"This is my temporary home. It's not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going."
-Carrie Underwood "Temporary Home"

Bella's POV

Haunting, like dark shadows, taking over my thoughts, my actions, everything I did. I thought I was getting better, maybe that the depression pills were working, maybe the therapy would help. But they didn't, not even in the slightest way. I thought the nightmares would go away. But then that day changed all of it and now it was the only thing I knew I could never get rid of. Even Jacob couldn't help me anymore. No one could.

They were all so stupid, specifically the therapist who was shoving annoying questions down my throat right now. She wasn't an actual therapist just a preschool teacher used to whining and crying so they decided to make her a par therapist too. I rolled my eyes and blew a bubble gum bubble and popped it loudly—I knew she hated that. Mrs. Ross frowned and wrote something down in fancy notepad. Once I asked her what she writes there and she just said 'just information about your wonderful progress!' in her fake cheery voice. Apparently she's the only one who gets to ask the questions, every time I'd ask her something thinking there was no way she could turn it back on me she did. I hated her.

"Well, Bella, do you want to discuss anything eventful that happened today at school?" I leaned farther back into the couch and propped my feet up on the coffee table. Tapping my finger against my lips pretending to think intently, I gave her hope for getting anything out of me and after I moment I shook my head.

"Nope." I decided, raising my eyebrows expecting her disappointed look which, as predicted, came a moment later. I wasn't about to tell her about how I had tried out for the cross country team and was definitely going to make it before I tripped and fell right before the finish line and everyone laughed. I never came back to the team even though they didn't cut freshman. I wasn't about to tell her how I had only made one friend, Angela, and that was only because we were partnered in English.

"Bella, you remember when we talked about opening up to people instead of keeping your emotions bottled up inside?" She asked.

"Yeah, so?" I didn't really care but I knew she wanted me to respond so she could lecture.

"I'm here because we want you to open up! This thing isn't going to work if it's only one sided. Keeping your emotions inside is bad and if it goes on for too long, it's going to explode out of you and that could cause you to push ones you love away." Mrs. Ross ranted for awhile but I wasn't going to respond to this one. There's no one I love left to push away, it's better to have no one and have your heart still intact that have someone and have it crushed. I sore to myself I'd stay whole, stay as happy as it was possible for me. She gave an antagonized sigh and wrote something else down while shaking her head muttering to herself about my refusal to cooperate.

"At least have you been feeling better? Any suicidal thoughts lately? No cutting right?" Mrs. Ross chose to change the subject seeing as we were going nowhere with that.

"I've been feeling wonderful! Just fine and dandy! My life is awesome!" I cheered sarcastically. The first couple sessions I kept saying I wasn't suicidal, still no one believed me so eventually I just gave up. I still took the depression pills and sometimes they did work but often times they didn't but I never told anyone that.

"May I see your arms today?" She implored, trying to see under my long sleeves. I pulled them up without any fight because she wouldn't find anything but healing scars. Moron. Your arms aren't the only place to cut. Mrs. Ross smiled as if she was the reason I had stopped cutting, and it was her own personal success. I smiled angelically at her, but I could tell even she didn't trust that secretly mischievous smile.

"Okay what would you like to talk about now Bella? Anything at all?" I only shook my head in response and tried not to fall asleep.

"What about your family?" She probed.

"I don't have one." I said bluntly without any explanation. Mrs. Ross leaned forward and poised her pen millimeters away from her notepad ready to jot down something at any second and I could almost hear her thinking 'now we're getting somewhere!'

"What are you saying? Aren't Billy, Jacob, Rebecca and Rachel your family?" God, it already felt like a criminal interrogation!

"They're just the people I'm living with they're not my family. As soon as I turn eighteen and finish high school I'm going to college far, far away and never looking back!" I answered with determination strong in my voice. And then more softy I added, "Charlie was my only family."

"What about your mother?" Mrs. Ross kept pushing.

