Thanks for the reviews, story alerts, and favorite story markers. And thanks for your suggestions. The Hound and Wheeljack with wildlife, Prime getting in trouble and Sarah Lennox is mixed in here. The Chuck Norris and other suggestions, plus some humdinger rib hurting originals are in progress for later chapters.

Somehow these things are taking on a life of their own. What started out a rule became a paragraph became its own fic under each rule. But everyone seems to like that so I'll keep creating them.

And I can post sections of the rules as the numbers fill in. Yes, I do have a pattern to their numbering, though in the beginning they were chosen at total random. Like playing the lottery. Do I have an 8, 15, 27, 46, and a 52? Onward and upward to fun.

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6. Do not ever start a conversation, excuse or alibi with the following phrases when explain to Autobot Command or NEST Military officers. *Sideswipe, Sunstreaker and anyone else in trouble.

a. He / She started it (while pointing at Twin, sparkmate or fellow Autobot.)

b. I dare you to

c. But it was just sitting there

d. We were wondering if

e. It sounded like a good idea

f. You mean we had to ask first before

g. It looked safe on the datapad

h. How were we suppose to know it wouldn't

i. It would have worked on Cybertron

j. It's not our fault that

k. There's a rule on this already? Bummer.

19. Do not study or experiment with indigenous wildlife without appropriate safety precautions. *Hound and Wheeljack.

"I should have seen this one coming." Prowl reasoned. "Earth has thousands of species, unlike anything we have ever encountered on other world. Scouts are naturally curious as are scientists. They know never to harm living things or interfere with existing civilizations. And those two have never been trouble when together."

Hound, in his army jeep alt form, lead up the rocky mountain road. His green armor plating was nearly invisible under a tan layer of dust. The Autobot trailing behind was completely covered, obscuring his white race car design.

::Are you sure the view (bounce) is worth this? I'm never (dip) going to get (rattle rattle) this dust out of my servos:: Wheeljack

:: Relax Jack. I'll ask the girls to wash you. Found two more video relays this week. And we're almost there.:: Hound

::Oh pit. All these (ouch) bumps (ugh) are tearing my suspension. (heave) And Ratchet refused to repair me (crunch) one more time (jar) until after twenty orns have passed:: Wheeljack

::Made it:: Hound announced, sliding around a corner. He transformed, walking forward, shading his optics with one hand. A sputter and cough followed by a transformation sound heralded Wheeljack's arrival.

"Wow, you can seen forever up here." Wheeljack admitted, looking out over the panoramic view. The valley spread out before them, forests descending down into grassy meadows. The river below sparkled in the bright sunlight, shimmering in its purity. An eagle screamed overhead. Both mechs looked at each other, grinning, then followed its flight.

"Look at that wing spread," Hound muttered, taking a step forward.

"Incredible organic creature. No engines, no powered internals and it soars like a seeker." He took a step forward, coming alongside Hound. Neither scanned where they were standing. Their attention was focused upward and not on the crumbling edge. The rapidly crumbling edge.

"Ready to see more?" Hound asked as a fissure began behind their feet and began spreading left and right. Wheeljack nodded, his head extensions flashing with excitement. He started to answer when a distinct crack sounded. Both glanced down, optics going wide as the cliff crumbled away.

AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Hound desperately tried to tuck and roll as he bounced down the mountain side, crashing through trees like a giant bowling ball. Wheeljack landed on his back, arms flailing desperately to grab anything as he slid, ripping trees out by the roots. Neither saw the rocky outcropping until they shot over it and into the air.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The mountainside shook with their impacts. Wheeljack opened his optics as systems began rebooting. Dozens of error messages scrolled by his central processor, none were critical damage and he raised his head. "Raised?" he realized, climbing out of a Wheeljack shaped hole. "Hound, you there?" He looked right then scrambled forward, seeing his friend face down in the river. A quick grab and he heaved him out and onto his side. Blue optics looked up at him. "You okay, buddy?"

"Yah. Found a fish! Want to see?" Hound quipped. "Is your arm supposed to curve like that?"

"No," Wheeljack admitted, holding the limb that now had three bends in it. "And you had two doors and a windshield when we started. Missing them?"

"Hmm, now that you mention it, they are missing. Ratchet is not going to like this is he?"

