Title: Can't Start A Fire (Without a Spark)
Author
: Fatebegins (http:// fatebegins .livejournal .com/)
Rating
: NC-17 / M
Pairing
: Puck/Kurt (Purt/Puckurt). Characters: Ryan Atwood, Mike Chang, Finn Hudson, Mercedes Jones, Quinn Fabray..many more.
Summary
: Puck is a firefighter and saves Kurt from a burning building, he's instantly drawn to the soprano and knows that somehow, someway, he's going to make him his "wife".
Disclaimer
: No Glee don't belong to me or to fatebegins, this history is not mine! But I have permission to post it here! (The original post: http:// fatebegins .livejournal .com/16424 .html)
Warning: AU, MPREG.

Review? Please? *puppy eyes*

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

Ryan opened his eyes slowly, wincing at the ache in the back of his skull. Where the hell was he? He didn't recognize the room he was in but he could hear the distant barking of a dog and then the scratchy slide of a screen door. It all came rushing back then, seeing Seth again, feeling so happy and then finding out he wasn't pregnant. Ryan groaned pressing his eyes shut.

He heard footsteps entering the room. Seth must have dragged him over to the couch after - oh god how fucking embarrassing - he'd fainted on the guy's front steps.

"No use pretending, I know you're awake." Seth chided, sitting down on the edge of the couch beside Ryan's prone body. "Your left eye always ticks. It's barely noticeable but I spent a lot of time watching you. I'm like the expert." His voice sounded amused. Ryan almost felt like no time had passed between them. As if the seven months apart had never occurred.

He opened his eyes when an icepack was pressed against his head and he jumped at the cold, mumbling, "Thanks." He stared at the wood paneled wall just past Seth's head. It was like Seth was the sun and Ryan couldn't look directly at him. It just hurt too much. There was an awkward silence.

"What the hell are you even doing here, Ryan?"

"I wanted to see how you were, I heard you were in town." He attempted lamely.

"You made it explicitly clear that you didn't care about me when you fucked some guy in our bed." Seth stood up, his voice shaking. "I don't know why you fucking fainted in the first place but you're conscious now and I want you to go."

Ryan swung his legs to the ground and took a deep breath. He'd thought a lot in the time it took him to drive to Long Island. He didn't want Seth to see him sick, to have him deal with a partner who would most likely die in a couple of month, but he also couldn't do this anymore. Have Seth hate him, even if it was for his own good. " Seth, I…about that. We need to talk."

"No. I want you to go, Ryan. Now." Seth shook his head, his lower lip was trembling and Ryan just wanted to kiss all the hurt and pain away. How could he have thought hurting Seth was for the best? It had been months and Seth's dark eyes still held the same pain they had that day when he'd walked in on the staged scene. He had to come clean, he couldn't leave Seth hurting like this.

"I didn't cheat on you." As soon as he said the words Ryan felt like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders. "You have to know that I never would."

"Is that your new angle?" Seth snorted. "It's seven months too fucking late to play the denial card."

"Seth-"

"No, Ryan!" He shouted angrily. "You don't get to just show up here and say these things! Hurt me all over again." His eyes were tearing and he wiped the moisture away furiously. "I was stupid to trust you! All the fucking signs were there; do you have to do everything by the book? Don't you even cheat originally? You were so fucking clichéd. The late nights, unexplained trips…" He sucked a breath. "The way you didn't…. d-didn't want me anymore."

"Seth! If you would-"

"I wasted six years of my life on you, Ryan Atwood, and I'm not going to waste a single second more." Seth stomped over to the door, flinging it open. "I want you to leave now or I'll call the police."

"I have chronic lymphocytic Leukemia." Ryan blurted out. "The same type I had when I was seventeen. I found out I was out of remission in California. I didn't want you to see me like that - so I made it look like I did something terrible, something I knew you would never forgive. Something to make you leave me because - " His voice broke. "Because I knew…I knew I would never be strong enough to walk away from you."

"What?" Seth voice was quiet and broken, his thin body pressed against the foyer wall as he stared at Ryan. "You have, you're…" He couldn't continue, his mind could only process the words Cancer and leukemia . He slid down to the floor.

This was exactly what Ryan had wanted to avoid. He could feel the pain coming off the hunched figure in waves. He got to his feet unsteadily and knelt down next to Seth's bowed head.

