A/N: Revised April 3, 2018
Chapter VIII: This Tenuous Despair
When Sasuke and the others returned they were just as soaking wet as the rest of them. The sun had set and the storm was out in full force, taking what little light there had been with it.
After her confrontation with Susumu, Sakura had gone back to sitting by Juugo's side. When the LSF slipped into camp she was sitting in a puddle beneath the blanket, shivering so badly it was almost to the point of spasms as she used her own chakra to stave off hypothermia. With Kushimura's help, she'd tried to keep Juugo dry by using the other nin's cloak as a tarp. It was too wet to start a fire, and without ample aid from their chakra the whole lot of them were useless. Sakura didn't say much when Sasuke approached, except to tell him in a deadened monotone just how badly Juugo had deteriorated. The Uchiha stood over him, looking down, his feet braced and his dark hair plastered to his head with rainwater. In the darkness his skin was white as a ghost's, the sharingan glowing red.
Juugo would probably die, Sakura told him. He was rotting alive and without access to a proper medical facility the former Taka nin was done for. She had to check them too, to make sure they weren't infected. She was sorry she couldn't do more.
Sasuke stared down at the larger nin as the rain dripped off his nose. Beside him, Suigetsu started twitching. His lips twisted, drawing back to reveal abnormally sharp teeth. Then he was fisting his hands in his matted white hair and stumbling back, jaw clenched and face scrunched up with the force of his frustration.
"Fuck," Suigetsu ground out. Sasuke paid no attention to him; he just kept on staring at Juugo like a reaper, waiting for the last breath of life so he could whisk his victim away. "Fuck!" Suigetsu screamed. He turned around to let out a vicious, incoherent yell as he angrily kicked at the grass. When that brought him no relief he un-shouldering his sword and threw it like a boomerang into the rushes with unbridled grief, clutching fiercely at his head.
"Hozuki!" Aya snapped, but Suigetsu wasn't listening. Muttering under his breath, he stormed off into the field and disappeared, sans sword.
"Well, that went well," Michi quipped. Aya uttered a tch sound that made it clear that he was supposed to keep his mouth shut. Sasuke continued staring. Juugo kept on lying there, oblivious to all. Aya gazed at the two of them for a few moments more, then ran her right hand over her face, slicking off the excess rainwater even as she told Michi to go fetch Suigetsu. The nin sneered, folding his thin hands over his chest. His sandy hair had turned dark with the water, plastered in rivulets to his temples.
"It's not my turn," he said, but Aya wasn't giving in.
"It is now."
"It's not my turn!" Michi insisted, his voice rising to a whine. "If Hozuki wants to go off and get himself killed, he's more than welcome to. I'm not going back out there!"
"Michi, don't be selfish," Etsuko sighed. Before Michi could respond Susumu was standing and going after Suigetsu, moving like a drowned wraith through the grass. Aya glared, but it was Ai who spoke first.
"Now see what you did?" she snapped. Michi huddled up further.
Sakura didn't know what was going on—the closer she got to the LSF, the weirder their dynamic became—but at the moment she didn't care. She watched Sasuke, shivering violently and teeth chattering as she huddled beneath Susumu's blanket. It was so hard to get warm. Eventually Sasuke kneeled beside Juugo, holding himself very carefully as if he were in a great amount of pain. His shoulders slumped with exhaustion but his posture was rigid, almost jerky. Slowly he reached out, lifting the tarp so he could get a good look at Juugo's face. He ran a water-logged hand over the other nin's forehead, pushing back orange hair and slowly tracing his features with a surprising amount of delicacy. The sharingan kept glowing, the pinwheel spinning. His other eye was swollen shut. The entire thing seemed almost ritualistic and downright morbid to watch. It was as if he were trying to memorize the other nin right before they cremated him, and in a way Sakura supposed that was true.
"Can I move him?" Sasuke asked, his deep voice muffled by the constant patter of the rain.
"I wouldn't recommend it," Sakura said. Then she remembered the rot—how Juugo seemed to get worse minute by minute—and decided it wouldn't make a difference. "It won't matter," she amended. "Just be careful. He was in a lot of pain." Aya eyed them hawkishly. Sakura could feel her gaze drilling holes into the top of her head but desperately tried to ignore her.
