My control has regressed.
What happened, bitch? Paul asked, surprised by my appearance.
I'm losing my marbles, asshole, I replied without bite. I sighed and tried to clear my head of my anger and after twenty seconds, I managed to calm down. Now I owe Jake a shirt.
You lost it over ice-cream? Paul questioned, wondering if he should laugh or be worried when I thought of why I got pissed in the first place. He made no comment on the fact that I was wearing Jake's shirt. It was common knowledge that I slept with him in the literal sense.
...I used to eat it when I was on my rag, I thought bitterly. The pack had just recently learned of my plight and though it was really annoying to have them know, it would have been more troublesome to try to keep it from them. It was hard enough keeping certain things to myself. Imprint things. Speaking of imprinting...
Is Quil still freaking out? I asked, curious to not hear his voice. Quil's been phased for a few days generally being a pain about imprinting—on my two year old cousin, Claire. To keep myself from being a complete bitch—it wasn't his fault after all—during his episode I've refrained from phasing. The poor kid has enough troubles as it is without me ripping on him.
You just missed him, Jared answered quickly. He knew Paul was going to pick and prod at what I was thinking. I was glad. I'm pretty sure I'd hunt his ass down if Paul got annoying enough. Sam took him to the elders to help him cope.
No wonder I hadn't heard the pricks input. Usually, when one of us lost control, Sam would reprimand us and give a lecture that we've all memorized. He also couldn't resist getting into our business. Sam tried to play it off as taking care of his pack, but I knew the bastard was just nosy.
'Bout damn time. Quil was really starting to get on my nerves.
Where's your other half anyway? Paul asked.
He went to go kidnap the stupid bitch, Bella, I think. At least he mentioned something about the had gotten ready a bit after I came off patrol which was why I probably wasn't much of a reliable source—I hadn't been very awake.
'Cause you won't give him any, Paul said making me roll my eyes.
Whatever, bug Seth if you need anything, I said phasing out. That was one of the many idiots I shared my thoughts with.
Shit, now I was naked in Billy's kitchen. With a yawn, I made my way back into Jake's room, quickly as not to get caught by Billy in the living room, snatching one of his black shirts, and putting it on. Thank god, Jacob was so big, otherwise the shirt wouldn't even reach mid-thigh.
I headed back into the kitchen and decided to make actual food seeing as eating ice-cream for breakfast really wasn't working out for me.
"Hey sweety," Billy greeted as he rolled into the kitchen. I know the man was trying to sweet talk me into making him food—I was Harry and Sue's daughter, being able to cook was hereditary—but he was cool about not prying even though I'm sure he heard my yelling turn into growling in the kitchen earlier.
"Hungry for anything specific?" I asked looking into the fridge.
"A sandwich is fine," he said with a nod. Huh, guess he wasn't trying to guilt me into a three-course meal. I shrugged and began to make his sandwich.
Between handing him his plate and taking out a bunch of snacks to enjoy my own sandwiches with—a huge bag of Lays (ha ha, Jake), Ritz, Oreos, and chocolate chip cookies—Fork's perpetual rain began in earnest. It made me wonder how long it had taken me to take out all those snacks, which in turn made me even hungrier.
"Pizza would be awesome right now," I murmured, cursing the fact that I didn't have my wallet with me, but going over to my house was less than appealing because I know Embry and Seth were there playing video games.
It made me miss Jacob.
It was annoying to feel the longing for his presence. Normally I ignored it, but ever since I found out about that thing about not being able to have kids, I felt like I was going to snap or something. I don't actually understand it much myself, just that if Jacob's around it won't happen. Left to my own devices, however, well... I haven't been wanting to risk it.
Whatever. I'll eat first, worry later. Though, I'm pretty sure I saw a liter of coke behind the milk... where was that shit?
"Can you bend any lower?" Jacob's voice rang out.
"And ruin my strip tease?" I automatically retorted. His voice instantly made all the unease I felt a moment ago dissipate. Hooray for imprinting. Saves me from lots of moping.
I gave up on finding the coke and straightened, smirking up at Jacob. It quickly turned into a glare when I noticed he was trying to grab one of my sandwiches.
