Getting back into the habit of obsessively uploading..
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Sakura's guts would be thrown all over the screen as everybody celebrated her horrible demise. :)
All of your support makes me feel all brownie-gooey inside! :3 Arigatou! (that's thank you in japanese)
Well, enjoy this chapter, I guess.
Oh, in case you didn't know: Charlie the Unicorn is a series of comedic YouTube videos widely known. Yeah.. I'm just gonna... Start the.. Chapter now..
Akahana~
Insomnia sucks, children. Always remember that. Also, insomnia makes you do stupid things. What was I kidding, barging into Gaara-kun's office with the attitude of a drunken sloth? Someone, anybody, just drive a kunai through my lungs.. I must be the biggest turn-off in the universe. In all the universes.
I guess stupidity is something very common for me.
Yup, I was thinking a whole bunch of depressing thoughts as I stuffed my face with brownies. Brownies and anything sugary is great comfort food, along with popcorn and butter pecan ice cream.
"I am so terribly stupid.." I glumly sang. "I should jump into a lake of puke-green acid.."
Yeah, you really should.
"Alright, dummy voice!" I announced. "I hate you, and you hate me, right?"
Yes.
"Well, we'll have to get over our differences! And then, we'll have to.. Work together!"
No.
"Why not?" I whined.
You're stupid. Go die.
"Meanie." I grumbled.
You know, you're so stupid. Your Gaara-kun didn't let you help him out with paperwork, yet he let Fuyumi-chan.
"Hey, that's a lie."
Oh, really? Sounds pretty realistic to me.
"Good for you." I made my way over to my bed and lied on it, staring up at my boring, white ceiling.
Ramen was watching a fly buzz around the room. Everything was.. Peaceful, really. That's pretty strange though, because everything so far has been pretty hectic. I decided I liked the peace.
Maybe it'd be peaceful outside, too. Maybe I should take a moonlight walk, end up on a grassy hill with sweet smelling daisies, and get my first ever kiss- a romantic one with Gaara's arms embracing me. Maybe I should go out and find Gaara-kun, and share a moment as we gazed into each other's eyes lovingly, his baby blue ones into my.. is poop a color?
Yeah, I'll just stay home and watch TV. Great idea, Akahana, you're ever so bright this lovely hour. 4:00 am. Beautiful.
I sighed loudly as trudged over to my not-modern-at-all television set. It was that kind of TV that you watched Reading Rainbow and The Magic School Bus on in first grade. Those boxy ones, with the horrible quality and inability to receive any cable. Gosh, these ninja were so behind the times.
Turning on the television, I sat on my butt, because there was absolutely no furniture in my tiny, carpeted TV corner. Static came on, before blurry cartoons appeared on the screen.
"Wow, Chester! You did it!" the TV's voice cheered at me in a stupid kid's voice.
"Woof."
"Now let's go to Candy Mountain!"
"Yaaay! Candy mountain!"
Man, this was copying Charlie the Unicorn. Am I desperate enough to continue watching?
"Wow, look! It's Candy Mountain!"
Yup. I am very desperate. Very desperate indeed.
"Go inside, Chester!"
"Yeah, Chester!"
"Go inside!"
"Woof.."
You know what? Screw this. I quickly flipped to a different channel, getting lost in blurry cartoons and stupid action movies.
"Never.. Again.." I rasped as my alarm rang. Six in the morning. After two hours of cartoons, my alarm clock proceeded to give me a heart attack as I watch a breakup scene through sleepy, red eyes.
Maybe I was depressed after my rejection with Gaara-kun. Happy thoughts.. Happy thoughts..
My mind wandered to quotes about Gaara-kun on the internet.
Gaara-sama- A name you wouldn't mind screaming all night.
Okay, okay! No quotes! Think of cookies! Lollipops! Creepy eyeball candy!
Yes.. Happy stuff..
Knock knock.
Oh, a visitor! At this hour, though?
I raced over to the door, praying Gaara-kun made some time for me through the business of his work. Poor guy, paperwork sucks, but I'm a natural at it! Why he wouldn't let me help him is no surprise, but I'm frankly disappointed. No immediate fairy tale ending..
"Ayumi!" When I opened the door, I was greeted by a loud scream. Looking up, I found Kira-chan with a bulging red angry vein and white eyes. Uh oh.
"Good morning, Kira-chan!" I smiled up at him nervously. "What brings y-"
"You're a mess! Training began an hour ago! Did you even sleep? Why are you so stupid?"
"I'm sorry!" I wailed. "I got rejected by Gaara-kun.. And.. Charlie the motherflupping unicorn! Waaah!"
Kira-chan looked down at me warily. "You know, Ayumi, when a stranger offers you drugs, you're supposed to say n-"
"Charlie the motherfluppin' unicorn, Kira-chan! The motherfluppin' unicorn!"
"On the other hand, you don't need to train today.. I'll just.. Leave.." Kira-chan muttered.
"No, Kira-chan!"
"I'll come by when you finish PMSing, Ayumi." Kira-chan walked away awkwardly.
As he walked down the stairs, I closed my door and flopped down onto my bed, depressed. Absolutely depressed. Ramen, bless his former soul, waddled over to me and hugged my arm in a gesture of comfort.
It was then that I realized that Gaara-kun may be watching me right now. Crap. I really didn't want to hurt Ramen's feelings and yank him off my arm, though. What to do, what to do.. Hmm.. Oh, idea!
"Hey Ramen, how does an octopus go to war?" I asked. Yup, nothing like a totally hilarious joke to ward off any awkwardness Gaara-kun may have if he happened to be watching.
