Yay I'm back! This was a fun chapter to write.

And just so you know, this is the first chapter I've done that I didn't have my friend revise, so if there's some spelling mistakes, I'm very sorry. Also, she uses " for speaking, and I use ' instead. So that might be a little weird for people who read books with the " instead of the '. Oh well.

Haha, whatever. Enjoy the chapter!

I don't own Doctor Who!


What the Doctor Still Couldn't Fathom

My eyes flitted open, and the bright light from the windows of the greenhouse would've blinded me on contact, but something was blocking the way just enough that I could adjust comfortably. Once I had adjusted, I realized that the thing blocking the way was the face of a smiling Strax.

'Good morning, sir! Do not attempt to arise, or you will be obliterated! Would you like some tea?'

Needless to say I screamed. Bloody murder, to be precise. And that obnoxious potato didn't even move. He just stood there staring at me, smiling. Once my heart rates had gone down and my mind had cleared, I glared at him. 'Work on your wake up calls, Strax! You seriously need to learn about personal space! And yes, tea would be lovely,' I said harshly, waving my arms about to try and get free from the Sontaran's steely grip on my shoulders.

He turned away from me for a moment, the side of his bald head brushing against my nose and making me squirm around. 'I believe the term you would use is, "He's up!" Madame Vastra!' Strax bellowed cheerfully into the other room, before turning back to me and smiling eerily. 'Allow me to make a second attempt. Good morning sir! Would you-'

'GET OFF ME, STRAX!' I shouted into his face. And if he was a woman and this was a cartoon, I swear his hair would've blown back. I was that loud.

'I see someone's feeling better,' said a Scottish voice from above my head. I peered upward after Strax clambered off from on top of me, to see the smirking face of Amelia Pond, who was leaning casually on the arm of the sofa, one leg taking all her weight and causing her to sway around, a cheerful air about her. 'You must've had quite a round, eh?' she said, walking around to sit on the side of the sofa next to me. 'Never seen you out for six days before.'

When what she said settled into me, I sat erect on the sofa, my eyebrows sky high and my eyeballs bulging outward. 'Six days!?' I cried, my voice raising a pitch. 'I've been asleep for six days!?'

Amy snorted silently, but I could still see her body arching for a second as she tried to suppress it. 'If you can call that sleeping. More like having a conversation with invisible people with your eyes closed. Who's Romana?' she asked snoopily, leaning forward, hands in between her legs. I glared at her as harshly as one could when realizing they're shirtless.

'Romana- she- no- she's nobody!' I defended, crossing my arms in a sorry attempt to look grumpy. Oh Romana, she was so wonderful. My favorite of her bodies was the blonde one, she was so cute and cheerful, with that stupid hat that wouldn't stay on her head. And the scarf! It was beautiful, that ridiculously long, creme colored scarf she had wrapped around her neck to match my rainbow one.

The red haired girl suddenly looked very realizing, eyebrows up and mouth in an O. 'Oh hey! Wasn't she that little blonde girl you had a picture of?' she thought for a second, looking upward as if the answer was there. 'No, she was the brunette one, the one with the long hair and the weird headband? No, the one with the short hair and bangs? Come on, Doctor! Tell me!' she demanded playfully, leaning her hands on my abdomen and sticking out her lower lip.

'She was all three,' I responded, sitting back on my hands. 'She was- Well... she travelled with me. She was another Time Lord, and...well...' I decided not to finish that thought. Amy smiled and accepted a steaming cup of tea from a still grinning Strax.

There was silence as we sipped the swirling red liquid from our clean white cups, Amy slurping hers and me blowing on mine. I tried to drink, but it burned my upper lip and I spit the tea out onto my red haired friend's lap. She looked appalled at first, but after a moment, she laughed, and we both sat there laughing.

'I see you two've made yourselves comfortable,' said my voice from above me. Oh dear, I thought to myself, that wasn't a dream. Looking up, I saw myself with short bleached hair, wearing a pair of high waist jeans and a plain grey tee shirt with the collar cut off, a magenta sweatshirt on his shoulders. 'I don't think I got a chance to introduce myself last time we met,' he said, seating himself on the couch, causing Amy to retract her legs.

I looked at him suspiciously, my nostrils flaring with malice. 'No, I don't think you did,' I huffed. Really, it wasn't fair that I was being so rude to the poor man, but it was just sort of creeping me out. He smiled and put his hands on his feet, which were now crossed as he sat butterfly style on the sofa.

'I'm Benjamin Tyler,' he said, holding out a hand for me to shake. I took it and we made eye contact for an extraordinarily awkward moment. 'That red haired boy you met? Remember him?' asked Benjamin. I nodded. 'That was Danny, he's my boyfriend. We live with Vastra and Jenny and Strax.'

