Disclaimer: It feels like it's been forever since we had a new episode of Grey's. *sigh* I don't own it though so don't look at me.
Sorry for the delay ladies (and any gents who may happen to read). Work has been keeping me quite busy and quite tired out so it took a bit longer than expected but it's here now.
Enjoy!
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"Boat...no...surfing...I...I don't know," Melissa shook her head, covering her mouth as she leaned back and laughed hard.
"Water, something about water!" Jamie yelled.
"Come on, guys!" Madie groaned and Derek fought the urge to laugh hard at his fiancee as she moved around the front of the room, making large guestures with her hands that even he wasn't sure exactly what they were supposed to mean. She was usually so put together and right now, she was failing around like an idiot. "This is easy!"
"Except it's clearly not," Katie rolled her eyes, causing her husband, Mike, to laugh loudly.
"Someone has to guess it," David shook his head. "We're kicking your asses."
"Wiping them all over the floor," Derek nodded, shaking his head as he leaned back. This was good. Madie had sprung it on him unexpectedly, something to cheer him up after the camping trip with Mark hadn't helped as much as he had hoped it would. And he was having fun, he was having fun with their couple friends and this was good. It was really good and he probaby couldn't remember the last time he had actually laughed this much.
He was just going to ignore the tiny voice in his head that was reminding him he had a lot of fun camping, it just hadn't helped when he had gotten home.
"And this has to be the last round, hun," Jeremy sighed, looking over at Melissa. "We told the sitter we'd be home in fifteen minutes."
"We should head home too, Kevin," Jamie sighed. "We have that early morning appointment we have to get to."
"Not to mention this one is about to start snoring," Adam laughed, gesturing to the girl that he had just started seeing a few months before, Derek was pretty sure her name was Kristina or Tina or something like that.
"Thanks for talking, guys," Madie sighed, staring at the timer. "Now we're out of time."
"You've never been good at losing," Derek smirked at his fiance.
"Shut up," she laughed, falling onto his lap. "This really has been fun, we should all do it more often."
"We should," Derek agreed.
Their friends left quickly after that, picking up jackets and hugging each other goodbye as the small group that had crowded Derek's brownstone left, leaving the brownstone that usually looked like a magazine spread looking like an actual lived in home. It was good, it was good to have their friends over and Derek had felt normal for a bit. Derek looked around at the rumbled couch cushions and the empty wine glasses littering the table and couldn't help but smile. This was that he had thought he was supposed to feel like or it was something, this was something.
"Derek? You still in there?"
"Yeah...sorry. Just thinking. That was fun, wasn't it?"
"It was," Madie nodded, frowning at the mess. "Hate how messy it makes this place though."
"Go to sleep, Mads. I don't have any appointments in the morning, I'll get it cleaned up before I leave."
"You want me to leave it over night?"
"I do," Derek laughed, guiding her toward the stairs. "I'll be up in a few minutes, just want to do a few things down here first."
"Okay," Madie sighed, moving slowly up the stairs.
Derek sighed as he watched her back disappear around the corner upstairs. His house was silent again, silent and echoey with the emptiness. It had been a good night, a really good night and he just needed ot go to his office and do some paperwork instead of concentrating on the silence suddenly filling his home or the way the rumpled pillows that he had convinced Madie to leave alone looked so out of place in the rest of the pristine living room.
Even the remants of their simple charades game looked out of place against the carefully picked out furniture and he couldn't ignore the sudden heaviness in his chest.
Air, he just needed fresh air to clean his head and then he'd be able to go upstairs to fall asleep beside his fiancee. He'd remember how good he had felt moments before, before the odd shadow of darkness had settled and he would fall asleep fine tonight. He had to believe that, he had to believe that fresh air was all that he was going to need tonight.
He moved slowly and quietly, opening the front door and sighing in relief when it barely made a squeak. They never went to bed together anymore, Derek couldn't remember the last time they had climbed into bed at the same time for anything besides sex, so she wouldn't expect him up soon. She'd think he was doing paperwork in his office or watching something on tv. But if she heard the door opening she would have questions and right now, in this moment, Derek didn't feel like answering any of those questions. Mainly because he wasn't even sure what the answers would be.
The cooler air hit him hard and he sucked in a sharp breath, a combination of shock and relief as he moved to sit down on the stairs, grateful that the night seemed clear enough, not that he could see any stars through the smog and lights of the city. He was pretty sure that one day he would get used to the starless nights, one day he'd stop the constant thoughts of how empty and dark the sky looked without the tiny holes of light to brighten it up. He just needed...he wasn't exactly sure what he needed but right now the cool, fresh air was at least making his head feel less foggy than it had moments before. He was pretty sure that less foggy would make sleep come easier and tonight, his entire body suddenly feeling a little too heavy, he wanted a good night of sleep. He just needed to stop thinking of the way his chest had felt heavy after his home had emptied out of people.
