Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer
A/N: Again I'm having a cold while I'm writing this chapter. Maybe having colds gives me inspiration. I don't know. If anybody want's to follow me on twitter, it's EdnaSardrood
I've put a few questions after this chapter for the ones that are really clueless, but I just feel like I've gotta help you guys out a little until the next chapter.
Two updates in one day, are you all happy (the other chapter update is Good At It) ?
8. Monster
At the toilets there was a line that was longer then any line I had ever seen. It even passed the door. I was sure that not all of those people wanted to use the toilet but just see if the rumour that was probably out now was real. It didn't surprise me that most of the students were freshmen.
I wanted to skip next hour. I was quite sure the administration lady had put my name in the computer, just before Biology. That was my luck. It was the subject I shared with Edward and just then, Edward would find out. It was like destiny. Destiny was trying to get me.
It was obvious that Edward wanted something else then my name. The thing was he didn't tell me. He kept teasing in a way that I didn't think was funny at all. I knew guys who flirted. I knew dangerous guys. And I was afraid Edward was starting to be more of that first one with each passing second, but to me, he remained the second. If Edward was flirting with me, it wouldn't even matter, because he would soon find out my real name and then I would wish that I was never born.
In a strange way, Edward still had me in an iron grip and he had never really let go. I had just been a kid back then, but even now he hadn't changed one bit. He's still that same Edward Cullen that I knew.
No, actually, he wasn't the same. He'd gotten worse. Somebody couldn't even get worse then him.
The bad thing about a school this size was that you had walked through the whole building in less then five minutes. And time seemed to go even slower today.
I went outside through the backdoor and to my big surprise, Edward wasn't there. At least he wasn't following me.
The rain was falling down rather hard, but for once in my life I really didn't care. I opened the door and instantly felt the thick drops fall on my head and in my hair. Strangely enough it wasn't even cold. It felt refreshing.
I just stood there in the rain and thought of absolutely nothing. It was very easy to relax like this. Some people might think it is crazy to stand in the rain and I am probably was one of those people too.
But today, I was the complete opposite of what I used to be.
Today, it was completely normal to stand in the rain, while others were inside. It gave me a chance to be alone and avoid the demons that were inside the building behind me.
I couldn't help and wonder what would really happen when the truth was out, what they'd all think of me and if the demons would get worse. I wondered about Charlie and I wondered about the school teachers and even the principle. I thought about them all, but all I could do was guess.
All too soon, it was time for me to get back to Biology class and with reluctance I left the rain and went inside. I walked through the now pretty familiar, yet still unknown way to Biology and was one of the lasts to arrive.
Everything felt suddenly much lighter when I saw that nobody was sitting on the table where Edward and I usually sat. Either Edward wasn't here yet or wasn't coming at all, I didn't care. I had a moment for myself now.
And I allowed myself to think.
I wondered what Edward really wanted from me. My name, that was one, but it was just a name for him. He didn't know all the secrets behind that name. He didn't know any of it, he only knew what he and his friends had done to me, if he still remembered, and that's all.
Slowly, I had begun to shiver and felt my body get colder and colder. It was very uncomfortable and the wind coming out of the window didn't help me at all. I hated the breeze but didn't have the guts to stand up and close it myself, or even to just raise my hand and ask the teacher.
After ten minutes, Edward still hadn't made it to class yet and I saw Mr. Banner take a piece of paper. I noticed small pictures on it and realized it were the pictures of my classmates. He, for once, didn't call out everyone, he just looked at his paper and then back at the person he was looking. Then, for a moment, he was staring at the paper for a bit longer then he had been doing before and I held in my breath.
"Isabella Swan."
I closed my eyes in humiliation.
This was it. And to make the effect even nicer, Edward would burst in the room any second now.
I felt miserable, sick and defeated.
I feel alone.
Why did it have to be this way? Why in the classroom, with all the added humiliation? And why was Edward still away? He was torturing me, simply be not being here and keeping me painfully alive.
I had to feel this stupid fear again, the one that would always haunt me.
Why don't you just kill me now?
I wasn't even sure who I was talking to, but I just wanted to vanish.
"I don't have an Isabella Swan in my classroom," I heard the teacher mutter.
When I looked around, I noticed that not all too many people who were actually paying attention, so I raised my hand, but not very high, just so I could stay a little unnoticed.
"Yes?" Mr Banner asked.
"I... I'm sorry," I said, looking away from him. I saw him move towards me and sit on the chair where Edward was supposed to be sitting. I glanced at the door, but still there was no sign of him.
Fear.
