H is for Harry

~*~

The slamming of the front door sent both men flying away from each other and scrambling to straighten up their rumpled clothes and sex-mussed hair. They had both been waiting with anticipation for just that sound, ears strained for an early warning, but all the same both had been caught by surprise.

"James! Are you home dear? I thought I saw your cloak on the stand…"

The taller of the two stood up first, trying in vain to flatten his perpetually messy hair. "Knew she'd be home soon…bloody idiots we are." He turned to glare at the sheepishly grinning curly haired young man at his feet. "This is the last time I let you cut it this close."

His companion rolled his eyes and jumped to his feet, arranging his hair neatly on his shoulders and smoothing his robes. "You know you loved it Jamie. Calm down…let's go greet Lily." Flashing a grin at James, he swept from the room and trotted into the entryway. "Lily darling!"

"James I-oh…hello Sirius. I didn't realize you were here." The red head smiled serenely and stepped around him carefully to kiss her husband's cheek. "I've just come from St. Mungo's James…the test results are in!"

"Results? What results?" Sirius flicked his eyes between the married pair, a sinking feeling starting in his stomach.

"Shut up Sirius. What kind of results do you think it would be?" James snapped, suddenly agitated. "Well? Are you..?"

Lily bit her lip hard for a moment and stared into her husband's eyes before bursting with the news. "Yes! I'm pregnant James! We're going to have a baby!"

~*~

Sirius shifted and crossed his arms again, fighting to find a comfortable position on the garden wall. Shaking a strand of curly dark hair out of his eyes, he resumed his glaring at the moon and clenched his teeth. "A baby James. A bloody baby…you know what this is going to mean for us right?"

"Mean for us? You mean in terms of time together alone?" James tilted his head up to stare at his friend. "I'll still have time to meet with you…to do things with you…one little baby isn't going to change the world. Besides…Lily will do most stuff anyways...in the first years at least. She's crazy about kids…and well, I can't exactly breast-feed." He grinned sheepishly.

"Lily won't do everything. Sure, it will start out with her having most of the responsibility since she bloody has to feed the thing…but what about when he grows up James? What about when the kid starts walking? You want your kid walking in on us fucking?" Sirius bared his teeth and snarled, shaking his head quickly. "You just watch. In two years you'll have forgotten all about me and what we did...and even if you haven't' forgotten, you just won't have time to continue it."

"You're serious? Well...that's a stupid question I suppose, of course you're Sirius…but that's beside the point! I'm not going to just run off and forget you now that I'm having a kid. I still love you Sir…and I love what we do..."

Sirius shook his head and shifted away from the searching hand that appeared on the stone wall next to his thigh. "You'll see James. Just wait."

~*~

Upon entering the house, screams were the first thing to assail his senses. Next came the smell of dirty diapers and baby powder, before a very flustered James appeared in Sirius' view.

"Oh…you're here already. Look…Lily had to run out to see her mother…some sort of emergency something. Can you take Harry for a moment?" James stumbled forward, shoving the crying infant into his best friend's arms before Sirius had a chance to respond. "Thanks…be right back, it's impossible to start a bottle while he's screaming and squirming like that."

Sirius blinked down at the baby in his arms and the empty place where James had just been. This was not the afternoon they had planned on. Both Harry and Lily were supposed to be gone to visit her mother, not just Lily. Having Harry here made things…inconvenient.

"Look, you seem pretty busy James…maybe I should just come back later? I mean, our plans obviously aren't going to work with Harry here." Sirius shifted in place, bouncing the squalling baby on his hip despite his stormy thoughts about the child. James came back into the room a moment later, shoving a bottle into his friends hand and frowning at him.

"Just because we can't have s-e-x doesn't mean you have to leave Sirius."

"S-E-X? What are you James, five? Harry doesn't know what you're saying yet...he's barely old enough to recognize his name, let alone words like that."

"That's not what Lily says. Lily says Harry's gonna start picking words up instantly…he's about at the age where some kids start talking, even reading!"

"I don't know what book Lily's reading James, but she's insane. Harry's 6 months old! You'll be lucky if he talks on time what with your genes affecting him. You can barely form a complete sentence right now and you're in your thirties." Sirius smirked and shifted the baby in his arms, tilting the bottle up more.

James sighed and held up his hands slowly. "No reason to insult the kid…not his fault his dad's an idiot." He grinned softly and shrugged. "I still don't want that language around Harry, Sirius. Lily's right…you can be awful sometimes."

