Title: Delirium
Chapter: 8. Consciousness of Love
Pairings: (Yaoi/SLASH) Nick/Zak, Aaron/Zak, future Nick/Aaron/Zak
Summary: Nick decides to leave Vegas for his family, hurting Zak. What he doesn't know is that it had the other man running into Aaron's arms even though they weren't to drop their current relationship. But Zak needs to have someone near, and Aaron understands him just as well as Nick does. Future D/S relationships.
Genre: Angst, drama, romance
Rating: Mature (X)
A/N: VerifiablyInsane wrote my ending because I suck and she knows magic that I don't *_* Otherwise, this chapter would probably come by December o_o
The day after Aaron felt like Zak was distancing himself from everyone, including himself. And really, Aaron couldn't blame him. That morning as they came down for breakfast, Nick was sitting at a separate table all together with his wife. He watched the subtle exchange, how Nick's look held promise and how Zak simply rolled his eyes with his lowered gaze. It was forgotten when Billy called them over loudly, having reserved a large table to fit him, Zak, and a few from their extended crew.
"You walkin' a little funny back there, G." Billy joked as Aaron pulled out a seat. Aaron snorted and managed to beat down the heat in his cheeks as Jay raised that accusing and amused eyebrow. Ashley did a good job of knocking the look off his face.
Zak quipped as he took the seat next to him, "He tripped."
"Already? Man, its not even the afternoon."
"Shut up."
Zak chuckled at Aaron's grumble under his breath and nudged him with his knee before hiding behind his menu. Looking over, Aaron couldn't suppress a grin and knocked him back before maintaining the small comfort. As long as Nick was sitting over there, Zak was pretty much his.
Or that was what he simply thought. As time ticked by, Aaron noticed Zak's demeanour became darker. The younger man had to be building up his walls. Zak and he had their backs to the couple, but even Aaron could still hear them. Though Nick's voice was that low murmur, Roni spoke a little more confidently and her laughter rang like a bell. Aaron wondered what they were talking about, but he couldn't look over his shoulder to stare. He wondered what sort of restraint Zak must have had been holding just to not go back there and sit his ass where there was space.
Aaron tried for small talk. "How's your omelette?"
"Nasty." Zak grunted and pushed his half eaten plate away. Aaron raised a brow and looked down at his own, having ordered the same thing. The older man gave a small shake of his head, picking at his omelette before putting a piece in his mouth. It was perfectly fine, surely better than what either of them could come up with. Zak was upset- no mistaking it.
Zak simply waited, his body tense even in his slouch position. Aaron could see the muscle in Zak's crossed arms twitch when he heard Roni talk about going to the market. Even Aaron knew that the day after was meant for all of them to tour together after interviews. That's just how its always been, and the change of plans even put a tick in Aaron's eyebrow.
"He's not gonna tell her no." Zak grumbled, though Aaron was sure it was meant for himself. Aaron dropped his eyes. Even he had more faith in Nick than that.
Aaron was finished with his breakfast and was gulping the last of his coffee when Zak excused himself from the table. Jay shot of a time to meet and Zak merely grumbled, but they didn't question it. Zak in the morning was moody and accompany that with jetlag, sometimes Zak could get down right impossible until some time a little later when he's gotten enough fresh air. Aaron watched him go, mug to his lips even as he turned with Zak's movements to watch the raven approach Nick and Veronique.
Zak's voice was tense and hard as he asked, "You coming with?" Aaron couldn't see Zak's face, but Nick gave him an unsure grin and nod.
"A little later."
It must have been good enough because Zak walked away and Nick simply watched despite his wife trying to snap his attention back to her. When Zak disappeared around a corner Nick shrugged at whatever Roni had questioned and smiled at her. Aaron could hear him tell her that it must be important, if Zak needed to see him so bad.
Aaron reached for his phone and sent a quick text. Need me up there?
No
Well, fine then. Aaron sat back and asked for another coffee when the opportunity rose. Zak was a grown man, and hell, Zak can hold his own against Nick.
Nick had become fidgety for the rest of the meal knowing the older man was just a few steps away, and yet chained to his spot by a stare from wife sitting in front of him. When Zak had left them, he counted the seconds down, his foot tapping on the hard wood floor as Roni took her time.
