June 16 - 2:21 AM
It was a mistake last night. I made a mistake. You made a mistake. Watching me again. Electronic eyes, living eyes. Same thing. I warned you. You should have used the camera again. If you'd used the camera I'd have broken it. You didn't use a camera. You used a brother. What am I supposed to do? Break a brother? Do I have to do that just so I can get some privacy? Some peace?
Or maybe go out again. Better to get out of the bowl. Better not to linger and contemplate. Better to leave family out of your thoughts when there's something you need to do. Nice night to go out. Any night is nice when it isn't down here in the bowl. I have to gather some things. It is going to be a long night. It is early yet. I have to make sure I'm ready this time. I wasn't ready last time. I don't think it is going to rain. I hope it rains. I have a reason to want rain. Nice to have a reason to want something that nobody else wants. I don't like the rain, but I want it to. It washes so much away, the pouring rain. I don't know songs. I know that song. How was it? I can't remember all the words. How did it go?
"Standing in the pouring rain. All alone in a world that changed. Running scared now forced to hide. He'll find his way by the morning light."
I heard it through headphones a long time ago. Coming from the inside of my head.
"Through the chill of winter. Hunters hard right on his trail. All odds are against him. With a family to provide for the one thing he must keep alive. Will the wolf survive?"
I remember the farm. I thought I heard wolves one night. I didn't hear howling, I heard them tearing at flesh. The sound came through wood and glass. It woke me and I went out to watch. I was surprised that they weren't wolves. They were dogs. Domesticated once, then free. They were dogs one time, but wolves again. They looked at me, they didn't come near me. I kept watching. The pack ripped through flesh, crushed bones. I went back to sleep thinking about it. I dreamed about it. Bones and torn flesh. Blood on snowy ground. I dreamed about it. Ferocity. Men would call it that, wouldn't they? But the wolves know better.
"Two strong legs to guide him. Two strong arms keep him alive. Will the wolf survive?"
Yes.
