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Chapter 8

Motivations

(Adrian's POV)

I was sitting on the couch in our rather large apartment, waiting for Aiden to be back from the host club. I had to keep myself from going to pick her up again. I knew that if I showed up unannounced again that she would get annoyed at me. It started to be like she hated being around me. I was trying so hard to get to how we were before I had gotten adopted and our parents died. We had been so close and shared everything together. Was it so wrong that I wanted that again? It's funny. I have everything that people only dream of having. My adoptive parents loved me. I got whatever I could ever want. I was popular and had already started my career as an actor. I guess it was true that I had a great five and a half years with the Yukimura's. I had no complaints. I really did enjoy being their adopted son. But I still couldn't stop feeling like there was a piece missing without my sister being with me.

It had taken me years before my parents finally agreed to let Aiden stay in Japan with me. I had been so happy that I told her a year in advance. I remembered that she was hesitant at first and worried about learning Japanese. Once she was comfortable with the language she finally agreed. It was the best day of my life. A piece of the puzzle was finally put back into place. Or so I thought. The moment she came to leave with me in this apartment I could see the changes in her. She wasn't the same cheery, out-going girl I knew. It was like meeting a stranger.

I thought everything I could think of that could bring that girl back to me. I guess I was in denial. I didn't want anything to have changed between us. I knew she had changed but I acted as if she hadn't. To me, she was the same small girl I loved: my twin sister. I remembered growing up that she would always be there for me even though I was the older twin and the boy. I was a bit of a cry baby and often got scared. Aiden was the fearless one and would always comfort me when I was upset. She had been my rock.

The whole reason blue was my favorite color was because it had been hers. I had even colored my hair in the very shade she used to love so much. We had been separated but I still wanted to be close to her in any way I could. But she wasn't the same girl I used to know. It was like she had closed herself off, pushing everyone away from her. Sure, she would smile and laugh at me but I could see it in her eyes. I wasn't blind. Something had happened to her the five years we were apart. Whatever it was, she wouldn't tell me.

I desperately held to the image I had of her when we were kids because it was a time she had been truly happy. All I wanted was for her to be happy like that again. I couldn't help but feel guilty about the situation I had put her in. She was forced into pretending to be a boy to be with me. That couldn't be easy for her. But there wasn't much I could do about that.

I sighed as I kept clicking the remote in an attempt to find something to watch to drown out my thoughts. But it was all in vain. I couldn't help wonder if she would have been better off back in North America. Was it selfish of me to say that I wanted her to be here even if it meant that she had to disguise herself? Was I asking too much from her? I hadn't really asked her what she wanted.

I was way too occupied with trying to keep her here and meeting the conditions they placed on her. I thought it would be easier if I pretended to be her. Or at least, the male version of her. One of the conditions was that she had to keep an A average. I wasn't saying that she was an idiot but I didn't want to put that much pressure on her. So, I asked her to take my place at Ouran. It wasn't because I didn't want the attention and wanted a 'normal' high school experience as I had told her. I just wanted her to be able to enjoy herself without having to stress about grades. My grades at school could fluctuate because of my busy schedule as an actor. I wasn't given the same conditions. This way she could have fun and I could make sure she had the grades to stay with me.

I had everything planned out. The only thing I didn't have control over was Aiden. Pretending to be her was harder then I had thought it would be. I stopped clicking the buttons, frowning at the tv. She had changed so much since we were kids. I was still figuring her out. I missed the old her. The sister that was there for me. That would protect me from the monsters under the bed and in the closet. What had happened to her?

"Ugh!" I let out in frustration, throwing the remote. I never lost my temper like this but I felt so helpless. My cheery, bubbly self was on the back burning when I was stressing about my sister and her wellbeing. "Not to mention I totally screwed up with her favorite color," I sighed as I let myself fall on to my side on the couch. "Blue. Why isn't her favorite color blue anymore?" I didn't know why but it was like it had been symbolic. Her not liking blue was like our past had been erased. Like it no longer mattered. I shifted on to my back to look up at the ceiling. "I don't want to lose her again…" I felt my chest tighten.