Sasuke leaned over his former teammate. He slid his hands beneath Juugo's cumbersome body, carefully picking him off the sodden ground so he was in an upright position and leaning against his chest. The Uchiha wrapped his arm around his lower back, using his left hand to shield Juugo's face from the rain. Juugo slumped against him, his mouth slack and eyes closed. The entire time he didn't wake, but for a brief second Sakura wished he would, if only to give Sasuke something to focus on. The way he just sat there, cradling Juugo, and the understated sort misery that was radiating off of him was so unnerving that Sakura had to look away.
It's wrong, she though, but Sasuke was right there and Juugo was dying. He shouldn't care that much. But he did.
Sakura felt a hand on her arm, fingers curling around her bicep covered by the blanket. She turned to see Aya standing beside her, slowly pulling her up.
"Come on," she said. Her voice was terse; her gaze was focused on Sasuke for once. "Let's get you fixed up." It was a ruse, but Sakura followed, letting Aya drag her along. It hurt too much to watch Sasuke grieving and she had to check the Kunoichi over in the meantime.
Aya led her far enough away that they were out of earshot, but still within visual range of the others. When they stopped she un-shouldered her gunbai, sticking it butt first into the mud with an angry sort of ease. Afterwards she unsealed her supply scroll, gesturing for Sakura to sit down again, which she did. Sakura put a hand to her forehead, trying to will away the fogginess that resided there as thunder boomed. Aya's black hair lit up like an oil slick under flashes of lightning. Once her scroll was unsealed she sat next to Sakura, ripping open her nutrition bar with more force than necessary and violently biting into her rations. Sakura felt sick just watching her. She knew that Aya knew she felt sick, and she knew that she didn't care. Nothing got past her. The kunoichi was a hard woman.
"So you may be Uchiha's former teammate," Aya began without preamble, speaking through a mouthful of food. "But if you hit him again I'm going to separate your head from your neck."
Sakura hated her. She already blamed herself for everything anyways, but not that, and to have one of Sasuke's underlings tell her off was utterly unpalatable.
"Right to the point, aren't you?" she tried to snap, but her teeth were chattering so badly there was no force behind it. Aya continued eating.
"Platitudes are useless out here," she deadpanned. "You follow orders or you die. I don't care if you do, but Uchiha does. We need him functioning."
"Don't like me much, do you?" Sakura said. Aya shook her head in the negative and spoke through another mouthful of food.
"You misunderstand me," she said. "I dislike disorder. We work as a unit. When you don't fall in line people get killed." The assessment was true and it burned. "When you question the Captain, things get worse."
Sakura looked towards Sasuke sitting like a doll in the mud, and decided things were well on their way to being FUBAR without her.
"Ueda, he's young," Aya said, and suddenly Sakura was tensing for a whole new reason. She didn't look at the other kunoichi as she spoke. "Soft, you see? Always has been. Never should have been a shinobi but he's a clan brat. Clan brats always end up killing. He's got a good bloodline and he's loyal. That's useful out here."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"So you'll know what to do in case I'm the next one to die." There was a cruel sort of calculus in the way she talked about her own death; as if it wasn't a sure thing but if it happened she wasn't bothered by the prospect. "Uchiha won't tell you. He babies you. Someone has to say it."
"Don't," Sakura snapped, but Aya remained unaffected, finishing off the last bits of her nutrition bar and tossing away the paper. She pushed her sopping wet hair from her face. Sheet lightning flashed. Around them the wind whistled through the field, making the grass undulate and flatten.
"Point is," Aya continued, utterly unaffected and speaking loudly to be heard over the storm. "Unless you shape up you're a distraction, and Ueda gets distracted an awful lot. I won't have you killing him through carelessness. Get your shit together, you hear? You're better than this. Us kunoichi have to be. Don't give the others a reason to look down on you."
Sakura wanted to slap Aya silly and rip out her long glossy hair, but she didn't. The other nin was right. She hated herself in that moment, because even though the kunoichi had a point it was so hard to work towards it. She was so tired. "How's your wound?" Sakura asked, desperate for a change of topic. Aya shrugged nonchalantly.
"Leg's a bit stiff, but nothing I can't manage."
"No fever?"
"No."
"What did you see out there?"
