I wanted to post this one yesterday with the other chapter, but I didn't get a chance to finish it. So i finished it up this morning. Enjoy!
I can start it over
And find somebody new
A beautiful distraction
Just a hand to hold on to
But if you asked me
Would that love be true?
I want to taste you again
Like a secret or a sin
Breathin' out, breathin' in
There is no one else for me
But you
Only you
-Matthew Perryman Jones
Chapter 8
5 years ago – Barry's Journal Entry
My dad died today. He gave me this journal for my sixteenth birthday. He told me that real men don't keep their feelings in. I thought whatever, that's stupid. I was 16. I was stupid. Now he's gone, and I don't think I ever thank him for it. I have been packing up some of his things over the last few weeks. The hospice nurse said it would be easier if I started early. I don't know if she meant physically or mentally. Either way, it's not easy. I found this journal in his night stand. It still had the clear plastic wrapping on it. I held the journal and cried for an hour. My father was my hero and now he's gone. I don't know what to do now, but I thought I should write in this journal, as a way to talk to him.
I called Iris to tell her the news. She was devastated of course. She loved you. She's going to take the next flight out of Metropolis. She's been doing an internship at the Daily Planet and working with Lois Lane. I'm very proud of her. She hasn't been home in 4 months. It seems like a long time for her to be away since we just got back together. I never told you, because you were sick, and I didn't want you to worry, but Iris and I broke up a little over a year ago.
I was driving back home to come take care of you. I left school, even though you told me not to. You said I only had a year left and I shouldn't throw it away. How could I stay in school with you going in and out of the hospital? Anyways, I thought I'd stop in and say hi to Iris on my way home. I brought her flowers and I thought it would be a nice surprise. But I was the one who got the surprise. I got to her dorm room door and I could hear loud groans. I opened the door and saw Iris riding some blonde Thor looking mother fucker (sorry about the bad language Dad). They didn't even notice me for like five minutes. Iris glanced my way and screamed. She covered herself up and told the guy, Eddie, I think his name was, to stop. "Barry!" she said standing up on wobbling legs.
I was furious. How could she do that to me? To us? I turned to storm out the door and she caught my arm. "Barry wait." She begged.
"Why should I?" I stared at her smeared make up and my blood boiled. I couldn't even look at the guy still in her bed.
"We said we were going to see other people. Why are you so mad." She said innocently.
"We talked about possibly seeing other people, not just go around fucking any one we want." I said angrily. "How would you feel if you saw me having sex with someone else?"
She thought for a moment, "I would be fine with it. I'm secure with our relationship that we can explore other people and still love each other." She moved in to hug me and I pushed her away.
"You're just trying to rationalize this situation. The fact is I never agreed to see other people. How many have there been?" She looked at me stunned and ashamed. I turned to the door and with my hand on the door knob I said, "I've had enough of your shit Iris. I'm done. This is over. For all I care you can fuck the whole student body." Then I walked out the door. She called after me, but I just kept going. I drove full steam home. Iris killed my phone with calls and text messages that I ignored.
I remember the rain started coming down and it gave me a chill. I don't know why, but something in my bones told me my life was about to change. At that moment my tire blew. I pulled over and checked for a spare that wasn't there. I thought, "Shit!" I was stuck with a dead phone and no spare. I turned on my flashers and prayed someone would stop. Car after car went by and I thought I was going to spend the night in my car. I could see headlights coming up in the distance and got out one last time to flag them down. At first, I thought they were going to pass me by just like everyone else, but the car stopped and backed up. She rolled down the passenger window and asked, "You need a lift?"
I told her, "I just need to use your phone. Mines dead, and I don't have my charger. I just want to call a tow truck." I didn't know her, but there was something familiar about her. Something in her smile. She was beautiful. She had dark chestnut hair that was pulled up into a ponytail. Her chocolate brown eyes were sad and swollen as if she had been crying for several hours.
I leaned into the passenger window and she said, "You're never gonna get a tow truck out here at this time and in this rain. I was going to stop at the next hotel. Why don't we split the room? I won't have to pay full price, and you can dry off and then call someone in the morning." I was blown away that a perfect stranger would be so kind to me. Something told me not to get in the car, but looking back on it now, if I had to do it over again, I would get in that car every single time.