Some people would say that I had it all, but it meant nothing to me if she wasn't happy. I had done all this for her. To be able to see her again and for her to be proud of me. I hoped to one day be the one to finally protect her for a change. But it was hard when it was like she had a force field around her. She wouldn't tell me anything about her five years when I had told her all of mine. It hurt that we weren't as close as we once were.

"I just have to keep reminding her of how she used to be," I told myself, "I looked up to her. That's why I am who I am today. It's all thanks to her."

I wasn't kidding when I said I looked up to her. I had become how I am because I had mimicked a lot. I guess you could say that I had adopted her personality when she was younger and made it into my own. No. It wasn't like I didn't have my own personality or identity. I just owed her a lot for making me the man I am today.

The only thing I hadn't put into consideration was the fact that even though we lived together, we barely had time to see each other. And I guess that was why I would sometimes try to go see her at school. I had five years to catch up. I didn't want to waste any time.

I heard the door open, "I'm home."

I sat up on the couch to see Aiden walk into the living room with a tired expression. I smiled at her, " Welcome home!" She looked as if she were in an awful mood, "Long day?"

She looked at me with a frown, "You have no idea. Apparently, there's this girl that wants to manage the club or something."

I tilted my head at her. I was so confused, "What?"

She looked as if she were thinking about something, "By the way, I think you might have mixed up the twins yesterday. What did you do?"

I blinked at her, "What do you mean? I was careful not to say their names in case I screwed up. There's only once when Kaoru came up to me to talk about Hikaru." She looked at me with an annoyed expression, "What?"

"Why did you think it was Kaoru?"

"Because you said he was the more approachable of the two and he approached me…" I really didn't understand why she was so upset. I stood up from the couch to give her a hug that she wouldn't return. It was like a routine for us. I was attempting to be as affectionate as we were once and she would just stand there. It was like she was pushing me away whether physically doing so. "I missed you~!" I said into her hair as I snuggled up to her.

I heard her sigh before she broke free of my hug, "I'm going to go shower."

I watched her walk away from me, my heart aching. I knew that my parents have been unfair to her. Telling her nasty things when I wasn't around. I had heard them once. I should have said something then. But I was afraid that if I did they would take her away from me. I loved my adoptive parents but I hated the way they treated Aiden.

I was stuck in the past. Wishing I could go back and have the affectionate, protective sister I once knew. But it seemed like she had forgotten all of that and left the past behind. At this point, I just wanted her to not be alone anymore. Even if that meant it wasn't me she opened up to. I just wanted her to be happy. Maybe I'd never have the same sister again but that didn't mean I would ever stop loving her. She was still my sister no matter what. I desired closeness but I couldn't force her. I would just have to keep showing her that I wasn't going anywhere, that she could trust me, and that I loved her.

"All I want," I started as I felt tears swell up in my eyes, "Is for you to be happy, Aiden. Whatever that means. I don't care if people find out who you are. Your happiness is everything to me." They were words I wanted to tell her but was afraid to. If people did find out… I was afraid of what would happen. I wanted her in my life. It was selfish but I needed her. Would she hate me if she knew? Will she hate me for making her go through all this to stay with me? What if I was making her do this against her will? Did she even want to be here? "I'm so selfish. I don't even what to know," I let out before going back to sit on the couch after hearing the shower run in her room, "I feel like this is tearing her apart but I don't know how to fix it." The genius actor that was good at everything. I was not good when it came to my sister. I was a mess when it came to her.

Before you think I have a sister complex, I don't. I'm not in love with her. Not romantically at all. I just cared so deeply about her. She was my identical, yet opposite gender, twin after all. That bond wasn't so easily broken. At least, to me, it wasn't. I really needed to calm down. I really needed to stop projecting the old image I have of her. I had screwed up with Kaoru yesterday. I had to be more careful next time.