I didn't want to feel it, but I also didn't know what it was I wanted. Did I want Edward to burst in now and find out or should I profit from the little more time I have got this way.
My guts told me none of it mattered.
"What's wrong?" Mr Banner asked.
I took a deep breath. "My name isn't Jane," I quickly mumbled.
Now Edward would come. I stiffened when I did see movement behind the glass and the door opened.
For the love of God...
But then, I saw the man that had come in and it was a happy looking man, with a round face, round glasses and a smile on his face.
"Edward Cullen, is Edward Cullen here?"
Most people continued talking and Mr Banner didn't say anything as well. I didn't look at Mr Banner, I couldn't. I kept my eyes on the man that was searching the boy that I was looking for as well. We both did search him for other reasons, though.
"I'm looking for Edward Cullen," the man said once more.
Mr Banner cleared his throat.
"No, Harold, he isn't here."
"He isn't in this class?" Harold asked, looking at his papers, his eyes searching for something.
"He is, but he hasn't come in yet," Mr Banner explained.
"I see. Tell him to come to me after school, if he still shows up."
Harold left and I turned to Mr Banner.
"I'm really sorry," I said.
Mr Banner quickly shook his head.
"Is your name Isabella?" he asked.
I nodded.
"I think you should go to the principle, then, Isabella. That man that was just in here is the principle and his name is Mr Greene. You'll find his name on the door of his office."
In an instance, I had gotten up and grabbed my bag. I didn't look back anymore, my only task now was to search this man and flee the state.
It didn't take me long to find his office and when I knocked, the door didn't open. I peeked in through the window, but nobody was in there. I sat on a chair and waited.
And waited.
The urge to cry and feel sorry for myself was immense, but I kept myself in. It would get me no where and I wanted to get this over with. My whole body was on danger alert, and that was all because of Edward, and partly also Rosalie, Tanya, Lauren and Emmett. And the rest of the school. Once they knew, everybody would know.
"Hi, sexy chick."
I stiffened and hugged my bag closer to myself.
So now was the time he was going to show up.
This was even worse, because now I had to confess to the principle what my name was.
I glared at the ceiling, as if God himself was there, sitting and watching me.
"What are you doing here, sitting by yourself in front of the principle's office? Only bad girls sit here. You aren't a bad girl."
Edward sat on the arm rest of the chair I was sitting on and he had to look back to see me.
"Huh? What did you do, bad girl?"
I scowled a little as I looked up. He smelled like that toilet.
He smells like weed.
"Come on, why don't cha relax a little? I am not going to bite those pretty lips off your face. C'mon, chill."
I had felt my whole body stiffen with each passing word and each insult. I was doing the opposite of relaxing and chilling. I didn't think anyone could really blame me.
"I'm gonna take you out sometime," he said, nodding to himself. "You're gonna get high and you'll love it and then, the pair of us, will grab a room and get dirty."
I vomited in my mouth a little.
Suddenly, my hand was in his and he put my hand flat on his shirt covered abs.
My hand was hot and clammy as to his was suprisingly ice cold. I was completely mesmerized in definitely not a good way, what so ever.
Holy shit.
"You are gonna love this," Edward said, moving my hand around his hard abs, while he held my wrist tightly. "You love it alr-"
"Edward, come on boy, stop harassing the poor girl," the man that was called Harold Greene said. "Not all of them actually want you, you know? Or did you think that they'd all fall on their hands and knees, look up at you and call you God?"
I was able to breathe again. Whatever blockage I just had, it was gone and air was going in my lungs again.
If I had been able to, I also would have laughed about what Mr Greene had said about Edward, but I wasn't able to do even that.
"And be a gentleman," he said, unlocking his office.
"I always am!" Edward said, defending himself. His fingers here running over mine, but he wasn't looking at me or my fingers. He was having a staring contest with Mr Greene.
"A gentleman does not tell a girl the things I believe I heard you say to her."
Edward held out both his hand in the air and my wrist was finally released. I quickly pulled back and grabbed my wrist. It wasn't really soar, but I felt Edward's touch on that wrist.
"Come on, sir! You have been fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen too once!"
"Yes, Edward," Mr Greene said, nodding his head, "and I know exactly what you are thinking right now."
Edward was grinning and dropped his head. He didn't do that in an act of embarrassment, because I was still able to see his face. There was no shame written on that face. Just amusement.
Mr Greene shook his head in disbelief.
"Edward, did you make use of the weed you gave to your sister?" Mr Greene asked sternly.
"No," Edward said, drawling out the word.
"So you admit you gave it to her?"
"No," Edward said again.