I rubbed my eyes wearily. This was completely ridiculous. Putting my hand forward in a chopping motion, I sighed. 'Let me get this straight,' I said with a hand over my eyes in an attempt to help me think. 'You are my ganger, and you got stuck in the void between dimensions.'

Benjamin nodded with a polite smile. 'Yes,' he said pleasently.

'But you didn't die,' I continued. He nodded again.

'Yes.'

'And you merged bodies with Rose Tyler?'

'Sounds about right.'

'Oh dear,' I said with another sigh, rubbing my hand over my eyes more forcefully. A fly was hovering next to my ear, making a high pitched screaming noise instead of a buzz.

Amy smiled as Benjamin continued to talk, obviously having gotten to know him better than I have. 'I hope Danny's making his chips tonight! They're so good, I could just eat them until I pass out in a food coma! You met Danny, didn't you Doctor?' he asked inquisitively, his eyes bright behind his glasses.

I nodded with a polite smile. Footsteps sounded behind me and I turned to see Jenny and Danny running in laughing. 'That was mad! Jenny that was completely mad! Madame Vastra is going to think we are mental!' the French boy exclaimed, collapsing on Benjamin's lap. My ganger, in turn, kissed Danny on the temple, coiling his arms around his waist in a romantic gesture.

I wish River was here to show that I had a romantic life too. Benjamin was completely upstaging me right now in that aspect. It was just embarrassing.

Jenny had situated herself comfortably on Vastra, who had sat down on the armchair across from our sofa of love, so Amy and I were awkwardly looking at our laps. The Scottish girl managed to edge her way across the back of the sofa and was about to plop herself down on my lap when my cell phone rang.

I leapt up, causing her to fall off the sofa and onto the ground, and put the phone up to my ear. 'Hello?' I said, recognizing the number with glee. A distorted, but still distinct, voice came from the speaker.

'Hello, sweetie!' said the voice of River Song, my lovely wife. Though she didn't know about that particular spoiler yet. Or perhaps she did, I'm never really sure what version of River is talking to me at any given moment. 'I was just wondering if you knew a man with bleached hair in a black sweatshirt?' she asked casually.

My mind flashed to the awful image of my best enemy, The Master, cackling madly in my head. 'Yes, why?' I asked, my voice cracking at the very thought of that man. River tsked and made a popping sound with her lips.

'There's this man in the cell next to me who keeps moaning your name," she said with an annoyed tone in her voice. "He's all "Doctor, Doctor! Please forgive me, Doctor!"' she proceeded to make an assortment of baby whining noises before scoffing, 'It's really ridiculous.'

I groaned and rubbed my eyes again. 'Are you back in prison, River?' I breathed. My curly haired wife made indignant noises from the other end of the phone. 'River,' I said sternly. She sighed.

'Yes,' she muttered grumpily. 'But I was just about to leave! Come now, sweetie! I'll see you soon. Where are you now?' she asked, the cheerful tone returning to her voice.

'I'm at Vastra and Jenny's. Listen, River-' but she cut me off before I could finish.

'I'll see you there! Kisses, love you!' she said, making a kissing noise into the phone. I held it closer to my mouth.

'Wait, River don't-'

The phone beeped to signal the end of the message. 'Hang up...' I finished uselessly, shaking my head and putting my phone in my coat pocket, missing it's holder. I cringed as I heard it plunk down into the depths of my left pocket, bouncing off the lamp and causing the triceratops to roar with might.

Six heads were staring at me with awe, and I smiled defensively. 'Time Lord pockets...' I explained, 'Bigger on the inside.'

Once everyone had returned to their conversations, I sat down on the sofa, forgetting Amy was in my seat. 'OI!' she shouted as I crushed her with my backside. 'WOMAN UNDERNEATH YOU!'

I launched myself across the room and everyone busted up with laughter. Standing and dusting myself off, I huffed back over to the sofa and took the empty spot next to the lover boys. 'Not funny,' I said grumpily. When silence fell, I realized the fly was still buzzing away in my ear, so I tried to swat it away. It was still right there, screaming away in my ear, growing more and more persistent. And loud!

Evidentially, I wasn't the only one with a fly buzzing about my head. Benjamin was waving his hand around with an aggravated expression on his face.

'What's wrong, guys?' Amy asked, sitting forward once again. The fly got louder, and I distantly heard Benjamin say that there was a fly in his ear, before resting his chin on Danny's shoulder.

I felt something rising up in my throat, and something seemed to be twisting my mind around their finger. What was that stupid feeling? 'Sorry, dear,' I said aloud. It was almost as if something else was controlling what I was saying. 'But I have to kill you now.'

Benjamin spoke my words exactly as I was saying them, and as Amy asked if we were okay, he clutched the sides of his head, screaming out, 'Clara!'


Oooh wee ooh oooo wee ooooooooo!

I really like Clara, so I wanted her in the story. Bye now!

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Bye!

*ninja rainbows* out!