When she finished, Nick reminded her that she needed to see Zak. That nearly didn't bode well, but she forced on a smile as they approached the full table. "Just... stay with the crew, okay? I know they miss your company too." Roni nodded, though he was sure he saw the hesitancy in her eyes. He didn't think too deeply on it- Veronique seemed a little clingy and she had come with the thought it being a short vacation for herself.
Veronique took the empty chair besides Ashley and instantly the young woman started chattering. Nick's gaze swept over the complete group before landing on Aaron. The older man had a phone in his hand, but it was put into his pocket quickly. "Hey, man."
"Hey, G." Aaron gave him a crooked smile and a small wave as he moved his napkins to the side for his second coffee. He looked at his watch and said off-handedly, "Be back in thirty minutes, man, we're headin' out."
"Right." Nick grunted and waved a short goodbye as he walked away. That was fast. But then again, Nick didn't even know what he would say to Aaron anyway.
On his way to the elevator his phone buzzed and on it was Zak's text of his floor and room number. He sighed. It was in a completely different wing than his own room, so instead of the elevator on the left wall, Nick went for the right.
When he reached Zak's room and pushed open the door, their interaction was nothing like it used to be. Nick let the door close firmly behind him before stepping up and letting his arms open slightly to his sides. "What, no hello?"
"Still thinking if I want to kiss you or strangle you."
Nick's lips quirked a bit and that small half smile made Zak huff quietly and grin. Zak refused to move from the bed, but he did sit up from his lounging position and off of his elbows. Nick took it as a sign to come closer and when no swinging fist came his way, placed a hand on Zak's shoulder.
"You know I missed you."
"Fucking me?"
Nick's brows furrowed. "Watching out for you." He snorted at the the roll of Zak's blue eyes and pulled him forward to wrap his arms more securely around the strong shoulders. "And that too."
Zak sighed, "I know," he leaned his head forward on the hard stomach before him, "That was mean. I didn't mean to say it like that."
Nick's expression more resembled a dry smirk, "You meant that and more."
"Why is Veronique here, Nick?" He gave Nick a moment to answer, but he couldn't hold back next, "We were gonna share this room, you know?"
The younger found himself nodding, "Its a nice room..."
Zak scoffed and sat back. "I really don't know if I want to punch you in the face, man."
"I'm sorry." Nick nodded towards the headboard and Zak crawled back until his head was in the pillows and Nick slotted himself on the empty side after kicking off his shoes, pulling the heavy body in closer. The brunette let a hand drift down the other's side before going back and under the dark shirt. Zak sighed and it tickled his nose. "I tried, Zak, I did. You try telling a woman no."
Zak actually released a small laugh. "Shut up, I'm mad at you." He assumed there was more to it than Nick led on, but he didn't want to ask. He didn't even want to hear her name. "Why are you even here, Nick?"
The younger man raised a brow, "Is that a trick question?"
"Nick."
"You asked me to come." Nick finally said honestly, "And G, you know I wouldn't if I didn't want to. I want to know what's bothering you, babe."
His blue eyes rolled heavenward, "Isn't it obvious?"
"It is. But it shouldn't." Nick pushed at Zak's shoulder and the man laid on his back willingly. Sitting up on his arm while the other dragged down the muscular chest, Nick continued, "I'm here now, and I will be for as long as I need to be."
He got the other man to break into a small smile. A large hand came to play into his short hair, and Nick was a little surprised at what Zak had to say next.
"You mean until I'm satisfied."
"Don't pretend like its easy."
"Ha-ha, Groff. Come here."
Zak pulled him down and Nick groaned into the older man's mouth. He did miss this, and times like this he wondered how he could go without. Zak's touch crept down his back and his fingers dug under the waist band of Nick's jeans. It urged the younger to surge forward and claim, receiving a quiet grunt as he nipped at the pliant flesh beneath his lips, then down to mouth at his long neck. He was careful not to leave marks, but instead tasted his skin.
"Aaron says you're being a dick." Zak brought up while he still could. His breath was starting to pick up, especially as Nick moved to lay over him and settle between his partly spread legs. Though Nick's mouth was full of the firm muscle between shoulder and neck, he still managed to scoff. Zak spoke up again, "Got mad at you."