"I'm not liking it Hound, let's go. We'll have to walk out until we find a road."

Four hours later, they both pulled up to the local ranger station, honking their horns until the ranger and his assistant came out. Two poachers were tied and bound inside of Hound. The crumpled remains of their rifles were ejected from Wheeljack's trunk. The holographic drivers waved, then dumped the poachers out. The Transformers raced away in their banged up alt forms, laughing.

::You know, it would have been cooler to have them tied onto my hood. Too bad it's embedded up in the mountain side somewhere:: Hound.

21. Do not let humans use recordings to make ringtones, wav files, voice clips or songs of us or supporters.

"What are you doing Epps? That is the fortieth something melody you have tried. Pick something already. It's a ringtone, not a battle plan." Captain Lennox complained, looking up from his pile of reports.

"Actually," Epps leaned forward and dropped to a whisper, "I got good recordings to make my own. Listen." He flipped out a CD disk and placed it into his laptop and began typing. Will's phone beeped, showing incoming filed accepted. "Try them."

Will hesitated then began keying his phone options, trying them one by one.

"I can smell you boy!" Megatron.

"Taking the children was a bad idea." Optimus Prime.

"These things just don't die."

Lennox jerked, "That's my voice. I was talking about the Decepticons in the battle two years ago. You got any others of me?"

"We got a whole lot of battle coming our way."

"Not inside the plane you dumb #$%!"

"Oh, I love that one! I'm keeping it." Will chortled. "Galloway's face as he panicked, pulling that chute was priceless. And I have work to do if you don't mind."

"I don't mind a bit." Epps retorted.

Twenty minutes later, Will's watch chimed, reminding him to call his wife Sarah. Driving down the freeway, heading for the base, her cellphone began playing. "Not inside the plane you dumb #$%!" Not inside the plane you dumb #$%!"

"Hi daddy."

"Hi sweetie. Mommy there?"

"Will Jennings Lennox what type of ringtone is that! You better have an explanation ready. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. We're just pulling up to the gates now." And she hung up the phone.

Epps winced, overhearing the whole thing. "Sorry dude. You better go find Optimus. No one messes with him."

"My wife would."

23. Do not expect to get out of trouble using your age, war status or rank as a prerogative with command, supporter or Transformer or their sparkmate and wife, including a Prime.

Prowl's systems flushed hot as he chortled. "Captain Lennox stated once that the females of his species could be threatening and commanding but I never thought to see a Prime bow before one. Too bad all the security tapes had to be erased from that afternoon."

Optimus Prime stretched his arms overhead, unlinking a shoulder gear, stiff from another long meeting with human commanders. Ultra Magnus had snuck up behind him, calculating the exact moment to grab and pin him in a headlock. It had worked for all of a tenth of a breem. Optimus had fought for his life against Decepticons more than he would ever admit to Magnus. Red arms straining, he snapped the power cables in his arms, flipping his brother's red and blue form through the air and into the concrete. He hit, tucked and rolled, coming up into a ready stance when he noticed Optimus blue optics flared as widely as they could mechanically go.

"What?"

Optimus pointed at the flattened shape of a blue earth vehicle pushed into the pavement and smirked. "You're bad. It was empty." He reassured. "But it belongs to the sparkmate of Captain Lennox. She will be upset."

"I'll replace it. NEST has the funds. How bad can dealing with a human be?" he stated, brushing off concrete chunks.

An hour later, the planes landed, unloading hot and tired human support members. Captain Lennox and Sergeant Epps entered the hangar and stopped. Optimus Prime, in his flame semi alt form was parked in the far right corner, nose in. Ultra Magnus, in his car carrier alt form was parked in the opposite corner, also front bumper facing the wall. Sarah Lennox sat in a chair in the middle, watching her daughter playing with blocks.

"Sarah, what's going on?" her husband asked.

"Quiet time." She said, gesturing to the mechs behind her.

"They were bad and squished mommy's car." Annabelle said, jumping up to run and hug her dad. "They yelled at mommy too. But she yelled back and now it's time out."

The men exchanged a startled look then burst out laughing. The security tapes were erased and Sarah never would tell why or how but the result was the same. Two very sheepish mechs apologized and replaced her car, while using "inside voice" volume levels.