thinking he was another man. "Well, the struggle would not have been fake, is that's what you're asking," Kahlan replied quickly, wanting to ease his mind. "And… and I would not have enjoyed myself."
"You enjoyed yourself?" Richard's voice rose slightly.
"Oh, yes, Richard, I did," she purred. "When we connected, spirits, I just knew it was right. We… we just fit together so perfectly…" she allowed her voice to trail off, allowing her words to sink in. Richard's hands continued to massage her skin, ridding her of the silver paint. "So," Kahlan spoke up after a minute or two of just relaxing into his touch. "When did you start dreaming of bathing with me?" She arched her neck to look over her shoulder at him as he began working his hands on the small of her back. "Was it after the waterfall?"
"Actually, no, before that," Richard admitted with a chuckle. "Though when I stumbled upon you at that waterfall, it did give me some new images to add to my dreams."
"I knew you were lying when you said you didn't see anything," Kahlan smirked.
"It was hard not too look," Richard grinned. "You're so beautiful, Kahlan. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen."
"Even more beautiful than Anna?" she asked, not knowing why she even did so. She bit her lip, hoping she had not ruined the moment by mentioning an old flame.
"Kahlan, you are far superior to Anna… to any woman," Richard assured her, dropping his hands below the water to rub the soap bar against her bottom. Kahlan shivered in delight, loving the feel of his fingers skimming along the curve of her backside. "You, my dear confessor," he said, leaning forward to whisper into her ear, "are the epitome of beauty."
Kahlan bit her lower lip and blushed. Richard's hands moved to grip her hips and he spun her around to face him. She looked up at him from under her eyebrows. "Really?"
"Really," Richard nodded and leaned down to kiss her. Kahlan closed her eyes, relishing the slow and tender way his lips pressed against hers.
"Oh, Richard," she whimpered in awe of his love. She fluttered her eyes open to see him smirk boyishly as he run his hands down her shoulders to help clear off the paint that was covering her chest. He locked eyes with her and moved his hands over her breasts, gently rubbing the paint off as he took the opportunity to tease her a bit. Kahlan giggled softly as he fondled her, enjoying every moment of it as his hands lingered just long enough to coax a pleasant moan from her throat.
Kahlan lost herself in the feel of his hands as he took control, washing her, rubbing and working the silver paint out of every corner and crevice of her skin. His hands tenderly worked their way between her legs, rubbing her inner thighs. Her eyes flirted down to look at his hard chest, watching as it move up and down as he breathed. She bit her lower lip, feeling her own breathing grow heavy and her cheeks warm with arousal. She knew that they had things to discuss, important things that could not wait, but being so close and exposed to him—not to mention, entirely alone—was almost too much for Kahlan to bear.
Richard looked down at her and winked, kissing her forehead, as his fingers slid between her legs to clean her special place. She shivered and gasped when she felt him touch her down there. Just days ago, after learning of the Blood Rage, Kahlan would never have let Richard touch her like this, now she could not think of any reason why she should not let him always touch her like this. The soap was making her skin slippery, and Richard rubbed her folds, caressing the spot that made her quiver with delight. Gasping slightly, Kahlan latched on to Richard, quaking as he began to move his fingers like he had when he had been trying to please her.
"Richard…?" she gasped, flirting her eyes up to look at him. His warm brown eyes were glowing with love and he smiled down at her, his hand continuing to work at her between her legs, as his other hand cupped her bottom, helping her to remain standing.
"I can't believe you've never pleasured yourself, Kahlan," he murmured. "If you had, you'll understand what it is am doing to you…" he paused, inches away from her lips. "Perhaps I should teach you, so that when I'm not around you can think of me as you touch yourself."
Kahlan let out a breathy moan. "Spirits, Richard… oh… it… how?" she stammered, her eyes glazing over with pleasure as her entire body seemed to quiver with ecstasy.
Her mouth dropped and she let out a long low moan as she felt him push one of his fingers up into her. His other hand shifted, firming up his hold on her bottom. He gave her a light squeeze and Kahlan felt her muscles tense. Her mouth refused to close and she had to rest her head on his shoulder, least she collapse. She closed her eyes and let out another low moan as Richard quickened the pace of his hand between her legs. Her entire body seemed on fire. Richard blew warm breaths across her neck and started kissing and sucking the supple flesh there.
"My… Richard, what… what are you…. you doing to me?" Kahlan managed to ask between panting breaths.
"I'm bringing you to release, Kahlan," he purred into ear. "Come for me, my Kahlan."
"Oh, Richard," Kahlan whimpered in exquisite rapture, feeling the warmth between her legs explode, sending a cascade of sensations rolling throughout her entire body, causing her to quiver and tremble. He held her to him, smiling into her neck as she squeezed at his fingers that were inside her. Spirits, she didn't even remembering when he had added the second finger.