"What the hell did I do?" Nick grouched and pulled away before he did start to leave his marks of possession. It would do him a lot of good knowing Aaron would, eventually, find them, but Zak's shirt might pull at one point and the purple will be bright splotch on Zak's skin on screen. "You were mine to begin with."
"Yours?"
"To take care of." Nick tacked on quickly. Zak scanned his face, making him shift uncomfortably before sighing and sinking into the bed. Nick threw an arm around him and rested his chin on his shoulder. "I haven't been doing a good job."
The older scoffed quietly, but not meanly. He was mostly tired, and those words were starting to get old. Aaron didn't think Nick was owning up, and now Nick was questioning his own ability. Zak was merely tired of hearing it. "Its fine."
"No its not. Aaron said you're different."
"I'm always different. And its fine. I don't freak out like before, I don't-" Zak groaned and rubbed at his face. "What worked before, why we started this, Nick, its not needed."
He felt the bed shift and peaking between his fingers, Nick met his eyes solidly. The guy was careful with his words, speaking slowly, "What are you saying? Are we... stopping?"
Zak felt a headache coming on, his teeth grinding its his frustration. He shook his head. "No. I don't want to. I don't know."
"I gotta watch out for you." Nick urged and let a hand drift down the other man's strong side comfortingly. He tried to lighten the mood, laughing shortly before saying, "Don't kick me out now."
Zak pulled up his hands from his face, instead letting them rest above his head. "What do you want from me?"
"Just give me time. Stopping this now is gonna feel like cutting of a limb. I just need more time." Nick gave him a small crooked smile and Zak couldn't stop himself from returning it and the kiss that came after.
Aaron's mood had lightened now that Zak was by his side. The younger man seemed glued to his hip, even going as far to sit in the very back of the van, some two or three rows from the Groffs. Zak had glared openly at Roni the moment he laid eyes on her, and well, the missus was just as hostile.
Luckily, the woman couldn't come when they filmed. Nick wouldn't it allow it, even if it was just doing interviews, but they were walking into these haunted locations and the younger man was sincere when he claimed he didn't want anything to become attached to her. It had to be that genuine worry that kept her bound to her hotel and the markets surrounding it, because she stayed behind without much of an argument.
Plus. Aaron was betting she would not have fitted in the van they rented anyway. He knew they should of taken separate vans, but they couldn't get a couple of locals to drive them today and with their lost asses driving around, one van was sure to go missing. So one van, it was, packed with their equipment, the immediate crew, and a couple of extra hands. It was to the point some those extra hands were sitting on equipment boxes in the back, rather than an actual seat.
Which generally meant Zak gets to be the princess sitting in the front passenger's seat next to Billy, who has, in time, proved to be a great designated driver. Zak was literally flipping through channels on the radio through out the whole ride, something that really annoyed most of the crew. Nick had managed to calm Jay into not kicking the back of Zak's seat and hearing the grumbling coming from their long haired friend, Zak gave a fond smile towards Nick over his shoulder. Oh, Aaron didn't miss that.
Nor did he miss the touches they hid between their bodies during interviews, secret smiles that Aaron had begun to share with the raven, but is now being shared with Nick. It stung a bit, and it was only soothed by those happy glances sent his way and the excitement in Zak's movements. But to say the interview process didn't hurt would be a lie and it felt a lot longer than usual, even if it only took half the day.
Now they walked within a cramped, enclosed market. The smells of spices from 1st generation Brits of other descents were strong and tickled his nose, but he distracted himself well by vlogging their trip. Veronique had met up with them there and it may of soothed Aaron's hurt a bit knowing Nick would be so distracted Zak would probably wonder with himself instead. Actually, Zak wasn't too far off, staring at a restaurant stand that carried something that looked very much like chilli.
"Why don't you get some, G?" Aaron asked as he came over. He looked over Zak's shoulder and scrunched his nose up a bit. It smelled a bit spicy and, well, like chilli, but Aaron was wary of food out in the open like this.
"No, I... Nick might-" Zak paused and looked around Aaron at the younger man coming his way. Aaron felt a tickle of annoyance as Zak smiled at Nick and waved him over, "Nick! Try this!"
