Chapter 8 – Dreams, dreams…..

Scarlet had the most amazing night. She was glad that all her planning had been worth it. She took a quick shower, put on her pajamas and crawled into bed. She couldn't help replaying the kiss over and over again in her head. As she slipped of to sleep a smile stayed on her lips thinking of Severus.

It was a bright sunny day. She was outside sitting in the sun reading yet another book. She watched as the other students her age enjoyed the sun and sat by the lake. There was a beautiful red-haired girl talking to her friends, she liked to watch her. There were those idiot boys from Gryffindor being their arrogant selves, especially James. Oh, the loathing she felt for him. Next thing she knew she was in a spat with them and she was hanging up side down with her underwear showing. Something blurred, she was sitting in a dark room surrounded by others. They were all wearing masks and black cloaks. They watched as he marked another as his own. Her left forearm began to burn slightly. She felt the regret stir for doing that same thing not to long ago. Again a blur. There was death everywhere, destruction. Her heart ached as she looked at the lifeless face of the woman lying at her feet. Some woman that she just killed. A little part of her died then. Another blur. She sat at her kitchen table looking at the Daily Profit. She stared at the picture of the beautiful red-haired girl from school and that boy James, they were dead. She knew it was somehow her fault that they were dead. She wanted nothing more than to relieve the sorrow that she felt, to express it in tears, but none fell. Instead, even more of her died then, she was becoming nothing but a hollow shell of her former self.

Scarlet woke it in panic. Her alarm was blaring in the background, but she didn't hear it. Her head felt like it was going to split open, she was covered in sweat. That was the worst dream she had ever had in her life. It was like she was physically there for each moment. Her heart was heavy and the sorrow lingered as she got out of bed and shut the alarm off.

She needed some fresh air. She got out of bed, threw on some clothes and headed out towards the grounds for a long walk. She just wanted to be alone, this feeling of anguish wouldn't leave. She couldn't figure out why this dream was affecting her so much. It was just a dream after all. She made it all the way around the castle and then headed off toward the lake. Slowly but surely her mood lifted a little as the day wore on. She thought of Severus, and that helped. Her heart was feeling so much for him that the thought of him helped to lighten it.

Severus went to her room the hoping to find her in good of a mood as he was in. He wanted to tell her of the odd dreams that he had. His favorite was of a birthday party. It was like it was for him, he was about 16 and his friends and family had a food fight in the front yard. It was like he had been there, almost like a memory. But she was not in her room when he showed up. He figured she had gone for some lunch or something. He left the rose that he had brought her by her door and headed off to the dungeon to do some work. Nothing could have ruined the mood that he was in. He felt alive again. He knew one day he would feel whole again.

When Scarlet had gotten back to her room she found the rose that had been left by her door. She knew it was from Severus. A small smile formed for the first time that day. She thought about looking for him but just didn't want to be around people. Her mood was lighter, but not by much.

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It's amazing how life comes at you all at once. Scarlet and Severus' days had become much busier with essays and helping the older students prepare for their O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S. With the days slowly getting warmer and longer the Headmistress had asked Scarlet to take on some more duties around the castle also. They didn't get to spend nearly as much time together as they did before.

On those few rare occasions that they could find sometime together it was usually in the company of other people. This was ok with Scarlet. She wanted some time to herself to try and figure some things out, so that she didn't worry Severus. She really did care about him. She more than cared about him, he meant the world to her at this point. She knew that she had fallen for him, it was all so fast though. She couldn't fathom being hurt again like she had before, but she just needed her distance to get everything in her mind straight.

Really, that's just what she told herself. What was really bothering her were those dreams. They were so vivid, so real. It was like they were memories instead of dreams. There was so much pain and confusion that she felt from them. They were deeply affecting her. No mattered what she tried she just couldn't get past them when she woke up. In one dream she was at the top of a tower and had to kill that man, the one from the Headmistress' office that winked at her. It tore what was left of her apart. She knew that the only person that had cared about her was dead, and by her own hands. It was really like it had been her life.