Aya pulled out a kunai to sharpen it, even though the rain was coming down in waves. There was a frenetic sort of energy about her that was strangely contained. Always, she seemed to be busy. "There's more than one," she said, confirming Sakura's worst fears. When she added "we're surrounded," Sakura felt like dying. "No matter which way we go we're going to run into them. I don't think they know we're here and personally I don't think they care. But if we get close they'll spot us. Chakra is a dead giveaway." Aya paused, as if thinking. "When we get close to Ame we're gonna have to run for sure."
Sakura covered her face more firmly with her hands, shivering beneath her blanket. When she felt a heavy weight across her shoulders she peaked from between her fingers to see Aya covering her with her own blanket, just like Susumu. She wanted to ask why because Aya didn't seem the sentimental sort, but decided to remain silent. She tried to draw a bit more strength from its warmth.
"Do you even think Ame's still there?" Sakura said, voicing her deepest fear. The sound Aya made was a snort of disbelief.
"Do you think Kusa is?" she asked. Sakura remembered the silence of the forest, the lack of nins, and knew that was answer enough. After that, they said nothing to each other. Eventually Susumu returned to the camp with Suigetsu in tow. Sakura watched from a safe distance as the former Taka member came to stand beside Sasuke and Juugo. His posture was listless. Susumu stepped back to give Suigetsu some space. His gaze roved around the camp before finally coming to rest on her.
Susumu's shoulders went rigid when he took in her proximity to Aya. Then he seemed to relax, gracefully drifting into the long grass to disappear from view. Sakura was torn between wanting to talk to him and never wanting to see him again. Sasuke's creature, the words repeated in her head, but the LSF were all Sasuke's creatures: an extension of him, like lethal limbs attached to a very damaged brain. Suigetsu crouched beside Sasuke, and even though there was something reluctant about the movement his lips drew back in a painful mockery of a smile. He began to talk. Sasuke blinked, slowly cluing in to the other nin's presence; it was the first time that he'd moved since picking up Juugo. As he spoke Suigetsu put his hand on Sasuke's shoulder and the Uchiha finally shifted the larger nin in his arms and handed him off, albeit reluctantly.
Suigetsu took Juugo readily enough, putting him back on the ground and covering him up with the tarp. Sakura looked down and tried to pretend that Sasuke wasn't moving towards her, but then Aya was standing and making herself scarce and Sasuke was there.
His feet were splattered with mud, the nin bandages that were wrapped around his calves soaked through with the rain. It was all Sakura could see for a moment, as she refused to look up, but Sasuke squatted in front of her, his hands slack as he draped his arms across his bent knees. Up close he was all black and white, and if he she hadn't known who he was Sakura would have found him to be lovely. The stark contrast between his skin and his hair suited him well, even ragged as it was, but there were bags of exhaustion under his eyes and one half of his face swollen from where she'd slapped him.
"Can you do something for him?" he mumbled. Sakura felt her heart break just a bit. She sat there, shivering beneath Susumu's blanket.
"Not really," she admitted. Her own ineptitude hurt. "I don't have the right tools out here and he's fading too quickly."
"Is it chakra?" he asked. For a moment Sakura didn't understand.
"Pardon?"
"Is it chakra?" he repeated. He wouldn't look at her. His shirt was plastered to his broad shoulders, and it was raining so hard there was water running from the tips of his fingers. "If I gave you some of mine, would it work?"
Sakura felt her stomach roil at the thought of coming into contact with Sasuke's chakra in such an intimate manner, but managed to gain a hold of her emotions and quickly shook her head. In the back of her mind the question was nagging, however, and it was hard to concentrate on anything else. Susumu. What did you tell him to do?
"No," she said. She managed to keep her voice relatively steady. "It's not so much a question of chakra so much as that he's fading too fast for me to figure out what's wrong." She paused, and then added, "the worms were eating him." Sasuke's head remained bowed, his arms slack as he let himself get soaked by the rainwater. He looked too much like he had that day when she'd first come across him kneeling before her parents' memorial.
"Please," he finally choked out. Sakura's heart officially cracked. She could hear the loud snap in her ears; the tinkling of porcelain pieces scattering across a non-existent floor.
"I'm trying," she said. Sasuke reached up and rubbed his swollen eye with the flat of his palm. "I'm trying, I really am, but we need to be realistic—"
"Please," he repeated, bowing his head even further. "Please. I'm sorry I said those things. I was wrong." Sakura felt ill in a way that had nothing to do with how foggy her head was or how badly she was shivering.