The wave of pleasure the soared over her was unlike anything she had ever felt before. The only thing it came close to was her powers, but that was more of an exhaustive experience, whereas this release only brought peace and an extreme amount of pleasure. An amount she had never felt before. Resting her hands on his shoulders, she took a long slow breath to recovery. Arching her neck, she looked up at Richard.
"What… what was that?" she asked, utterly confused at what had just happened to her. Kahlan had never, in her entire life, felt anything like it. And she knew she had not released her powers, because the negative field in this valley prevented that. So, she depended on Richard to explain things to her.
"Kahlan? You… you just had an orgasm," he knitted his eyebrows and furrowed his brow. "Do you know anything about sex besides the fact that it is how we procreate?" Richard asked, his voice laced with surprise.
Kahlan blushed and averted her eyes, embarrassed about her naïveté when it came to matters of the flesh. "No. Does… does that disappoint you?"
"You'll never disappoint me, Kahlan," Richard caressed the side of her still flushed face, trying to get her to look at him. He let out a soft sigh, when she would not. "What? You think I have a vast number of experiences and memories to compare what it was like to be with you? Oh, Kahlan…," he shook his head, seemingly amused by her.
She did not know what was so funny. How could she possibly hope to compare to women like Anna? Kahlan had lived a sheltered life, always in the company of a confessor or wizard, and matters of physical pleasure were never discussed, at least not openly, and never to the young confessors like her.
"All right, Kahlan," Richard placed his hands on her arms, affectionately caressing them. "Let me tell you something… you may not believe it, but it is the truth, and you know how I feel about telling the truth."
She managed a weak nod, but kept her eyes averted. Richard held the truth in high regard. That was one of the reasons he was a true Seeker of Truth, because he sought it out and firmly believed in it. As long as she knew him, he had never wavered from it. Sometimes, to him, Kahlan thought that the truth was almost like a religion, he was that devoted to seeking it out and always telling it.
"Good," Richard nodded, holding her so close she could practically hear the beating of his heart. "You… Kahlan… you are only the second woman I have ever been with?"
"The second? Anna? Was… was she your—"
"No," Richard replied shaking his head. "She moved away with her parents before our relationship got to that phase." He looked away, remembering his past. He hugged her and caressed the back of her head, combing his fingers into her long wet hair. "Her name was Nadine," he spoke in a hard and bitter voice. "After we were together, I knew I wasn't her first. She knew far too much about what to do, but I didn't mind. I thought I loved her, and I thought that she loved me… but then I caught her in bed with another man and found out the truth."
He paused, heaving in a deep breath. "She had just seen me as a challenge, since I had told her I would only sleep with her if we were in love. So… she tricked me, spending considerable time and effort to convince me that she loved me. It had all just been a game to her… a sick perverted game!" He spat out the last part in disgust. It reminded Kahlan of the disgust she felt towards Vintell and his cohorts, who had requested the pre-entertainment that she and Richard had performed.
"Oh, I… I'm sorry," Kahlan knitted her eyebrows together, keeping her eyes looking away, unsure how she should feel hearing about one of Richard's ex-lovers, especially the woman who had been his first. She had no stories to tease him with, since he was quite literally her first… in a lot of ways.
Richard had been the first man she had developed any romantic feelings for. Sure, she had been attracted to other men in Aydindril and throughout the Midlands, but Richard was the very first that she immediately felt a connection and bond with. The first she had felt the stirrings of desire and need, of love. He had also been the first man she had ever kissed, and by the way he always wanted to kiss her back, she knew that her lack of experience did not stop that from progressing to longer and deeper kisses. And lastly, Richard had been the man to take her maidenhood, one of her most precious things. And to have him, and not some confessed mate, be the one, meant the world to Kahlan. Yet now, she found her lack of knowledge and experience to be worrisome.
But Richard was not teasing her with this tale, he was opening up to her, telling her about his past, sharing it with her. And that made her heart swell with love, knowing he was confiding in her about something that had obviously caused him a lot of hurt, pain, and heartache.
"No," Richard finally responded to her, coming out of his daze, tilting her head up with a finger under her chin until their eyes were locked. "Don't be sorry… I'm not. Because if I had not been driven away from town and into the woods by what Nadine had done, then I would never have met my soul mate."
Kahlan involuntarily gasped at his choice of words. "Your soul mate?" she questioned, narrowing her eyes, feeling her heart clench in her chest with the magnitude of what he was saying. "You… you consider me your soul mate?"
Richard smiled slightly and nodded his head. "Yes," he said in a soft voice. "You complete me, Kahlan… without you, I am nothing, just a simple woods guide from Hartland."
"You're the Seeker," Kahlan protested.
"Again, because of you," he smiled and grabbed her hand in his, holding it to his chest, just above his heart. "If you had not come through the boundary, I would have probably lived out my life as an eccentric hermit up in the Ven forest, angry and bitter about a betrayal to my heart. On the outside, I looked fine, but in the inside, I was slowly dying with what had happened. But you… you gave me purpose again, a reason to live. You showed me what true love really was."