At breakfast she just stared at her food. Trelawney would talk to her but she didn't hear a word she said. She honestly was starting not to care. She couldn't shake this hollow feeling she felt, like there would be no happiness in the world for her. Severus still brought light to her heart but she felt a sense of hopelessness that seeped in to her feelings for him, like she would never be good enough for anyone. She felt like she was kidding herself liking Severus so much. So she began to distance her self more and more. Severus watched her from the other end of the table. He noticed that she didn't sit with him anymore. She didn't look like herself either. She looked so sad and helpless. She no longer had a glow about her; she was beginning to look pallid and sullen. Her once rosy cheeks looked like they would be cold to the touch. Her full lips never seemed to smile anymore. He wondered what was wrong with her; deep down inside he wondered if it had something to do with him. He hadn't felt so good is years. His heart was light and happiness, true happiness, filled him. She made him happy. When he asked her what was wrong she would have no real answers and make up excuses to be by herself. She had been the one to kiss him though. He knew that there were feelings there for her, as much as she had feelings for him. He just couldn't figure out why she seemed so sad.

Severus was a little disappointed by the turn of events. They had only kissed those two times, but they were haunting him. He wanted more of her touch than anything. Even sitting in his class room he thought he kept smelling peppermint. He would look wildly about thinking that she was in the room, but realized it was a student eating candies in his class and swiftly took away house points. (More than he really should have for such an offence but it was more for dashing his hopes than the candy.) He thought about her most of the day, especially since the way she had been acting lately. He on the other hand had never felt so good in his life. He kept having these odd dreams. They were these happy memories from childhood, adolescence and adulthood that he never had. Some were sad, in a recent one he had his heart broken like never before. He thought it would help if each night he would take just a bit of dreamless sleep to help him get through the night, it helped and really he just forgot about the dreams. He never thought that the same things could be happening to her also. That she was being tormented each and every night.

Scarlet on the other hand was thinking differently about their time apart. She was almost finding it a blessing in disguise. While she did want to see him again, these dreams were making her cranky. They were gruesome and terrifying. Lack of good sleep could do that to a person. It was starting to get to her. She began writing them down after a while just to get them out of her mind. Again and again the same name kept popping up, someone called Harry Potter. She new the name was important some how but she wasn't sure why. Considering there was a wing of the school named after him.

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One afternoon she made the trek to the tower to have lunch with Professor Trelawney. It was a catching up session. Severus had sent her a note earlier pleading with her to meet him for lunch. She politely refused and told him that it was going to be a girl's afternoon. She was starting to feel how much she missed him but couldn't bring herself quite yet to meet with him in private. She was still feeling this sense of hopelessness. He was starting to feel rejected by her, he was wondering more and more if she was avoiding him. She decided that she was going to find out who this Harry Potter character was from the person who was there. He had been coming up more and more in her dreams, like she was watching him grow up. Lately the dreams had been becoming much more detailed and horrible, like there was a war waging. Scarlet decided that she would pretend like nothing was bothering her when she went to see Sybill, just to make things easier. It was much easier to put up this facade than to answer the questions.

"So my dear, how have things been going with you?" Sybill was positively glowing.

"We will get to that later. I want details woman! Leave nothing out!" Scarlet was referring to Professor DeLis, apparently since the New Year's ball they had been quite the item. She could see the smile on her face form just thinking about talking about him.

"Well Henri and I are officially dating now!! I can't believe this is happening. He is such a sweet man. By the way, are you sure you are not part seer dear? You were completely right about that vision I had. Once we were dancing I had the sense of déjà vu and realized that was us that I saw."

"Um no, not a seer. Though I do have a question for you. Do you know the name Harry Potter?" She asked, hoping for an adequate answer.

"Well of course I do dear. Everyone in the wizarding world does. He is a hero. Why do you ask?" she looked at her quizzically.

"Well, it's just that I've been having these strange dreams, and he comes up a lot in them. I was just wondering who he was." Scarlet went on to tell Sybill a little bit about them dreams that she was having. She didn't give to many details in case she scared her.

"My, my. It almost sounds like you were there my dear." She went on to tell her about the Harry Potter legacy and all about Lord Voldemort. She told all that she knew about the boy and all that had happened before and while he was at school. Including what had happened with Severus, how he had been a spy and such.

"Wow that explains a lot about him and his hard exterior." She hung her head. She felt a little guilty at that point for finding such things out the way she did. She was thinking about Severus and how she needed to talk to him when her train of thought was interrupted.

"By the way, how are things between you and Severus dear?" She asked her expectantly.