"What the hell, Jake! Make your own fucking sandwich!" I yelled, punching his stomach. He let go of it quickly enough.
"Awe, come on Lays," he said, trying to pull me into a hug. We've hugging a lot lately, I noted distractedly.
"Fuck off, douche. I'm trying eat," I said pushing him away. It was then that I noticed the other human in the room. Ew. It was the vamp-lover. No wonder my nose was starting to feel irritated.
"You've met, right?" Jacob asked, trying to make Bella feel less awkward.
"Yeah, um, hi, Leah," she said with a wave. I rolled my eyes at the timid wave. God, can you seem anymore fragile?
"Be nice," Jake chastised.
"It's a pleasure to be reacquainted, ma'm," I said with a southern twang. Bella stared at me in a confused fashion. I don't think she got my joke.
"Leah."
"Fine. What's up vampire-lover," I said with a shrug. That's as far as I was going to go. I turned and sat down to eat my food. Jacob sighed, the one he always did when I was being mean to someone, but Seth said it was an affectionate sigh. Wait—why was I thinking about what Seth said again? The kid didn't know what he was talking about anyway.
"Help yourself, Bells."
I ignored them. My stomach growls painfully and I'm engulfed into eating. That was another thing about being a Werewolf. I was always hungry. It was never enough. I think I'm full, but then an hour later I'm hungry again because our metabolism is that fast.
"Hey."
I blinked and suddenly I wasn't eating my food, but my gaze was there. Had I spaced out?
"You okay?" Jake asked, low enough that Bella wouldn't be able to hear with her human ears.
"What? Oh yeah, peachy," I answered eying the girl Jake was supposedly in love with. Tension racked her frame. She exuded nervousness and something else... I wasn't quite sure what it was.
"What's with your girl?" I asked, nodding my chin in her direction.
"Do you really have to ask?" Jake wondered dubiously. I rose an eyebrow in reply.
"You're intimidating," Jacob answered with a grin. I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. Best news I've had all day. It shouldn't be as funny as it is, but I can't stop laughing.
"What?" Bella asked cautiously.
"Oh you fragile little girl," I said through my chuckles, giving her my best predator grin. I was pleased to watch her fiddle nervously as soon as I did. "Still just a fucking teenager." I shook my head before shoving the last of my sandwich in my mouth.
"I have to go to work, so don't bother me when I shower," I ordered as I put away my dish.
"Then don't take so long!" Jacob retorted.
"Be careful, Isabella. This boy is a perv."
"Leah!" Jacob yelled, mortified. I left and I heard Jacob tell Bella not to take anything I said seriously, and I laughed when I didn't hear Bella's reply.
Maybe this won't be a crappy day after all.
"Leah?"
I spoke too soon.
"Hey Steph," I greeted, feeling annoyed.
"Oh my god, it is you!" She jumped over the counter to hug me and I had to forcibly freeze my body to keep my fist from meeting her face. It was the packs fault for making me so violent I swear.
"Yeah," I said grimacing. I also hated it when people randomly hugged me, mostly because Emily used to do that. Jacob was the only person allowed to do that now—well, at least get away with it.
"I thought you went to UCLA?" she asked getting off of me.
"I did, but shit happened so I have to postpone going back for a little while," I answered with a shrug. A long while if my control the past week was anything to go by. My phasing had finally become manageable, but all it took was something like this—you know, being infertile and all—and I was back to phasing over the stupidest things. Case in point, my debacle with the ice-cream earlier today.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Steph said awkwardly. The girl's world was pretty tame for reservation life compared to the rest of us and the most drama the girl got was the pregnancy scare she had back in junior year.
"It happens. So, where'd you end up going?" I asked, bored enough to make small talk. The high school rush, was over an hour ago, and my fan club had been brief today.
"Berkeley."
"Cool. The parties any good?" I wondered.
"They're pretty awesome, but I've kind of been missing good 'ole fashion La Push partying. There's actually gonna be one tonight if you want to go?" Steph asked getting excited. Looks like she still remembers how we partied. Granted I only really got along with her when I wasn't sober, but whatever. I wasn't all that picky when I was drunk.
