Monday 10th October 2016

I run to my car as fast as I can. All I want to do is escape. As I start to near home, the realisation of my actions start to kick in. I've just kissed my boss and ran out of the building. I can never go back there and so that's that. I've ruined my and only shot an amazing internship.

Kate's there when I arrive and I sigh internally. I was hoping to escape to my bedroom and drown in my mortification alone.

An hour and half later, we're sat side by side on the couch, the TV humming softly in the background.

"It's not that big of a deal," she shrugs. "It was a kiss…an impulse. Just send an email apologising."

"God no," I shudder. "I can't speak to him ever again. I'm so humiliated Kate."

"You're blowing this way out of proportion," she says, looking at me pointedly. "Send an email, say sorry, and then go in and pretend nothing happened."

"What if I'm fired?" I ask.

"I'm sure you would know by now. Anyway, what was it like?"

I roll my eyes but smile a little. "He didn't kiss me back but his lips were nice. Yeah, they were nice."

She stares at me for a second before we both burst out laughing.


Tuesday 11th October 2016

Today I have classes all day. Despite Kate's efforts, I haven't had the courage to email Mr Grey and he hasn't contacted me either. I'm trying to take one day at a home, as taught to me by Rebekah. I'm trying not to panic too much.

I sit at the back of the lecture hall as I get in. My favourite module. Poetry.

I used to make up lyrical poetry when I was younger and dance to it. I've always been fascinated with words. They weave themselves together delicately, just like the body as you dance. There's the ability to make them beautiful. There's the ability to also make them sad.

Three girls come in together and sit a few rows down from me. I try to concentrate on the lecture but their whispers may as well be screams.

"That's her," one of them whispers. "Apparently, she's filed charges against Jose for rape."

"Oh my God," another one whispers back. "Well, I heard that he got charged for distributing cocaine."

I breathe deeply. Do as Rebekah said Ana. Block it out. Block it out.

What they're saying is half true. Jose was charged with selling and taking cocaine. Raping me? Not so much. Against my parents' wishes, I decided not to press charges. I didn't want to relive it all again. I didn't want to stand it court and look at him. Besides, he's already behind bars. He's a part of my life I don't wish to think about anymore. Or ever see again. It's done. He's done. I'm done.


After my first class, I meet up with Kate for lunch.

"Eat your sandwich Ana," she insists, noticing my lack of appetite.

I push it away. "I'm not hungry."

She sighs but doesn't push. She's not my mother and knows not to.

"What are you doing about tomorrow?" She asks.

I shrug. "Go I guess."

She smiles widely. "That's my girl. Trust me Ana, everything will be fine. He's probably used to girls throwing themselves over him."

I grimace and stand up.

"See you at home," she smiles, giving me a quick hug.

I head off for my second class.


Once again, I resign myself to the back of the room. Once I've gotten out my things, I notice a boy sat two seats down from me. He's wearing a knitted sweater, oversized glasses and has pimples. He catches me staring and blushes profusely.

"You can sit here, if you want," I offer.

He goes red again but moves to sit next to me. I notice how thin he is. I notice that his hands are shaking as he retrieves his books.

"I'm Ana," I smile, attempting to make him a little more comfortable.

"I'm John," he says.

"Are you new? I haven't seen you before."

He nods. "I transferred."

"Oh, from where?" I ask curiously.

"I was at a university in New York. I didn't like it much. I got bullied for being gay," he chuckles nervously.

I'm appalled. "People still do that?" I ask.

"Seems so," he shrugs.

"Do you like it here any better?"

He shrugs again. "I'm not the kind of guy people usually want to talk to."

He writes the date on his notebook and an immediate pang of sadness washes through me. For the first time in a long time however, it's not for myself. It's for him.

"Well, I want to talk to you," I say.

He smiles at me softly. "Thank you, Ana."


I leave my day of lectures feeling satisfied I've made a new friend. I hope that I've been able to brighten his day, even a little. I cannot stand seeing people struggle. Seeing people being bullied, isolated…it's just not fair. Everybody needs a friend.

I tell Kate about him on the way home but she's not that interested.

"That's nice," she says airily. "I met the most amazing guy in my lecture today oh my god Ana. He had abs for days, he's all caramel skinned and green eyed."

I roll my eyes. "Did you talk to him?"

"Of course I talked to him," she scoffs. "He asked me for my number."

"Congratulations."

She poses and flicks her hair behind her ears. "He's going to be so good in bed. I can just tell."


Wednesday 11th October 2016

My nerves are running like haywire from the moment I open my eyes. How on earth could I have actually been considering this? I can't go back. I freaking kissed him and ran out of the building like a stupid child. Completely unprofessional. I'm so humiliated.