Edward got up and turned his entire back to Mr Greene, leaving his eyes on mine. He brought his pointer finger to his lips, telling me to stay quiet. His eyes held a warning in them as well.
I think he wanted me to help him, because he had helped me at lunch break when Mr Banner wasn't sure if I had smoked.
"Edward would never smoke weed."
A pair of green eyes almost fell out of their sockets and Mr Greene walked toward us both.
"I think we need to do this talk separately. You first." He was looking at me. "Edward, stay here."
"Where would I go?" he asked.
I got out of the chair and Edward sat on it, making himself comfortable. He threw his bag on the ground.
"I've known you since you started high school here. You think I don't know you by now?"
Edward grinned and I quickly followed Mr Greene.
"Sit down. I believe we haven't met."
I sat down on the chair opposite of his and looked up at him, not even giving a smile to him.
"No, I'm new here. I'm Bella... Isabella Swan." My voice was barely a whisper. "But when I signed in here on Monday, I didn't tell my real name to the administration lady... I lied."
Mr Greene scowled, not smiling anymore.
"Why's that, Miss Swan?" he asked.
"I don't really want to tell you."
That was probably the first truth I had told anyone in this school.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "But I just can't."
"If you are unprepared to tell me why you did such a thing, you leave me with no other options but to suspend you."
"I know," I said. It didn't matter. I wouldn't be going to this school anymore.
"But you seem like a trustworthy person and I believe that your motives were... agreeable, even if I don't know them. So I'm letting you stay, but I will have to put you in detention class for the upcoming four weeks."
I stared at him with wide eyes. He smiled again.
"Every Tuesday and Friday after school until six o'clock. You'll see then what your tasks are."
"What?" I asked in disbelief. "No suspension?"
"No, not any of that. Just don't do it again. Now could you send Edward this way, please?"
I nodded my head and stood up, walking towards the door. I wanted to get out, because it felt like I was suffocating in the small room. I wanted to dump Edward in there instead and then run to my car.
When I opened the door, Edward was nowhere to be found. I looked around, but the hallway was empty. I turned to Mr Greene.
"He isn't here," I said. He didn't look up from the paper he was reading.
"I know."
"Then why did you ask me to send him to you?" I asked in bewilderment.
He shrugged. "Just hoping that someday he'll change."
Slowly, I closed the door and walked to the exit. It didn't matter anymore if I went to that one last hour of Biology. I wasn't going to sit next to Edward voluntarily.
It was still raining outside, only it was much colder, probably due to my already cold, wet clothes and cold skin.
I narrowed my eyes when I saw something familiar.
Of course he wouldn't go back to Biology.
In the distance, I made out Edward's figure, leaning against his car. It was bad luck for me that my car was parked even further away then where Edward was standing. I'd have to pass him, but what I really wondered was why he didn't step inside his car, while it was raining like this outside.
Edward had noticed me as well but he was only looking and nothing else.
I took one shaky breath and started the long walk. It was dread and fear - again - I was feeling and I hated those feelings with every gut inside my body.
Hating them didn't make them disappear. They were still there, and just as I was about to pass Edward, he moved.
"Don't go away so fast," he said.
He came to stand in front of me, while the raindrops were running down his face. His hair seemed darker, now that it was wet. It gave his whole demeanor a more threatening look.
"I'm going," I said.
"No, you're coming with me," Edward said.
He grabbed my arm and I shrieked. "No, I don't want to go with you," I said.
"Seems like you have no choice." He opened the door and pushed me inside.
The car was very warm already and Edward opened the door on the drivers side. I was shivering like crazy. By now, I didn't know if it was the cold or Edward.
Edward stayed quiet and never bothered looking at me once. He adjusted the heaters and I was attacked with hot air blowing on my face and my chest. I shivered a little, the hotness on my cold skin causing goosebumps.
"Can't you just pretend you taught me all that boxing stuff?" I asked with clattering teeth. I had never been this cold before.
He chuckled.
"No, because I have other plans for today," he said, speeding up until he was driving illegally fast. "The rain comes in quite handy, actually."
I grew uncomfortable with each second. The music that was playing did not help. The fact that he didn't talk to me anymore did not help.
Nothing did me any good.
"You aren't going to ask about the plans, are you?" Edward asked.
"You won't tell me," I said, looking out of the window, while trying to warm my numb fingers.
When the silence got uncomfortable, I glanced at Edward, only to see him staring back at me with a scowl. He kind of looked hurt, which was strange and impossible.
"Would you?" I asked hesitantly.
Edward chuckled, while taking a sharp turn. It caused me to leap to the right, almost hitting my head on the window.