He needed to think of something else.
His brain flipped over the the familiar giggle and smell of lavender from the week before that had been filling his thoughts recently. It had been a week since she programmed her number into his phone and he hadn't used it yet. He had looked at the number, he had toyed with the idea of dialling it just to hear the soft giggle again but he hadn't.
Which meant she had either long forogotten that she had even seen him or she was screaming mad at him, just waiting to see him again so she could hit him with her tiny ineffectual fists.
Twelve years ago she would have hit him.
But a lot had changed in twelve years.
He should call her. He should call her for if no other reason to catch up and...he should just call her. They had shared a summer, an amazing summer and it only was right that he call her and they could remember those times, remember their summer.
Even if remembering it had felt like some kind of tortures as of late.
He should just call her.
He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialled the number quickly, decided it was best to ignore the confusing way his heart was suddenly thudding hard in his chest.
"Hello?" a muffled familiar voice came over the phone.
"He...oh shit, it's late, isn't it?" Derek breathed, suddenly realizing he had no clear idea what itme it was. "I'm so sorry. I probably shouldn't have..."
"Derek? Is that you?"
"Yeah," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair, shifting uncomfortably on the porch step. "Sorry I called so late."
"No...it's...it's fine and...fine," Meredith breathed across the line. "What...you should be sorry that it's been a week and you're finally calling, that's...you should be sorry for that."
"Oh," he laughed. "Busy neurosurgeon, Mer."
"Of course. And I wasn't...it's not late. Or it is but I wasn't sleeping, just mouthful and...I had my mouthful."
"I should have known," he smiled into his phone. "Eating and answering the phone with your mouthful, that's the Meredith I know."
"Shut up."
"Our second conversation in over a decade and you're already telling me to shut up?"
"You don't even know me anymore."
"I don't," Derek breathed.
"Oh."
"So...we're in the same city," he murmured.
"We are."
"Which is..."
"Odd? Amazing? An explosion of whatever?"
"Us being the same city is an explosion?"
"Derek!" Meredith hissed over the phone. "Twelve years, it's been twelve years and there's...you can't make fun of me. You haven't seen me in twelve years and it's...it's very explosive so just..."
"Shut up?"
"Yes."
"If I was there right now, you'd hit me, wouldn't you?"
"I...yes."
"Though so," he smirked and then sighed. "I did not make this phone call just so I could harass you."
"Of course not."
"We're in the same city and it's been a long time. And we should...we should get together and catch up. Soon."
"We should," Meredith murmured and Derek was almost sure he could see the exact smile that she would have on her face right now, the small one that made her eyes sparkle even more than they usually did.
"Do you still have that unhealthy Starbucks addiction?"
"I...it's not unhealthy."
"Mer, you do realize how much sugar is in it, right?"
"I seem to remember you drinking some yourself, mister."
"I did," he laughed. "Do you...there's one down the street from the bar we were at last week. Do you want to get together there for coffee sometime?"
"That...that would be nice."
"Does Friday work for you?"
"Yeah...yeah."
"Hmmmm..." Derek breathed, suddenly feeling warmth wash over his body or something that didn't sound as weird but certainly felt like warmth, a warmth that was different than what he had been feeling before with his friends, as a completely different smile stretched across his face. "Good."
"So Friday...what time?"
"Oh...seven?"
"Seven sounds good."
"Good."
"So...I should...sleep, I should probably sleep and you probably have surgery or something and you can't...tired is bad for surgery so we should both sleep and...Friday."
"We should sleep," Derek nodded. "Friday."
"I'll see you then, Der."
"See you, Mer," he murmured before the phone went dead.
Meredith was right, he should sleep. He should go inside and sleep and...Madison was probably wondering where he was because he didn't usually take this long to get to bed and he should at least try to sleep. He came outside to clear his head and he was pretty sure it would be a good idea to at least try to sleep and maybe tonight it would come quickly. Over the last week, since the night he had seen Meredith, it had been a struggle but maybe tonight he would collapse into bed. He was exhausted and he should sleep.
Except right now, his chest felt clear, his head felt clear and the cold night air felt too refreshing to move. He didn't care that the sky looked like someone had painted black over all the tiny stars and he didn't care that the tree he was looking at had obviously been planted and wasn't nearly as big as the ones near his mom's.
Derek Shepherd felt good.
And he was terrified, that walking into that house, that laying down beside his fiancee, would destroy that.
Friday.
She rescues me...
So the whole big point of this update is to show that Derek isn't in a dark place. He's not in a good place but there's moments of his life, moments spent with Madie in their too perfect home that makes him think that maybe he could be happy. But they're short and fleeting and then he's back to knowing something's wrong...at which point he calls Meredith who makes everything okay again. And now they're going out for coffee on Friday.
Which is an update which will hopefully be up by tomorrow but probably well Friday at the latest.
Read. Love. Review.