Sirius blinked and stared. "Awful? One tiny spelled out naughty word and I'm awful? Merlin James…you know what's awful? I've gone four months without sex because you won't give me the time of day enough to FUCK ME!" The last word came out as a shout. By the time he had finished his small rant, both Harry and James were staring at him with similar shocked, wide eyed expressions on their faces. Sirius stood, breathing heavily and staring at his once lover, swallowing convulsively. "Shi-Shoot I'm sorry Jamie…"

The other man didn't even look at him. He walked over to the curly haired man slowly, reaching into his arms and taking his son. "You were right Sirius. Perhaps you should come back later. Lily will be home soon anyways, I'm sure."

~*~

Months passed. The Potter house became a place full of screaming babies and dangerous, whirring toys. The guestroom in which James and Sirius once had wild, passionate sex slowly transformed into a playroom filled with toy brooms, blocks, animated stuffed animals, and other discarded and well loved trinkets and toys. As Harry grew older, Sirius appeared around the house of Lily and James Potter less and less frequently, despite swearing to be a devoted godfather. When he did visit, he and James were coldly polite, neither quite getting over what had happened that day some months ago…and neither quite remembering what the fight had been about in the first place.

Four months without sleeping with his beloved James became six, then eight, and finally, a year.

~*~

The date was October 31, 1981. The house lay in splintered heaps in front of him, most pieces unidentifiable. Sirius wasn't sure he wanted to identify the pieces, even if he could. Either way, the house wasn't what was important. The bodies that lay inside were.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius plunged forward into the mess and picked through a few fallen pieces, passing right by Lily's silent body in search of James…his true goal. Finally finding the cold, still body partially hidden under a blasted piece of wreckage, Sirius sank to his knees, not caring how scraped up he got. He pushed the broken wood away, reaching up to adjust his long time friend's glasses and push the hair out of his eyes.

Fighting back tears, Sirius whispered, "I'm sorry I wasn't better to you these last few months Jamie…I'm sorry I stopped giving you chances…and I'm sorry I didn't accept the offer to become the keeper of the most treasured of secrets. Peter isn't the only one guilty of betrayal tonight…but he'll pay the price." He placed a kiss on the cool lips and stood, staring down at the face he so loved one last time, committing it to memory. It was unlikely he would be seeing much of anything soon. He left, silent and unaware that hidden in the wreckage lay a small boy of one year old, his godson…the boy who lived.

~*~

Sirius laughed when he reached freedom and had the chance to change back into his human form. He was dirty: matted and caked with thirteen odd years of dirt that was left after the inadequate "baths" the Azkaban inmates were subjected to. His hair hung limp and long in snarled pieces down his back, and his body was covered with bruises and scars, barely hidden by the ratty striped rags the Azkaban guards considered a prison uniform. Dirt was nothing compared to sweet freedom…to the scent of fresh air and the sound of birds in the trees and the opportunity to feel for the first time in thirteen years. Dirt was small, insignificant, and as such, Sirius was overwhelmed. So he threw back his head and laughed: a sharp, barking, hysterical sound that soon mingled with a sob.

~*~

James Potter stood in front of him. It had to be him, he knew it. The boy was younger than James had been when he died, obviously, but all the same…it had to be James. He had his hair, his lips, his nose, his height. The mannerism was the same even. The only difference…and this was one which Sirius had noted immediately and chose to ignore…were the eyes. The brilliant, enticing green eyes that had so bewitched James once many years ago were staring back at Sirius from behind round spectacles and a face that was just like James. Sirius was in hell…he had to be.

Sirius cursed himself and forced himself onward with the story of Peter Pettigrew, trying without success to ignore the attraction growing in his stomach towards his thirteen year old godson.

~*~

With a soft grunt, the young man slid out of Sirius' slick hole, waving his hand and releasing the spells that had bound the man's hands together and to the bedpost. He rolled onto his side and smirked triumphantly at his godfather, licking his lips. "I still can't believe you chose me Sirius…I'm boring. Nineteen years old and still unsure of where I'm going. At least Remus has fulfilled goals…and he's closer to your age."

Sirius turned his head and smiled gently. "Yes…but Jam-Harry…that's what I like about you. You're young, spontaneous, and beautiful. I'm happy with you."

The other man stared at him for a moment before nodding slowly and sliding out of bed, tousling his dark, messy hair on the way to the bathroom. Sirius watched his young lover for a moment before turning away slowly to stare at the picture on the nightstand. He waved a finger, and the arrogant, messy haired man waved back.

Smiling slightly, he whispered, "I'll always love you James…"