N: the reason i haven't updated is due to a significant illness that almost took me out and turned your copies of my books into collector's items. So please, don't leave constant reviews about updates, if i'm missing for awhile, chances are there's a hearty reason why. With that, enjoy this whatever update i wrote while listening to the new Lady Gaga. It's not good and doesn't go anywhere but the road to the ranch. This story will be tied up in a chapter or two soon. Read on and enjoy this nonsense!


I was having a really great dream. There were goldfish in bowls, alive in bowls, all around my loft. My loft was clean, bright, and full of life. Even my dream kitchen was filled with candy fish and my favorite cereal. I smiled as I walked around the clean loft, carrying a huge bowl of cereal. Even my bedroom was clean. The bed covered in white sheets that smelled fresh. I crawled onto the bed, careful not to spill the cereal. The bed swallowed me up in fluffy clouds of heaven, I laid back against the pillow and sighed in delight. This was perfect.

The next thing I knew I closed my eyes, smiling, drifting off as I clutched to a pillow. The pillow was so very warm, perfect and I clutched it closer.

"Bo?"

I scrunched my face up, hearing my name. "Five more minutes. I just got into bed." I burrowed my face deeper into the pillow. Maybe if I pretended to be out, the voice would piss off.

"Bo."

The voice was closer, softer. I groaned, trying to pull the pillow over my face when I felt fingers run through my hair. "Bo, you're pinching me."

That's when the voice registered. It was Lauren.

My eyes flicked open to find the bright room gone, replaced by darkness. I frowned and rubbed my cheek against what I thought was a pillow. I looked down in horror realizing the pillow I had been manhandling was actually Lauren's boob. My hand wrapped around it like it was mine. I shot straight up and shifted back from Lauren. I glanced at her, she was laughing at me and moving to get out of the bed. "I uh, uhhh." I ran both hands through my messy hair. "I don't have a good excuse, reason for that." I waved an awkward hand around.

Lauren shook her head as she stood up. "It's fine. I woke up an hour ago with you like that. I didn't have the heart to wake you up until you started trying to pull it off of me." She grinned at the horrified look on my face. "It's okay, Bo." She leaned across the bed, kissing me softly, murmuring against my lips. "Red cheeks look good on you." She leaned away, grabbing the sweatshirt I discarded in my sleep. "I'll go make breakfast." Lauren cast a side glance my way that had my heart skipping. "Cereal in the living room?"

I nodded, utterly embarrassed and wanting to run and hide under the covers. "Yup." I picked at the covers, keeping my head down. "I'm going to go shower. Then I have to go over the new plan with you."

Lauren paused at the doorway. "New plan?"

"I'm moving you off the grid." I swung my legs out of the bed, immediately covering my chest, remembering that my shirt was see through. "It's all worked out. I made a few calls last night and as soon as you ready, we'll hit the road." I smiled softly. "Don't worry, where we're going, no one would dare to think to look."

I could see Lauren swallow hard, her nerves fraying right in front of me. "Okay." She stared in my eyes for a moment longer before walking out of the bedroom.

When she was gone, I let out a huge sigh mixed with a groan and stomped to the bathroom. One look in the bathroom and I was beyond embarrassed. I had marks from Lauren's shirt imprinted on my cheek, telling me I used her as a pillow for most of the night. Starting the shower, I berated myself for being such a creep. It was the last thing Lauren needed, me sleep fondling her. "Tonight, separate beds for sure. Or the floor." I frowned again thinking about sleeping in a bed without Lauren in it, I already had grown attached to her warmth and the way she looked asleep. So very much at peace and beautiful.

I climbed into the scalding hot water. "Reign it in Bo, before pops sees you and calls you out on falling in love like I promised him I never would again." I let the hot water pound away at my red cheeks, replacing the embarrassment with sheer heat and steam.


XXX

When I came downstairs, Lauren was dressed sitting on the couch with the television on. She was watching the news and I could see how pale she was as the president continued his pleas for information on the murder of his wife. I walked around the couch, scooping up the remote and changed the channel to cartoons. "Lauren."

"Where are we going?" She kept her eyes on the giant mixing bowl sitting next to the box of cereal. She already knew me way too well.

I let out a slow sigh and crouched down in front of her, placing my hands on her knees. "I'm taking you to the bakery down the street. I know you like fresh doughnuts."

Lauren looked up, confused. "Bo? I don't. I thought you were…."

I placed my finger over my lips, winking at her. "I had a weird dream, I was dreaming of work and I think I was still asleep when I spoke." I took her hand and stood up, silently asking her to stand up with me. "Is there any leftover pie in the fridge?" I motioned for her to follow me.

Lauren still glared at me with confusion that was quickly firing up her temper. "You ate it all last night."