The younger of the trio laughed a bit as he eyed the 'slop' before him. "What? Wait, Zak, you love..." Nick paused as he looked at the camera pointing his direction and froze up as his name was called a few stalls back. Aaron raised his brows and turned around, keeping an open ear though he filmed random things. It was sure to get awkward, and as Zak tried to keep Nick's attention to him with Roni's voice only getting closer, Aaron was proven right. He shut off the camera.
Aaron really tried to keep his view forward, touching some clothes he probably would never wear if only to look like he was doing something. He could hear the near hisses between Zak and Veronique as they tried to keep their voices down for what sure would have been a screaming match. The tension between the two had come to a peak now that they couldn't get away from each other. Fate was only so nice to have done it in a crowded area. Aaron sighed when Veronique's voice rose, in turn, making the volume of Zak's rise as well, and sped walked into their vicinity to take hold of Zak's arm.
The younger man firmed his lips shut mid sentence, tore his arm away from Aaron, and walked off in a different direction.
"Good. For once, leave my husband alone!" Roni yelled after him and like that Aaron was chasing after Zak, knowing those words would probably tipped Zak into a rampage. He left the couple knowing both parties were seething, Nick a little more silently.
He caught Zak again by the arm close to the exit of the market and then dragged the younger man to a more quieter and emptier alleyway not to far off. He let go and Zak started that pacing, his muscles flexing as if to hit something before fisting against his temples. "Calm down, G," Aaron murmured soothingly as Zak walked his direction and grunted as he simply moved into his space, toe to toe, chest to chest. Aaron wrapped his arms around him.
"She makes me so angry," Zak said, his voice trembling with emotion. Aaron ran a hand up and down the tense back and silently waited for the other man to sort things out. he felt the body in his arms relax some and after a few minutes of comfort, Zak released a sigh and let it go.
Aaron sighed as well. "You know she's gonna be a constant in your life if you keep this thing up with Nick."
"I know..." Zak grumbled and planted his forehead on Aaron's broad shoulder. His voice was more muffled as he said, "Nick asked me to wait, Aaron. I don't know what he's planning."
He chuckled, "Man, I don't think he knows either." Aaron let a hand card into the productless hair at the back of Zak's head, careful not to touch the spikes at the top. It made Zak relax even more, so he kept doing it. He noticed that the sun was starting to set over the tall buildings of London, so he suggested they should head back.
They sought out Billy and took the keys from him before heading for the van where they sat and waited. It was a lot less stuffy with their equipment back up in their hotel rooms, so both Zak and Aaron spread out in the back seat. While Aaron slouched comfortably, Zak scooted in close and let his weight fall against the older man's side.
It was minutes later that the crew started rolling in, with Nick and Roni sliding in last in the very front seat behind the driver's. Zak had let his eyes drift shut moments before, nearly hidden behind the seat in front of them with his head on Aaron's shoulder. Nick had met the hard gaze Aaron shot him and Nick just shook his head and turned back around. It looked like both Roni and Nick were holding something back as neither of them would look at each other. It was quite obvious how thick the air in the van had become.
His phone vibrated in his pocket and Aaron nearly woke Zak up when he jumped. Stay with Zakwas the simple message and it only confused Aaron even more. He looked up, but Nick was simply looking out the window, keeping to himself. Aaron texted back an okay, but even that didn't make the brunette turn.
Aaron took a sleepy Zak back up into their room and threw a bottle of water towards him when he took a seat on the bed. Zak grunted his thanks and drank away the dry in his mouth before sealing the bottle and falling back. Aaron took the time to help Zak undress, pulling the black shirt over Zak's head and throwing it towards the hamper. He didn't expect for Zak to grab him around the waist and pull him down.
"G."
"We aren't- we won't." Zak promised, though his hands moved smoothly up and down Aaron's sides. Aaron stared him down and Zak met it easily, making him sigh.
"We have to talk about this, Zak." Aaron said once he made it clear they weren't going to fool around tonight. He wasn't in the mood, and Aaron knew Zak could find better ways of distracting himself. He pulled himself away to undress and find some sweats to slide into before getting back on the bed. Zak simply slipped out of his pants and fell in next to him.