"Do you seriously believe that?" she said. "Do you think I would let him die because I'm mad at you?" Sasuke didn't respond, and his silence spoke volumes. All Sakura could focus on was how defeated his posture looked; how tired he seemed and how he wouldn't stop rubbing at his eye.
"Stop," she said, reaching out with a shaking hand to grab his, her teeth chattering. "Just stop, okay?" She pulled his hand back from his eye, putting her own to the swollen side of his face as a green glow crept over her fingers. "I don't—we'll talk about it later. When we get back." It was the hardest thing she'd had to say in years. It burned to say, because Sakura was so far from okay with what he'd said and what he'd done that she never wanted to apologize for anything, but Aya was right. The others could be killed through her carelessness. She'd bite the bullet for them if she had to.
Sasuke stayed quiet, sagging into her grip. The lightning flashed, and each time it did the bruising on his face lessened.
"Ame might have something," Sakura said, her thoughts meandering back to Juugo. Another crack of thunder sounded. She didn't want to give him hope where there was none, and things were so hopeless at the moment, but the medic in her refused to be silenced. "If we move quickly maybe we can find an outpost and more supplies. It might be enough to stave off the infection." Sakura was very careful with how she worded the next bit. "I can't go, though. I mean, not at the same time." She sensed Sasuke's attention on her, inescapable and stifling. "I'm… I'm too slow. I'm sick."
There was a moment of heavy silence, where all she could hear was the patter of the rain. Then Sasuke's hands came up. Slim, callused fingers unfurled on either side of her face to tentatively slide across her cheeks and cup themselves behind her ears. He pressed his thumbs to her temples. Sakura shivered violently at the contact. She avoided Sasuke's gaze as her mind back flashed to an earlier time: a time when they were both too young and covered in blood, her parents' mangled bodies lying in the room beside them.
She didn't draw back all the way, but Sakura did draw in, hunching her shoulders defensively as she finished healing the left side of his face. The silence was unbearable as she waited for Sasuke to make some sort of sniping comment—something to drive home her mistake and make her feel like dirt—but oddly, he didn't.
"Do you still have the boosters?" he asked. His voice was hoarse. Sakura blinked numbly, thrown off by his line of questioning. When she finally realized what he was asking she bit her lip, nodding her head between his hands. She still wouldn't look him in the eye. It wasn't that she was afraid of the sharingan, but something felt off about his quiet acceptance of her admittance—about just how close he was to her—and it put her decidedly on edge.
"Yeah," she said, withdrawing her hand from his face. "But I can't keep taking them. They're too hard on my system. What I really need is rest and my chakra to fix it. I need to conserve it for Juugo, though. The others, too."
"Okay," Sasuke said. He rocked forward on his heels, still crouching, and a moment later Sakura felt his forehead thunk softly against hers, wet with rainwater and partially covered by his hair. His hands curled deeper around her face, their noses so close they were touching. It was as if they hadn't gotten into an argument at all—as if they hadn't spent the past eight years avoiding each other like cockroaches—and it was too much, too soon. Sakura flinched violently, drawing her hands close to her chest and huddling in on herself, but Sasuke huddled with her, never letting go.
"Sakura," he began.
"You're too close," Sakura mumbled. It was a pitifully weak response, but she felt like she had to say it. Her chest hurt so much from the proximity it was a struggle to breathe, and she wasn't entirely sure that it was all in her head. One of Sasuke's thumbs made a swiping motion back and forth across her temple. He closed his eyes, his long black eyelashes sweeping downwards as he swallowed visibly.
"No running, alright?" he said, coughing once to clear his throat. It took Sakura a moment to realize he was talking about her being sick. "No combat, either, if you can help it. Just stay close. If it starts hurting too much, tell me or Aya." His fingers slid beneath the rim of the blanket covering her head, but the action spooked Sakura so badly she tried to jerk away. She couldn't do it. Fuck, she could call a temporary truce between the two of them if she had to, but this was too much. She knew Sasuke was needy at the moment, but she couldn't help him. She needed Naruto to distract him, but Naruto wasn't there.