Thanks a lot.
"Probably not," Edward said. "It's just fun to provoke you."
I pressed my lips tightly on each other while looking outside. I wasn't sure where he was driving me. It didn't seem like the same road that we had taken a yesterday. But the chances were high that I just hadn't remembered the road from the last time, so maybe he was taking me to his home.
It was unnerving, not to know a thing. To doubt all the time.
When did this happen? How did I end up in a car with Edward Cullen, twice?
It was my fault, really. I let him get me in this position. I allowed him to do this.
But I had no other choices.
This was the position he wanted me in.
I almost jumped when Edward's phone went off.
He looked at the number briefly, then hit a button.
"Yes?" he asked sweetly.
"…"
"I dunno," he said, acting nonchalantly.
"…" Edward glanced at me.
"Don't know, either."
"…"
"Yeah, I think so too," Edward said with a chuckle.
"…"
"U-huh," Edward said, nodding his head. He rolled his eyes and hit a button, then put his mobile back in his pocket.
Seems like he had ended the call.
"Most useless talk I've ever had," Edward said.
By what Edward had said to the other person, I could not make out anything. I didn't know if it was one of his parents, his siblings, his girlfriend or just a girl. I couldn't even make out if it was a girl or a boy.
"You aren't going to ask me who called me, are you?" Edward asked. When I looked at him, he was smirking.
I scowled briefly. He was so mean sometimes.
He already knew the answer, as did I.
"You won't tell me," I repeated.
Edward's quiet laughter filled the car.
My body began trembling.
Something was very wrong.
Nothing is wrong.
Everything is wrong.
I was looking at the trees and at the same time not.
Everything around me was moving, though it was the car that was really moving. Everything else just stood still.
I just want to go home.
"Almost there," Edward said. "I took a short short cut, I'm not sure if you noticed."
My body refused to move, my mouth refused to open and to talk and my heart almost refused to beat another time.
"We are going to have so much fun, be-autiful," Edward said, taking one more turn, until I saw the big, gorgeous house that awaited only trouble and pain.
The way he had said 'be' had made me snap my head towards him. It had sounded more like 'bee' - like the insect - only, it was too coincidental that my name began with those same letters.
Edward knew. He knew for sure this time.
As I was looking at him, I could see nothing but smugness and delight written over his face. I'm sure he was trying to be ambiguous, but I knew better. He knew my name. But he hadn't freaked out yet, he hadn't begun his teasing again or his assault. He hadn't made any calls yet to Rosalie or Tanya, to let them know that I was back in town, just for them, fresh and alive.
Then again, was it possible... could there be a tiny chance that Edward... was human?
"Filthy whore."
"Disgusting shrimp!"
"Clueless girl. What idiot would ever date you?"
"That's right, fear me. Be agitated. Get alarmed."
"Little fool, it's time that you learned who around that pathetic form of yours are the boss of you and who are not."
"Live in horror and be frightened all the time. And if you're not... I'll personally make sure that you are."
"I hate you, Bella, with every fiber in my body. I want you dead and I want you on your knees, begging me to stop. Crying until you faint. Bleeding until you die."
Edward had said those thing at the age of seven, eight and nine. It was not normal. And he could never be human, not even with the tiniest hope.
I swallowed nervously. He was not looking back at me though, but took another, aweful leap with his car and pulled out his keys, considering that he had parked his car now.
In a second, he had turned and had his face only inches away from mine.
I squeaked a little in protest and he steered his head with a look of wonderment and something that also told me that he was still a teaser. I was afraid and I was sure that he loved it.
So much more then any person really should.
And maybe he had already messed up with my head. Because not everybody would say that a person loved it more then was normal. Others would say that the fact the he liked it, even just a little, was not normal. A person is not supposed to take joy from the fear of others. Edward is not supposed to like it. Yet he does.
He had already killed me, he and his friends. There was nothing left of me. I was dead. I had disappeared a long time ago and now nobody could ever find me again. I was at a place that did not bring me any comfort or pain at all. I was placed somewhere in the middle, which was so much more worse then just simple heaven or hell and now Edward was playing with nothing else but my corpse.
"I actually believe you're not a slut that's playing dumb when you say that you don't know what I want from you."
There were no seatbelts that needed to be unbuckled and Edward leaned over me and I heard a small click. I turned my head and saw Edward's finger on the now closed lock. I took a quick intake of a breath.
"Care to find out?"
"No!" I said, going for the lock with both my hands.
Edward let me.
It took me forever to pull it up and I hissed when I felt my nail go up in that process. I didn't have time to look at it and what damage I had caused, because I yanked on the door handle.