I shrugged as I guided her into the kitchen. "I thought I bought two." I dropped her hand as we walked into the kitchen. I walked towards the island, digging in a drawer for a piece of paper and a pen. "When we go out for groceries, remind me to get two more. They were really good." I scribbled quickly, looking up at Lauren as I slid the piece of paper across to her. "I want to go to the pet store by that bookstore. I feel weird, I haven't had a goldfish funeral in almost a week."

The blonde picked up the note, reading it quickly before looking up at me with wide eyes. "I understand. You, uh, miss your boyfriends." She set the note down, grabbing the pen and writing underneath my plan. "You did seem out of it this morning when you woke up. I think you were in a sugar coma from all the pie you ate." She slid the note back.

There were only three words under mine.

"I trust you."

I grinned, crumpling up the note and turning the stove on to light the paper on fire. I watched it burn for a second before dropping it into the sink. "You ready? I'm starving and could go for a dozen or two."

Lauren nodded nervously. "I just have to grab my wallet." She ran upstairs while I collect a few things that I would need for the trip. I left the laptop, knowing it had it's own tracking software built in. I trusted Viv and the people I worked with, but by default they were far too tied into the president and his brother. If I was taking Lauren off the grid, I would have to do this the old fashioned way. I also set my cell phone on top of the laptop, I would use the burner phone I had last night.

Lauren rushed down the stairs five minutes later, a backpack and a small duffel back in her hands. "I'm all set." She smiled nervously at me as I took the bags from her.

"Perfect. Let's hit the road before I gnaw my arm off in starvation." I winked at her and lead the way to the garage.


Four hours later-

"Bo, how did you do this?" Lauren was looking around the old Chevy pickup I bought with cash from the old dealership down the block from the bakery. I had done the deal while Lauren was actually in the bakery getting that two dozen I needed.

I kept my eyes on the road ahead of us. "I always have a plan B. A plan that no one knows about. I always carry cash, burner phones, and everything else I would need in case I have to disappear." I shifted in the old leather seat. "It's tricks my dad taught me when I was growing up." I tapped on the steering wheel. "I had to do something, knowing how close Cameron was, and the only thing I could think of was to go home. A place no one who knows me, knows exists." I glanced at Lauren, cradling the cup of coffee I got her at the last gas station ten miles back. I had ditched the car in the bakery parking lot, loaded Lauren and the doughnuts up into the old red Chevy pick up truck that only had one farmer owner since it rolled off the factory floor. It was almost romantic if it wasn't for the reality bearing down on us. I had left everything traceable back at the house and went back to the old ways of doing things.

"But won't Viv notice?" She picked at the lid.

"She won't for a while." I reached over, grabbing her hand and pulling it from the cup so I could slide my fingers in hers. "I reprogrammed the car GPS to show us on a loop for the next forty eight hours. It will have us going back to the house and then to a few random spots. Viv won't immediately notice since I'm notorious for sitting in the house for a least a week before I start moving more." I squeezed her hand, trying to get her to relax. "I normally go weeks without talking to anyone at the office, it's how I disappear. It also keeps them safe in case they're compromised and forced to spill where I am. They can honestly say they don't know."

I smiled, running my thumb over her knuckles. "Just so you know, because I know you're about to say it. I've never, ever, taken anyone to my pops ranch. Not even when it got bad with a shadow, I always opted to stand and fight." I turned my eyes back to the road. "I just couldn't risk it with you, this time."

I felt Lauren squeeze back. "Bo, when this is all done, can I take you to dinner?"

I cocked an eyebrow, looking back over at her. "Are you asking me out? Even after I used your breast as a pillow all night?" She nodded sheepishly. I winked at her. "Take me to a buffet, I'd hate for you to go broke on a dinner date."

The blonde laughed, like really honestly laughed, and it made my heart want to explode tiny little hearts all over the cab of this old farmers truck. "A buffet it is, Bo." She smiled, looking in my eyes. "Thank you." The look in her eyes bore right to my heart, a quiet voice, the same one that always told me to stop eating so much, whispered a few things. Things that it noticed in the way Lauren looked at me. The way I had seen a thousand times when I was wishing for love to come my way. It was the look I had seen in my parents, my grandparents, and even Viv's boyfriend's eyes. It grabbed onto my heart and squeezed it like a half empty ketchup bottle. It wanted to force something to the surface I need to pay attention to.

I swallowed hard, fighting the words that suddenly wanted to come out when I looked in the brown eyes of the woman I had fallen in love with overnight. "Yup." I cringed at my awkwardness, dropped her hand and snatched up the white bakery bag sitting in between us. I proceeded to shove a strawberry glazed into my mouth, hoping it would clear away some of the strange, yet wonderful, tension in the car.

A moment passed before Lauren spoke. "So, what's your father like?"

I appreciated Lauren's keen sense of picking up when I was making things awkward, not that I did a good job of keeping it subtle, but I welcomed the change in topic. "Do you know who Sam Eliot is?"