"Sasuke, you're too close," she repeated, but all he did was press his forehead more firmly against hers, his grip unnervingly gentle as he cradled the sides of her head. He wasn't supposed to be gentle. Uchihas never were. Sucks to be you, Karin's voice rung in her head, and Sakura agreed with her.
"I won't hurt you," Sasuke croaked out. He was so close all Sakura could see was a mass of snow white skin and coal black hair, his breath ghosting across her cheek. "I won't. I promise." Sakura would have laughed hysterically at the absurdity of it all, but she was so tired and cold that all she could manage was to curl up further, which only made Sasuke move close. Bodies. Don't think about the bodies, she tried to tell herself, but she could remember their blood on his hands, her parents dead eyes staring upwards. All Sasuke had ever done was hurt her.
"Sasuke, stop," she said. She wished she had Aya's backbone—she wished her own backbone would appear, right about now. "Please, you're too close."
"I won't," he began, then stopped, cutting himself off before trying again. "I don't—you don't have to be scared of me. I won't hurt you. Please." Before Sakura could help herself, she was lashing out.
"You're Uchiha," she spat, and he visibly flinched against her. Instantly Sakura wished she could take her words back. Out of all of Sasuke's faults—out of all the things he could change and all the things he was guilty of—being Uchiha wasn't one of them. She felt guilty and she didn't want to feel guilty, because she was the aggrieved party here. Sakura could sense the weight of everyone's gaze; judging her, blaming her. Finding her unworthy, just like Aya. And Sasuke seemed oblivious to it.
"I'm sorry," he said. Sasuke's forehead was still pressed to hers, the wet, waterlogged fingers of his right hand tucking her equally wet hair around the shell of her ear. Sakura couldn't stop shivering.
"Why'd you make him tail me?" she asked, trying to distract him. It seemed to take Sasuke a moment to realize that she was talking about Susumu. Once he did he leaned back a bit, turning his head away. Getting him to talk about anything personal was always a burden, and Sakura knew if he hadn't been so shaken by Juugo's rapid collapse it would have been all but impossible to broach the subject.
"Because you recognize my chakra," he said, somewhat stiltedly. He rubbed a tired hand across his face, slicking away rainwater and ragged hair. He looked like Madara crouching before her. Fuck, did he ever look like Madara, only the expression on his face—that sort of twisted, growing despair fighting to break free—was all Sasuke. The dissonance between the two was horrifying. "I can't hide it, like I used to," he admitted. "Naruto… Naruto said I needed to give you space."
This line of reasoning would have flabbergasted Sakura if it hadn't been so predictable. It was such a Sasuke thing to do that she felt more heartbroken by it than anything else. Genius on the battlefield, but emotionally competent the Uchiha was not. Itachi had shattered the pieces of his psyche and Madara had walked all over the shards with glee. Sasuke wasn't really a whole person, Sakura realized in a moment of clarity, and probably hadn't been for many years.
"Sasuke," she said slowly, bringing her hand up to rub at her jeweled forehead. "Giving a person their space does not mean that you get someone else to do your stalking for you." At any other time Sakura would have described the expression that crossed his features as one of frustration, but Sasuke seemed to be so shaken by their current crisis that it came off as something closer to fear.
"Kaasan died when I wasn't there," he said. Sakura felt sorry for him. Her sense of empathy wasn't quite dead yet. Not even for Sasuke, even if he didn't deserve it.
"I'm not your kaasan, Sasuke," she said. Sakura thought it was very, very pertinent that she made this point.
"I know."
"I'm not an Uchiha, either."
"I want you to be," he blurted out. The words were half-strangled, his expression curdled in distress. Horrified, Sakura shrunk backwards, putting a shaking hand to her face as she covered her eyes to try and forget he was there. He didn't know what he was saying. He couldn't have. He was just bad with words.
"Oh Sasuke-kun," she breathed, rubbing her hands across her eyes to keep herself from crying. Overhead, there was another crack of thunder. "Please, this is the wrong time." It would never be the right time, but she didn't tell him that. Sakura heard a shuffling sound in front of her, intermingled with the rain. When she looked up it was to see Sasuke with his elbows braced on his knees and his hands tangled in his hair, his head bowed and shoulders hunched as he rocked back and forth on his heels.
