Chapter 7
A/N: Hey all. Thanks to the new people who have reviewed, favourited and followed. I had a hard time writing this chapter and am thinking about maybe rewriting it a bit at some point. So let me know what you think.
Daryl's heart leapt as he spotted Kat. She was covered in blood but she didn't look to be in much pain. She was ok. He kept repeating that in his mind. Now that he was back, he was ready to admit to himself that his feelings for Kat went beyond friendship. He only hoped that she would forgive him for leaving.
Daryl, Rick and Merle made their way up to the group. Rick split off quickly checking that everyone was ok. Merle hung back while Daryl made a beeline straight for Kat.
'You ok?' she asked him quietly.
'I am now' Daryl said, allowing himself a small smile at her. 'You?'
She didn't return the smile. She just nodded and turned her back on him and headed straight into the prison. He wanted to call her back and ask her to forgive him. His mouth opened and closed several times but he couldn't find the words.
'Ya ok?' Daryl asked Carol as she approached him. She was also covered in blood that didn't seem to be her own.
'I am. But Kat wasn't. You hurt her Daryl' Carol told him but gave him a small smile. 'But I'm glad you're back.'
Daryl ran his hands through his hair in frustration and began to bite on his thumb. He needed for Kat to forgive him. He was never good at this emotional crap. He could never express his emotions. She had come to mean a lot to him but he couldn't tell her. Any past experiences with girls had been drunken encounters that meant nothing. How was he supposed to deal with this crap?
He followed everyone back up into the cell block where they seemed to be congregating to discuss what was happening next. Merle made to follow Daryl into the cell block but Rick shut the door firmly in front of him, locking it, making it clear that Merle wasn't welcome. It was probably for the best after what Merle had done to Glenn.
'We're not leaving' stated Rick.
'We can't stay here' replied Hershel.
Daryl tuned out for a second as he watched Kat look back and forth between the people speaking. She was absent-mindedly running her fingers along her arm, where he knew her gunshot wound to be. The fight couldn't have helped her gunshot wound, Daryl worried to himself. Daryl began to listen again when he heard his brother get involved.
'You got a better idea?' Rick asked Merle.
'Yeah, we should have slid out of here last night and lived to fight another day. But we lost that window, didn't we? I'm sure he's got scouts on every road out of this place by now' Merle told them.
'We ain't scared of that prick' Daryl sneered.
'Y'all should be. That truck through the fence thing, that's just him ringing the doorbell. We might have some thick walls to hide behind, but he's got the guns and the numbers. And if he takes the high ground around this place, shoot, he could just starve us out if he wanted to' Merle said condescendingly.
'Let's put him in the other cell block' Maggie interjected.
'No. He's got a point' Daryl told her.
'He could be useful. He could give us intel' Kat sided with Daryl. Daryl turned to try to make eye contact with her but she was refusing to look at him.
'This is all you. You started this' Maggie yelled at Merle.
'What difference whose fault it is? What do we do?' Beth asked.
Daryl stopped listening again as he watched Kat turn her back and disappear into her cell. Apparently she had had enough of the arguing.
Kat sat on her bed with her head in her hands. She was unsure of what to make of Daryl's return. She was happy he was back but she was still pissed that he had left in the first place. She was still resolute in her mind about being more independent. She couldn't allow herself to rely on him again. She didn't know how long he planned to stay for.
She looked up as Carol entered her cell. 'How are you doing?' she asked Kat.
'Shouldn't I ask you that? You were almost shot!' Kat replied.
'I'm fine. Not a scratch on me. Thank you for taking down that man' Carol thanked her. Kat just smiled in response. 'Do you want me to check your bandages?'
'If you don't mind' Kat replied, rolling up her sleeve so that Carol could access the wound on her arm.
Carol gently unwrapped the bandages and discarded them on the floor as they were now coated in blood. She gently checked the stitches on both her arm and face. 'They seem to be ok. You've pulled them slightly and have made them bleed but they haven't come out. You need to try and take it easy if at all possible for the next few days' Carol instructed her.
Kat smiled and nodded. 'I'll do my best' she smirked.
Carol was re-bandaging her arm when a third person entered the cell. Kat looked up and saw Daryl and immediately became more interested in Carol bandaging her shoulder. Carol finished and then stood.
'I'll leave the two of you to talk' Carol said gently.
