"Dammit, the battery's dead." Cloud complained, putting away his phone.
"Well, how much footage did you need of Dick tied up to a rock swearing anyway?" Tifa teased him. "He started repeating himself five minutes ago."
"Does he have a programming deficiency? Is that why he's different?" Tina asked Cloud and Tifa.
"He's a true dick." Barret announced, shrugging when Tifa glared at him.
"Dick is just a special doll." Tifa replied diplomatically. "And I think he's lost, he has no reason to be here."
"Yes he does, he's here for our entertainment." Yuffie chimed in gleefully. "I think Yunnie and the other girls need to give him a makeover next. Cloud, remember what you did to rescue Tifa from Don Corneo's brothel?"
"Why would Dick be way out here?" Rude asked Reno as they approached Cosmo Canyon.
"To amuse himself by making me chase all over Gaia for him." Reno replied sourly. "According to this, we should be coming on him any…what the…" his jaw dropped open as they walked into a memorable scene. Their former enemies were all gathered around a rock laughing, and tied to the rock was Dick, who was now in a maid's uniform and Aretha was trying to put lipstick on his uncooperative self, and Mr. Nice Guy was just standing passively near him, surrounded by all the other dolls.
"I wanted to thank you for providing the entertainment for the birthday party." Cloud said smugly, remembering all the snide not-so-subtle comments Reno had made about the cross-dressing escapade.
"Who's idea was this?" Rude asking, fighting to keep a smile off his face as Reno rescued Dick.
"Mine." Yuffie replied insolently, enjoying the results from Vinnie's shoddy recollection of her statement about Reno, she had called him a rogue and a scoundrel, not a pirate. "We thought we'd help you out by teaching him some manners."
Reno shot her a dark look before untying Dick. "Where are his real clothes?" he demanded to know.
"I have them." Mr. Nice Guy confessed, and Rude picked him up away from the other dolls and put him down next to Dick, who grabbed his clothes and disgustedly tore the maid's outfit off before getting dressed in his rightful uniform.
"We won't forget this!" Reno snarled before he stormed away.
"No, you won't!" Aerith called after him sweetly. "We've got video! I'll text you the ShinraTube link later!"
.
Realizing he hadn't heard from Tsareng and Alana in a while, Rufus went to his safe room and activated their cameras to find out where they were. Cursing when there was just blackness on the monitors, revealing they had been turned off, he grabbed the wireless controller that he had specially made for them, and remotely powered on their cameras. When the images appeared on the monitors, he sat there in shock as he saw Elena and Tseng in what must be her bedroom, him tied to her bed, and her with the riding crop. She was obviously doing some kind of sexual interrogation, but he couldn't be sure, since the cameras in the dolls only transmitted video, not audio. Rufus's first thought was to turn it off, but he found himself fascinated by the scene unfolding before him, Tseng looked so flustered and unsure of himself, and Rufus had never seen that side of the leader of the Turks.
"Why is your hand in your pants?" Rose asked.
"Never sneak up on me!" Rufus snapped at her in embarrassed fury, surprised to look at the clock and realize two hours had passed. "And what are you doing here? How'd you get in?"
"You didn't lock the safe room door, and you wanted me to report to you on Scarlet's activites. Why was your hand in your pants?" she asked again.
"I'm protecting the family jewels." he told her coolly as he got ahold of himself, taking his hand out and wiping it off with one of the cleaning wipes meant for the monitor screens.
"Oooooo, I like jewelry! What is it, diamond, sapphires, pearls, a mix? Can I see them, pretty please?" Rose asked eagerly.
"No, you may not!" he exclaimed. "It's…it's my future wife's inheritance, only she gets them."
"Oh. Well, you don't have to get so testy. Did you know your cheeks are really red right now?" Rose let him know.
"Do you have anything of interest to report on Scarlet's activities?" he inquired through clenched teeth.
"She wants a raise and is getting fed up with Reno's catting around, she thinks he'll eventually ruin his effectiveness as an operative if he doesn't settle down." Rose reported.
"Hmmm…" Rufus pondered that and turned on Mr. Nice Guy's camera, in time to see the female dolls force Dick into the maid's outfit.
Rose stared at Rufus as his mood suddenly brightened and he actually laughed. "Humans are strange." she muttered to herself.