"I might not get another chance," he admitted hoarsely. He sounded as miserable as Sakura felt. "Naruto told me to wait, but it didn't work." The Uchiha stopped, his voice wobbling badly, before he started again. "I'm sorry. I fucked up."
Sakura's panic lessened a bit as she tried to work her way through the problem. She hadn't expected to be in such close proximity to Sasuke for so long, and it had thrown her. Think of him like a patient, she told herself. It worked, sometimes. She wished for the deadened malaise that had plagued her in Konoha, the one that had allowed her to function so efficiently.
"When we get back to Konoha, we can talk about it," she assured him. Although she knew there would be no later, Sasuke had no way of knowing that. Sakura reached out, her fingers trembling, and in the bravest move she'd done in years she carefully placed her hand atop his. It was the first time she'd touched him without a medical reason and she immediately regretted it. She jerked her hand back, drawing it to her chest and huddling beneath her blanket. When Sakura closed her eyes, all she could see were Sasuke's crimson fingers, sticky and coated in gore.
She could still remember it as if it were yesterday; the way he'd reached for her, grasping childishly. How he'd cradled her face between his hands. He'd tasted like copper when he'd kissed her. Beautiful boy with the bloody pinwheel eyes, her Sasuke-kun had been. And oh, Sakura had adored him to pieces.
"It's okay," he'd said, half hysterical as he smeared her parents' blood across her cheeks. "It's okay, we're safe."
"Sorry," Sakura said, her mind abruptly snapping back to the present. She didn't really know what she was sorry for, but she suspected it was for reaching out to touch him. Really, she shouldn't have done that. "I talked to Aya," she continued, to change the conversation. Sasuke shifted on his feet in front of her. "She says we'll have to run."
But then Sakura felt his hands again; she felt the Uchiha shuffle forward all the way so that he was leaning against her, wrapping his sodden arms around her shoulders as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. Even through the blanket, Sakura could feel his warmth.
"I'm sorry," he chanted. "I'll fix it."
Sakura sagged, pressing her own forehead against his shoulder as she let her hands pool limply in her lap. She felt so tired. She just wanted to sleep.
"Yeah," she mumbled. "Yeah, okay."
Sasuke's arms tightened around her shoulders. Even though she didn't return the gesture, Sakura didn't try to stop him. It wasn't like Sasuke would listen, anyways. Nothing ever changed between them.
After that, Sasuke stayed close.
"There's six of them between us and Ame," he said, as what remained of the LSF huddled together in a miserable circle, next to Juugo's body while thunder and lightning flashed. "There's more behind us, too, but we couldn't ascertain how many." Sasuke used a kunai to draw lines in the dirt while he talked. Sakura watched as he sketched a rough approximation of a map of the surrounding area, the grooves quickly filling with rainwater. The twins were trying to keep it from being completely washed away by by hovering over the circle with one of their blankets, stretching it between then like a tarp.
"Once we reach Ame, we get care for Juugo. Signal Konoha for help." Sasuke ran his thumb along the edge of his kunai almost absently, before reaching forward and drawing another line in the dirt. "If Ame's compromised, we take what supplies we can and head for Konoha anyways. It's vital we warn them so they can reinforce the borders."
"What if they already know?" Yamamori asked. Everyone knew he meant what if they've already been attacked. Sasuke's expression was blank as he spoke.
"Assume they don't. Getting tactical info to them supersedes everything else."
Sakura watched the way his hands moved as if in a trance. She was currently sitting between him and Hanabi, and Susumu was on the other side of the Hyuga, biting nervously on one of his sharp red nails. Suigetsu was parked beside Juugo, and Aya was standing behind Sasuke, her gunbai shoved into the dirt.
"So we're running?" Kushimura asked. Sasuke nodded.
"We can't avoid them," he admitted. Sakura shuddered. As she did so Sasuke shifted closer, his free hand reaching around to grip the blanket along her lower back. "We're splitting into two teams, main and decoy. Aya will lead decoy. Kushimura, Etsuko, Ai, Suigetsu, you're with her. Jin, Yamamori, Michi, Hanabi, Susumu, Sora and Shun are with me. Sakura and Juugo too."
"Fuck," ground out Suigetsu. He spat into the grass beside him, running his right hand through his matted hair. "Fuck, I hate being decoy." As he spoke he turned angrily to Aya, pointing a threatening finger in her direction. "Bitch, you try to cut me again during the assault, and you're done for." The kunoichi sneered and said nothing. Sasuke ignored them both.