'No, but didn't you need to…' Kat desperately tried to think of a reason to make Carol stay. She at least hoped that Carol would pick up on how desperately she didn't want to be left alone with Daryl.
'No, I was finished' Carol smiled and left before Kat could think of anything else to say.
'Are you mad at me?' Daryl started, Kat still adamantly avoiding his eyes.
'No' she sighed. 'I was just disappointed that you left.'
Daryl was glad that she wasn't angry at him for leaving. He also felt his hopes rise that she might forgive him and he might be able to begin to show her how he felt about her.
'But maybe it was a good thing. I can't depend on you. Nothing is sure in this world. You might leave again or you might die. We don't always get the luxury of saying goodbye' Kat continued.
'I'm sorry for leaving you behind. I regretted it the moment I left. I'm back now. I'm not leaving again' Daryl begged her with his eyes to understand what he was trying to say.
'I'm glad you're back but maybe it was for the best' she gave him a sad smile.
Daryl felt his heart sink. He just couldn't tell her how he felt. He'd told her he wouldn't leave but he couldn't deal with it if she rejected him now. He needed to give her time to forgive him, to trust him again. Maybe with time he could prove how he felt about her.
'I'm sorry that Merle did this to you' Daryl changed the subject as he saw Kat readjust the bandage slightly.
'It's fine. The injuries were mostly accidents. Besides his bark is worse than his bite' she muttered.
'What's that supposed to mean?' Daryl questioned, suspicious about the bitterness behind her words.
'Nothing. It doesn't matter' Kat shook her head.
'Kat. Tell me. Why won't you talk to me?' Daryl asked.
'You won't want to hear the answer' she sighed.
'Tell. Me' he gripped her chin firmly and looked her dead in the eyes. Whatever it was, it was something he needed to hear.
'It's just the things he said… about you. He thought we were together, you know?' she questioned, looking him in the eyes. Looking for some glimmer that he might believe her over whatever his brother might have told him.
'He thought we were together and he still did this?' he snarled.
'He said you wouldn't care as long as my face stayed pretty' she said angrily.
'Damn it!' Daryl yelled and kicked the end of the bed hard, making the sound echo around the cell.
'So it was ok when he hurt me before? But not now that he thought we were together?' Kat yelled at him, suddenly angry at Daryl's reaction.
'No! It wasn't ok before! But… I… I woulda thought that if someone meant something to me then that would be the one thing that would stop him. It's why I thought it might be safe to bring him here' Daryl tried to reason with her. 'Maybe we should just leave again' he muttered, feeling defeated by Kat being angry with him. He just made everything worse.
'Maybe you should' she spat back at him. She was hurt that her injuries only mattered now.
Daryl kicked the end of the bed again and stormed out of the cell. This was not the way he had wanted this conversation to play out. He wasn't leaving her again, no matter what. But he had royally screwed up whatever had been between them before. She didn't want him close to her anymore and now she was angry at him as well.
Daryl headed straight for Merle's cell, passing Hershel on his way. Hershel stopped as if he wanted to talk to Daryl but seemed to think better of it when he saw the look of anger on Daryl's face. He just let Daryl pass and went on his own way, shaking his head as he went.
'You thought she was my girl and you still hurt her?' Daryl yelled at Merle as soon as he was in sight.
'Thought she wasn't your girl?' smirked Merle.
'I… well you thought she was and you still hurt her?' Daryl snarled.
'I was just doin' ma job' sighed Merle.
'To hell with your job! You shot her and cut up her face. I get that you hurt Glenn, you thought he left you behind on the roof. You hurt Maggie to get to Glenn. But her? You knew she meant something to me and you still hurt her?' Daryl yelled.
'I saved her from a hell of a lot worse. You don't know what the Governor would have done to her' Merle yelled back. 'Besides, it was an accident. After she mentioned her daddy I couldn't do it. She reminded me of me.' Merle ran a hand through his hair and looked oddly thoughtful.
'What's that supposed to mean?' Daryl asked, unsure of how to take his brothers change in attitude.
'She mentioned that her daddy used to beat her. Is that why you claimed her as yours? Two broken souls together, poetic huh?' Merle said sarcastically, unsure of how to deal with this topic in any other way.
'She told you she was beaten?' Daryl asked, quiet all of a sudden. He couldn't believe that he hadn't known that but she had told Merle.