"Oh, they are ok. You know what Sybill; I think I am going to head out. I really do have some work to do. Papers to grade and such, you know." Her mind was obliviously somewhere else.

"Of course dear, do come back soon." Sybill could tell that was not really why she was leaving. She had a sneaking suspicion that she just learned something new about her dear Professor Snape.

Scarlet made her way down to the library. She needed to know more about these dreams. It was something that Sybill had said, like she had been there. She did feel like she had been there, like they were horrible flash backs. There was nothing she could do but research it. When she got there she asked Madam Pince what book she had on Harry Potter. She looked at her with surprise and led her to a whole section of the library dedicated to him. She looked at the rows and rows of books with disbelief. "I've been here for how long and I am just now hearing about all of this. I am out of the loop." She thought to herself. She pulled out the one that looked the most promising. The Boy Who Lived: An Official Autobiography by Hermione Granger-Weasley. "What an odd name." she thought. It sounded familiar though, so she checked it out along with a few others that looked like they could be of some use. She took them back to her room. She began to skim though the book looking for things that stuck out to her. Surprisingly enough there were quite a few things that stuck out to her. They all had one thing in common though. They involved Severus some how. After talking to Sybill and doing this reading things were starting to make sense. It wasn't just anybody's life she was living each and every night. She wanted to talk to him. More than that she needed to talk to him. It was time for some answers. She headed down to the dungeons to find him.

When she got there she rapped lightly on the door. "Enter" a stern voice replied. She opened the door to find him sitting at his desk; he was working on grading some papers. He looked surprised to find her at his door. A flood of emotions washed over him. Honestly he was a little upset with her for, what it felt like to him, avoiding him lately. On the other hand he wanted nothing more than to kiss her. But, being the man that he was all he said was "Yes, what can I do for you?" in a slightly cold manner. She knew that she deserved this greeting but didn't care at the moment.

"Severus, we need to talk. I promised my self that I wouldn't push you in to anything that you didn't want to do but, I have to know. I need to know about your past Severus. I have been doing some reading and have found out a lot about……." But she didn't get to finish her sentence. He knew exactly what she had been reading about. He was angry for some reason. He was feeling betrayed by her. He had no reason to be mad. She was going to find out sooner or later, but he wanted to be the one to tell her. Most of all he knew the anger was from feeling ignored by her. Rejection was a hard pill to swallow. He was ready to trust her with his heart but the more she avoided him the more he felt like he was being dumped. Then coming in to his office and demanding all this of him was too much. It sent him over the edge. All the happiness he had been feeling went circling down the drain.

"Oh, have you? So you have been going behind my back and researching me?" She had never heard the word researching sound so threatening. "Did you like what you found? Did you learn all that you wanted to about me?" His voice was like an ice cold knife cutting in to her.

"No it's not that, it's just that since the night that we kissed I've been having these horrible…." Again he cut her off. She was getting upset, she knew that he would be upset with her, but she never imagined that he would be so cold towards her.

"How dare you barge in here and demand such things of me. Go read you books, I hope you find everything you need. There is no need to make your excuses to me, I thought that you genuinely cared about me. But I see that yet again I was sorely mistaken." He said to her in a most evil and angry voice. It turned her blood cold, like someone pushed her in to the Artic Ocean. He turned away from her. He couldn't look her in the face. Subconsciously, he knew why he was doing this. He was pushing her away before she had the chance to fully do it to him. It was his defense mechanism.

She was fighting back the tears but after all she had been through lately him turning his back on her was the last straw. "I just wanted some answers. I needed some answers from you Severus. I do care about you, more than you know…." This time he didn't cut her off. She couldn't continue because of the sobs.

His heart ached listening to her cry. He never wanted to make her cry. He didn't know what to do. He could feel everything slipping between his fingers, it was like he could feel her heart breaking in his heart. In between the tears she just barely got out, in a whisper "I thought it was love."

Just as he turned around he saw the door slam shut. He didn't quite make out what she had said just before she left. He knew that he had just ruined the best thing that ever happened to him. He felt like such a fool. He sat in his chair and placed his face in his hands. It finally dawned on him that she had said something just before she left, and if he wasn't mistaken it was something about love.