Edward didn't stop me.
I jumped out of the car.
Edward never protested.
And I ran. Through the rain. In the forest. Where I abruptly stopped. I didn't want to get lost. I heard a few noises behind me and didn't have to turn to know who was there.
Edward was standing behind me.
I screamed and held both my hands on my mouth as I turned to face him, but I slipped in the mud and fell sideways on the ground.
And Edward let me.
"Get up," Edward said. "And come on."
That's what I did. I pushed myself up and followed Edward. He was walking rather fast and I almost had to run again. He probably didn't want to get anymore wet then he already was.
He reached the front door and opened the unlocked door. He got in and I followed seconds later.
I was trembling with fear and pushed myself hard against a wall. The cold didn't matter anymore.
Don't show him any fear.
Edward looked back and froze mid step as he watched me.
"I'm just taking you to the kitchen. You know the kitchen."
Edward walked on and I followed.
Again, I was about to fall, but Edward leaped forward and caught me be my elbows.
"Are you that scared?" Edward asked with a scowl.
"I'm not," I quickly said, but my voice came out in a whisper.
Edward smirked and leaned forward. "Sure you're not. Listen, C, the sooner we're done, the better, right?"
I nodded my head.
"Alright, so you agree," he said. "I'm going to get some clothes for you and you're going to go outside," he said, pointing towards the door, and my eyes widened at the same time, "run at least ten circles around the house and then get back inside. You could also run a few more rounds, of course. I'll be up and see you around," he looked at the clock behind him, "let's say, three o'clock?"
I looked at the clock in shock, because he wanted me to run ten circles in fifty minutes. My eyes went back to Edward.
"Well, I need you warmed up for the things I have planned," he said.
He put his hands on my shoulder and I felt small again.
"Don't run away and don't cheat. Ten circles. No less."
He grabbed his bag and pulled out the shirt and shorts I had given him back just an hour ago.
"Here, wear these, they still look clean," he said, putting them on the table.
I was staring at the clothes and listened how his footsteps faded away. I quickly looked back to see him turn and get up the stairs.
"Edward, it's raining outside," I said.
He stopped and turned. He pulled something out of his pocket, but from the distance I couldn't see quite what he was doing. It was something small and thin.
He didn't answer me instantly, but in the mean time I did notice that the thing in his hand was a cigarette. Filled with weed.
"That's the point," he said with a wink. "Hurry, before the rain stops."
~#~
Little princesses don't get high and don't fuck for fun.
Little girls live in their dream world and wish for fucking prince Charming.
People want happiness and love.
But this girl next to me wasn't any of those things.
She isn't a little princess, she isn't a little girl and I can tell by the way she looks at me that she is not looking for any of those items at all.
This girl wants to run away and never look back.
This girl wants to die and feel the sweet relief that death itself brings.
This girl blames herself for the person she is today, while we both know that somebody else is to blame.
I didn't even need to check on her and see if she was really running outside in the rain, because she would do as I told her. Like I said, she would do anything I told her and this afternoon I was planning on demanding a lot from her.
Let's see how far I will be able to go with this girl.
~#~
A/N: A little bit of helping out
Edward did that weird thing with 'be' and I've got a little homework for you guys.
Step 1; Go to chapter 3
Step 2; Go to paragraph 7
Step 3; What did Bella say?
- Is Edward's ambiguity based on that, something else, nothing or has he figured it out?
- What is it that Edward really wants from our poor Bella? Is it sex, or does he want to break her, or get to know her, or mess with her mind, or teach her this boxing, or figure out how her mind works? Something else?
- What is/was wrong with Edward? The things he told her were harsh and the things he's telling her in the present are harsh as well. Is there something behind it? Or is this just Edward's character, something that must or could be changed? Could these simply be his genes?
Fact: Edward is not bi-polar/manic depressed (it's the same). That would mean that he had to have these moments of happiness. Like everything is just peachy. No, not bi-polar. Edward is ninetheen, Bella is eighteen. Anyone that could do math had this already figured out of course and if you can do math but didn't know this, I guess... you were lazy ;)
Fact Fact (saying it twice, just so people know so for sure): Bella will have her happy ending. Edward will have his. To make it more fun, they'll have their happy ending together.
I don't really like doing this, but just for this once, I've made an exception. People tend to jump to conclusions, while there are so many hints in this chapter, and the others as well.
A/N: If you read my other story, Good At It, as well, let me know if you read this chapter first or the one of GAI, I'm curious.
I've got twitter: EdnaSardrood