'Well no. Hinted at it' Merle replied. He suddenly took in his brother's solemn attitude. 'Wait, you didn't know?'
Daryl had stormed out of Merle's cell and had sat down on one of the beds in one of the cells. He was still mainly sleeping out on the perch but had claimed this cell to keep all his stuff in, to have some private space. He needed to process everything he had learnt. Why hadn't Kat trusted him with this information?
His cell didn't stay private for long as Carol entered. 'You know we're all glad you came back, especially Kat' she smiled at him.
'To what? All this?' Daryl shrugged. They didn't have much here and bringing Merle back was a mistake. He just couldn't bring himself to leave Kat again.
'This is our home' Carol assured him.
'This is a tomb' he countered.
'That's what T-Dog called it. Thought he was right till you found me' she reassured him. Her smile then faded as she continued. 'He's your brother, but he's not good for you. Don't let him bring you down. After all, look how far you've come.' They both laughed at this.
'I don't know what to do about it. Everyone hates him. He hurt Glenn and Maggie… and Kat' Daryl paused and suddenly wondered whether Carol knew. Had Kat trusted Carol? Had she trusted others and just not him? 'Did you know? Did you know she was abused?' Carol nodded.
'She trusted you and Merle and not me' he muttered.
'I didn't know for sure. I guessed. You tend to recognise the signs in others' Carol looked pointedly at Daryl. She knew about him and Merle.
'She told Merle. Why wouldn't she trust me with that?' he asked.
'I don't know why she told Merle. I don't know why she didn't trust you. Maybe this is something you should be asking her and not stewing about in here' Carol turned to leave but at the last minute turned back to Daryl. 'You didn't see her when you left. You mean a lot to her. She's becoming more independent but she's still fragile. Don't you dare hurt her again or you'll have me to deal with.' Carol smiled at Daryl as she left. He was one of the people she was closest to in the prison but Kat brought back those motherly feelings of hers. God help Kat if she hurt Daryl though. Both of them were fragile and needed someone to have their backs. Maybe they could fix each other.
'Why didn't you trust me? You told Merle about your dad but not me? I held you through those nightmares. I thought they were about just being in that basement but they were about him weren't they?' Daryl questioned. He made Kat jump as she had been lost in her thoughts in her cell. Daryl noticed the streaks of tears that had dried on her cheeks. She had obviously been crying after their argument.
'I didn't want you to look at me differently. I'm broken Daryl. This is why I'm so dependent on everyone. I've been told how worthless I am almost my whole life. You get told that long enough; you start to believe it' Kat said quietly.
'Didn't you think I would understand? Hell you don't know nothing' Daryl took his shirt off and stood with his back to her. His angry breathing seemed very loud in the silence of the cell as Kat took in the scars on his back. Daryl flinched when he felt an unexpected touch on his back.
'Your father?' she questioned.
'Yeah, he was a mean drunk. They're from his belt and his cigarettes. Merle got the brunt of it first but when he left I became punching bag number one' Daryl explained.
'He only started after my mom left us. I was the only one around to take the brunt of his anger' Kat began her story. Daryl began to turn around to face her but Kat gripped his arm tightly, telling to stay facing away. It was easier for her to tell him this without looking at his face. She didn't want to see his reactions. 'He started hitting me, pushing me around, locking me in my room. Pushed me down the stairs once and I broke my leg. Came back from the hospital with those crutches Hershel has. He locked me in my room and locked the crutches in his closet. I tried to run away a couple times, but he always brought me back, bought more locks for my door.'
'That's how you ended up in that basement? We all assumed your daddy had locked you in there to keep you safe' Daryl asked surprised. No one had thought that she had been intentionally locked down there. Kat continued to trace her fingers along Daryl's scars. He felt uncomfortable about this but kept as still as possible. He wanted to hear what Kat had to say and he wouldn't jeopardize that by moving.
'No he didn't give a damn about my safety' Kat began to trace the tattoo of the demons on Daryls back with her finger. 'I like your tattoo.'
'I always carry my demons with me.'
'What if your demons are too much for you? I carry around so much guilt. Some days it feels like I'm just going to drown in it' Kat whispered.
'It wasn't your fault. Why do you feel guilty?' Daryl said adamantly.
'I don't feel guilty for the beatings… I don't feel guilty about what that bastard did to me. I feel guilty about my baby' Kat said, taking Daryl by surprise.