"How could you?" Seth asked anguished. "Why would you deliberately lie to me like that? Hurt me like that?"

"I didn't want you to have to go through this." Ryan defended. "You've never seen how bad it could get, the night shakes, vomiting, fainting…and that's the tamer stuff. The doctors are trying to remain optimistic but-"

"I don't fucking care!" Seth cried. "I don't care if you had two weeks left or a year… that would make me want to be with you even more, no matter what…and now, seven months…how could you take that time away from me? From us?"

"I'm sorry Seth. You'll never know how sorry I am."

"I wish I knew how to hate you." Seth finally collapsed into Ryan arms, pressing his wet face into Ryan's neck. Breathed in the scent he had wanted with him so badly for months. "I don't want you to die." He whispered into the side of Ryan's neck.

"I don't want to die." Ryan hugged Seth tighter, not caring that they were both huddled on the ground in front of the open door. "Seth, I still…I always loved you and if-"

His next sentence was cut off by a piercing wail; a baby's cry. Ryan started, his heart clenching painfully in his chest. Seth pushed away, wiping at tears.

"You have a baby?" His voice wavered

"We have a baby. A son." Seth corrected simply.

"What?"

"Your son; Ryan James." Seth paused. "I took to calling him RJ."

There was a silence so loud Ryan's ears ached. It was broken by his son's loud cries. "You named him after me?" His voice was thick with emotion, his heart already yearning to see the owner of the cries.

Seth nodded, smiling sadly. "I was hurt Ryan, but I never hated you. I always missed you."

Ryan could only stare at him in disbelief. How was it possible that someone so good and so kind wanted him? Would stay despite what was coming?

"Let's go see our son", Seth rose to his feet, extending one hand down to Ryan who was still sitting on the ground dumbfounded. "Together."

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

"I don't think I'll ever get used to having to buy baby formula and diapers." Kurt complained staring at the rows of diapers. He was intimidated by the multitude of brands available each claiming to be the best. Ryan and Kurt were currently in the supermarket shopping for Christmas dinner, the first actual family dinner in years, with Burt flying out that evening to spend Christmas day with them. It was surreal for Kurt to see Ryan with his son and with Seth now. All three of them had arrived at Ryan's house two days ago.

Ryan chose pampers swaddlers deftly, "This is the brand Seth used in Long Island." He explained, "When he basically just tells me what to get all of this baby stuff gets incredibly easy."

"Christmas is two days away and now I have two extra people to get presents for." Kurt looked around, "Wegamens is totally Seth's taste right? Maybe I can buy him a pineapple and wrap it up?"

"Hey! Watch it," Ryan grinned. "You're talking about the father of my child."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "If I had a nickel for every time you've managed to find a way to say that in the past two days, I wouldn't need to buy Seth anything, I'd just write him a check."

"It feels good saying it." Ryan smiled and Kurt felt a rush of happiness. Physically, Ryan was still thin and weak, but spiritually Kurt could see him healing. He was animated now, happy, and he just lived. He was alive again.

"I'm glad you're feeling better." Kurt said softly. Ryan returned his smile, eyes reading over the cans of baby formula.

"Me too," He grabbed a couple of cans and then some assorted jars. "Now that I'm not off having my personal pity party, I'm noticing some things."

"Yeah?" Kurt asked absently, his mind planning out the ingredients to the dinner he was going to cook. He wondered if he should get cranberries, no one ever ate those anyway. He would just end up throwing them away. Okay, he decided, no cranberries.

"The first thing I noticed the tall guy who looks like he wants to rape me, he's never over anymore." Kurt tensed but Ryan continued. "And the Asian dude, Mick or Mike or whatever, Noah never even brings him up. It's like they don't even speak."

Kurt looked away. "I kind of…they don't talk anymore."

"Really?" Ryan seemed surprised. "There was a time when those guys would be in my house more than me."

"Mike and I got into an argument about… It was something stupid, I can't even remember." Kurt wet his lips. "Noah walked in on it and then told Mike he never wanted to talk to him again."

"Wow." Ryan whistled. "What an asshole."

"Mike?"

"No, Noah." Ryan clarified. "I love you and all Kurt but I still think it's pretty cold to tell your friend to get lost just because he fought with your boyfriend."

Kurt nodded numbly.

"If you agree with me, why didn't you say something? Tell Noah to lighten up." Ryan suggested. "Maybe he thought he had to say all that stuff for you."

