A/N: Thanks again to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story. I've really enjoyed getting back into it. As always, I'd love your suggestions for future plotlines. Right now I have some ideas in the works for a confrontation between Dudley and his parents, but that's about it. So, please, any suggestions or recommendations would be very helpful to keep me on track and writing!
"Your cousin saved your life?" Molly asked, taken aback at this new revelation.
"Yeah, when we were teenagers. I was just fifteen I think and Harry was home for the summer. He was acting even weirder that usual. He was twitchy and… I dunno… he had been really mopey the summer before that, but it seemed even worse that summer. He kept trying to watch the news and read the paper and he would jump at noises and he was just… I dunno… wired or something. It was like he wasn't ever relaxed.
"He… he had nightmares too. I heard him sometimes at night. I wasn't sleeping very well… I almost never did when he was home. I would hear him sometimes through the wall thrashing around in bed and sometimes he'd say things… names… sometimes he'd call out for… for his mum.
"I know I probably should have felt bad about that, but I didn't. I hated him and I liked that there was something keeping him up at night too. It felt right, like it was only fair or something. I used to tease him about it. I wanted him to know that I knew how weak he was. Sometimes… I also wanted to know if he knew that I had nightmares too sometimes. I thought he might, but he never said anything.
"One day I was out with my little gang. There was this little twit who lived down the street. He went to my school and even though he was two grades younger he thought he was so much smarter than me, so much better than me. He wrote this stupid little poem in the loo about me and everyone was laughing. In school he had all these teachers and everyone protecting him, but in the summer I could get to him, make him shut his bloody gob about me.
"We were on our way home and cutting through the park. Harry was in the park. He was sitting on the swings. He wasn't swinging or anything, just sitting there. I was feeling pretty good. I mean, I had just stopped this little git from talking about me. So, I was riding this high and I thought that I would take Harry on a bit too. It had been a while since I'd really given it to him and I wanted to see him grovel a while. I said a bunch of stuff to try to rile him up. It worked and he… he pulled his wand. I didn't think he had it with him. He wasn't supposed to use it when he wasn't at school. It wasn't allowed. I thought I was safe, but he pointed it at me and I felt like I was eleven again and I… I was terrified.
"At first I just thought it was me because things started to feel weird and kind of cold, but the weather suddenly changed. Then I thought it was Harry, but he was confused too. We all just ran. My buddies ran home and Harry and I started running back home, but… it got really cold. It was a heat wave, and the middle of the summer, but it felt like winter all of the sudden. I… I stopped running and… I don't know really what happened… it's all in bits and pieces. I couldn't see anything at all, but it felt like something was touching me. I was flipping out, but I couldn't move at all.
"I couldn't move. I started remembering all these things. I remembered the first time some kid in school called me fat, and the time I walked round a corner and someone was making fun of the way my mum called me pet names. I remembered when I got the tail and when I almost cut it off, and how worthless and stupid and insignificant I felt when I couldn't even muster up the strength to cut the bloody thing off. It felt like I deserved it. Like I was just some stupid fat animal. It was like all the worst times I've ever felt about myself were just… sucked into my head all at the same time.
"I couldn't move, but it wasn't like my body was frozen or anything. It was… it was like I just… didn't want to get up. It was like, why bother going anywhere when I really just deserve to lie here so no one will have to deal with my miserable and worthless self ever again. I didn't know I could feel that bad. I was pretty sure I was going to just… die there. Just then I saw this… light. It looked like a bright light at first and then it was like a stag, like this big stag made of bright white light. It ran over to me on the ground and when it touched me… I felt so much better. It was like I suddenly felt like myself again. I could move and the light… it stood over me, like it was protecting me. It felt… it felt like it was happy, and cared about me. I know how that sounds, but it was… amazing.
"I didn't know what was happening, but then Harry's arm was around me, pulling me to my feet. I realized that he had made the stag made of light. He protected me. He saved me. Then he was trying to make me run with him. We went back home and I couldn't talk. I felt cold still, and every few minutes the terrible worthless feeling would creep back in. I must have looked pretty bad because mum and dad put me in the car and drove me to the hospital. There was nothing really wrong with me and I started feeling better after a few hours. Mum bought me this big piece of chocolate cake and slipped it past the nurse. I know I was too old to have my mummy bring me sweets and make everything okay again, but it felt like that.
"When we got home Harry was gone. His trunk and owl and everything… it was all gone. Usually when he left for school I felt much better but this time it felt… kind of empty. I wanted to talk to him. I didn't know what I wanted to say, but I felt like I needed to say something because… I dunno… it was different."
"He came back though, right?" Molly asked, turned in her seat so her whole torso faced toward her husband. Dudley shook his head, swallowing hard.
"Not that summer. He just disappeared again and then… well the next summer came around and he came back and… I wanted to talk to him but… Well, I had a whole year to think about it so you'd think I would have found something to say, only… only I didn't. We didn't see each other very often, you see, and I didn't know how to even bring up the subject. I left him a cup of tea once, outside his room. That was the best I managed. And, well, he was avoiding me, I think. I understand why, and I think I was avoiding him too, a bit. Actually, I know I was avoiding him. I wanted to work out what to say first… only I never did.
"The closest I ever came was a year later. It was the last time I saw him. I didn't really know what was going on, my parents really didn't like talking about it and I didn't want to ask. We were moving, and my parents weren't really happy about it. We found a new place and all, and it was nicer and everything, but dad was really in a twist about the whole thing. The only thing I understood is that the house wasn't safe anymore. My mum told me that it was really important and that she wasn't going to put us all in danger by staying.
"I… I just assumed that Harry was coming with us, you know? I thought, even if he was the reason the house was unsafe and that's why we had to move, I thought we would all be moving together. I was seventeen already, and probably too old to be that stupid about the whole thing, but I was honestly surprised. I mean, he was either sixteen and about to turn seventeen or just barely turned seventeen and we were just leaving him alone in a place that wasn't safe enough for us to be. It felt… wrong, you know? But we drove off and left him there and… I never said anything. That was the last time I saw him."
"You just… left a seventeen-year-old alone in a house knowing that it was dangerous?" Molly asked, horrified.
"Yeah, we drove off and moved into the new house and… that was it. The next summer I spent every day just hanging around the house. I kept thinking that he was going to show up. He didn't though. I didn't ever see him again. When I sent that letter… well I was really surprised that I could even find an address. And then he showed up and… well it was really good to see him. I really thought he might be dead. I mean, he was seventeen the last time I saw him and there were all these… wizards… around and it did seem dangerous and then I never heard from him again."
"And I thought my family was screwed up." Molly said, bringing her feet up onto the seat and hugging her knees.
The countryside faded into a town and they drove through quietly into the suburbs where they lived, each lost in their own thoughts, memories, and fears and predictions about the future. Julie cooed softly in her sleep and snuggled deeper into her car seat, a little smile lingering on the corners of her lips.
