ok, before you read, yes i made leo a jerk, but all small kids can be jerks without realizing so just chillax already.

daklog73, sorry about getting it wrong last time. even i am not quite sure which Raph is afraid of, but it's mostly the sword, and we will see what raph is meditating about...after we see what leo meditates about!

thanks for reading and enjoy!

Leo scowled, where was he? Oh yeah, meditating with Splinter, but...this was, a long time ago, before Raph's plastron had been cracked the first time.

"Hey Raphie!" Mikey exclaimed running up to the young red masked turtle, "look at this!" Raph smiled.

"That's cool Mikey." he said, "have you seen Leo?" Mikey shrugged.

"Over There?" Leo frowned, he didn't remember this… and then he did, his gut twisted. Raph hurried over to the young Leonardo, who was at the practice dummy with wooden katanas.

"Hey Leo!" he exclaimed, Leo turned.

"Hi Raphael." he said, and smiled, "what's up?"

"Can you show me how to do that?" Raph asked, Leo smiled, they had been best friends, what had happened?

"I dunno," young Leo looked at the ground, "it's really hard, and you need to be really fast…" young Leo smirked, "and, you know, you are the slowest." young Raph's head drooped.

"Oh, right." he said, "see ya Leo." he walked away and young Leo shrugged, going back to his practicing, Leo remembered it clearly now, they had just turned six, and he had started noticing the differences between him and his younger brothers, and, being immature, pointed them out.

Now they were seven, a few months before Raph's accident. They were training with Splinter. Raph was struggling to balance on the small wooden sticks sensei had set up all over the dojo floor. They had to try to get across the room without touching the floor. Leo was already most of the way across, Mikey had jumped across like a squirrel, and was waiting with Splinter. Donnie was about a yard behind Leo, and three yards ahead of Raph. He was narrowing his eyes, calculating the best way across. Leo smiled, these were great memories, so why did he have a horrible sinking feeling?

"Hurry up slowpoke!" young Leo called to young Raph, who Leo, at a different angle then he had been then, saw tears brimming in young Raph's eyes.

"Hah! Slowpoke! Slowpoke!" Mikey called, pointing his finger, Splinter raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Donnie rolled his eyes.

"As long as he gets across," he said, "he can do it as fast as he needs." young Raph looked up angrily.

"I can do it fast!" he said, "Watch!" he jumped with precision from his peg to the next, then another, then when he landed again he wobbled, his large green eyes widened. "Uh oh!" young Raph toppled over, knocking all the pegs over like dominoes, Leo fell and so did Donnie.

"Nice going Raph!" young Leo yelled, "you just keep messing up! You have big feet, and can't move smoothly, and you're slow! You might never be a ninja!"

"Leonardo!" Splinter scolded, young Leo looked up, mad.

"What?" young Leo asked, "he might not!" Young Raph was standing with his head bowed, trying to fade into the background.

"You won't either if you insult your brother!" Splinter snapped, and young Raph backed up, then turned and ran out of the dojo. Leo followed him, he already knew what happened in the dojo, he was made to set every wooden peg up again. Young Raph ran into the room he shared with Leo, and sat on his bed, eyes filled with tears.

"Maybe Leo's right, I'll never be stealthy, I know that, and I'll never be fastest." he grumbled, and his eyes fell on a comic book with superman on the cover, he jumped up and picked it up. "But I just might be the strongest."

"Leo! Guys! Wait up!" Young Raph called from the sewers, young Leo turned to run backwards.

"You hurry up, slowpoke!" he yelled, Raph stumbled and tripped, as they ran ahead.

"Guys!" he called, but Leo knew that he and Mikey and Donnie had ignored Raph's calls for help, laughing about him getting lost. Raph got to his feet and pressed on, taking the one wrong turn that led to a horrifying crack on the ground. It was several hours later that Leo and the others had gotten worried about Raph, and went back out to find him. That's when Leo had heard his brother's voice.

"Leo! Anybody?" Leo hadn't responded, not knowing where his brother was, "guys?"

"Raph?" he called instinctively.

"Leo! I'm, ow!" Leo ran to the edge of a chasm he'd been warned never to get near, Raph was kneeling, clutching his chest, gasping for breath. He'd noted how strong his brother must be to survive such a fall, and that he wasn't even crying.

"I'm, my plastron, it, cracked," Raph said, removing his hand for a moment, young Leo's eyes widened.

"Mikey!" he shouted to the small orange masked turtle, "get master Splinter! Quick!" Mikey ran off with Donnie to get their father, and young Leo tried to talk to his now still brother, lying on the chasm floor.

"Raph?" young Leo asked, kneeling next to his brother, "Are you ok?" Raph opened his eyes, and glared at Leo.

"I'm fine, it's just a crack." Leo was astonished.