"Once we're halfway to Ame the teams will split. I'll send out another summon. Yamamori, you send off your summon, too."
"Which one?"
"Suzumebachi."
"Alright."
"After that, Aya will start the diversion. These things don't care that we're there unless we get too close. Chakra attracts them. The goal of the diversion is not to engage, understand? Never engage. Just get them moving so it creates a big enough hole for us to get through to Ame. Once the main team is through, kill your chakra and lay low until they lose interest. Then move through the gap and meet up with the others in the village."
"How big are they?" Susumu asked, still biting on his sharp red thumbnail. He didn't sound nervous, per say, but definitely hesitant. Sasuke's response was deadpan.
"Big. The closest one was nearly a kilometer long. Remember, they move fast."
Sakura gave up trying to fight the dizziness. The cold was too much. She leaned against Sasuke fully, her head thunking against his shoulder and her cheek pressing against his arm. Sasuke's arm went around her back, pulling her close and keeping her upright at the same time. His shirt was completely drenched and Sakura could feel solid muscle beneath the fabric. Everyone in the group seemed to be studiously ignoring his behavior, and Sakura was too tired to care if they saw.
"I could lay out a bone field once we got through the gap," Susumu said. "Maybe extend the range for several miles. It would give the decoy team more time to escape." His red tattoos appeared black in between the flickering pulses of lightning.
"Sure," Sasuke agreed at the exact same time that Aya said no. Susumu looked between them as he waited silently for confirmation. Suigetsu turned angrily to Aya.
"Bitch, are you trying to get us killed?" he spat. Hanabi clutched at her head.
"Puddle, shut up," she ground out. The expression on her face was so pained that Suigetsu actually looked guilty. Aya ignored her, pointing an accusing finger at the former mist-nin even as she jerked her head in Susumu's direction.
"He'd have to stay still to maintain the field. I won't let him."
"Alright. Listen here, you crazy bitch," Suigetsu began. "You ain't the Captain, and until you are—"
Susumu's expression was carefully neutral as he interrupted them, his posture brittle. "I can do it," he insisted. He didn't look towards Aya or Suigetsu, but to Sasuke, who was watching them all with an unreadable expression. "You know I can."
"See?" Suigetsu said, sweeping his hand in an expansive gesture towards Susumu. "Susu-chan will be fucking fine. Always has been." Sakura stiffened at the conversation, making a wordless sound of protest as she began to sit up. Susumu. Susumu had a little sister who was all alone in Konoha, and his sister didn't deserve a corpse. Sasuke's gaze went to hers as she began to struggle. Sakura felt his hand tightening in the folds of her blanket before he turned away. The rainwater dripped in a constant stream off the tip of his nose now, and rivulets of it were running down his back between his shoulder blades.
"No bone field," he said. Aya visibly relaxed. Susumu focused his big yellow eyes on Sakura. His lips slowly pressed into a thin, unhappy line. Across from them, crouched between the twins, Etsuko sighed and put a tired hand to her forehead, her bare arm dripping with excess water and dark hair made even darker by the rain.
"How are we going to kill it?" she asked. No one said anything, but they were all thinking the same thing. "I mean literally, how are we going to get rid of it, even if we do get word to Konoha? We have no way of fighting." Sakura didn't look at Sasuke, sitting as she was between him and Hanabi, but she watched as everyone else did, their expression tired but almost hopeful.
Sasuke was brutal when he wanted to be, however, and he sucked at throwing others a proverbial life-line.
"I don't know," he admitted. "We'll adapt or die." There was a pause. "We leave at first light."
Around them, the rain worsened.
It was coming down in torrents now, and because they were out in the open with no chakra to aide them it was impossible to stay dry. Ai and Etsuko were on guard duty first, so they got up and drifted away. The rest of them hunkered down beneath their blankets, trying to keep warm. Mostly, they were unsuccessful. Still feeling like she was in a fog, Sakura got up to check on Juugo, but it was raining so hard she couldn't do a thorough examination of his wound without risking further contamination. He was a little less wet than the rest of them because of the tarp. Suigetsu sat beside him, back hunched and expression despondent as he rubbed at his eye with the heel of his palm. Sakura looked in his direction.
