CHAPTER EIGHT
Spike's breakfast was cold on the table. Samantha sat at the table, numbing herself from thought. Her own plate lay before her, untouched.
She didn't know where he was. She tried hard not to think about where he might have been. In a typical situation, one might find it strange if someone had left to buy a pack of cigarettes, and then didn't come back for several hours. This wasn't a typical situation, of course. Samantha was quite unsurprised by Spike's disappearance. It was just another one of the ways that he played with her mind. He seemed to have the incredible talent of making her fall deeper in love with him, while still making her wish she had never met him. Each day, it seemed, he came up with new ways to torment her heart.
She picked up the two plates of food and tossed them carelessly into the sink. She could always cook more when, or if, he came back.
* * * *
Splosh. Splosh. Puddles were thrown out of wack as Spike sprinted through them. He entered his building and went up the stairs to his apartment; he flung the door open and paid no attention to the sink full of broken plates and cold breakfast. He walked over to the window. It wasn't as big or as scenic as the window in their last apartment, but at least he could still see the rain. It pounded mercilessly against the glass and the earth. Like the wild rain outside, Spike could feel drops of water pouring from his eyes.
He no longer felt motivated to take another breath. He couldn't lie to himself anymore. There was no use in trying to carry on with his life, no need to persue anything close to normality. Even if there was sunny, pleasant weather for a few days, it would still rain again eventually. The ghosts of his past would always come back to weigh him down, even if happiness occasionally seemed within his grasp. The syndicate would always hunt him, and Julia would always haunt him.
He unlocked the window and push it open; water sprayed all over him and into the apartment. This apartment was much higher up than their last one, he thought. Much higher up. He crawled out onto the ledge, watching the world go by beneath him. Had Julia ever loved him? The question seemed pointless at the moment. For a brief moment, Spike felt a rush of freedom. Up on that high ledge, Julia couldn't get to him. On the ledge, the syndicate could never find him. Bounty hunters would never chase him. There wasn't a single person who could get to him on that ledge
"Spike!" screamed Samantha.
His body went frigid. He did not dare turn to face her. There was no way he could stand to look at her sad eyes just then. She was a weakness to him. A barrier between his past and his future. He wanted so badly to be free, but it was just too hard to leave her. She continued to scream from within the apartment; she ranted and raved as she often did when she was scared. He tuned her out and only listened to the rain.
Leave me alone, Samantha, he thought. It was not cold or angry. It was almost a plea. The rain could not cover up her cries anymore; he heard distinctly what she was saying. "I love you, Spike." She screamed it over and over again. Don't say that, he cried to himself. Just tell me you don't love me. Tell me you hate me. Let me end this pain for both of us.
He jumped. He could hear Samantha's screams go silent. The whole world around him went silent. He was just another raindrop, falling towards the earth. He thought of only one thing as he fell. Only one thought raced through his mind until everything went black.
He had not meant to stay.
He had not meant to fucking stay!
Spike's breakfast was cold on the table. Samantha sat at the table, numbing herself from thought. Her own plate lay before her, untouched.
She didn't know where he was. She tried hard not to think about where he might have been. In a typical situation, one might find it strange if someone had left to buy a pack of cigarettes, and then didn't come back for several hours. This wasn't a typical situation, of course. Samantha was quite unsurprised by Spike's disappearance. It was just another one of the ways that he played with her mind. He seemed to have the incredible talent of making her fall deeper in love with him, while still making her wish she had never met him. Each day, it seemed, he came up with new ways to torment her heart.
She picked up the two plates of food and tossed them carelessly into the sink. She could always cook more when, or if, he came back.
* * * *
Splosh. Splosh. Puddles were thrown out of wack as Spike sprinted through them. He entered his building and went up the stairs to his apartment; he flung the door open and paid no attention to the sink full of broken plates and cold breakfast. He walked over to the window. It wasn't as big or as scenic as the window in their last apartment, but at least he could still see the rain. It pounded mercilessly against the glass and the earth. Like the wild rain outside, Spike could feel drops of water pouring from his eyes.
He no longer felt motivated to take another breath. He couldn't lie to himself anymore. There was no use in trying to carry on with his life, no need to persue anything close to normality. Even if there was sunny, pleasant weather for a few days, it would still rain again eventually. The ghosts of his past would always come back to weigh him down, even if happiness occasionally seemed within his grasp. The syndicate would always hunt him, and Julia would always haunt him.
He unlocked the window and push it open; water sprayed all over him and into the apartment. This apartment was much higher up than their last one, he thought. Much higher up. He crawled out onto the ledge, watching the world go by beneath him. Had Julia ever loved him? The question seemed pointless at the moment. For a brief moment, Spike felt a rush of freedom. Up on that high ledge, Julia couldn't get to him. On the ledge, the syndicate could never find him. Bounty hunters would never chase him. There wasn't a single person who could get to him on that ledge
"Spike!" screamed Samantha.
His body went frigid. He did not dare turn to face her. There was no way he could stand to look at her sad eyes just then. She was a weakness to him. A barrier between his past and his future. He wanted so badly to be free, but it was just too hard to leave her. She continued to scream from within the apartment; she ranted and raved as she often did when she was scared. He tuned her out and only listened to the rain.
Leave me alone, Samantha, he thought. It was not cold or angry. It was almost a plea. The rain could not cover up her cries anymore; he heard distinctly what she was saying. "I love you, Spike." She screamed it over and over again. Don't say that, he cried to himself. Just tell me you don't love me. Tell me you hate me. Let me end this pain for both of us.
He jumped. He could hear Samantha's screams go silent. The whole world around him went silent. He was just another raindrop, falling towards the earth. He thought of only one thing as he fell. Only one thought raced through his mind until everything went black.
He had not meant to stay.
He had not meant to fucking stay!