"Maybe," Kurt agreed absently. "Let's just go get the rest of your baby stuff so we can go to the adult section please. The smell of talcum powder is making my head hurt."

"It smells sweet and anyway," Ryan added. "With the way Noah used to talk I kind of figured you'd be bare foot and pregnant by now." They moved down the aisle slowly.

Kurt bit his lip, "I'm happy for you, Ryan, and for Seth and, don't get me wrong, RJ is the cutest, really, but I don't want to have kids. Ever."

Ryan eyebrows rose. "This coming from the boy who would stuff cushions under his shirt and pretend he was pregnant for hours?"

"That was then." Kurt shrugged. "I also used to put on a bra and stuff it with tissues but you don't see me running around with double D's do you?"

"Hey," Ryan stopped the cart and looked at Kurt seriously. "What's going on with you? Where is all of this coming from?"

" I don't see why this is a big issue, first with Noah and now with you." Kurt's voice was angry and hard. "Just because I'm wired to be a freak doesn't mean I have to have one."

"A freak?" Ryan was shocked. "Since when does having a baby, a natural process by the way, make you into a freak? Seth carried our child, do you think I look at him like he's some kind of science experiment?"

"That's just you, Ryan. Everyone else, they'll look at me and know-"

"You have got to stop letting Karofsky run your life Kurt!" Ryan cut him off, exasperated. "It's been years! I know it was painful, believe me I do, but if he is still getting to you, still telling you how inferior you are after all these years and all these miles - " He'd thought Kurt would have gotten better with time. "I think you need to talk to somebody."

"I do not need a shrink, thank you very much!" Kurt huffed. "I choose not to have a baby because I don't want to carry one."

"And what about the guy you claim to love? What does Noah want?"

Kurt was silent but then his gaze turned mutinous. "It's my body, my choice."

"Have you two even been using protection?" Ryan asked, cringing. No one liked to know that their little brother was having sex and he was no different.

Kurt flushed. "Yes! We use protection…" He trailed off. "Well, most of the time anyway. A couple of times we kind of…" His face grew redder. "We were in places where we couldn't get to condoms."

"You can't be that stupid, Kurt." Ryan let out a deep breath. "All it takes is once! Look at Seth and I, we always used condoms, and I mean religiously, and he still had RJ. If you honestly think you can just pick and choose when it's convenient to protect yourself…" He threw his hands up in the air in a gesture of hopelessness. "Then I think you might be in for a rude awakening."

"What are you talking about? I'd know if I was pregnant!"

Ryan raised a brow and then walked further down the aisle, when he came back he had a white box in his hands. It was an error proof pregnancy test. Kurt went white.

"I'm not saying you are but," Ryan tapped the box. "It would be good to know for sure. Then you'll know that if you're not pregnant you have to make sure to use condoms in the future."

"This is ridiculous." Kurt couldn't take his gaze away from the box, the pregnant male on the cover smiling - he was going to be sick. "Ryan…I - "

"Kurt?" Ryan put an arm around him. "Are you okay?"

Before Kurt could answer he found himself emptying all of the contents of his stomach in aisle 5 of Wegamens. A little girl watched him fascinated, holding her teddy bear to her mouth. An older man winced and turned away. Ryan rubbed Kurt's back his face grim when Kurt met his gaze.

"Kurt…" Ryan gave him a look mixed with pity and love.

Kurt shook his head, feeling himself panic. This wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to be just like they said he would-

"Kurt, you're going to take that test as soon as we get home." Ryan steadied him on his feet. "Alright?"

Kurt obediently nodded in agreement, his mouth sour and gritty.

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

Puck was watching television and almost asleep when the doorbell sounded. Irritated at not being able to nap, he opened the door and let a frazzled looking Kurt through. Kurt shot right past him and into the living room, a brown bag in his hands.

Puck quirked a brow. "What is this, a Christmas present?"

If possible Kurt tensed even more as he shook his head. "Promise not to be mad."

Puck eyed him. " Mad about-"

"Just promise, okay?" Kurt insisted. Puck nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving the bag. Whatever was in it was making Kurt very upset.

"Kurt, are you okay? You look a little sick."

Kurt gave a brittle laugh but didn't answer instead he tugged off his pale crème coat and gloves, momentarily placing the bag on the ground. Puck almost grabbed it to see what was inside. He was never good at surprises.