"I've seen a few of his movies on rainy Sunday afternoons." She smirked. "Does he have the mustache?"

I nodded. "Indeed he does." I grabbed another doughnut. "Why don't you get some sleep, we have a ways to go."

"I'm not tired." Lauren spoke softly. "Will you, will you just talk to me? The sound of your voice keeps me calm." She tipped her head down, embarrassed.

I chuckled, speaking around a mouth crammed with doughnut. "Now we're even." I took a sip of coffee as Lauren gave me a look. I waved a hand around her rosy cheeks. "You're equally as embarrassed as I was when I woke up this morning. You know, boob pillow."

Lauren laughed, shaking her head. "You shouldn't be embarrassed, I didn't mind it. I actually liked it. Well, I mean I liked that you feel so comfortable with me that you are okay using my body as a mattress." She turned to look out the window. "I've missed that feeling."

"Which feeling? Someone smothering you in your sleep?" I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, the napkins were too far out of reach. Good lord I was a bit of a slob.

"The feeling of having someone. The feeling of being comfortable, trusted, lo…cared for." Lauren handed me a napkin. "It's been a few years. Lonely years." She sighed, shaking her head. "Never mind my melancholy ways, this whole situation has me looking far too deep inside and the things I've ignored. The relationships I've had, the love I thought I was in."

I wiped my face with the napkin, before balling it up and throwing it in the bag. I picked up on her almost slip and it freaked me out. It was clear the road Lauren and I were heading down, but right now was the shittiest time known to man. She was being hunted, I was her protector, risking everything by taking her off the grid, and who even knew if when this was all over if her feelings were going to be the same. "It happens." Jesus Bo, take an etiquette class, or at least learn from one of the social experts in the office on how to handle awkward moments like this. "I mean, stress and things leads to overall examination of ones life. I remember when Alfred the second died, I wondered if I was just not meant to have a pet. I want a dog, one day, a big fluffy floof of a dog, but if I can't keep a goldfish alive, how will a dog do under my care? Shit, I can't even keep a relationship alive after the third date and the awkward morning after. I've only been in love like three times, and it's always ended up me crying and watching Saving Private Ryan to feel better about my life."

I absently grabbed another doughnut, noting that the third person was sitting next to me, and held it up in the air. "Then there's this. The eating. Where did it come from and why do I always fall back on it in every situation? Where did I get this magic metabolism that keeps me thin but hungry like I'm a 17 year old linebacker playing in the game of his life." I glanced at Lauren, chuckling nervously at the way she was looking at me. "I mean on top of my weird job as the cherry on top, who would honestly want to be with a girl like me? These are the things I think about when I'm stressed, depressed, so you're not the only…"

"I would, Bo. I want to be with you." She was staring right at me with an intensity that told me she was not bullshitting me. "I would feed the dog, but he'd always like you better than me. I'd be the other half that you needed to survive, buy all the doughnuts in the world to keep you happy, and would wait weeks for you to come home. Knowing that you were coming home to me at the end of the day, ready to crawl into bed with your see through shirt and use my breasts as a pillow." She swallowed hard, licking her lips. "I know you'll think that I'm saying this out of a stressful situation, but Bo, I have fallen in love with you and all of your quirky ways."

She sighed softly. "I can see it, feel it and I know when this is over, I will only love you a thousand times more, because I won't be scared that I might not be there. That'll Cameron will find me, and there won't be a single thing we can do to stop him." She blinked, a tear slipping free. "I love you, Bo. I know it's been three days at best since you've been in my life, but I feel it and I can't talk myself out of it. No matter how hard I try, it all comes back to the way you look at me, hold me, and protect me. I love you and I needed to say it before it's too late." She wiped at her cheeks, reaching for a napkin. "I'm sorry if I made things awkward, I've never spoken my mind, or my heart in my life. It's left me with regret, and I no longer want to live however long I have left in regret. I don't expect you, or want you to return my sentiment." She nodded absently. "It's okay."

I stared at Lauren, my mouth hanging slightly open. I turned back to the road and did the only thing I could think of. Cram another chunk of food in my mouth and think as I aggressively chewed. I glanced at Lauren, who was looking down at the crinkled napkin in her hands. I wanted to tell her I loved her too, that I felt the same she did, but I couldn't. I had one rule that I never broke, I never made promises I wasn't sure I could keep. With Cameron as close as he was, I couldn't tell Lauren I also loved her, hopelessly stupidly in love with her. Because I knew I would sacrifice my life to keep her alive, and when I gave her my love, I wanted to be alive to spend the rest of my days with her. And that wasn't a solid reality I saw at this moment in time.

I turned back to the road and drove in silence. Letting my heart break apart in silence as Lauren sniffled silently next to me.

I had no idea how the next few days would pan out, but I did know that one way or another, Cameron would face justice. Even if it was the mountain justice my father lived by, the one where you didn't live long enough to see a jail cell.