A/N: I am really sorry about the lack of updates. I've had a lot of health issues, and a bad month. I am trying, and after this I've only got the epilogue to go and it's finished. Thank you for sticking with this, if you have, and thank you for all the reviews. It means a lot.

Disclaimer: my therapist isn't called dr burke.


Waking up is effort. It's like he's being pulled from a whirlpool and every time he manages to get a limb out, it just sucks him further back in. His head is swimming, his limbs feel heavy and un-cooperative and disorientated. The ceiling, plain and white and utterly boring is spinning above him and it makes his stomach roll and toss and turn. He swallows, his throat dry as sandpaper. He tries to talk but it comes out as an unrecognisable throaty rasp.

"Dad?"

He grunts, tries to turn his head so he can at least look at his daughter. Ow. That hurts. There's a hand on his shoulder, small and slight and then a flash of ginger hair across his vision, leaving orange trails in the paint above him, swirling like milk in a mug of coffee, or comet tails streaking across the night sky. Man, how bad is he?

"Don't try and talk. I'm going to go and get the doctor."

She leaves, and Castle takes the time to close his eyes and think back on what happened. He remembers a cave, and a fire, and Beckett taking her top off. A caveman. Danny? A swimming pool – no, a large pond that doubled as a bath. And dinosaurs? Something about dinosaurs. Is he delusional? Dinosaurs are extinct. Oh, this is making his head hurt.

Kate can't stop her foot tapping as she waits for the coffee machine. It's slow and old and spits hot water onto her hands and frankly it tastes disgusting. Maybe she's gotten too used to Castle's coffee, too spoilt by foamy richne1ss that all the other coffee in the world is useless. She's been in this hospital for the past eight days, ever since they found their way back through the anomaly, Castle held up between Ryan and Esposito. He'd been conscious for a day, though he'd barely moved or eaten, and whenever he'd talked it was short sentences and one word answers. And then, maybe a couple of hours before Ryan and Esposito and Danny ran up to the cave entrance, he'd fallen unconscious, and she'd been unable to get anything out of him then. She'd tried to breathe after that. Tried and failed. Castle was dying in front of her, she was stuck in the prehistoric with dinosaurs and limited ammo and no food. They'd found her crouched against the wall, arms around her legs, forehead against her knee's. There was nothing else she could do. Nothing else she can do. She's wasn't going to leave Castle here, on his own, while she saves her own hide.

There'd been an ambulance waiting when they finally staggered out, Kate all but unconscious herself, worn out from lack of sleep and a decent meal in days. They'd been bundled into the back of an ambulance straight away, and Castle, despite how long and hard she'd fought to stay by his side, had been ripped away from her. She'd been cleaned up, fed, de-briefed and she still hadn't been able to see him. Danny had surprised her at one point, turning up at the hospital, clean and shaven and short haired. "How long do you plan on staying here?"

"As long as it takes."

"You seen him yet?"

"Not properly. Not allowed to until he wakes up. Family only."

Danny nods, seems to understand. "Sucks that." Danny sat next to her, leaning backwards against the wall. "Especially when they are practically family, right?"

Kate turns to him. "What do you mean?"

"I've seen the way you two act. Trust me, you're not fooling anybody."

Kate sighed, pressed the heels of her palms into her brow. "Me and Castle, we're… it's… complicated."

"Look, Kate, I'm not for all the romantic namby pamby. Frankly I find it a load of bollocks. But you two are the most painfully obvious couple I have ever seen. And I've seen the way he looks at you, and I've seen the way you pretend not to notice. And Kate, he's in a hospital room somewhere and you're out here, and damn the rules. Go and see him. Even if he's not awake. He needs to know you're there."