"...Yeah, I'll be there." I needed this after my sucky week. Hopefully Jacob didn't disapprove... not that I needed his permission or anything, but Jacob could whine almost as good as Seth and I didn't need a voice of reason tonight. I'd do it regardless of what he thought, so it didn't really matter anyway.
"Great, it's gonna be at the Hole," Steph explained, waving before leaving. Fuck.
The Hole was just this spot in the forest that was bereft of trees, probably a meadow once, but had long since lost all of it's green. Legend was that our ancestors battled the Cold Ones for the first time there and the lack of life was the result of the death they caused our people. Didn't really stop anybody considering it was far enough away from the houses that you could get away with throwing a massive party. It was also a spot we ran through for our patrols.
Looks like I was gonna have to end up telling the pack about it anyway.
It's Thursday, Quil stated.
No shit Sherlock. Wanna state anything else obvious? I muttered a bit lazily. I was distracted by Paul who was leaning against the tree, guzzling down a bottle of Jack Daniels. Good thing I still had two more.
How much did you buy? Embry questioned, having left before I had gone home to do his leg of patrol.
A lot, I said grinning. Anyway, point is—be careful with patrol. There's gonna be a bunch of horny, drunk people in this part of the forest and I want someone around here at all times to keep an eye out for the redhead. I doubt she's gonna do anything with so many humans around, but you never know. If you see Jake tell him I'll be here with Paul.
After they gave me their confirmations, I phased back, quickly putting my clothes on. It was a simple off the shoulder black cotton dress and black high-top converse. It was one of the few dresses that still more or less fit—mostly less. Before I started phasing, the thing ended below my knees, making the slit on the left side end just an inch above my knee. It was cute and slightly sexy. Now, however, it reached mid-thigh, leaving the slit dangerously close to my goods.
Now I was smokin' hot and not as shy about showing off my body. Constantly having to go back home naked kind of makes you lose your modesty. I've been over this before haven't I?
Things in place, I walked out from behind the tree and began to walk with Paul towards The Hole. I could already hear the rave music they had going on, and I had luckily foreseen this and gotten ear plugs for me and Paul so that we could at least enjoy it and not be in pain.
There was nothing we could do for our noses though.
Already I could smell sex, sweat, booze, and drugs in the air, making some rather strong, but weird smell that permeated my nose. I felt high just smelling it from yards away, I could already imagine how fucked up I was going to get actually being there.
It was kind of weird being hyper aware of all the crap that was going on, but luckily Paul and I had been drinking in our long awaited experiment of how-much-does-it-take-to-get-a-werewolf-wasted? So far, guzzling down a bottle of whiskey got us drunk for about fifteen or twenty minutes while the buzz remained for another ten before sobering up. We were also apparently immune to hangovers. At the moment, Paul was a bit gone and I was starting to sober up so I was going to have to get me another bottle.
We arrived and it wasn't exactly packed full of bodies, but it was quite the turn out for Rez standards. Still, with the smell that the place had, I wouldn't be able to find anybody specific so I simply grabbed Paul's hand and guided him to where people were already dancing. Paul had a temper, so I had to keep an eye on him. It wouldn't be hard to find him considering he was the biggest guy around, but still, Paul—and the rest of the Pack for that matter—had the knack of getting in trouble.
Paul used the grip I had on him to pull me to him, taking one of the bottles from me. I rolled my eyes, but allowed it seeing as it was keeping him pretty chill so far. We began to dance, drinking as we did so, getting lost in the gyrating bodies.
I felt very... human. I hadn't felt purely human in a long while and it made me feel vulnerable. I stumbled a couple of times, but once I realized that time had passed, I pushed through with Paul to the edge.
"It's not really the same," Paul said, rubbing his nose for the umpteenth time.
"Yeah—kind of weird," I agreed. It was fun, but just not the same as it was before we phased. I also felt weird that Jake wasn't with me. The Imprint Anxiety as I liked to think of it. I was surprised that Jacob hadn't bugged me all day. We usually checked in on each other at least three times a day, but I had yet to see him since the afternoon.