"But, sensei said that our plastrons and shells are really important, we would die without them."

"Maybe, if you're WEAK" young Raph said, getting up on his elbows and sticking his face next to Leo's, "but i'm STRONG. stronger than any of you, wimps!" Leo's eyes widened, Raph had never acted like this before.

"Raph, I'm sorry we left you behind." he said, "really sorry."

"No." young Raph said, lying back down and closing his eyes, "you're not, and you know what?" his eyes snapped open, "i don't care, I'll be a superhero one day Leo, and I'll leave YOU GUYS behind. So there." he closed his eyes again. "Now, sensei says if I sleep, I'll get strong, so that's what I'M gonna do. Go away." Young Leo got up and walked slowly out of the dojo, he turned and looked at his sleeping brother.

"I sure am sorry Raphie."

"NEVER call me Raphie, ever again." Raph growled. Leo nodded and closed the sliding door behind him.

"Hajame!" Splinter commanded Leo narrowed his eyes at ten year old Raph. He took out his wooden katanas and held them in defensive, Raph grabbed his sais, which were already metal, just dulled. Splinter said it was really hard to make wooden sais. Raph ran at him, anger fueling his mad dash for victory.

"Hey! Leo!" he yelled, and Leo jumped up above his head, Raph did a front flip into the air and knocked him down, he smirked, "better be faster than that, lame-o-nardo." he hissed so that master Splinter didn't hear, young Leo glared at him.

"You think you're so tough!" he yelled, "well, I could beat you any day!"

"Wanna bet?" Raph growled back, raising his sais, "try." young Leo ran at his brother, swinging his katanas wildly. Raph sidestepped, and knocked one sword out of Leo's hands, hooking the arm with his sai in a signature move, young Leo's eyes widened as he was flung forward onto the floor, is teeth clashed together as his chin hit the rug.

"Yame!" Splinter said, and Raph helped Leo up, then turned away and rubbed his hand on his shell, as if getting rid of something nasty. "You both did well." Splinter said, "so, I have decided you are old enough, for these." he stepped aside, the two young turtle's eyes widened as they say a pair of new shiny katana blades, and two new, sharper, sais.

"Wow!" young Raph said, taking the sais, "i can totally beat you guys every time now!"

"You are not to use them on each other unless we are sparring." Splinter said sternly, "and today I wish to teach you about your weapons." young Leo took his katanas and knelt before his father.

"Hai sensei." he said, holding his head high, young Raph glared at him, but did the same.

"Leonardo, you have the katanas, because of your undying courage and knowledge of right and wrong, the katana is a noble weapon, that was once only given to the top ninja warriors, do not live down the expectations." young Leo's eyes gleamed as he nodded, Splinter turned to young Raph. "Raphael, you have the sai, it is the most complicated of the ninja weapons, except for possibly nunchucks, but they are shorter than the katana because you rely more on your strength." Young Raph's eyes gleamed when he realised that his father had called him strong.

"Yes sensei." he said, bowing, his eyes still shining happily.

"Now, why don't you go see what interesting dish Michelangelo has prepared today." Splinter said, "he is most gifted in the kitchen."

Leo felt tears run down his cheeks as he watched the two younger turtles go out into the lair, why had he let this happen to him and Raph? They had been best friends, and he'd been such a jerk! He sighed, he didn't want to meditate anymore, he wanted to go see Raph. Leo opened his eyes.

"Leonardo," Splinter said, and Leo jumped, "you are done meditating?"

"Yes sensei." Leo said, bowing, "I'll go eat, and then I'll sit with Raph for a while." Splinter nodded and Leo got up, he realised the tears were still on his face and wiped them away. Mikey was sitting in the lair, looking bored, Leo smiled.

"Mikey, can you make me something to eat?" he asked, "I'd be very grateful." his younger brother grinned at him.

"Leo! You woke up! I'll do that right now!"

"I'll be in Donnie's lab!" Leo called after him and walked through the big metal was working on his computer, Raph lay as still as ever, barely breathing, but Leo could see the faint rise and fall of his chest, and knew he was all right. Leo pulled the stool over and sat next to Raph, he picked up the picture that had sat there for two months.

"I'm," he choked, and whispered, "I'm sorry Raph, I Was, I was a jerk, and that's why you're hurt. But, I'll try to never be a jerk again."

"Leo?" Mikey asked, "i made you a Mikey special pb&j!" Leo smiled, taking the plate from his youngest brother.

"Thanks Mikey." he said, "can you tell master Splinter I'll need new katana blades? I lost mine."

"Uh, ok." Mikey said,and turned to the dojo, he walked out and Leo took a bite from the sandwich, to his surprise, it was plain pb&j, nothing weird, he smiled.

"Thanks Mikey."