XXX

(Aiden's POV)

"I gave it a lot of thought, last night," Suoh said to the rest of us as we all sat on couches or chairs in a somewhat circle, "Maybe having a lady manager isn't such a bad idea."

"Let me guess," I said, earning everyone's attention, "You think because she transferred to our class that she will be a good female friend for Haruhi."

"What makes you say that?" the twins asked me. I looked at both of them from my spot next to Hikaru. I was about to answer but Suoh beat me to it.

"Amazing! That is exactly what I was thinking," he said, "Great minds think alike, as they say."

I rolled my eyes as I looked at him, "No. I think Haruhi is smart enough to make her own decision on who her friends are."

He looked shocked at me, "But this is the best time to get Haruhi to get in touch with her feminine side."

"I have to agree with Adrian on this one, Boss," Hikaru said to him, agreeing with me.

"Of course you would say that," Suoh said as he pointed at him, "The only friends she has in that class is those shady twins and Adrian."

"They aren't shady," I defended them without thinking about it. Once again, their attention was on me. I felt the heat on my cheeks and looked away from them. I did not mean to say that out loud.

Suoh looked at me looking baffled as his hand pointed at me, "Don't tell me they have blackmailed you to be on their side."

I looked at him with a look of annoyance, "They're my friends, you idiot. That's what you are supposed to do."

"He-he called me an idiot… Mommy!" Suoh began to cry and look at Ootari, "Adrian was meant to be a refined young man. Not befriend the devil twins! Where have I gone wrong with my son?" Haruhi and I exchanged a look at his absurd behavior.

"Hey everyone," we heard the girl from yesterday greet us from the door. We all turned in our seats to glance at her, "You'll be happy to know that your new manager, Renge, had baked all of you some cookies."

I watched everything unfold. Renge shouting Suoh down. Morinozuka telling Haninozuka not to eat the cookies and being chased by an angry Renge. I even watched as the twins played a joke on Suoh as they teased him by biting off a cookie from Haruhi's mouth or licking of crumbs from her cheek. It had really caused a reaction from Suoh. I could tell that the twins were pleased with themselves from their joke because of the huge grin they wore. I was surprised Haruhi didn't react to them. I was beginning to think that she was becoming aware of their teasing behavior. They really liked to get under Suoh's skin. The best way to do that seemed to be by joke flirting with Haruhi.

"Lukewarm," I heard, shifting my gaze to Renge, "Every single one of you, except for Kyoya, all of your characters are lukewarm!" That was a little harsh. "Each of you needs to have some sort of dark side. You understand? Girls are vulnerable to handsome young men that are troubled. If you keep carrying on like this it's only a matter of time before the girls get tired of you a stop coming altogether. Are you trying to ruin my precious Kyoya's business? As your manager, it's my duty to change your character backgrounds. Let's start with you," she pointed at Haninozuka, "If all you are is cute inside and out then you are no different then a baby. From now on you will be the babyfaced thug."

Babyfaced thug? Where was she getting that from?

"Mori-senpai will be his childhood friend, the flunky," she pointed at Morinozuka and moved to the twins, "The twins will be basketball players enslaved in their own world." She turned to Haruhi, "Haruhi, you're an honor student who is constantly being bullied." Her gaze landed on Suoh, "And as for you, Tamaki. You're the school idol who is admired for your looks but you actually have an inferiority complex you are hiding from the world. The lonely prince." She finally turned to me with a frown, "I'm surprised that a great actor like Yukimura Adrian doesn't have a personality at all in real life."

"Hey, hold on a second," I felt an arm on my shoulder, "Don't go around saying something stupid like that about Adrian." I was slightly shocked that Hikaru had come to my defense like that.

"Yeah. That's not very nice," I felt another arm on my other shoulder. Even Kaoru defended me.

She looked like she had a brilliant idea, "Of course! You will be the tragic actor that lost his identity after having to act so many rules. You don't even know who you are anymore."