I felt let down too. So I couldn't even enjoy partying anymore? I sighed and scanned the crowd. Nothing out of the ordinary.
"You wanna leave?" Paul asked after a couple minutes of people watching.
"Yeah."
I sighed once more. What a huge disappointment.
The first thing I was aware of was Jacob's body pressed up against my own. It felt comfortable and rather warm. The second thing that I was aware of was that I was in my underwear, against his naked chest, and felt a hormonal urge to jump him. It was brief and quick enough to get control over, but I was left rather unsettled considering I've never really thought of Jacob in the physical sense. Jacob was good looking, but I've always thought of his caring, wonderful personality, and not his hot bod.
"Morning," I murmured when he petted my hair. Jacob grunted and I blinked. Jake was sort of a morning person. Then again, he tended to get the mandatory seven- eight hours of sleep, and just seemed nicer in comparison to myself. Monosyllabic answers were usually my thing in the morning.
"What's wrong?" I asked, immediately concerned. I sat up to look down at him to make him tell me with the will of my stare, but he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my neck. I fell back from his weight, and he somehow ended up on top of me.
"Bella's getting turned after graduation," Jake mumbled into my neck. What—I tensed and breathed heavily through my nostrils. Now was not the time to flip out. I had a distraught imprint in my hands and cursing Isabella to the fiery pits of hell would not make him feel better. So I kept myself from shaking—though admittedly, my body did tremble a bit before I controlled it—before setting one of my hands on his back and the other wrapping around his head.
"I told her I rather she be dead," Jacob said quietly. I held back a wince at that one. That wasn't a good move on his part. I knew enough about Bella—what with my extended time in Jacob's head—that she was pretty sensitive, another thing about her that annoyed the hell out of me, but Jacob thought was endearing. Something like that, which made me want to cringe, probably had the girl in tears.
"You guys are such idiots," I cooed, letting my fingers thread through his hair. It was getting long again, and I wouldn't be surprised if Sam would be taking us all to get haircuts one of these days.
Nothing more was said, and I let Jacob sulk in my arms. I was surprised to see that after a couple tears, he calmed down, and fell back to sleep. However, I wasn't allowed the same luxury. It was hard to fall asleep when the news was so... blegh. I couldn't even find a word to describe it. Complicated was pretty close though.
So it was official. The idiot would choose Edward over Jacob just like that. Somehow, I felt anger and relief all in one. They were rather conflicting emotions so I was quite sure they were the reason for my shaking hands.
Get a hold of yourself, I told myself. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. I was angry—how dare that bitch believe that some cold blooded abomination was better than Jacob. Jacob who was innocence and responsibility rolled in one. He was beautiful and the idea of the whore causing him pain was irritating because it also meant she was out of the picture.
It meant I could keep him to myself, it meant that there would be war, it meant that there was nothing in the way of them, us, we in the most intimate way, and it scared me so, so much.
He's still in love with her though. Fuck, of course. Here I was getting my hopes like a sneaky bitch, and yet Jacob was clearly distraught over the decision that Bella-fail probably hadn't thought through. The consequences of her actions, the reparations; the girl probably thought that everything was going to work out fine. She probably didn't think about the fact that we were going to attack and kill them all.
And my heart stuttered over the idea of going into war. Sure, we more or less expected it, but not so soon. Jacob was the most important, or at least the forefront of my mind, with Seth a close second, and the pack, of course. They're my brothers and regardless of my very little like towards them, I would die to save any single one of them.
Especially Jacob.
My eyes fell onto his sleeping face, my heart pounding in my ears. The mere thought of losing him made something deep in my soul hurt and shudder in horrible anticipation.
I didn't resist the urge to hug him close to me. Jacob stirred and blinked up at me, bleary eyed and confused.
"Leah...?"
"Shut up," I muttered, burying my face in his hair. I could feel his confusion grow further, but as my imprint, he instinctively knew not to prod further. I was glad because I don't think I'd be able to explain what came over me.
So we hugged in silence.
