A/N:

- Thank you to everyone that continues to read this story for your support. I am doing my best to try and keep it as interesting as possible. Seeing the reviews and all the alerts I am getting encourages me to keep writing and really makes me happy.

- As I have stated in the beginning of the story, I do not own anything relating to Castle, I just enjoy writing about them for the sole pleasure of writing and being able to get creative.

Chapter 8: Exploration

I looked down at my watch, it was 2:01. Kate's surgery had started. I was trying to keep a certain image of her in my mind, the way she looked before I left. She always had a shield up around her personal life. She always puts on a strong face around others and never lets them see her in a moment of weakness. Today she had brought that barrier down in front of me. I hated the fact that she was scared, but it made me feel closer to her, that she was finally letting me in.

"Rick, can you please do me a favour?" Jim had returned to the waiting area after being called out a little earlier. I looked in his direction and gave a nod, "of course, anything."

"I was just given back the bag of Kate's clothing, the nurses recommended bringing in some of her personal belongings. They say it helps patients heal when they are surrounded with their own personal items. Also I would like to drop this bag off at her place. It's not something I feel Katie would like to see when she comes out of surgery. I have to deal with something at work, and I want to make it back here as soon as possible. Josh is in with her surgery otherwise I would have asked him."

"Yes of course, I will head on over now, please call me if you hear anything." Jim handed me the bag and a list of a few key items that I should retrieve from Kate's place. After a brief chat with Alexis and my mother I was on my way. I took a taxi over to her apartment as my car was still at home. Even if it had been here I didn't feel like I was in the right mindset to be operating a large vehicle.

The ride took barely ten minutes, the fumbling around with the keys took twice that. I located the keys near the top of the bag in a pocket of Kate's blazer. The key ring held around a dozen keys and the last key you try is always the correct one.

As I opened up her apartment door the spacious room felt overly stuffy. It had been closed up for just a little over 24 hours, but it had a stale smell to the room. The kind of smell that leaves the impression that it had been abandoned and no one was coming back to it any time soon. The last time Kate had left this place was to go to Montgomery's funeral. I headed over to the left where the kitchen was located and placed the bag on the counter. Her breakfast dishes were still in the sink waiting to be washed. The coffee pot had around two cups worth of cold coffee left in it. I took the list out of the bag and headed over to sit on the couch.

In front of the couch on the coffee table two wine glasses sat next to an empty bottle of white wine. A blanket lay in a bundle in the center of the couch. Cuddled up next to the leg of the couch were a few articles of clothing. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened here. I decided I would stay standing by the counter to go over the list.

The list looked like it was a standard one that was handed out to all the patients and not personalized. Most of the items were clothing; a dressing gown, comfy pants, undergarments, slippers, socks…Then they had the more personal hygienic items such as toothbrush, toothpaste, hair brush…All common items a person would need to use on a standard day.

I walked down the hallway to her bedroom. Her bed lay on the left still unmade, to the right was a chest of drawers followed by the door that entered a little bathroom. Directly across from that was another door that must lead to a closet. I headed into her washroom to collect her toothbrush and toothpaste that were both standing up in a cup to the right of the sink. I returned to her room and saw her brush in the middle of her dresser. I started opening drawers in search of a warm pair of socks. The first drawer I opened was t-shirts, the second was odds and ends, but as I was about to close the drawer and continue onto the next a card with a golden retriever puppy sitting with his head down looking up while seated next to a half-eaten pair of slippers caught my eye. Above the photo it was written "I'm Sorry" in a nice cursive font. My curiosity got to me and I had to see what it was about. I opened it and read it quietly to myself,

Katie,

There are no words to describe the intensity of love I feel for you each and every day. Thinking about your beautiful face, hearing your wonderful laugh, or feeling your passionate kiss makes me so grateful that we have found one another. There is not a day that goes by where you are not in my thoughts. When I am away on travel and am not able to see you, I am constantly looking at your photographs to help me get by until I am able to see you again.

I want to apologize for my behaviour last night, I was way out of line. When I got home I was terrified that I had gone too far and you never wanted to see me again. I don't know how I would ever forgive myself if it had led to the end of our relationship.

I know now that I was crazy for thinking anything was going on between you and Richard. It's just that hearing another man paid for two expensive suites in L.A. and gave one to MY girlfriend is a bit hard to comprehend. After everything you said I really thought it over and I can see now he is and will only ever be a good friend to you and nothing more. I am truly sorry for ever doubting that you were unfaithful.

Love you for always,

Josh

I wasn't sure what upset me more, the fact Kate saw me as never being more than a friend, or that she lied to him about our hotel stay. L.A hadn't been that long ago, so this card couldn't have been more than two weeks old. I was done playing this game, we've kissed, we almost died together, and I'm the only one she has really truly let in to the full extent of her mother's case and all of it generates me as is being only a friend and nothing more. I needed space, my heart couldn't take any more of this. It was hard enough seeing her with Josh, or talk about Josh, my feelings were too strong for her and I couldn't go on this way. I opened her cupboard and found a pair of jogging pants, and an oversized zipper sweater. I packed those in with the three other items and grabbed a pair of slippers that was by her bed and figured that would be good enough. I was not in the mood to put much effort into anything more.

I locked up her place and made a quick detour to my house to grab a bite to eat, shower, shave and change into something else to get the gritty hospital feel off of me. Once I'd completed all that I grabbed the bag and headed back over to the hospital. I avoided the waiting area, I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone. I only had one focus on my mind. I glanced in and saw Alexis fast asleep on my mother's lap. They didn't look like they'd be leaving the hospital any time soon. I went over to the ICU nurse's station and left the bag saying it was for Kathryn Beckett. I checked the time, it was 5:33.

I headed back out of the ICU and spotted Ali sitting at one of the tables. "Hey Mr. Castle, I had a feeling you'd show, I have an hour until my breaks over, how do you want to spend it?" she said seductively.

"We're going to my place."

A/N: Okay so I know that ending probably upset a few people but I want to emphasize a bit more on Kate's and Josh's relationship for a couple chapters since he is still in the picture for the time being (slight foreshadowing!)

Please keep reading and reviewing! :)