Snapshot: 24 December 2002
Draco Malfoy:
Christmas eve and I spend it with the cat- a cat I particularly hate. Sitting alone in the living room of this stinking cottage- barely the size of our living room in the Manor- and it is all Fathers's idiocy and doing. Mother is out- she told me she was visiting relatives but I know where she will be, Azkaban visiting Father and reassuring him of his release- which is ten years away but what the hell. The Malfoys have never celebrated Christmas since the Christmas of 1997. The Dark Lord spent it with us and in his slithery presence we had a rather poor Christmas.
Seriously now that the war is over I wonder- who the Dark Lord actually was. He was behaving like a buffoon during the War at Hogwarts, a sort of joker. The greatest dark wizard of all time- screaming first when Auntie Bella was killed of all people by Molly Weasley, then again screaming when Neville cut off the damned snakes head (I forget her name), and in the end screaming at Harry Potter and dying like a plucked chicken. It felt really foolish to know you had supported this clown. Of course he was a menancing entity earlier on- but now that I think of it- why on earth did he never actually duel a strong wizard like Dumbledore? You establish supremacy by Duels or by fighting not in crude assasinations using superior numbers and secrecy. I think I can safely say the Dark Lord…..alright let me gather the courage…Voldemort- is in fact nothing more than a blackmailing coward to say the least.
Yet why on earth were we intrigued by him. He used us purely for his own gain. He never believed in the pure blood philosophy- he never hated muggle borns- anyone with magic he felt could make a difference and become a faithful servant- it was only muggles he hated, a hatred stemming from his loathing of his orphanage friends and his muggle father who had abandoned him. I followed him because of father- but it is after the war that I realize- I was jealous of Potter, Granger and Weasley. Potter of course being a celebrity- caused Jealousy in anyone who aspired to be the talk of town- and when he turned me down in favour of Weasley a family Father had told me were beneath contempt- I hated Weasley too- and Grangers intellect hit me badly. It was pure jealousy and nothing else. I knew I was only parroting my fathers views when I realized I could not curse Dumbledore..he was my professor. I was just an idiot whose hatred and jealousy-…..ok Voldemort had converted into blood mania and made me a worshipper of the stupid blood rules.
I still wonder on many things- Dumbledore- the great Wizard never hesitant to Duel, fighting with evil dark wizards and yet a jewel to the community- loyalty of scum like Mundungus Fletcher and Professor Snape and ……Voldemort (Going to take some practise)- filled with traitors ready to betray him in a singl e instant and claim to be under the imperius curse- my own father, wortmtail and of course Severus Snape. It does not take Hermione Granger to decide who is more superior.
Father's deeds and mine have cost us everything. We had to pay huge reparations to the victims of Voldemort. It had its own drawbacks- the scum Mundungus Fletcher made claims for five dead aunts and a dead mother until his mother apparated and whacked his shins with her brooms and took him away but we still ended up having to sell the manor and the lands to pay the fines to keep out of Azkaban and have a decent living. The Malfoys disgraced and humiliated….well done Father I wanted to say. But I know I am deceiving myself…it is not because I hate him that I have not gone to see him for these years but because I cannot bear to see my Father in chains in Azkaban. Miserable it is….
Goyle too has shockingly changed. I do not see much of him but I know him to be reformed. All of us now know that pureblood mania is bilge- the man who taught us that was a half blood and cared two pints for shedding magical blood- slaughtering anyone he saw fit…the bully.
At the Ministry, I am still an Assistant- have been for three years despite the fact that a pig headed one year junior fool was promoted above me. I cannot protest as I need this job. What else could I do? What other skills do I have? Quidditch- change of a name might get me a quidditch playing job but lets face it- as Granger er…Hermione once told me- getting on pure talent is always a good thing. And I am simply not a great seeker- a decent one but no where near Harry Potter.
The Auror Potter- I see him from time to time- and I am relieved to see him looking at me with hostility. I want him to look at me with Hostility- I cannot bear to see people looking at me with Pity as Hermione generally does. Sitting alone on the benches and having food with dirty glances by everyone around, Gringotts goblins chuckling at me with horrible smirks, Former Death Eaters now free- chuckling and bowing to me in a depriciatory manner. Sometimes it is hard to take. Daphne of course is a pleasant surprise. Daphne Greengrass- whose father Walford Greengrass bought the Malfoy Manor, and who despite being a slytherin was not a pureblood maniac- at least not openly. Mr. Greengrass is nice to me and hopes for Daphne and I to be a pair. I personally like her as a friend not as a wife or as a mate.
Do I deserve this? Probably I do….but I think the fault lies entirely with the way I was bought up, when people like Barty Crouch Junior- whose father was a Ministry Wizard could become death eaters- why not me who have had this mania dumped into me since I was two by Father and Grandfather. Yet all I want now is a normal and decent life. Money…that I guess is gone- but I want respect and some form of acknowledgement that I exist and not a damn entity.
Uh oh…Potter is walking by me probably off to the Weasleys place for Christmas…he gives me a look- and it is not hostile…but also not a pitiable smile…it is actually a nod…an acknowledement….as I nod back I think I can realize …..there is still hope….
Merry Christmas!!!!