However, from somewhere, I must find the willpower because I do get up. I shower, I put clothes on, I brush my hair and put it in a high pony tail. I drink an enormous mug of coffee and by the time I'm ready to leave, I have nerve shakes as well as a caffeine buzz. Fantastic.

As I drive to work, I try not to let thoughts fill my mind. Think of happy things Ana. Kittens and Verity. Ballet and poetry. Babies and puppies. Nothing works.

I'm just going to have to do the best I can. What's the worst that can happen? If he fires me, at least I'll never have to see him again.

Mr Grey is not in the office when I walk in but there's a big pile of work left for me to do. I breathe a sigh of relief, guessing that means I'm not fired. I sit down and get started on it, doing my best to be as efficient and thorough as possible. I guess it's my way of making up for being so stupid.

I hear the door open at around eleven and it startles me. My heart races as I look up and see Mr Grey stroll in. He doesn't look at me and he walks to his desk and sit down but I can't take my eyes off him.

"Anastasia, did you finish the first report?" He asks suddenly.

I look down immediately and fish through the piles. "Um, yes." I hand it to him but he looks at me expectantly.

I blush and get up, giving it to him directly.

He glances over it and places it back down on his desk. I bite my lip, feeling so anxious. I have to say something.

"Mr Grey, I'm really sorry-"

But he silences me, holding up his hand. "I'm not going to discuss this Anastasia." He stands and I inch back just a little. "Look," he says. "I have a zero-tolerance policy on getting involved with my staff. I'm taking it as an impulse that you're extremely sorry for."

I nod, feeling myself go numb.

"Okay. You can go back to work now."

He strides out of the office just as quickly as he strode in.


"He acted like he was disgusted by me," I say to Kate as soon as I get home, taking my ponytail down.

"I'm sure he's not Ana," she tries to assure me.

I flop down on the sofa. "I feel so stupid. For a second, just a second…I thought he might have found me attractive."

"He does. He just doesn't get involved with staff. He's professional."

"Yeah well…I wish I could quit. I feel so embarrassed." I hold my knees to my chest.

"You shouldn't. I've thrown myself at loads of guys who didn't reciprocate," she shrugs.

Somehow I find that hard to believe. I'm sure even Christian himself would go for Kate. The curvy leggy blonde. How can I even compare?

"You have to get him to see you out of work. Out of that ponytail and stiff skirt. He needs to see you having the time of your life with your friends. Your hair curled and a sexy red dress. Trust me."

"I'm not actively trying to seduce him," I scoff.

"Yeah right. You planted one right on him. Where do you reckon he hangs out?"

"Stop it. I'm not following Christian Grey around."

"You could always look at his schedule," she suggests.

"No," I insist. "He doesn't like me. I'm not going to humiliate myself for the third time."

"Have it your way," she says.

I get a notification on my phone suddenly and it's a friend request. I look quickly to see who it is and I smile fondly at the screen when I see that John has added me.


Thursday 12th October 2016

I walk into work quietly this morning. I don't particularly want to see Mr Grey so I'm disheartened when he's at his desk as I walk in.

"Good morning Anastasia," he says without looking up from his computer.

I take my seat. "Morning Mr Grey," I manage.

I feel his eyes on me as I type my login into the computers. Why is he always staring at me?

"Anastasia?" He says, a few moments later.

I look up over at him.

"Yesterday, I was…I didn't go about it the right…I was harsh. I apologise."

I look at him for a moment. He's saying sorry?

"Oh, it's fine," I lie. "I'm sorry for…well."

He nods and gets to his feet. He approaches me and I tense a little.

"I have a trip this weekend. It's a pretty big deal, I'm trying to finalise this enormous deal between . It's in New York and I'm taking Ros, Taylor and Andrea. I'm going to need someone to take notes while the meeting is going on. Do you think you could do that?"

"You want me to come to New York?" I breathe. "I, uh…isn't that Andrea's job?"

"You're my assistant too Anastasia. You don't have to come, of course but it would be a brilliant opportunity. I rarely do this for new employees, especially interns, but you've impressed me. Your CV shall be glowing."

I can feel my heart racing again. I nod slowly.

"Good. I'm off for a meeting now, I'll tell you all the details when I'm back. Expenses will be paid for of course."

I nod again, unable to speak as I watch him leave.

So, I guess I'm going to New York.


It's been a while. I will try to update this much sooner. I've just been unsure whether people even like this story that's why I haven't been that motivated for it...do you guys like this kind of story? I know it's not everybodys cup of tea. Idk, let me know and if you do i'll try to do regular updates. Love always xxx