He muffled a reply into the pillow, "I don't want to talk about it."
"What did Nick say to you this morning?"
"Aaron-" Zak sat up and whacked the older man with the pillow. He next folded the pillow in his lap as he crossed his legs under him. "He doesn't want to stop, but dude, I don't think I can hold on."
The older man nodded and got on his side. Propping his head up on his arm, he said, "But will you wait?"
"Yes." Zak huffed quietly and pulled the edge of the blanket up to crawl in next to Aaron. "I know you don't like that, but I don't know what to do. I don't understand what I'm feeling." He pressed his face into the older man's neck and circled the warm body in his arms, feeling just as strong arms go around his shoulders. "I'm sorry."
Aaron chuckled, a few threads from just giving up. "For what?"
"For dragging you into this. But thank you." He let a hand drift down his naked back, "You'll stay with me, won't you?"
"Dude." Aaron nudged the strong body, and Zak continued.
"Just thinking, man. I already told Nick. I don't need him like I used to. I'm clinging-"
"And what? I'm a replacement? Boo," he couldn't help smiling when Zak pulled back to give him a curious face at the name and continued, "You're right. I hate this, but I'll be here. Just wait. Just give Nick... whatever." Aaron was going to let the younger man fix this.
Things were changing, and much too quickly. Whatever was happening between himself and his wife was speeding up the beat of his heart. He knew what he had was Zak was going to crash down around him, he just didn't think it would be at the hands of his wife. He had no intention of keeping the affair as long as he did, nor did he expect to become so guiltily attached, but in the end he knew he had betrayed Veronique and bad karma would be out looking for him.
The door came to a shut behind him and Nick had expected screams. He expected demands, that she'd want Nick to keep away from Zak, to keep their time to a minimal, to seconds, if he could. He expected her to tell him that the time he spent with Zak was unhealthy, that she and he needed time together, not Nick and his friends. But no, what she said chilled him to the bone.
"I know."
Nick wanted to deny it and salvage what he could, but Veronique's glower did not waver. He was sure he could see the tremors in her body that show how tightly she withheld from lashing out. He didn't know what to say.
"What? You- you got nothing? Nick, explain yourself!"
"What do you know?" he said instead. He didn't want to implicate himself with something that might not be his worst nightmare come true.
She stepped closer to him, arms now crossed tightly over her chest. "Zak," she hissed.
Fuck, he thought. He had no defense. He knew this would be coming, he just never knew how to prepare for it.
"How could you?" she asked. "You're my husband, Nick. To have and to hold forever, or have you forgotten that part of the vows? Are you gay? Is that what it is?"
Nick shook his head, defeated. "No, I'm not gay. It's just Zak… I don't know why V. I don't."
"Do you love him?"
"No," he lied. "I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, V. You gave me a beautiful daughter. I wouldn't change anything." He tried to put his hands on her arms, bring her in close to him, but she backed away from him.
"Liar. You better change something. End it with him or I will call every newspaper and tabloid I know and out you. You will never see your daughter again. What would your father think of his precious son fucking another man?"
A cold sweat broke out on his skin as he tried to hide the building rage. "You wouldn't," he hissed back.
"TMZ would have a field day with it. Some of the fans already think you're gay. Our friends probably wouldn't be too surprised. You're never home anymore."
Nick sucked in a breath, holding it for a full thirty seconds. This moment held their show and careers in a dark position. The Travel Channel may cancel them because of the controversy. They would be blacklisted at every event. And Annabelle… "Fine. I will do it today."
"And I will be at every lockdown. You will not talk with him outside of work for anything. There is no more Zak Bagans."
Nick's heart broke in his chest. There is no more Zak Bagans. "Okay," he wavered. Tears threatened to fall but he turned around so she couldn't see them. "No more Zak."
Veronique nodded at his stiff back. "I'll be downstairs. We're going shopping. You have five minutes to meet me."
"But I have to go through the interviews with-," he started, turning around, shock written all over his face. Her stony look stopped him from finishing his sentence. "Fine, five minutes. I'll see you downstairs." Zak and Aaron wouldn't miss him.
