Ch. 8
A-O.K.
Beckett groaned as she slowly opened her eyes to a blinding light. Breathing deeply she crinkled her nose at the funny familiar smell that tainted the air. Looking to her right she found herself staring at a bright white wall. What the…?
"Kate? You awake?" Furrowing her brow Beckett tried to place how she knew the voice talking to her. She racked through her head, foggy from sleep, until it dawned on her. My baby! She gasped, fear tearing at her heart as she remembered coming to see Dr. Anderson about a stomach pain Placing her hand on her stomach she gathered some of her shirt into a ball in her fist. She jumped, and squeaked, when someone touched her hand lightly, "Kate, it's Kiley. You're at the doctor's office. You passed out early."
Turning her head Kate caught Kiley's stare with her own. Not wanting to hear it, but having to know, she choked out the words, "My baby? Kiley, my baby?" She swallowed hard not wanting to cry again, especially in front of Kiley who had seen her cry more even then her father.
Kiley smiled and helped her slowly get up into a sitting position and put her arms around her, "It's ok, your baby is fine. Your baby's alive and well at about four and a half weeks."
"My baby's ok, I'm ok?" Kate's voice cracked as the tears threatened to spill from her eyes, and she gulped swiftly hoping to shove the lump in her throat back down.
Stepping back, Kiley laughed lightly, and grabbed Kate's arms gently, "Yes, you're fine. Kate you can cry, don't hold it back. You don't need to keep your shield up around me, I know you need it, and waiting until you get home isn't going to make matters better."
Beckett nodded as a small tear trickled down her cheek, "I'm going to have a baby, I really am pregnant?"
"Yeah, you really are. There is a baby growing inside of you, and you need to take care of yourself, and if that means crying, then do it, because I know you aren't going to do it in front of anyone else. And if it means you need to sleep? Then I can call your fiancé, say I had asked you over to my place and you crashed while we were talking. I had my sub come in for me, so I've got the rest of the evening off."
Kate put her fist to her mouth as her chest and shoulders began to jerk up and down. She was sick of breaking down in front of Kiley, hated having her friend see her this way, and didn't want to do it again. Trying to push her emotions back down she said, "Well, I didn't get any sleep last night, and I haven't had all that much to eat. I've been busy with a case."
Kiley frowned and pulled her friend into a hug, and that was the end of Kate holding onto the reins. The tears were silent, but quick, and before Kiley could tell her that it wasn't smart not getting any sleep, her shirt, (and coat) and been soaked through, "Oh Kate, see crying isn't so bad. It makes you feel better huh?"
"I was… on the… pill… Kiley." Kate sucked in a shake breath, trying to recapture her composure, "The first time… I did… it with Castle… was the night he… proposed, four an… and a half weeks… ago."
She began to steady her breathing and continued, "He didn't want to use a… a condom, he said we'd be safe… because I was on the pill. Said it a few times after too…. Though I guess it didn't matter then did it." Kate shook her head against Anderson's shoulder, "How am I supposed to tell him I'm pregnant after that? It would be like blaming him for it."
"You really believe he'd think that? Do you honestly think that Rick is going to be mad at you for being pregnant? Besides, you may have still gotten pregnant whether or not you used protection, some couples are just meant to be together. God says this by allowing them to have a baby when he knows they're ready for one," Kiley patted Kate's back softly, comforting her friend like she'd seen Johanna do so many times at sleepovers when they were younger, or the time when Kate had the flu, her mom had driven for six straight hours just to make sure Kate had someone to take care of her when Kiley was at class. Johanna had done the same for her a few weeks later, watching over her when she slept, holding her hair out of her face when she barfed. Kiley owed Kate just as much as Kate thought she owed her.
"I'm not ready for a baby! I'm a homicide detective, I work with creepy death cases everyday. If I tell my boss, I'll be put on desk duty from now till kingdom come! I won't be able to handle that, won't be able to live for nine whole months without being able to do field work!" Beckett whined, and Kiley laughed heartily.
"Well, you want it though right? You want to keep this baby, or no?" Anderson released her friend and asked seriously.
"Wanting it, and being prepared are two entirely different things."
"That's not answering my question Kate."
Kate pondered it for a minute, really mulled it over in her head, kneaded it out like pizza dough, wanting all the chunks out, before she replied from her heart, "Yes Kiley, I really do want this baby. I truly do want this baby. It may be earlier then I thought in our relationship with Castle and me, but I think we can manage once he gets passed the shock," then putting a quirky smile on her face she scrunched her nose, "it's the getting him into the shock I don't want. Having to tell him, knowing when the right time is. I'm bound to be telling him and someone's going to hear, and before we can celebrate on our own, the whole world is going to know."
Frowning, Beckett chewed on her bottom lip when she realized what that would mean, and she sighed when Kiley caught onto the awkwardness, "Kate? What is it, what's the matter?"
"There's some mental fan of Castle's who has sent me a threatening letter telling me to leave him, we have no idea who." She scoffed, unfortunately unable to hide the fear she felt towards the situation, "He says nothing will happen, but Castle hasn't seen all the psychos out there. Kiley, I'm actually afraid, I'm truly scared that something's going to happen, and it scares me that it's this frightening to me. I've never had a case with a psycho that was this bad. I'm more afraid now then when I was right before Castle pulled the wires out of a nuclear bomb." Kate finished off strong, but her lip quivered and she blew out a shaky gust of air and bit her lip again, harder then before.
Kiley pulled her back into a hug and spoke calmly, "First off, you need to stop biting your lip, if you want to always have people believing you're so strong, then you need to stop your nervous habits. Secondly, you can't give in to this psycho, allowing her to get under your skin is the first sign that she's' succeeding at making you miserable. Being scared gives her that edge she can use against you to continue. Face this like you faced your mother's killer, look it straight in the eyes and don't let it see that you're scared. Make it think that you don't care…" Kiley stopped for a moment before changing tactics, "You know, actually that was a pretty bad comparison, so sorry. But I still say that you need to not be afraid and work through it with Richard." She stepped back and brushed a piece of hair from Kate's face.
"Yeah, but what do you think this person is going to do when the news of my pregnancy becomes public?" Beckett wondered aloud.
"When ever that is I know you can get through it, because you are a very strong headed woman, who gets the job done."
Kate allowed a small smile to spread across her face, "I hope so, I really do. Thank you Kiley, for everything, but I have to go. If the guys begin to get suspicious of something they won't let it go until they know what's up." She stood from the table and squeezed her friend into a big hug, "Thank you."
"What are best friends for?"
Beckett released her friend and opened the door, "No Kiley, best friends are there when they're needed, sisters are there whether you need them or not, and help you to charge head first into a fight, then swoop in to save you when you're in too deep. Thank you Kiley, for being the sister I never had."
"And thank you Kate, for being mine," Anderson replied as she watched Kate leave, "and be careful! Get some sleep!"