"Me? How?" Kahlan was flabbergasted. How could she—a confessor of all things, who knew nothing about true love—ever have shown someone like Richard, who had been close to two women before he had met her, anything about love? She was truly at a loss for his line of reasoning.
Richard smiled at her, seeing her perplexed expression. "Kahlan, you loved me so much that you fought your own urges and desires because you knew how much your powers could hurt me," he said, bringing her hand up to kiss it. "But we don't have to worry about that anymore, now do we?"
Kahlan narrowed her eyes and looked up at him, thinking. She had been wrong about him. Oh, how she had been wrong! Kahlan had always assumed that Richard had had a multitude of lovers before her. How could any woman resist him? He was just too handsome. But to learn that she was not the last in a long string of former lovers, but was in fact only the second one, somehow made her feel better about herself and her own deficiency in the arts of physical love.
He laughed softly. "Don't tell me you've been fretting that I found you wanting in your bedroom capabilities?" he asked her lightheartedly, smirking slightly.
She could not hide her blush and gave a small nod of confirmation.
"Oh, Kahlan," Richard shook his head and hugged her tight, running his hands up and down her back. "Let me tell you this, even though it was not under the ideal circumstances, you pleased me… you pleased me far more than Nadine, with her vast experience and knowledge, could ever have hoped for."
Kahlan looked up at him and hesitantly smiled. "Really?"
"Yes, really and truly, Kahlan," Richard grinned and kissed her forehead. "I firmly believe what you said earlier is true… that we fit perfectly together." He paused and his grin widened. "It is almost as if we were made for one another."
Kahlan swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Then… then you would willingly become my mate?"
"Of course, but I hope you'd consider me far more than just your mate," he chuckled slightly. "I'd much prefer to be your husband, but if I can only be your mate, then I will."
"My husband? You… you would marry me?" she was shocked. Never, in her entire life, had she heard of a man marrying a confessor. Confessors did not have weddings, they had ceremonies in which they announced and presented their mates, but never marriages.
"Well yes, that is, if you'll have me," Richard said.
"Oh, of course I'll marry you, Richard," Kahlan said, beaming with joy as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Richard grinned and pulled her in for another kiss, running his hands down her arms to rest on her hips. Kahlan opened her eyes wide and pushed him back, remembering that once they left the negative field of the Angress Valley her love for him would destroy his soul.
"We… we can't," she shook her head. "Outside the shadow of the mountains, I'd only end up confessing you." She flirted her eyes around, recalling her previous thoughts. "I… I could by a Rada'Han! And when we make love, I'll wear it."
"No," Richard was shaking his head, bringing his hands up to cup her face. He held her still and stared into her eyes. "I want you, Kahlan. All of you… and that includes your powers."
"But… but I would confess you!" Kahlan objected.
"I'm not too sure about that," Richard asserted. "I know Zedd keeps telling us that it can never be, but I can sense he's holding something back, as if he knows he's lying to us."
"Richard, if Zedd has been lying to us, I would know," Kahlan attested, shaking her head.
"Would you be able to detect a lie of omission?" Richard asked. "I mean, it is true that you'd release your powers during—"
"That's what I was told yes," Kahlan nodded.
"But you've never experienced it," Richard said. "You've just been told that."
"I… I don't know if I follow," she knitted her eyebrows together. Sometimes Richard was on a whole other wavelength than her. His mind seemed to work differently, and he often could see the truth in things when others could not. It was just another thing that made him a true Seeker of Truth.
Richard opened his mouth, about to explain himself, when they heard the tumblers of the door click and the hinges creak. He looked over his shoulder. Kahlan saw Necor appear and give a nod of his head while depositing a bundle of clothing on the floor. Kahlan sighed and rested her head on Richard's shoulder. She let out a quiet curse, their hour was up and they'd spent most of it talking instead of doing other things.
"What's wrong?" Richard asked, hearing her curse. She looked up at him and bit her lip, realizing she had never really used such language around him.
"Oh, it… it's just that our hour is up and we spent all the time talking," Kahlan groaned, frowning in frustrating.
"Not all of it," he gave a wink and his hand slinked down her back and gripped her bottom, reminding her of what he had done with his hand between her legs. Kahlan involuntarily jumped, resulting in Richard giving her another playful squeeze. "And besides, didn't Betto say I had the entire night with you?"
Kahlan felt a tingle run down her spine as she remembered. "Yes," she nodded. "Necor did say that he was to escort us to my quarters."
"Necor?" Richard furrowed his brow, almost looking jealous of her saying another man's name.
She smiled coyly and nodded, gripping his hand and leading him towards the marble steps. "Come, let's get dressed so that we can soon get undressed again."