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After that encounter he couldn't concentrate on his work so he headed back to his room. He wanted nothing more than to have a strong drink and hide for the rest of his life. He recalled the dream he had where his heart had been broken and knew that was what he was feeling. It broke because he knew he had broken hers. He poured himself a large glass of firewhisky and sat on his couch. It was chilly in his room but he was too distracted to even start a fire. Sitting was no good so he began to pace the floor. What was this nonsense of love she was gibbering on about? "She doesn't love me. If she loved me then she wouldn't have pushed me way. She would……." He thought, but his thought was interrupted by the realization that he did just what he claimed she wouldn't have. If she had actually loved him then she wouldn't have pushed him way like that. She would have been open with him and made him a part of her life. "Yea right Severus, just like you just did. I am such an ass." He thought. "She was doing exactly what I just did and now I have ruined everything." He pushed her away because he thought that if he did it now that he wouldn't get hurt. All he really did was hurt him and the woman he loved even more. Dam it, he loved her. He had been dead before her, hollow. Now he was a man in love. He was more of a person than he had ever been in his life. What was he going to do? Would there be any fixing the damage he has caused?

"Idiot, fool, stupid, moron, git….." he cursed himself over and over as he ran to her room. He hoped that it wasn't too late. That he had not screwed things up passed recognition. He stopped in front of her door and began to bang. He knew she was in there because he could hear music playing. He banged and banged on her door but she never answered. He sat on the floor in front of her door to camp out. She had to some out sometime. She couldn't hide from him forever.

Honestly she never heard him bang on the door. She had the stereo up as loud as it would go. Her mind was going a mile a minuet. Her heart was pounding, her face was red from the spike in blood pressure. Tears were still streaming down her face. She was so angry she could taste it. This was what sent her over the edge. The dreams made her angry, all the death, fighting, and hopelessness every night. Then this man was going to yell at HER? She paced the floor with her favorite cd blaring hoping to think of something. She kept sobbing and screaming, letting out the frustration she felt. After sobbing so hard that she made herself vomit she decided on a shower. Not even caring about anything she got in a turned on the cold water. She stood there clothes and all letting the freezing water pour all over her. Slowly she calmed down. Her rage subsided but she knew that mixed in that cold water was her warm tears that never ceased to flow. She turned off the cold water and began to fill the bath with nice hot water. She stepped out and pealed off the wet clothes and got in the tub. She wanted now nothing more than to be alone in the tub and to sit. Just sit there in the water. She thought when she turned off the water that she heard a bang at the door. Even if she were for sure that's what it was, she would have ignored it. She just listened to the music and stayed in the tub. She thought about the whole situation. She felt partly to blame for it all but knew that he had been out of line. It was just a messed up situation after all.

Before she knew it the water was cold because she had fallen asleep in the tub. She was all pruned and felt the pangs of hunger stir. She got out of the bath a got dressed. Just as she was finishing putting on shoes so that she could head down to the kitchens one of her favorite songs came on. "How fitting" She thought as the music began.

Severus still sat on the outside of her door waiting for her to emerge. He could hear a new song beginning behind the door. He could hear the words from the other side of the door. Severus took in them in.

I've been watching you and all you do for quite sometime.

Knowing all the ins and outs of you,

I should have known what was on your mind.

All the world is spinning round and round inside my head tonight.

I will fall into the darkness,

and I fear I will never see the light. The light.

So let me in.

All that I wanted from you was something you'd never do, so let me in.

Oh, please tonight.

Don't let this end.

Tonight I fall.

Through the light the darkness seems to be so very strong.

How does one alone against the world find the strength to carry on?

What happened to the way we used to love, it seemed as though life had just begun.

But, now that love had come and gone to fade away like the setting sun.

Cause you won't let me in.

He knew at that moment what the song was talking about. He wasn't going to let this slip through his fingers. He knew that he had found someone that loved him for him. No matter what he had to do he wasn't going to give up because he was afraid of his feelings. That would be stupidest thing he could ever do. He had fallen for Scarlet Starling and risked losing that because he wasn't willing to let her in. All because of pride. He found that puzzle piece that he didn't even know he was looking for and she was about to walk out of his life. He stood up quickly and was about to blast the door down when the Headmistress came running down the hall.

"I've been looking for you everywhere Severus! We have an emergency."

He could see the look of panic in her face "What is it Minerva?" he asked anxiously, she was not a woman of over exaggeration so he knew something was terribly wrong.

"It's him Severus, he's been spotted in the Forbidden forest."