She doesn't know what makes her think of it. She couldn't think of any other way to get them to let her into his room. Her mother's ring is still hanging around in her neck, and Danny laughs when she pulls it from the chain and jams it onto her finger. The weight of it makes her feel different, throws her off balance and she flexes her fingers to try and get used to it. She's going to pretend to be married, just so she can see him. Pretending to be married to him. She hates that she doesn't know what the thumping of her heart against her chest means. Doesn't want to think about it. Can't think about it when Castle is lying in a hospital bed on a ventilator. She keeps her hands fisted as she makes her way towards Castle's room, tries to stop her hands from shaking. His door is closed, and now she's here, now she could just walk into his room, she stops. Stops, and thinks. She's going to walk into the room of a man who loves her. Castle loves her. And she's going to walk into that room and she's going to pretend to be married to him. She's wearing her mother's ring on her finger and – oh God. Her breathe catches in her throat and her chest tightens, and not now. Not in a hospital and not when Castle is fighting for his life, and-

"Kate?"

She turns, trying to regulate her breathing, finds Martha standing in the now open doorway, Alexis hovering behind. "Martha, hi – I – is he… she trails off, watching the older woman carefully for any sign of distress.

Instead, Martha smiles. "He's awake. It's looking better for him. The doctors say the worst is over for him."

Kate releases a breath, feeling all of the guilt and the fear lift from her shoulders. "They said it was family only. Can I-"

Martha smiled. "Darling, I think you practically count as family already. Alexis and I are off home for some rest. He's tired, but he'll be happy to see you. And if anybody asks, tell them I said you could see him."

Kate's struck by a sudden urge to hug Martha, has to dig her elbows into her sides to refrain. "Thank you."

Martha nods in return, steps past her and offers a brief pat on her back. "Thank you for looking after him."

Kate tears off the ring, feels it catch on her knuckle and shoves it deep into her trouser pocket. Calm. She can do calm. This isn't about her, it's about him. Making sure he's better. And he looks better. Pale and interesting, but he's better. And he's smiling at her. Oh, she didn't realise how much she'd missed that smile.

"Kate."

She smiles, steps further into the room. "Hey, Castle."

"You look worse than me, have you actually slept?"

She smiled, somewhat sheepishly, slipping into the chair next to his bed. "You're the one with malaria."

"And have you actually been home?"

"Only for showers and clean clothes. I've been here most of the time." Kate looks down, wipes at the blood appearing on her finger. "Wanted to be there when you woke up."

"You shouldn't have. You need sleep. And food. You look like death warmed up."

"We match then. I don't mind, Castle. Just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"I'm okay. Honestly. And I've already sent Alexis and Martha home, don't make me do the same to you."

"I would like to see you try."

"You underestimate my powers of persuasion, Beckett."

"You underestimate my stubbornness."

Castle chuckled, but it was low and hoarse and it took him a while to speak up again. "If there's one thing I don't underestimate, it's your stubbornness."

"So, how long are you staying in here for?"

"I don't know. Maybe a week. I might do a runner if I'm fed up of this place tomorrow." He grinned. "Don't suppose you wanna help?"

"I don't know, the longer you're in here the longer you're not bugging me at work."

"Oh, and there was me actually thinking you cared."

"I care about the amount of paperwork you'd leave me with."

"I can see straight through you, Katherine Beckett. You like having me around. Admit it."

"Maybe. When you're not high on drugs."

Castle frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm not admitting anything until you're drug free." Kate replied, surprised at her ability to keep her eyes on Castle.

"Admit… what?"

"Castle."

"No, no Kate, you can't." He tried to sit up, tried to tilt his body towards her but his face pales and he sags, his breathing harsh and rapid. Kate moves to push him back against pillows, pushes the oxygen mask against his mouth until his breathing is somewhat normal. His eyes are closed, and it takes her a moment to notice that his hand is gripping hers, his nails leaving little crescent shapes in her skin. She moves her hand so she can hold his properly, strokes her thumb across his knuckles.

She doesn't realise she's crying until he's lifting both their hands and using his thumb to wipe away a tear. Now she's the one with the death grip on his hand. He's watching her, those blue eyes that are usually so bright, so full of life, they're dull and tired. He's thinner, and not in a good away. He looks like he's wasting away, and she can't do this. Not right now. Not when he's like this.

"When you're better, Castle. When you're better, we'll talk."

"You're not going, are you?" he croaks, his gaze still fixated on her.

She smiles, softly, squeezing his hand. "No, Castle. I'm staying right here."