It is scary how almost accurate she is, I couldn't help but think. It was hard to have my own identity away from Adrian's when I had to be him. It was all complicated. I was him pretending to be me but still pretending to be him. Not to mention that I was a girl.

"Kyoya, you're perfect just the way you are," she said as she turned to him with hearts around her.

I watched more shenanigans unfold. The twins trying to get Kyoya to stop Renge. Suoh getting into character as the lonely prince. I couldn't help but feel like this was just going to be another host club bizarre adventure.

Why do I have to be here again?

XXX

Somehow, the club was roped into making this odd movie to show off our new characters. I found it all to be stupid. Not because of the characters or whatever but because I just didn't like being in the limelight. This was my worse nightmare. I had to act and that was my brother's talent. Not mine.

FML, am I right?

I was waiting where the twins were seated after their first shot had been done. They were taking a break and I offered them a bottle of water while they waited. I was hoping that my time wouldn't come. I was totally not excited for this.

"How did we go from changing our characters to shooting a movie about them?" Hikaru questioned. It was like he was inside my head.

"And why is there an entire film crew here to shoot it?" Haruhi added as she walked towards us.

"Apparently, she flew them in from Hollywood," Ootari informed us as he looked at his clipboard in his hands from his spot behind the twins, "Don't you recognize the director?" He looked at me, expectantly, "He directed the vampire movie, Millennium Snow." I wasn't sure why he had looked at me that way until I finally remembered that my brother had stared in that movie as Toya. "Isn't it the move that really sparked your career, Adrian? It was a great hit, after all."

It had been a little over a year ago. I remember watching it. My brother had been a small-time actor until that big hit. He had been 14 and played an 18-year-old vampire. That was why he had gotten so famous. Usually, young actors don't play parts that are older characters. Or at least, that's what I believe. So, him being able to do that was what got him so many auditions or parts. He had become a star.

"Yeah…" I said. I really hoped that the director wouldn't spot me now and come chat me up. Aw, crap.

"And another thing," Hikaru started, hitting his script, "How come this stupid script portrays Kaoru as the pitcher." I stared at him.

"Yeah," Kaoru agreed with his brother.

"What does that mean?" Haruhi asked them. I bit my bottom lip.

"If you don't know, nevermind," the twins said in unison.

"Pitcher?" she asked, still confused as to what it meant.

I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I burst out laughing, holding my gut in the process. I had to put my hand on Hikaru's shoulder to keep myself standing up and not doubling over. "Oh, Haruhi," I let out in between my laughter, "I just can't." I felt tears begin at the corners of my eyes as I laughed. I mean, it was funny what Hikaru said about the script but Haruhi made it all the more hilarious. I didn't often laugh when I was pretending to be Adrain. Mainly because it was hard for me to laugh at a guy. But I couldn't help myself.

"Is it really that funny?" she asked me with the same confusion until her lips twitched up, "I got to say, it's nice to see you laugh like that. I know you do it on tv but it is so much better in person."

"Yeah, Haruhi's right," Kaoru agreed as he looked over at me, "You should laugh more often. Right, Hikaru?" He looked at his twin brother.

"Yeah. Whatever," he said as he shrugged my hand off his shoulder before crossing his arms over his chest. He refused to even look at me.

What's wrong now? It seemed like I would always piss him off somehow. "Did I say something to upset you, Hikaru?" I asked him to be sure.

There was a moment of silence before he said, "No. You're fine." Kaoru was looking between looking like he was trying to figure out a mystery.

Good luck, I thought before going to find something else to do while I waited for my turn to come. Maybe they would skip me… I should stay as far away as I can from the director. I was lucky that the movie was canceled after a little incident had happened. But I had to admit that I was glad that no one got hurt.


From this moment on, I will be shifting POV between Aiden, Hikaru, and Adrian (maybe Kaoru at some point). The shifting won't happen too much. Only if it adds to the story. Let me know what you think ^_^