"Are you sure your wound isn't bugging you?" she asked. He nodded.
"I'm fine," he snapped. "Fuckin' peachy."
Sakura didn't press the subject. Around them the rain increased until it was howling. The water itself wasn't that cold as Ame was a rather warm country, but there was only so long one could sit in the water before it began to get to a person. Sakura remained where she was, not really processing the fact that she was awake until Sasuke came to sit beside her. She felt something warm at her side, followed by the presence of his upper arm against hers through the blanket. She shivered and decided that she preferred the forest of Kusa over the fields of Ame. Another day in this sort of climate and she'd be done for.
The lightning flashed in sheets, intersected by sharp cracks of thunder. The reeds waved in the tropical gale, and whenever there was a particularly strong gust of wind they would flatten in waves, showing silver undersides that made a pitter-patter sound as the water fell on them. If Sakura thought about it long enough, the storm almost sounded like someone screaming.
"After the war," she began. "The wind bothered me a lot. It sounded like crying." She didn't know if Sasuke heard her at first, but she felt him turn just the slightest bit, his head lowered in her direction. "I think it just reminded me of the corpses," she added. Sakura really didn't know why she was saying this to him. It was too personal. Sasuke didn't reply, but his arm went around her back, drawing her close as his fingers kneaded at the fabric of her blanket. Sakura pretended she didn't feel it, because if she pretended Sasuke wasn't grasping for her she could keep her panicked reactions to a minimum.
But the wind really was picking up, and it really did sound like screaming. Human screaming, muted by the rain, only not so faint that she could convince herself that she was imagining it. The creature had sounded human too, when it had snuck up on them in the bamboo grove.
"Sasuke," she said. His hand tightened against her lower back. "Sasuke, I can hear it. The screaming." It was getting louder. His free hand reached up, white and wet as it slid beneath the blanket to cover her ears in an attempt to block the noise.
"It's just the wind," Sasuke assured her. There was a slight edge of desperation to his voice. "You're imagining it."
But she wasn't imagining it and it wasn't the wind. Sakura gripped Sasuke's wrist, stopping him from covering her ears completely as green chakra flared around her fingertips. She wouldn't be fooled again.
"Sasuke, someone's screaming," she insisted. From the way Sasuke suddenly tensed, she could tell that he'd heard it, too. There was a flash of lightning that lit up the field, and then Sakura saw it: the outline of something massive. The creature rose up like a thorny behemoth as it slowly meandered through the grass towards them.
Author's Note
Once again a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorited/followed. As always, it's wonderful hearing from you, and it's great to know that this story is being so well received. A special thank you to the tumblr folks, because as of now I think half my traffic is being driven from there.
For those I couldn't PM:
Dillpops: Angst is always a very good tag for the sort of stuff I write. And thanks! I'm hoping to get through it, too. Guest (who wants to cry): Don't worry, you make sense. My opinion on crying is that it's good, so long as it's cathartic for your readers. Justreviewing: I used to suck at writing, honestly. I mean, I've always loved it, but it's taken me a long time to get to where I am now. Guest (who thinks Sakura's stupid): Well, people under a lot of mental strain don't usually make the best decisions, but to each their own, I guess.
Mo: This chapter was all sasusaku moments, so I hope it satisfied you. Papernoted: It feels very weird for me, writing this after the end of Naruto—like writing an alternate history? Technically I am, I guess. GuildedWitch08: Monomoth is the most horrifying thing in the Naruto fandom, eh? I feel like I should get a badge for this. Re smut: I have no problem writing it, but this site has pretty prudish guidelines, and I'm too lazy to post elsewhere. Leon: I'm not sure how original this plot is? Basically what I set out to do is twist tropes, so I purposely pick the most cliché things possible and then subvert it to make it interesting. So I'd say it's a combination of the two.
Guest (asking about Sasuke's love): Well, you're just going to have to wait and see, won't you? If you're asking "will there be character development/arcs," then the answer is yes, but I never go into spoilers. AppleD: Monomoth is a portmanteau. I made it up. As for being a fan of psychological thrillers, no, I don't think it's weird or unhealthy. I think people enjoy angst for the same reason they enjoy really good humor: because it's cathartic, and relatable on a very basic level. Kara: Yes, I've been told this is like SnK (and I still haven't watched it).