She gave me a towel from a duffel bag in her back seat. I told her thanks and I was grateful that she stopped. She made some bad joke about me being an axe murderer, but I think it eased the tension a little because we both laughed. We didn't talk much on the way to the motel, which is fine because I didn't feel much like talking. I was still upset with Iris and worried I wasn't going to get to you till the next day.
We arrived at this creepy motel off the highway. I don't remember what it was called, but it looked like the Bates Motel, which we looked at each other and said at the same time. She got a room that had two twin beds.
I asked, "Do you need to use the bathroom first? I was going to take a shower, if that's ok with you? I just want to get out of these wet clothes and warm up a bit."
She told me, "Have at it." I was heading for the bathroom when she stopped me by saying, "Wait. I have something you can wear." I didn't think she could possibly have something I could wear. I got a picture in my head of me wearing a baby doll nightgown.
"It's an old tee shirt that was my dad's. I use it as a night shirt. You're gonna need to hang those clothes up to dry." she said. She gave me an old faded Superman tee shirt, and you know how much I love Superman. I thought for a moment how crazy is this? Here is this beautiful young woman who has shown me more kindness than Iris ever has in the years we've been together. I told her thanks and went to the bathroom to take a shower.
By the time I got out of the shower she was asleep. I walked over to her and whispered, "Thank you. Whoever you are." I moved a small strand of hair away from her face. I wanted to touch her, caress her smooth porcelain face, but I knew I couldn't. She was married. I saw her wedding ring when we were in the car. But she had a loneliness about her. She seems so strong, but that strength is hiding a frailty that calls to me. I gazed a moment longer to engrain her image into my memory, then I slipped into the next bed and fell asleep right away.
I was woken up by her sometime in the middle of the night. The rain had stopped, and it was quiet outside. I was a little dazed, so at first, I wasn't sure if it was a dream or not. I could hear her heavy breaths as she slipped into bed with me. She placed her hand on my cheek and kissed me. I knew it was wrong, and I tried to pull away. I started to say, "But you're married." Except she laid a finger on my lips to stop me and she said, "Ssshhhhh. It's ok. I want this." Ours lips touched, timidly and unsure, but electricity shot through me. It was nothing I had ever experienced before. I could sense her hesitation and tasted the salt from her tears on her lips. I tried to pull away again, but she pulled me closer to her and deepened our kiss. She found my already hard cock and opened her legs to me.
I should have stopped her. I could have stopped her…if I wanted to, but this beautiful woman wanted me. I don't know why or what was going on with her marriage, but she needed me and at that moment I needed her too. I needed to feel her touch, her lips, the warmth of her body, the beating of her heart.
I wrapped my arm around her small waist and pulled her underneath me. I sheathed my cock inside her, and we moaned together. She opened her mouth and I kissed her deep till we were breathless. My body was on fire with pleasure, and I could feel her tightening around my cock. Her hands traveled down my back to my buttocks and squeezed each cheek, pushing me in deeper. She sucked in a quick breath, shifted her hips and bucked them against me. I almost lost it when she bit down on my shoulder to stifle her scream, but I held on. I didn't want this to end. I could feel fresh tears on her cheeks. I wondered if they were from the orgasm or something else. It didn't matter, I still wiped them away.
Her body felt soft and warm, and I wanted nothing more than to hold onto her forever. I wanted to keep her safe in my arms, but I knew I couldn't keep her. I was reaching climax, and I started to thrust faster. I groaned loudly as her walls contracted around me preparing for another orgasm. I buried my face in her sweet-smelling hair, brushing her supple neck with my lips. I wrapped my arms around her tighter, making a finale deep thrust and we released together.
I wanted to tell her to stay with me. I wanted to tell her I needed her. I wanted to ask her name. My mind was reeling with questions and I didn't care about any of the answers if it meant she would stay with me. I opened to mouth to ask my many questions, but she stopped me with soft kiss. I stared at her beautiful hurting eyes and I knew I would never know the answer to my questions.
I woke the next morning and she was gone. Now I'm left with the ghost of a woman who I can't stop thinking about. Wondering about the "what if". Dreaming about her beautiful face every night and wondering if she still thinks of me.