Ramen didn't respond, like he was holding his breath for something.
"Well armed!" I grinned, before bursting into laughter. I don't know why, but the cheesy stuff really gets me. For example, my favorite joke is Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Cue hysterical giggles.
Ramen seemed.. Excited. He started bouncing up and down, with this happy look on his face. Okay, he remained permanently expressionless, but you know what I mean, right?
"Well, someone's excited." I looked down at Ramen with a look of curiosity on my face. My lame, cheesy jokes must be funnier than I thought. Heck yeah, all hail Aka the great comedian!
"Let's get some food, shall we?" I asked Ramen he nodded, and jumped off my arm, proceeding to follow me into the kitchen.
When I reached the brightly lit room, I scoured the pantries for something appetizing, but it seemed I wasn't hungry at all. No, not that.. I was nauseous. Oh, joy.
"Just kidding!" I told Ramen. "I'll just go back to watching TV!" Ramen nodded and turned his attention to a.. Holy Mother of Manga, that's a flupping centipede!
I screamed and jumped what felt like two feet into the air when my eyes landed on the horrendous abomination in front of me.
"Kill it with fire!" I squealed. No, I don't scream much, only mentally. I'm saving screaming for when I'm about to have a romantic life-or-death moment with Gaara-kun.
Ramen simply stared at the.. the creature. I jumped onto a counter top and huddled into a corner, watching the thing scurry over to my.. No, that's my Gaara shrine! Well, it's the door leading to my tiny room of Gaara, but same thing.
"You fiend!" I yelled, leaping from the counter and grabbing the first thing I saw- a wooden spoon. Without anymore fear or hesitation, I smacked that stupid centipede with all my strength. All that remained on the floor was.. Nothing?
Panicked, I looked at my spoon and realised the devil himself was making his way over to my hand.
Oh, balls.
With a blood-curdling shriek, I dropped the spoon, grabbed my backpack and Ramen, then got my sorry arse out of my home.
I sprinted without any sign of stopping through the streets of Suna, not knowing exactly where I was going to end up.
When I started to run out of breath, I found myself in front on the Kazekage's tower. Perfect.
I hauled myself into the building and ran up the floors until I reached the door to Gaara's office. Without stopping to take in my surroundings, I flung myself behind his desk and squeezed my eyes shut.
"Ayumi..?" Gaara-kun's concerned voice floated around me like a comfy blanket. I smiled behind my knees. Gaara-kun cares! And it feels great! Really seriously friggin' great!
"Akahana-chan, are you okay?" Fuyumi's voice asked. Okay, there's the metaphorical bucket of icy water being dumped on my metaphorical comfy blanket. The universe is screwing with me more than usual lately.
"I'm fine!" I jumped up with a totally fake grin plastered on my face. "I just.. You know, I really wanted to smell Gaara-kun's furniture...?" I couldn't be a weak little girl afraid of centipedes in front of Fuyumi. No way.
"Ayumi, we're busy." Gaara sighed heavily.
"Right, I'll leave, sorry 'bought that!" I giggled nervously, hoping my laughter would tell my surfacing tears to stop existing.
"Alright, bye Akahana-chan!" Fuyumi smiled at me, before her gaze drifted back to Gaara-kun's.
I think that by this point the audience knows that I was mentally raging at Fuyumi, but I wasn't about to pull a Sakura and start a rivalry, no way.
"Good bye, peasants." I said as I exited. When I reached the exit of the building, I ran as fast as my legs would let me again, this time with tears brimming in my eyes. No! No crying, that's for when you rewatch Gaara's childhood!
Obviously, I couldn't return to my home, there was a monster ready to tear my intestines apart, just waiting for me!
I couldn't go to Gaara-kun and definitely not Fuyumi. I know! I'll go home! Who cares what Gaara does? I currently am extremely mad at him, for pretty obvious reasons.
He chose Fuyumi over me? I'm his student! He didn't even give me a chance! In fact, Fuyumi was a complete stranger, unless.. Oh, man. Do they see each other more often than I am willing to acknowledge?
Screw you too, universe. Go get eaten by a centipede.
Without another thought, I walked into a secluded alley and grabbed my notebook out of my backpack. To be safe this time, I tucked Ramen into a corner behind a box of discarded dolls.
"Good bye, Ramen, ol' friend. I'll be back before you know it!" I lightly kissed the top of Ramen's head before flipping open to the center of the notebook.
Ah, there's that falling sensation I just so love to hate.
As usual, seconds later, I arrived in the place I was left off at, Misaki's home.
"Blight! You're back!" Misaki squealed.
"Misa-chan! I missed you so much!" I leapt into my friend's arms. Admittedly, I did not pay as much attention to her locket as I would have liked, but she doesn't need to know that. Nope, definitely not.
"Man, I wish you could stay and tell me everything, but you've got school, so.." Misaki trailed off sadly.
I sighed. "I'll come by after school, okay?"
Misaki nodded. "You'd better come by as soon as that last bell rings, alright?" she called after me as I left.
"Promise!" I yelled back before leaving the wonderful manga shop of wonderful wonders of wonder.
School. Heh, haven't been there in a while, have I? And man, what a relief it was to stay away from that house of horrors.
Now I've got to go back, oh happy happy joy joy. I'm ecstatic. Really. I am. Can't you tell? Woo motherfluppin' hoo.
Oh, just kill me now.
Next time on Sand vs Bubbles
"Ayumi, where do you think you're going?"
"I refuse."
"I'll do anything else!"