'Your baby?' he asked, wanting to turn around but held in place by the fear that she would clam up and shy away from him.
'When my father first started hitting me I could still leave the house. I'd drink, smoke, fuck. Looking back it was probably a cry for attention, for someone to notice the abuse. Of course my vices caught up with me. I wound up pregnant, no idea who the father was. But I loved that baby. Kept it a secret from my father as long as I could; wore lots of baggy clothing, kept out of his way as much as possible. When he found out he locked me in my room; that was the beginning of never being allowed out. He gave me food and water and let me out to use the bathroom. I gave birth 10 weeks later in that room. I was obviously in a lot of pain but I was lucky that everything had gone quite smoothly. My dad came into the room, cut the umbilical cord and left with my baby. I was too weak to stop him. He came in and took my baby. I never even got to hold it' she sobbed into Daryl's back. He turned and wrapped her tightly in his arms. Once she had started her whole story just kept pouring out. She had never told anyone else. Not that she had seen many people after it had happened. It was good to get it off her chest.
'What did he do with the baby?' Daryl asked gently.
'He taunted me for a while, telling me he had drowned it in the stream.' Daryl tightened his arms around her, scared for this to be the truth. 'He admitted when he was drunk one time that he dropped it outside a hospital. When I was alone in my room I liked to imagine that it was adopted by a loving family and that it was having a better life than I ever could have provided for it' Kat cried.
Daryl just held her until her tears stopped. There wasn't much he could say to comfort her. He was amazed by what she had lost and that she had got through it in as good a condition as she was in. A lot of other people would have given up after what she had been through.
'Please don't tell anyone about this' she begged.
'Trust me' Daryl said and put his fingers under her chin to tilt her head up to look at him.
'I'd trust you with my life' she said back, nothing but honesty in her eyes. Kat looked deep into Daryl's eyes and was amazed at the depth of emotion there. She couldn't put a name to it but she suddenly found herself leaning closer and glancing between Daryl's eyes and his lips. Her breath hitched as they got closer and closer.
'Andreas here! She's coming towards the prison. She's alone. We need you outside!' Carl yelled out in the cell block, interrupting the moment.
Kat joined Carol on the walkway above the yard with her gun at the ready. She watched as Rick checked Andrea over for weapons and was quite brutal with her. When it seemed that they were safe Kat and Carol retreated back into the cell block. Kat decided to hang back by the door, seeing as how she didn't know Andrea.
She watched as Carol greeted Andrea and how Andrea took in her surroundings. She asked where several people were, Kat only recognising the names of Lori and T-Dog. She cringed as she realised that all of the people Andrea was expecting to see were dead.
'You all live here?' Andrea asked.
'Here and the cell block' Glenn told her.
'There? Well, can I go in?' Andrea asked and started to move toward the cell block. Kat stepped forward and blocked the entrance. She didn't like how this woman was presuming that she could just wonder into their home. They didn't know why she was here after all. She could be a spy for the governor.
'I won't allow that' Rick glowered at her.
'Who's this?' Andrea questioned, glaring at Kat.
'This is Kat. Found her on a run. Took her in' Daryl glared back at Andrea, standing protectively in front of Kat.
Andrea dropped the subject due to the look on Daryl's face. 'I'm not an enemy, Rick.'
'We had that field and courtyard until your boyfriend tore down the fence with a truck and shot us up' Rick said.
'He said you fired first' Andrea said, surprised.
'Well, he's lying' Rick countered.
'He killed an inmate who survived in here' Hershel said solemnly.
'We liked him. He was one of us' Daryl added.
Kat found herself trying to make eye contact with Daryl, to thank him for protecting her. She managed to catch his eyes and gave him a small smile but he just looked away quickly and Kat couldn't interpret the serious expression on his face. She found that she was doubting herself. She had thought that in the moment earlier that Daryl might have been about to kiss her. Maybe she had misread the situation. Maybe she had crossed a line.
'I'm gonna help Beth with Judith' Kat said, dismissing herself from the situation. Kat was stopped on her way out by a hand around her wrist.
'Ya sure?' Daryl asked quietly, looking concerned.
'I'm sure. It'll do me some good' Kat gave him a small smile in return. Even if she had crossed a line with trying to kiss him, he still cared. If he just wanted to be her friend then that was fine. She just needed Daryl in her life.