"Mother implies caring, and love. I don't have a mother. Renee is just simply shared blood." This was the most I had ever said in one of these sessions but I couldn't stop it felt like word vomit.

"The only family I ever had was murdered." I finished. Mrs. Ross was slumped back in her chair very surprised at me finally opening up even if it was only a little bit. I swear her jaw almost dropped. I dropped my gaze embarrassed for spilling all that information all at once. Biting my lip I hoped it wouldn't happen again.

"Bella…Charlie was attacked by an animal not murdered…" Mrs. Ross said slowly. My eyes widened, I hadn't even realized I had said that, it had just come out.

"I don't believe that." I mumbled quietly. "I can't remember much from that night but I don't believe it." We were both silent for awhile after that neither knowing really what to say, then finally she spoke.

"I don't know much about your fathers' case but I do know that sometimes after a traumatizing event as humans we sometimes cause ourselves to forget things on purpose, and we do completely forget about it. I think they call it 'repressed memory'… And other times we can replace the memory with something else entirely made up by our own minds and believe it. That's why sometimes people have irrational fears but can't quite remember why they're scared." Mrs. Ross went on. My forehead creased.

"False memory syndrome?" I questioned tentatively.

"Exactly. Like for example, you can think you went to the park the day your house burned down, remembering details of the park you didn't go to but really the whole time you were there when it happened." All I could summon after that was a surprised 'oh'. When the session finished I bolted out of the building and ignored the fact that I was supposed to be picked up and just walked.

I didn't really know where to go at first. I just walked about for awhile happy to leave that place but I found my feet taking me to a place that seemed strange yet familiar at the same time. I was going through the woods trying not to fall over raised roots or stumble into spider webs. Normally I would've turned back and given up but this time I didn't want to turn back I wanted to keep going. I took my watch off and stuffed it into the pocket of my jeans, not bothering with anyone else's worries right now.

A mosquito buzzed passed me and I swatted at it and kept going. Right after that I fell down because I had forgotten to look down for raised roots, standing back up I banged my head on a lower branch and then to top it off the mosquito came back with six of its friends an bit me. I seriously wasn't sure if I wanted to keep walking but I did. Still I couldn't help yelling "Are we there yet?" out loud to no one in particular.

Pushing branches away I finally stepped out into a wide open clearing. I gasped, feeling a sharp tug on my stomach. I clutched my torso falling to the ground and began to cry. I knew this place, Charlie took me here. I also knew this was the place where he died yet somehow it wasn't the reason why I was crying. I didn't exactly know why I was crying, I just felt very sad. So sad and miserable. And scared.

It didn't really make any sense to be sad in a place as beautiful as this. It was a beautiful as I remembered. The feeling of walking right into the middle of a fairytale was still here and I felt as though at any second Snow White and her seven dwarves were going to come. Or maybe from one of the flowers Thumbelina would sprout. But I kept crying and crying and crying.

When my tears started to slow down I sat up and picked up one of the daisies in front of me.

"Daddy. It's so pretty." I whispered, stroking the petals before sharply plucking them all off and throwing the stem far away.

Suddenly I looked up as a glint of light from the opposite side of the meadow caught my eye. It looked like a random sparkle, maybe a reflection from the river? Something didn't feel right though then I felt another feeling deep in my gut. Fear was back. I stood up shakily and squinted into the distance before the hair on the back of my neck rose and my heart turned to ice. I saw red eyes again. I wasn't alone. I didn't waste another second before I bolted. Running quickly out of the meadow before I could fully comprehend what was even going on.

That little voice in the back of my mind was talking again, the one that had always sounded strangely like Charlie. Run, Bella! It told me, Run!

I have been taking wayyy too long with updating and I'm truly sorry! There's no excuse, and I'm disappointed in myself. So I'll try harder, really I will. Also that last part of the conversation with the therapist was pretty important, so keep that in mind. *cough* remember it! *cough*hehe, anyway you know what you gotta do! Seriously, reviews are like my own personal brand of heroin *wink*

Love,

Grace