"In high school," Kurt closed his eyes and shuddered. "It was more than just the teasing and the pranks I told you about."

"What are you-"

Kurt held up a hand. "Please Noah, I can only say this once…so just let me get through it." Puck fell silent, sitting down at the edge of the leather couch while Kurt stood in front of him. "It only happened a couple of times and it was never anything serious but Karofsky would sometimes grab me in places, mostly when we were alone and try to make me do…favors." Puck's hands tightened into fists on his thighs. "I never did what he asked so of course the beatings got worse and more frequent. Usually he would follow me home or wait until I had to shower after gym class. He'd constantly tell me I was nothing; a faggot, a waste of space… the sexual stuff… it was always when none of his friends were around. I guess he didn't want them to know he had a thing for the fag." Tears pricked behind Kurt's lids as he remembered. "One day I was just so tired of it, so sick of the constant harassment and t-the way he tried to touch me, I told him that even if I was nothing, I would never want him. He snapped." Kurt took a gulping breath, trying to push down on the images. "He held me down and told me that he would show me how worthless I was. He said he would fuck me until I bled and come in me…make me have his baby. He said that was the only reason any guy would look twice at me, since I was so ugly." Kurt's eyes were vacant. "I was even smaller than I am now when I was in high school, and he was a big guy…almost as big as your friend Mike…I didn't stand a chance. I really thought that he'd do what he said." He stopped.

Puck was angry on Kurt's behalf but also confused about where all of this was coming from. At the mention of Mike's name he grew cold. He couldn't imagine it but…what was Kurt getting at if not that?

"I was lucky…A teacher, a new one, Mr. Schuester ,was staying late that day and when he heard me scream he came to see what was going on. Karofsky panicked and ran off. I guess that was too close a call for him because after that day, he just stuck with using me as a punching bag."

Puck moved towards Kurt but the younger man flinched and took a step back. "Kurt, why are you telling me this now?"

"When you asked me the other day about having kids, I said that you were pressuring me."

"I remember." Puck's stomach twisted.

"I wanted to say…" Kurt looked at a loss for words then began again. "I do want to have babies, your babies but… I don't want Karofsky to be right."

Puck's brow furrowed. "I'm not sure I'm following what you're even saying, Kurt. What does this prick have to do with us? With our children?"

"I felt like… from the get go you knew I could bear children." Kurt looked helpless. "You're too good to be true, Puck. From the beginning you pursued me like I was the greatest person alive even when I was mean to you and your friends constantly… and then when you suddenly brought it up, me having kids… I thought that-"

"That I was using you to have my children!" Puck stood, offended, a bitter taste in his mouth. "Kurt, you're supposed to know me, we're in a relationship! How can you even think I would do something like that?" His voice was rising, getting louder and angrier. Puck had literally poured everything he had into this. He had sacrificed so much just to prove to Kurt that he loved him, that he was serious about them, and it turned out Kurt hadn't believed in him at all.

"I don't know!" Kurt cried. " I ju-"

"Then you need to fucking figure it out! Otherwise what the fuck are we doing, Kurt?" Puck was furious. "I feel for, I do, I get that you've had a shitty break but don't think that you can continually do and say fucked up things to me!"

"I know! I know!" Kurt covered his ears, trying to block out Puck's angry voice. "But I still hear him, okay? And we were having sex and you weren't using protection and when Ryan said, I just thought-"

"Kurt!" Puck shouted. The room fell silent. Puck took a few deep breaths, the past could be dealt with later for now the present was all that mattered, and then walked to Kurt who was looking back at him sadly. Puck put his hands on Kurt's thin shoulders and felt that he was shaking, "What about now? What do you think now?"

"I," Kurt looked down and away. "I want this to be real so badly. I just want to be with you," He took a shuddering breath. "Because I love you."

Puck's face broke into a grin, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. "I don't think you've ever told me that before."

"I haven't?"

Puck shook his head. "No." He pulled Kurt against his chest. "I never realized how badly I needed to hear it."

"Noah?" Kurt said, allowing himself to be pulled down on the couch and into Puck's lap.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"You're not a mess." He tilted Kurt's face up and kissed him gently. "You're perfect."

Kurt's shook his head, eyes sparkling with tears. He thought of the picture in the hallway and of the three smiling faces in uniform. He had messed that up, ruined a friendship because he'd been stupid and insecure, trapped in the past. If he had just come clean to Puck about what had happened before then maybe the other man would have understood. He had no choice now.

"There's more," Kurt watched the twinkling lights of the tree they had trimmed together, Puck clamping his hands around his waist to hoist him up to place the star on top of the tree. He didn't know what he would do if Puck just decided he wasn't worth the trouble. "Mike…when we were fighting." He could feel Puck go rigid under him. "I was confused. Sometimes…you can ask Ryan… I have these flashbacks and they're so vivid, I think they're real, that Karofsky is there and it's actually happening."

"What does that have to do with Mike?"

"That's what you walked in on that day. Mike was trying to see if we could be friends and when he stood, I don't know what happened to me but all I knew was that he was big and strong…like Karofsky. I had a panic attack. When you came out I was still confused but it cleared up on the way home."

"You let me say all of that shit to my best friend and it wasn't even real?" Puck sounded incredulous. "Even if you were having a panic attack then, why the hell wouldn't you say something afterward?"

Tears trickled down Kurt's face. "I thought you would think that I was a freak." He laughed bitterly, "Who has panic attacks over bullying that happened in high school? Mike and Finn they're the token jocks, they reminded me of the guys who tortured me in school. That's why I wanted nothing to do with them. So when Mike was alone with me, I freaked and…It was stupid and I'm sorry…" When Puck didn't answer him, his arms going lax around Kurt, he tried to get up totally convinced that Puck was through with him.

"Kurt! Stop trying to leave." Puck tightened his arms once more. "Listen, I'm not going to pretend I'm not fucking pissed, I am okay? But just because I'm angry doesn't mean I want to break up."

"It doesn't?" He was afraid to hope.

"It doesn't and just to be clear - I have never, ever gave a thought to having kids until I met you. This isn't high school Kurt, and you have to stop living like it is." He turned the smaller man in his arms until Kurt was straddling him, his tear streaked face directly in his line of vision. "When things scare you, you have to talk to me and tell me. No matter how stupid you think it is."

"That's it?" Kurt was uncertain. "That's all you have to say?"

Puck nodded. "Do you want me to yell at you?" Kurt shook his head. "Scream and rant a bit?" Kurt shook his head no once more. "Than that's it."

Kurt hugged Puck tightly, relieved, tucking his head under the older man's chin. "I'm so sorry about Mike. I'll call him, meet him and tell him it was all my fault," He promised, "Whatever you need me to do or say, to make it right again, just let me know."

Puck was grim. He had no idea how to even begin bridging the gap between him and Mike. He thought of the text Mike had sent him the night of the Durham fire, hopefully that meant his friend wouldn't be too adverse to a reconciliation. Puck wanted that to be the case. Now that he knew Kurt wanted to have children he would try and get the other man to agree to starting a family as soon as possible. He wanted to start a family and that was something he wanted his best friends to be a part of.

Puck thought for a moment. "So you do want to have kids with me?'

"Yes." Kurt answered shyly.

Puck rubbed his hands over Kurt's hips, down his thighs and back up again and said teasingly, "You want to get some practice in?"

Kurt sat up, remembering the brown bag. "I think we may not need to practice at all." He got off of Puck's lap, fighting his clinging hands and retrieved the bag. "Here," He extended it to Puck.

The other man took it. "You know on Hanukah we wrap our presents in wrapping paper." Puck rolled his eyes as he opened the crumpled brown bag. "This is just plain cheap-" His words died and his jaw dropped. Puck looked back up at Kurt. "What is this?"

"You can read can't you?" Kurt retorted but his voice shook.

"It's a pregnancy test."

Kurt nodded solemnly. "I think I should take it."

Puck handed the box back, his stomach jumping. He had never even thought that Kurt could actually already be pregnant. If Finn was here he would be hysterically laughing about how accurate he turned out to be.

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

After eight of the longest minutes of his life Kurt emerged from the bathroom, white stick in his hand, his expression blank.

"Well," Puck was practically climbing the walls. "What did it say?'

Kurt turned the stick over to face Puck. "What does it look like to you, Daddy?" He was beaming.

"Y-you're…we're having…?' Puck was stammering and stuttering and feeling like the happiest idiot the planet.

Kurt grinned and grabbed his hand bringing it down to his stomach. "We're having a baby."

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'

What do you think? Good? Bad? Something?